Category: Kids

Crazy Plant Lady

Oh, my family is so good to me. They often humour me even when they are not entirely sure what I’m up to.

I’ve been fascinated with plant medicine for as long as I can remember. It must have started with me reading books as a child. My favourite books included biographies and historical fiction with accounts of the days when plant medicine was medicine.

When recipes and knowledge of plant medicine were passed down from generation to generation.

I firmly believe that we have gained so much knowledge through science and our current allopathic system but I wonder what we have lost in all of our modern medicine practices.

To explain, I think that a fever is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s our bodies way of communicating that something isn’t right. There might be something bacterial or viral going on inside us but rather than slowing down, resting, making sure we are hydrated, and have extra nutrition; we pop some Tylenol or Advil to alleviate our symptoms so that we can carry on with our hectic lifestyle. The fact that we have medicine to relieve a fever is amazing; and having Drs who can help us figure out whether it’s a sign of infection, inflammation or something else is incredible.

I’m not against medicine. I loved when the Drs at BC Children’s shared with us, the different plants that originally were used to create some of the chemotherapy drugs. It’s fascinating to think of the different plant compounds and how they can be used.

One of my favourite herbal remedies is for a cough tea. When my kids were little, I was reading about different plants and their uses and came across Mullein. It’s incredible for respiratory issues and I made a tea using dried Mullein, Peppermint and Mallow leaves. After steeping into a tea, I add honey. All three of those plants have different properties that help soothe sore throats, calm irritation and relieve sinus pressure. The tea totally helps when we have coughs and colds and my kids ask for it as soon as they start coughing.

I love looking for plants out in nature that I know to be useful. There is an incredible number of local plants available that you can forage for.

While out for our daily walk, I’ve come across a field that has a huge patch of comfrey. I used to have a comfrey plant but it got powdery mildew on it and I won’t use it for anything now. But these plants are gorgeous and young and in a beautiful wild patch of land. So tonight, on our walk I harvested some and brought them home with the intention of making a poultice.

Comfrey has been traditionally used to treat broken bones, joint and muscle pain and bruises. I’d love to make a salve with some but a quick application is to make a poultice which is basically a wet mush that you apply on to skin. The idea is that the beneficial properties soak in and have their effect that way.

I chopped them up and blended them to a pulp with a little bit of water. Knowing full well that Jude was going to have an issue with this but hoping that he’d at least try it; I spread some of the pulp on a napkin and went to see if he’d humour me and give it a try.

Would you believe that he let me put it on him?

Well, he did. He gagged a little because it looked nasty and it felt squishy, but he did it. I wrapped it around his arm and covered it with Saran wrap and then a tensor bandage to hold it still and steady.

The way I look at it, if it does nothing, there’s no harm done. He had some slime smeared on his arm for a while. If it helps, awesome. At this point, there nothing else we can do except rest and wait.

Have you ever used a poultice?

My grandma used to apply a warm milk on bread poultice when I would have an infection around my finger nail. I, also remember a child in my class would come to school with an onion poultice in a sock around his neck when he had a cough.

I’d love to hear what remedies you use or remember being used. I don’t care how wild or crazy it sounds. I love wild and crazy. Share your wild and crazy with me.

Day 16 – Texas to New Mexico

We woke up in heaven and drove out of it and now I want to go back.

Sunglasses would have been helpful

Apparently Brady, Texas is pretty close to the center of Texas. We woke up and it was warm and sunny. The wind was blowing and we sat outside and had coffee listening to the quail coo. I just feel happy when I’m warm and it’s sunny. Siah climbed this HUGE tree while we had breakfast.

I ADORE the trees down south. They are so gorgeous and sprawling.

Jon walked around the property and found a field of cacti just about ready to bloom.

I wish we could have seen an entire field of flowering cacti. It must be stunning.

We left Brady around 11am. I really was in no hurry to leave; although Siah and Jude are not the hugest fans of the heat and they are starting to talk about getting home soon.

Got the arm wrapped up and in the photo

It’s been a good trip. For 4 people living on top of each other – 2 introverts. 2 extroverts, meeting people, eating food that’s not typical, living in a different place most nights, with iffy wifi connections, iffy toilets, random showers, way too much fast food, no personal space and WAY TOO MANY HOURS in a vehicle – we have done spectacularly. I’m kind of proud of how well we’ve done. You can tell how tired the boys are by how much bickering they do ;but they’d bicker at home, too. Honestly the only difference is they don’t have the luxury of going to their own bedrooms.

We drove and drove and drove and drove. Texas is really pretty. I kind of love it. The wild flowers, the open spaces, the wildlife, the warmth, the wind……I don’t think I’d want to live in the city but put me outside the city…….oh man.

We weren’t exactly sure if we were going to make it into New Mexico but considering that we crossed a time zone, we decided doe go for it. We crossed over from Texas into New Mexico at 6:55pm and then gained an hour.

We pulled into the Clovis RV Park around 6:15pm and got set up for the night. It was SO cold and windy. The park was quiet but had horrific wifi according to the boys. It would have been better if it had none, because it was like teasing them with wifi bars and then they kept dropping the signal.

I have done pretty well at planning out our routes the day before or at the very least in the evening but I was really struggling to get the next day planned. I think I’m just sad about leaving Texas and both options – Denver and New Mexico – are cold and windy with overnight temps dropping below zero. Not cool. Seriously not cool! Maybe a good night sleep will help me gain some clarity. I certainly hope so.

Not Quite Drowning?

Is there a single word for “not quite drowning”?

That moment when a person in the water is struggling with all their might. Gasping for air. Popping above the water just long enough to gulp a quick breath. It’s not quite enough to refresh or revive but it’s just enough to prolong the inevitable. Your adrenaline kicks in and even though you’re exhausted, you still thrash around wasting precious energy, air, resources……

That’s a bit how I feel.

Brutal, eh?

I’d say it’s been quite a week. But on further reflection, it’s been quite a month, and a hell of a year and quite honestly, it’s been a decade of chaos and loss and trauma.

There’s something about the idea of surrender. Something still and quiet and peaceful. In some ways, it feels like failure or giving up. And I guess it truly is “giving up”. Giving up on the assumption that I can “do” all of this. Giving up the arrogance that says I’m super human and can do the impossible. Giving up on the idea that I’m in control.

Often we think that “drowning + surrender = death” but maybe we are focusing on the wrong thing. Maybe “drowning + surrender = truly living”.

Maybe it’s the weight that we need to surrender.

Maybe it’s the chaos that we need to surrender.

Maybe it’s the control that we need to surrender.

And maybe…in the surrender, we will be able to truly live, unencumbered by weight that drags us down, tires us out and distracts us from what we really want to do.

It’s probably a good thing that I have a counselling appointment tomorrow, eh?

Priorities

“If I’m being honest with you, I could care less what he learns as far as academics or what his grades are.”

With equal parts liberation and hesitation, earlier this week I shared this statement with my child’s teacher, case manager and support staff.

I don’t mean that I don’t want my child to have an education. I don’t mean that I don’t want him to learn.

But….at this time, I care more if he feels safe at school. I care more if he has a desire to learn. I care more that he learn to confidently advocate for himself. I care more that he learn to communicate respectfully. I care more that he learns self awareness and self regulation skills. I care more that he learns to confidently interact with those in authority, and with peers. I care more that he finds his voice. I care more that he believes in himself. I care more that he has empathy for all. I care more that he eats. I care more that his digestive system is functioning smoothly. I care more that he gets enough sleep. I care more that he gets enough exercise.

It’s not that I don’t care about his education. I just have SO MUCH MORE that I care about. There is so much that a typical child would learn by osmosis, by watching and listening and absorbing; those seemingly simple things….they have to be taught to my child. Over and over and over……and so while I may say that I don’t care about academics……what I truly mean is that it’s just not as high on my priority list as all these other things.

I wonder what life would look like if my biggest worries were what grades my kids were getting; or if “grades” were even on my radar.

But that’s not my life and so I don’t dwell on that. Partially because I just don’t have the time or energy to; but also because it doesn’t serve me to hold that ENVY.

It all comes down to priorities. I only have so much energy and I just can’t hold “it all”. So I pick and choose what is most important to me.

Teaching my kids to be loving, respectful, compassionate, hard working and contributing members of society who have mercy and grace for themselves and others…..that’s my goal.

I try to remind myself of that every time I feel caught up in “what we’re NOT doing” or in the fact that we aren’t “typical“.

It all come down to priorities.

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I’d love to hear what your priorities are or what you want them to be or wish they could be. Do you follow societal norms because you want to or because you feel you have to? Would you do something differently, if you felt you had the freedom or power to do what you wanted to?

With my Humanity Faltering….

We took a Mental Health Day, today!

Jude had climbed into bed with us, at some point last night. First thing this morning, He opened his eyes, looked at me and said, “I just can’t go today.”

Like I mentioned yesterday, we have a kids day camp this week. It’s fun. It’s amazing. It’s epic. It’s theme is “Power Up”. They do Fortnite dancing, and crafts and have snacks and an epic water day. It’s AWESOME!

And in the last two days, my kid has used up any and every bit of emotional and mental reserve.

So, I declared today a Mental Health Day and we did nothing taxing; and only things that we wanted to do.

I have pretty firm opinions on parenting. I don’t like to put up with any garbage or judgement from others. It makes me sick when I see children being treated as bad or devious or evil. I do understand that there are some children who have been so hurt that they need extraordinary help and support; but so many children are spoken to as if they aren’t real people.

Real people who have rights, deserve dignity and autonomy. Real people who deserve respect and kindness regardless of whether they are non-compliant, misbehaving or just young.

But for all of my opinions, I’m still human.

I grew up with old school thinking that disrespects children. Thinking that says that I’m the boss and if I’m just tougher or more authoritative or just force a child to do something that they will get over their issue. Their issue, that isn’t legitimate anyway. They’re probably just faking it, in the hopes of getting away with something.

I don’t believe that line of thinking for one second. And yet, within the stress and chaos and exhaustion of parenting high needs kids, there are times that my resolve falters. I question my moral compass. I question my parenting skills. I question my ability to know or think or believe anything.

In that space, I allow the worry, the questions and the self doubt to surround me, for a moment, before I shake them off. Those thoughts don’t fit on me. I can’t wear them with pride, courage or confidence

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I believe that children, innately, want to succeed and do well.

I believe that if a child is not succeeding and thriving; that is not because they are intentionally misbehaving. They are struggling.

I believe that children try to do their very best and if we feel that their best is some how “missing a mark” then we must step along side and support them, in ways that are meaningful to them.

I believe that behaviour is communication and as the adults, it’s our job to detect what they, the children, are struggling to put into words and to help them…..not judge, shame or criticize.

I believe that our children should run to us when faced with problems and not try to hide from us, out of shame and guilt. It’s our actions, words and reactions that reinforce those beliefs and actions.

So in this moment of humanity, when I question my ability to parent my child, to help him to be resilient, to help him find his strength and his voice, to help him find his way in this world knowing that he is valued and loved and capable…….I pause.

I remind myself of what I believe and why I believe it.

I remind myself that it’s okay to not be okay.

I remind myself that taking a Mental Health Day is a gift and not a punishment.

I remind myself that I’m teaching my children invaluable life lessons by honouring them, respecting them and teaching them to be in tune with their needs.

I remind myself that this season will not last forever.

With my humanity faltering, but my beliefs unwavering, I carry on; doing the best that I can, in this moment and knowing that it’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay!

Wins and Shows….Hit me up, Please!

Jon left this morning for a week in Mississippi and New Orleans. A! WEEK!


I have a few too many things to juggle this weekend and I’m trying desperately to make a list but I’m dealing with some serious brain fog and it has me feeling like I’m swimming in Jello.

On top of that, I’ve recently added running into my “walking” routine and today my knee hurts. Epic!

So to sum it up – many thoughts in brain, brain foggy, knee hurts, kids are lunatics because routines off and I just want to go to bed!

Awesome, hey?

At some point, I’ll actually get it all sorted out.

In the win column for today, I cleaned the kitchen.

I have very low standards people!

I’d love to hear what your “wins” for today are! Drop me a comment.

ps. Show suggestions to watch so I don’t watch “our shows” while Jon’s gone. We have amazon prime video, and Netflix. What are your favs?

Parenting PTSD, the Educational Version

I recently received an email that sent me into an absolute tailspin.

I’ve just realized that with all the info blacked out, this email could be for any one of them, because all 3 of my boys have the same initials. All 3 have IEP’s and “school teams”.

Do you see anything wrong or even remotely threatening or negative about this email?

Nope! Neither do I and I asked for a meeting. Regardless, as I lay in bed, my heart started to race and the thoughts in my head sped out of control.?

What if they are upset with my child?
What if they are upset with me?
What if they are going to tell me that it’s too much effort to support my child?
What if they chalk his issues up to bad parenting instead of trauma?
What if they judge me?
What if they are tired of trying?
What if they put it all back on me to solve and fix?

And the thoughts spiral out of control until I’m choking back the tears and barely holding myself together.?

{I know that these are “what if’s….” and I really don’t want to live in the world of “what if’s….” because….what if it all goes amazingly well? And really what does it matter if someone thinks poorly of my child. I know the truth. But truth doesn’t always vanquish the trauma…..at least not right away.}

This is Parenting PTSD, the Educational version.In the past, I’ve had administrators and teachers say those things about my child. I’ve heard those things said to me, said about my child, and said when it was presumed that I wasn’t listening. To hear those things, destroys a piece of your heart, mind and soul. It breaks your ability to trust, to really even hear at all, let alone with an open heart and soul.

It is devastating to hear that people feel your child is too difficult, too much effort, or just not worth the effort.

While I know that currently, we have people on our teams who actually care for my boys, that past wounding, that TRAUMA is still there. It’s runs deep and it excruciatingly painful.

As a parent of a child with extra needs, you are already soul crushingly weary but usually with no real option or opportunity to rest. You are almost always in fight or flight mode. If for some blessed reason you aren’t there, it only takes one second to be activated …..sometimes when it’s not even necessary.

I’m extra exhausted right now and pretty close to the edge of tears, most of the time.

I’m not alone in this, either. There are thousands of parents, with kids who have challenges, who feel traumatized from dealing with the people within the education system.

We are desperate for people to truly see our children for the wonders that they are. We are desperate for someone to share all the good and amazing things that they see about our children. We are desperate for people to look beyond the challenging behaviour, to see what our children are saying, to listen and really hear their hearts. To champion them into becoming all they they can be and even more.

We are desperate for people to see our children as human beings; and as valuable, worthy and important as the typical kids.

On our end, it takes the courage of showing up and being there even when you don’t know if it will make a difference or if you’ll get hurt again. It takes vulnerability to share your hurts, your ideas, your successes and your failures.

If you work within the education system, know that you have parents and children who are incredibly triggered right now.

show love,
show compassion,
show mercy,
show grace,
show acceptance.

Invest in relationship.
Foster communication.
Build trust.
Be Respectful.
Be a life line.

And the benefits will be innumerable.

But recognize that there is Trauma and it’s not going anywhere soon.

Be a part of the solution, not the problem.

A Small Dose of Saturday Morning Trauma

I got a call about 10 o’clock this morning. I could hear Siah screaming in the background. Jon hollered at me over the screaming, “I need you to come and get Siah.”

Not even finished my first cup of coffee and hair and make up not done…..I raced out of the house and down the street to our dentists office.

I walked in the door and they ushered me to a back room where I found this.

Good Saturday morning to you too!

Nothing like a spectacular dose of trauma to start the weekend.

It’s dental work. My boys needed fillings. How simple is that? Go in, get it done….BAM!

Not that simple.

I sat in the recovery room with Siah and listened to Judah screaming through 2 closed doors.

It’s hard to think straight when your world feels torn to shreds by trauma. When anxiety overwhelms to the point that nothing makes any sense. When trauma tells you that you are in terrifying danger. When you brain lies to you and it doesn’t matter because you can’t think beyond this exact moment of terror.

Siah was curled in a ball, yelling and screaming at me for letting them hold him down. He was so upset that I couldn’t even touch him or comfort him.

In the end, it’s more traumatizing for us because now that they have settled and the meds have worn off, they don’t even really remember what happened. Yay for the meds actually working.

I say that as sarcastically as I can because I was called there…..without the benefit of mind numbing meds, to witness and experience it all. To be hit and kicked, in fear. To be rejected and not allowed to give comfort.

As soon as he settled some, I traded off with Jon to go and see Judah, who was terrified, mostly because he heard Siah panicking. And being unable to see what was actually happening….he assumes the worse.

Siah actually finished his dental work. Judah wouldn’t let them near him…..even cracked out on meds.

We made it home eventually.

We’ll have to cough up the insane costs to have Judah sedated to actually get the work done.

Anxiety sucks.

Watching someone you love suffer from anxiety is brutal.

Experiencing anxiety is brutal.

Can I encourage you to have compassion for those you know who deal with mental health issues?

I’m gonna get up tomorrow, put make up on and go and sing my heart out. You’d never know what I experienced today by just looking at me…..and I’m not looking for pity.

Compassion and understanding though…..definitely. Especially when my boys are acting out and I have nothing left to give but I dig deep and create energy out of nothing.

But my sharing is not just about me. Be kind and compassionate to those parents and kids you know who struggle…….you have no idea what they really are going through and I guarantee you they won’t share the reality.

It would be too much to handle.

It is too much to handle.

Just a glimpse….

I’m sitting in my living room, looking wistfully out the window, knowing that I’ve already spent my fair share of time outdoors, today.

I don’t want a sunburn and while I slather up when necessary…..I’ve never really liked the feeling of lotion on my body.  So I opt for some indoor time….at least until I need to pick up the boys from school and then I’ll greet the sun with smiles and a spritz of sunscreen.  Until then, I close my eyes and reminisce of the golden warmth soaking into my soul, revitalizing me.

When I open my eyes, I see evidence that Judah’s been here. 


The dregs of his Honey Nut Cheerios and Almond Milk make me smile.  This boy of mine is such a gift.  He is an incredible living paradox.  Verging on the edge of violence in his stance against injustice…….and yet indiscriminate in his compassion.  Have I told you about the time we took the boys to see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and he cried when Ego was destroyed.  He clasped my hands to his heart and whispered through his tears,  “But WHY? Everyone deserves another chance?”

I don’t ever want him to lose that heart for others.  I will fiercely protect and nurture that empathy, tenderness, and humanity with all my being. He is such a gift to me, to us…..to the world.


I look over to my right and see glorious creativity within the chaos of these walls.  That stack of mail will become “creations” before it hits the recycling bin. I savour the moments when I can sit, drink my coffee and knit a few rows on a dishcloth.  I like small projects because I can finish them in between all the glorious distraction.  More often than not, that coffee grows cold and my knitting is interrupted but it’s ok because these moments don’t last.  

The screams to break up a fight or get a snack for someone……they are becoming fewer.  The yelling because there is no toilet paper on the roll and no one thought to look in the cupboard…….or because someone ate someone else’s ice cream.  It’s still there but I’m less needed than I used to be.  Which is good cause there’s still a whole lot of needy people in the family and I’ll take whatever reprieve I can get.  

Moose – aptly renamed – as he’s not the smartest cat in the world……but he’s exactly what we needed.  He gives his love freely and unabashedly.   He allows for over excitable autistic hugs and purrs louder than I’ve ever heard from a cat.  It’s like audible Valium to soothe our souls from whatever anguish and trauma we may be experiencing.


I need to pick the kids up.  To leave this cocoon of quiet chaos.  I don’t want to.