Category: just crap…

Really……I got nuthin’ for ya.

Well, I had nuthin’ for ya yesterday either and so today you get my boring ramblings, mostly because I feel bad for saying that I was going to post every day and then not doing it.

So…..what’s new with you.

Me?

I’m fat. Well, fatter than I’d like to be. I gotta take a bit better care. I felt really discouraged because I worked out for a month and tried to really watch what I was eating and I gained weight and well…that was really frustrating and so I gave up. Stupid! I know and so now I’ve gotta work even harder – Doubly stupid…..I’ll work it out, but I gotta give my friend some money for this thing that I suggested and then gave up on….Triple-y stupid….

that’s enough stupidity for now……

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I found a sweater pattern on-line that I want to try, but it’s a big grown up sweater and not just a kid sweater and I’m not sure that I’m confident enough to be able to knit myself a big huge person sized sweater BUT….it is so unbelieveably cute and well…I have all the time driving back and forth into and out of Vancouver to work on it…and….I might just try. I’m still trying to pysch myself up enough to give it a shot.

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The girls are at my sister’s tonight. So, it was a boys night tonight. Now, Siah is sleeping and Jeremy is watching a DVD and soon Jon and I will watch the 3rd period of the canucks game and well, then we’ll call it a night, right?

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Our fish are all dying….and I hate to see them die, but I don’t want to take care of them either. I want Jon to take care of them so that I can enjoy them……this is okay…..no?

And that’s it. I’m done. over and out!

Are there any questions that you’ve ever wondered about me that you’d like me to answer (within reason)? lemme know!

I’m Still Here

I can’t even fathom the fact that it’s been almost 2 weeks since I last posted.

The thing is…..I want to be on here recording more of what’s going on in our lives and yet…..i just haven’t.

Our lives are busy. Good busy! But busy, nonetheless, and I’m typically exhausted and I like to bring funny stuff here. As I type this, it makes no sense to me because who cares if it’s funny. I just love to go and read about other people’s lives. And even the boring stuff is interesting to me because it’s more insight into who they are and what they are doing and why they do things the way they do.

I know that it’s only a “part” of their lives, but I still find it fun and interesting.

So, here I am.

I think the biggest thing that I’m frustrated is the fact that I am currently spending 8 hours a week in the car travelling and that SUCKS! That’s an entire day of my week gone. I’m trying to figure out how to use that time….on the phone or when Jon’s with me we can be planning and discussing things, but more often than not it’s just wasted time. DOUBLE SUCKS!!

AND….on top of that, I’ve started to exercise and I’m up to 40 minutes on my eliptical machine which if you throw in a shower at the end – which is totally necessary – that’s an hour each time, and I’ve scheduled in 3 times for sure and if I can, I try to do more. This whole exercise thing is funny. I hate it. Even after almost a month, I still hate it, and yet I think about getting on that machine way more than I ought to – so there is something that is happening that my body is craving…..and I seem to hit my stride at about 12 minutes in and then I LOVE IT for the next 20 minutes and then I HATE IT for the next 8 minutes. They usually go something like this…..imagine me trucking along on the machine and as the cycle of information (minutes done, speed, distance, calories and heart rate) pases by I count down in 30 second intervals (that’s how long it takes to cycle through) 8 minutes…….7 and a half minutes……..7 minutes…..6 and a half minutes……Jon, come and distract me……Siah, come and dance for mommy…….I wonder how long I’ve got left to go now…..AAAAAAAAAK! Are you kidding me still 5 and a half minutes…..okay, 5 minutes, now….

And it goes like that all the way until the 40 minutes is up….LOVELY, eh?

I know that I’m feeling better and that I have more energy, and there are times that I “WANT” to get moving, but somehow it’s not my most favorite thing to do. Any of you, out there, exercise freaks? Will I start LOVIN’ this at some point? Or is it always just going to be a decision to make it happen?

Another thing that’s frustrating me about this is that instead of losing weight……I actually put on weight? I’m watching what I’m eating and I gained about 4 pounds. When you are trying to “LOSE” weight – well, the gain just really threw me. I’m sticking with it, and I’m now at 183, but still…..what’s up with that?

I wish I had taken my measurements at the beginning to see if I’m losing inches. I think I am because the “muffin top” that hung ever so elegantly over the waistband of my jeans is almost non-existant and I have room in my belt when I put it at my normal “comfy” belt hole. So, both of those things would lead me think that I’m changing shape, even if the number hasn’t done what I’d like it to. Oh, and there’s the loving way that Jon mentioned that where my butt had pretty much slid down into my thighs, now it’s retaining a more shelf like appearance. Thanks for putting that so eloquently, honey! You’re have such a way with words – eloquence like a poet…..seriously.

Well, I’m sure that I could ramble some more, but i got a baby to feed and myself to get ready for the day and then I gotta kick it into high gear as today is an “at home” day and I gotta lot to do in a short amount of time.

Busy, Busy, Busy!!!!

I am so looking forward to a time when things area bit slower in our lives. In fact, as I type that – I may need to just create some times that are free and slower so that we have some “down time”.

This week has felt a bit crazy, and yesterday I left the house at 9:30am and didn’t get home until 8:45pm….almost 12 hours of being out and caring for Siah out, as well.

I am SO NOT USED TO THAT.

Don’t get me wrong – the little dude is amazing. Such a trooper, and he is typically so happy and when it’s nap time – he just nurses and then sleeps on the floor on a blanket for an hour or two. It’s awesome. I couldn’t ask for an easier baby. BUT….he’s not just baby anymore and even though he’s happy – HE IS BUSY! And always climbing and getting into things. And that can be a bit wearing, especially if I’m trying to “accomplish” something.

I keep having to remind myself that “HE IS MY MOST IMPORTANT JOB RIGHT NOW!” That tends to pull things back into perspective for me.

We have just a few hours at home this morning and then we are headed off to pick up the girls from a birthday party from my sister’s house and then we are headed – once again – into town. We are going to spend some time with Nana and then sleep over at her house so we don’t have to do the LOOOOOOONG drive in, super early tomorrow morning.

I’m sitting here bloggin when there are so many other things that I could be doing. I just finished 25 minutes on the eliptical and so I am sweaty and sticky and stinky and that just needs to be dealt with. The house needs a tidy and we won’t be home until late Sunday night, so that has to be done today or we come home to some serious fabulous-ness for Monday morning. YUCK!

I also need to do some laundry and some other general tidy/cleaning and take a look at the grocery inventory to see whether or not we need to pick something up for Monday so that the kids aren’t whining about no food.

And so, I will go to get moving on my day.

I have a few questions for you guys though…Do you have a strategy for “down time”? Do you schedule it in? Do you take down time or no? How do you fit everything in and not be totally stressed out?

ps – February will be bringing a super-duper sale in the shop so be looking for it.

Where to even begin……

I’m a bit overwhelmed at the number of things that I could talk about…the funny stories, the fun times with family and friends, the snow – OH MY GOODNESS, THE SNOW!!!!!!! – slowing down, clearing out and cleaning up…..there is just so much to talk about and so little time.

The baby is sleeping right now which means that I have to choose wisely…..as I sit here in my pyjamas smelling of 2 day old funk…..blogging is probably not the “wisest” choice….and so I will be quick.

I have pictures to share and will get to them as time allows.

It’s busy having the kids home from school, AND….I want to be able to be there for them and not to be glued to this screen. I have to admit that I’m surprised at how easy it’s been to ignore my computer for the past while. Typically it calls to me like the “cracK” it is…whispering of all the sweet time we could waste together and fortunately….my kids quiet ha ha ha ha ha ha I just about peed myself over here….okay, well they are really not all that quiet, but it would have made a good story to talk about how my kids quiet whispers as they asked for some stories to be read cuddled on the couch and how it warmed my heart.

Reality is a bit more brutal. Some fights, some games, a lot of Wii – thanks Mum and Dad C.- and most of all lots of laughter….well, really…most of all, lots of food. My kids sure eat a lot….I’d like to say that it’s the healthy food I give them…that they just love to fill their “preshus wittle bodies with all that good healty vitamin rich goodnes”, but really…sometimes….I just wonder if they have worms or parasites or something….these kids are machines when it comes to food!

So, with all the thought whizzing around in my brain, I am going to go and take a shower and if I still have time…..I might make a list of all the things that I have to talk about and possibly, hopefully, give a really good shot at whittling it down to the funniest, the saddest, the more exciting….you know…all the really highly charged emotional stuff that makes for really good blogging……or I could just get on here with no thought and blabber on and on and on….cause ya all know I’ve done enough of that recently……

I do hope that your Christmas was full of peace and that you were able to be apart of some really amazing memories.

And so I leave you with my best Arnold voice and say……I’ll be back!

Christmas Cheer

I’ve really been thinking about Christmas and all the crap.

How’s that for some excellent Christmas Cheer?

See, with all the changes in our lives that we’ve made and are making as far as simplifying and cutting down and cutting back – I just can’t fathom going out and wastefully buying a whole bunch of “FUN” but “USELESS” stuff all in the name of Christmas.

At the same time, I want Christmas to be fun for the kids and for us as a family. I’m not really certain of what to do.

I do want to get the kids some fun things for under the tree. But, I’ve also been wanting to get toys that will last. Things that I can hold onto for when my kids have kids….things that can be passed down and treasured, and not things that just break before New Years comes around.

It doesn’t help that the kids recognize that they don’t really “NEED” anything. Sure, there are wants and hopes and “things that would be fun”, but I asked Xandra to write me a “Christmas Wish List” and she looked at me and thought for a moment and then said, “But really Mom, I don’t really need anything.”

She wants books. Geli did write a list, and when I asked her what was really important to her on that list….well…..nothing really.

Jeremy is a whole ‘nuther story. That kid would live his life at TOYSRUS if it was okay. He loves, loves, LOVES to get “stuff”.

And Josiah, we bought him one truck thing and he’s already played with it, but I’m going to wrap it up anyway, and I might even wrap a few of his current toys and thorw them under the tree. What does he know….the wrapping paper is going to be the biggest part of his Christmas this year.

Now, all of this is indicating that NO….we’ve not done our Christmas shopping yet.

THAT SUCKS! Eh?

That is partly because we’ve been waiting for some invoices to get paid – that’s another gift to ourselves….no added CC debt which also adds to the no stress factor which is all a good thing….

But, I’ll admit that not getting it done yet is a bit stressful on me….BUT….Jon has cleared his day on Thursday and we are going to do the bulk of it all and I have picked up a few things so it’ll all work out and be good. Anything left, we’ll finish up on Saturday when my parents have offered to take the kids and whatever doens’t get done…..doesn’t get done.

I’m not too stressed about it.

So, I’m not really sure where I’m going with all this. Nice, eh? One of my famous rambles…..

I think my point is that I want this season to be about more than “How much crap can I get?” I want to be able to tach my kids to recognize that they get what they need and that it’s SO MUCH FUN TO GIVE…..to give to those who don’t have everything they need or even just to others that you love.

I wish I had been a little more organized and been able to get the kids to make their own gifts for loved ones this year. I guess there is still some time…isn’t there?

We’ll have to sit down tonight and really think it through……

One thing that I am doing that is so cool is that we have a “White Elephant Gift Exchange” with my family every year and we buy a present with a set dollar value. This year I’m buying a water filter from Impact Nations and I’m going to put that in as my contribution.

I think it’s a great gift. You get to impact so many lives with clean healthy water. You get to give knowing that you’ve made a difference. You also don’t have to add to the crap in your own house.

Check it out.

Alright, that’s enough blathering for one day. I apologize for my lack of focus…..Siah is cutting molars….YES IT’S THAT FUN OVER HERE. and we’ve been up for the past few nights with him and well…I don’t think I’m coming across as clear and consise and I’d like to and well….I entirely blame Siah….and his cruddy sleeping over the past 3 days.

And I figure that it’s better to just stop now than to keep on going….I’ll come back later when I have a better grasp on what “focus” means….

In Keeping With the Theme…..

So, last week was a bit of a rough week for us over here, BUT……..we’ve survived and are back to being our cheerful happy selves.

Thanks for sharing with me. I love it when your girlfriends will sit down and cry with you and then out of left field, you get a dear friend who gives you a bit of a kick in the pants, and it’s all good. Thank you…….seriously THANK YOU!

But, in the middle of all of this, I’ve been noticing that my house has kind of thrown up on itself.

I was NEVER a packrat – EVER! in fact, I would regularly go through my “memory chest” and re-sort and file (under G for Garbabge) things so that I only ever had a certain amount of “the most important things“.

A few years into marriage, someone who lived next door to us, had peeked in through our window (can we say creepy, sleezy, stalker?) and wanted to know if we were moving. It was far enough into our marriage that we weren’t sporting that “just got married/don’t have enough stuff/trying to fake that we really are grown ups now” look. I just really REALLY liked a clean, no extra crap look.

Only the bare essentials for me thank you….

This continued on in our married lives for years. In fact, we moved houses 9 times in 7 years, and instead of it being a problem (I mean, obviously we had problems as you can tell because what “normal” person moves 9 times in 7 years…..at least 4 of those with kids) I actually looked forward to it because it was just another opportunity to “throw more crap away“.

And then……..THEN…..then we moved to our current home. Where we apparently set down roots….or had a pile driver come out and drive some piles into our current home. We’ve been here for the past 7.5 years. Even for the first couple of years, I just threw things out. It was kind of like a revolving door policy. If something was going to come in, then something else needed to go out. I only had “so much” room and was not going to let things get cluttered.

And now here I am and my house feels CHAOTIC, and I don’t understand how we got here, where all this stuff came from and when did I change and WHY?

I’ve been getting rid of crap lately (see, my theme that I mentioned – ha ha ha ha) No, I’m serious. I’ve been throwing stuff out. If it’s not super important to me or the kids – then OUT it goes.

And, over the weekend, we got rid of a van load of junk, and I have another van load of junk to go tonight. I’m totally embarrased typing that out, because I must admit that I’m barely even started yet. Now, before you go all “crazy” and think that I’m living in the dump….remember that my normal sense of “clutter free” is probably a bit harsher than yours….remember the previous comments of my house looking like we were moving…yah – I like the minimalist look.

But, I did have WAY TOO MUCH CRAP and I’ll be throwing it out, giving it away, or selling it so that I can finally feel like I can breathe again.

I think I figured out when and why it happened.

Almost 4 years ago, we sweet little boy died before we even got a chance to hold him, and it ROCKED MY WORLD.

I’ve not been the same since.

It was hard to breathe let alone worry about my house. It was an effort to just survive and only the very most important things got any energy focused toward them…..like caring for the kids, but honestly, I don’t think I did a very good job of even that. It’s amazing to me when I see how far from “that place” that I am, but it’s sad to see how the “effect” of losing Nathaniel is still with me.

I’m stronger than I knew I was, and yet I’m also aware of a sense of frailty. I can’t “do it all“. I recognize that I tire easier. I can’t plan too many events in a row or I feel overwhelmed. I like my alone and quiet time. I’m just so different. It’s the same me but different. I sit here trying to explain in words, and I fell like I’m not doing a very good job, and really to say “it feels like a part of me died with Nathaniel” is probably the best way of explaining it. Not in a sad, depressed way, but just that a small part of me changed and will never be the same, and that happened when Nathaniel died. I still don’t think I’m explaining it well, but that’s okay.

Back to my house….I just didn’t care as much about……well….I just didn’t care about much. But the further I get away from that point in time, the more I’m aware of the healing that takes place over time. I don’t think there is anything else that can make the process go faster – just TIME!

And no – having Siah didn’t make things better. I love Josiah. I’m so thrilled that he’s a part of my life. He has his own spot in my heart and in my life. He didn’t fill the spot that was Nathaniel’s; he never could, and he was or never is supposed to.

I love the fact that Nathaniel is still having an impact on my life today. I never got to hug, and raise him, but his legacy lives on. It lives on with every “thing” that I process and learn about “living, dying, grieving and healing”

In thinking about my house and processing why I am at where I am today, and how I got here….I realize that it’s all a part of the process. I can choose to see it as such or I can be frustrated.

I choose to just walk it out. And so today, walking it out means that I am seriously decluttering.

And I’m loving it.

How about you? Are you a pack rat or do you like the minimalist look or do you have a healthy balance?

Too Busy – Looking Forward to Next Week

This week is insane for me.

My house is a disaster. I have a butt load of music to plan. I have to practise my mad guitar skillz. I gotta make some more necklaces to sell. I still have to fold the Mt. Everest of laundery sitting in my front room….plan and make dinners…pay bills…buy groceries….and all I want to do is to go to sleep.

As mentioned in my previous post I’ve been experiencing a bit of a Niagra Falls experience over here, and I think that as a result I think I might have a bit of low iron situation going on. I’m currently taking Floradix and am hoping that will help things out, but right now – I’m a cold, tired, whiney baby!

I have also been a bit distracted by the whole US Election, and am waiting to see the results of that.

In other fun and exciting news, Jeremy blew our microwave up on the weekend. Well, it didn’t technically blow up and it even still works, but he put a “warm bag” in to heat it up so that he could snuggle wth it and instead of putting it in for 2 minutes…..he went with the whole “If 2 minutes is good, then 10 minutes would be better” thought process, and seeing as we are such attentive parents, we didn’t notice until we started asking ourselves what the idiots downstars were burning this time, and ONLY AFTER multiple sniff checks through the floor heating grates did we come to the conclusion that THAT HORRID SMELL was actually coming from somewhere in our house….and OH MY GOODNESS CRAP! What the heck is in the microwave, and why is the microwave covered in orange yuck and man….put that thing out on the back deck…..

So, we are currently microwave-less. Which is not the end of the world because we were planning on doing it anyway – you know……bad radiation waves, and reverse polarisation and all that crap….and seriously…the stupid microwave was given to us as a gift by my grandparents before we got married as an engagement gift……oh…..400 years ago….or maybe just 13+ years ago and it’s had a good long life.

This just means that we have to think ahead in reagards to defrosting meat and reheating cups of cold tea or coffee. It’ll all be good – Right?

Well, the baby is still sleeping – it’s been two hours and so I’m going to go and work on some necklaces which means that as soon as I open everything up and just get started he’ll wake up….that way I’ll be sure to be completely frustrated and not just a little.

How’s your week been so far? Could you go micro-wave-less in your house?

The Addiction is “Sometimes” Overwhelming

I’m not sure if I blgged about it, or if I just thought about blogging about it….there are a lot of thoughts begging to be blogged about, but sometimes the time or energy is just not there…but we got rid of our cable back in June.

Money was tight – but that wasn’t the deciding factor. I was really sick of the kids parking their butts in front of the TV at EVERY POSSIBLE SECOND. It drove me nuts….it started from the moment they woke up and lasted until the minute they went to bed.

It’s not that they were watching TV all that time, but that they tried to….it was the default. Oh look, were not doing anything….let’s watch TV. Oh, we should be getting ready for school…..let’s watch TV. Oh, we just came home from school….let’s watch TV. Oh, we should be doing homework…let’s watch TV. Do you see a pattern?

I was CONSTANTLY telling them to turn it off and to get focused on the task at hand, or else to just “Go and play!” But then, of course, I hear the whole “We’re bored! We don’t have anything to do! We don’t know what to do!”

So I’d list off a whole ton of stuff, which they’d immediately reject and we’d be rihgt back where we started from.

So, we cut our cable…..end of issue!

It’s been wonderful! I mean, it was summer,and so it’s not like there were really awesome shows that we were missing, and the kids learned how to entertain themselves again, and when they really wanted, they’d watch a DVD that we owned – it was all good.

When we originally cut our cable, we actually didn’t completely cut it off….we just suspended the service. We decided that to suspend it for free for a time, was better than disconnecting and then having to pay a reconnection charge when we connected it again in October just before HOCKEY SEASON! (I wonder what the season is going to be like for the Canucks this year! It should be interesting)

So, we had every intention of reconnecting again. BUT,………now it’s September, and all my favorite TV shows are starting back up, and I really REALLY want to get the cable connected. Like REALLY REALLY! That got me thinking and wondering about my own “issues” with the TV.

It’s not that I’m sitting down in the evenings, and missing staring at the TV for an hour while I just sit on the couch and do nothing.

I have things to do. My time is full. There are things that I could do in front of the TV…like knitting or crochetting, or beading or any other number of crafts, but I can do things things just as well, if not better without the TV being on.

I am just realizing how much I “WANT” to sit in front of the TV and let it numb me into a oblivious vegetative state. It’s an escape, and a pretty effective one. We’ve been sorting through some stuff ined our life, and I wonder if the “desire for escape” has anything to do with me wanting to reconnect the cable……hmmmmm, that was a lightbulb moment for me – just in case you’re wondering….my own personal epiphany!

I could….I could call and get it hooked up today, but I don’t know that I want to. I mean, I do! A huge part of me wants to watch America’s Next Top Model, and Bones, and House, and the last season of ER and Surivor, and Private Practice and Grey’s Anatomy, and whatever else I could get hook into, but a large part of me has enjoyed all the time and energy over the past 2 and a bit months, that has not been sucked into the black box in my front room.

I’ve even been contemplating not getting it turned on in October. I mean, just thinking it through, we don’t HAVE to watch the hockey games. We could listen to them on the radio or even the Internet, or…..imagine this…..we could “BUILD RELATIONSHIP” and go and watch a game at someone else’s house or even go out to the pub and watch them there…..there are options…I guess it’s just a matter of what’s important to us.

I’m really liking that the kids aren’t tied to the “tube” and I’m not sure that I want to be either….

Hmmmm, what to do? What to do?

What would you do? I’m just wondering?

Letting it go….letting it ALLLLLLLLLLLL go!

So, ummmmm….thanks for letting me vent yesterday. Not like you really had a choice, because I kinda did it without asking, but for any and all who did read, and just nodded your heads and carried on…..yah….that’s about what I needed.

I needed to get it out there and then I spent the rest of the day processing and today – I am in a much better frame of mind.

I have some clarity about some things….things of which I will speak of shortly or soon or in the not too distant future, but for now….it is enough to say that I am back in the state of “being content where I am at.”

In other, completely unrelated news…Jon is giving Siah a bath because he asked for one. This kid (read that to say baby, not kid) loves the water, and I had just sat down to try and blather on and on here, and he headed straight for the bathroom, which usually means a little toilet fishing, and with certain bigger little boys who sometimes forget to flush…..not that I’m mentioning names or anything…..that can be a scary, scary thing.

So, I cut him off at the path, and he pointed towards the bath…which had water in it from J popping in for fun this afternoon. I told ‘Siah that if he wanted to have a bath that he’d had to talk to daddy. then I said, “bath” a few times and took him out and closed the door. I had JUST sat back down and he took off, bookin’ it at warp speed – well as fast as 1 foot tall chubby legs will carry you – towards my room and bathroom….this is where he “normally” has a bath….I ran to get him before he went toilet fishing in my bathroom, and when I picked him up he looked at me and said, “ba..”

So I asked him “what to do want?” and he said it again….”ba..”

So I took him out to Jon and told him to tell Daddy what he wanted and he looked right at Jon and smiled HUGE and said it again.

It’s so cute to see him start to say little words. He understands more than he is speaking, but the little words are so cute.

In less cute news, Jeremy tried to ummmmmm….use the toilet from a standing position and well…it ended badly and I had a bunch of smeary cleaning to do……Needless to say, he got quite the talking about the evils of sky dumping and why it would cost him HUGE if he ever did it again.

Geli choked down a whole plate of “meatless” tacos that she didn’t really like….which is AMAZING because to get her to try ANYTHING new is a serious challenge let alone eat something that she doesn’t like with out too much complaining….that is the key here…..without TOO MUCH COMPLAINING. There was some complaining, but not enough that it made our ears bleed.

Xani is reading everything in site, and is making it quite difficult to keep her in books. She just finished “Hinds Feet On High PLaces” and is going to be starting “Pilgrims Progress in the next couple of days…..She has a serious reading addiction, although I’m not really upset…..read, baby, read.

Jon has got so much work that he is trying to not stress out, and well…..sometimes that’s hard. Who knew that too much work could be almost as stressful as too little….who knew???!?!?!?

I’m…..well…..I’m trying to get us all ready and organized for a vacation that coming up before too long….ya know…with menu’s and bags and all the “gear” that is needed for vacationing with a baby and 3 other kids…..and I’m trying to ONLY BRING what it necessary, and not TOO much.

Alright…that’s it for now…