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Monday Morning Weigh In……..With Purpose

Home Makin’ Girl was talking about weight loss last week and threw a shout out to see if anyone wanted to join her as she walked this weight loss journey.

Seeing as I’m already walking that road, I figured “Hey! Why not do this with some others?”

It’s almost always more fun to do things with someone(s) than it is to do it alone.

So, Last Tuesday – which was when she wrote about this – I had actually stepped on the scale that morning and it rang out loud and proud at 197.4 lbs.

So I said that I’d take a picture of myself to go along with the weight, and I’ll be keeping a record of what’s going on here.

I’m hoping that putting it out here, makes it a little easier to stick to my “plan” or at the very least that I’ll think twice about shoving that extra piece of “whatever” in my mouth.

I’m taking an exercise class 3-5 times a week and so I’m happy with that.

I started just under 2 months ago at just over 200lbs and while I’ve not noticed a huge weight loss, I have noticed a fairly decent drop in inches. I don’t know exactly what those inches are, but I am fitting into clothes that I wore when I was 175lbs and quite a bit flabbier than I am now.

It is frustrating that I’m still heavier as I’d really like the weight to go, but it helps a little that I am slimming or toning. I do believe that weight loss will come…..at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

With all of that being said…..here we are and it’s Monday Morning and my weight this morning was…..

196.2 lbs.

This is a loss of 1.2 pounds.

While I wish it was more….I can be happy that it was a loss and not a gain. YAH!

I’ll be updating a bit more regularly, or at least that’s my plan.

Anyone else want to join us? You can update in my comments or link back to yourself or whatever you want. It’s just fun to know that others are there for you and understand what you’re up against.

ps. I was just headed out to my class and had Jon snap a picture of me rockin’ my work out gear.

Where I’m at….

I ~~was sitting on my couch, this morning, in my living room…..~~

~~I was sitting on my couch in my living room, this morning….~~.

~~In my living room there is this couch that I sit on, in the mornings…~~

This morning as I was sitting on my couch in my living room…..

……..the soft gentle chirping of the birds in my backyard floated in on a gentle cool breeze that smelled crisp and clean and just like fall. I could smell my coffee as it rested beside me and the hear the familiar clicking of the keys on my keyboard as I checked on my e-mail and while uploading a few photos.

Sounds amazing, doesn’t it?

Now the reality is that I attempted to check my email while fending of a 2 year old who was climbing all over the top of me…..while he attempted to wedge himself in between me and the laptop so, “Siah see pictures! Siah see pictures! Siah see pictures!“. I did have a coffee that was getting cold in the kitchen because we have no coffee table and that previous reference to the wriggling 2 year old would mean that the couch and I would be wearing more coffee than I’d manage to get inside me. There is a cold breeze hurling through the window (that faces the dark, shaded backyard) that Jon opened behind me which is competing and winning over the gorgeous sunshine that is flooding through my front windows. I am currently listening to the majestic sounds of the roofers yelling crude comments and laughing while hammering and working on the other houses in our complex. Fortunately, our house is finished so they are not banging on my roof. WOOT!

Jon has taken Siah to the bank to drop off a deposit. Thank God! and I am taking a few moments to breathe.

There are certain aspects of the kids going back to school that have been a little difficult. Siah is COMPLETELY LOST! He loves his siblings and is having to learn how to play without someone entertaining him 24/7. It’s a rough life….I know.

The house is SOOOOO quiet with the older three back at school and I’m finding it easier to keep on top of everything. YAH!

Now, this could be a post all about where I’m finding myself emotionally and mentally as we step back into the fall routine, but really……it’s all about location! (And apparently overused punctuation – excuse that!)

Anyway, I love to imagine where people are when they are sitting relaxing or attempting to work with a scrambling 2 year old on top of them…..whichever more describes your life….

Do you ever do this?

Well, You don’t have to wonder anymore……

When I’m at home and actually able to sit down for a moment…..This is where you’d find me.

We are not finished decorating and we still need to get some furniture pieces and other finishing touches, but we’re getting there and I LOVE it. I love the open feeling of it and the clean, uncluttered look and well….it’s exactly what I was hoping for when I first started imagining what we could/should do with this place (Our HOME!)

We’ll be having an open house fairly soon and if you’re around, we’d love to have you drop by! I’ll keep ya posted as we plan and actually managed to come up with a few concrete details….

And, Jon and Siah are back…..which means, I get to be done, for now!

But, do you have a “Place” that you relax or that you feel is “yours”? What’s it like? Or what would you like it to be?

Little Bits of Happiness

I have just ordered 99 prints of pictures that I’ve taken recently…..well, within the last year.

I heard about Walmart’s Photo Offer of 99 prints for $9.99 on 09/09/09 and well, seeing as I never print out my pics….I figured this was a great opportunity to do so.

I had the best time looking through my pictures and grabbing the ones that I really love…..the ones that make me smile and feel happy when I look at them and remember.

I wanted to share these pictures with you. If you’re interested, you can see a little bit of what makes me happy.

Maybe it will offer some tiny sliver of insight into me – maybe not……or maybe you don’t even care……that’s okay too.

But, I LOVE these pictures and I can’t wait to get them and actually HOLD ONTO the pictures.

There is just something special about actually holding the photos in your hands.

I’m trying to figure out a way to display them. I’d love to have a wall that was covered with these pics….with my pics…..I think that’s part of the happiness. I love that I was able to capture each of these little moments and now I can treasure them forever.

If you’re interested in seeing a slide show of the pics you can click here or just enjoy the few that I littered this post with…..whichever.

So, what makes you happy?

New Stages of Life

Angelica is 12 years old.

It’s hard to believe that I have a daughter who is almost a teenager. It feels like the time has flown by so fast. It was not so long ago that I held all 7 pounds 14 ounces of her and her fuzzy black hair for the first time and thought, “I’m a mom now?!?” I remember being 12. I remember the difficulty of wanting so badly to be grown up and to fit in with all the adults that I thought were so cool and so mature. (People who were my age – Ha Ha Ha HA!) I also remember still wanting to run and play with the little kids.

It was a tough age inside my head and also inside my body as I changed and grew so much that year.

I see the same things happening in my daughter and I’m so excited for her…..for us….for what this all means…..I’m just excited.

She is a really great kid and over the last 6 months, she has really grown and matured in so many ways.

We went to Whistler recently and I took WAY TOO MANY pictures while I was there. I dumped them to my computer in the evenings and while going through the pics. I was so shocked and surprised to see her in a new light.

She really is growing up…..and fast!

Those are my shoes she’s wearing in that last picture. She still has a few inches before she hits my 5’10”, but I’m pretty sure she’ll make it and surpass me.

This is such an amazing time where we get to learn and grow together – Her, as a young adult and Me, as a mother of a young adult. She gets to stretch her wings and provided that I’ve done a good job of teaching her how to make decisions and the weigh the consequences – I should be prepared to let her stretch those wings from time to time as we move toward a time and place where I’m confident and proud and even encouraging her to be stepping out on her own.

She is a GREAT kid and I know that she’ll be a great Young Adult and then eventually an Adult.

I’m not thinking that this time won’t have it’s challenges. Every phase of life brings it’s own rewards and challenges and this time is no different. But I’m looking forward to this new chapter in our lives.

As I mentioned before, we are trying desperately to teach our kids choices and consequences and that we are always here for them and that our love is unconditional. We want our kids to run TOWARD us if they make a choice that has tough consequences and not to be scared or ashamed or to pull away from us. So far it’s working.

They know that we love, accept and embrace them even when they make choices that negatively affect them and others. They are really grasping the concept that “they” are making the choices and that they, are in effect “choosing” their consequences. It’s not always fun, but it’s a great step toward taking responsibility for your own actions.

It also is teaching them to think about what the different consequences of the different choices might me. And… they get to weigh in and choose what’s most important to them. We’ve also found that it has severely cut down on the number of fights and disagreements that we have in the house, and that alone is worth the extra effort that this process takes versus the concept of…..”Obey because I said so or else!”

Angelica has her first babysitting job tomorrow night and she is SO excited. I’m excited for her, too. Even though it’s just 2 doors down from us in our complex, I would have never let her babysit 6 months ago. She’s come a long way in a short time and I know that she’ll do a fabulous job.

I’m so proud of the woman she’s becoming.

Layin’ it down……AGAIN!

Hey! Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. I love the feedback. You all are amazing. I do feel good and have noticed that some of my clothes are fitting different. I’ll just keep at it and see what happens from there.

So, I made this comment yesterday that really hit me hard………

…so that I can plan or organize for it so that it will all run smooth and then everyone will be able to enjoy life.

I’m specifically talking about the last 8 words of that sentence.

I’ve even gone through counseling for this and yet……here it is. Straight outta my mouth. I’m shocked and horrified and well…..completely frustrated with myself.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt responsible to make others feels happy; even at my own expense, a fair amount of the time. It got to the point where it was so overwhelming that I felt completely buried under the mountain of “falsely assumed” responsibility. I felt completely burnt out and even angry at everyone when really, the biggest person that I should have been angry at was myself.

I, somehow, had this idea that it was my “responsibility to make others happy” and it was killing me. I was absolutely being crushed under the weight of that burden.

Recently, I’ve thought I was doing pretty well.

I’ve learned SO much about letting things go and about setting boundaries and about how I’m responsible for myself and yet……here I am staring at myself in the mirror feeling like I’ve come right back around to this…..this……monster.

I KNOW that it’s not my responsibility to make others happy. I know that I’m not actually capable of making others happy. That is something that’s up to them….that is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to figure out if or why they might be unhappy and what they need to do about it.

But, ………there is something in me that wants to make others happy and in some way gets some sense of pride or accomplishment when others mention their happiness (or if life’s easier or smoother for them) as a direct result of something or things that I’ve done or do.

I don’t think it’s wrong to do nice things for others, but if I end up feeling like it’s my responsibility and if it’s weighing heavy on me….then it’s probably something that’s not mine to carry and I probably should have never picked it up in the first place.

I need to go back and look at things that I’m doing and figure out my motivations and maybe I need to put or lay down some of the things that have been weighing so heavily on me.

This is part of me being responsible for myself and my own happiness and well being. I do have ones that count on me and me being able to be happy and healthy emotionally and physically. So I do need to take care of myself and make sure that I’m not so burdened down and emotionally taxed that I can’t enjoy life, be present and be there for them.

Holding myself back!

Yup, I’ve been holding myself back.

You might be wondering if this is a good thing or not and…well, it is!

I’ve had these amazing lightbulb moments recently and you know how when something hits you as HUGE, or LIFE CHANGING or ALTERING that you want to share…..well, this is one of my moments and I’m gonna share….m’kay?

I’ve been exercising for over 3, almost 4 weeks now and while I’m not thrilled with the weight loss (haven’t really lost anything. I’m hovering between 196 and 202 and that sucks). There are other things that I’ve definitely noticed as positive effects from the exercise.

I’m needing less sleep. I feel stronger. I can do more and more of the class each time with better technique and skill. These are all positives. I can see and feel muscles developing (under the nice layer of fat that I’m hoping will start to melt soon). I’m excited to go to the class and feel AMAZING when the class is done. These are all good things, eh?

I’m working on my diet to find the right balance of food and calories that will fuel my body and help me to start loosing.

I will admit that I’ve felt very discouraged by how hard I feel like I’m working and the fact that I don’t see the weight coming off, BUT…..I am trying to focus on me getting healthy and strong FOR LIFE and not just for weight loss. I believe the weight loss will come…..or so I keep telling myself.

I’m also learning more about myself and having these little “lightbulb moments” during the class which then translate into more thought provoking times outside of class.

I am a highly organized (heck you could call it anal) type of person. My mind moves so fast……ALL THE TIME. Trying to shut it off or at the very least slow it down is a major undertaking. I find that I’m constantly thinking of what comes next. I’m constantly trying to figure out what happens in the future so that I can plan or organize for it so that it will all run smooth and then everyone will be able to enjoy life. (another realization just hit me – BLAM!!!! – man….I’ll be processing this one today some…..hmmmmmm)

I realized one class that I was so tired and overwhelmed because in my head I was running through how long there was still in the class and how much we still had left to do and which exercises that were hard I still had to do and how long until the easy ones started…………

My thoughts were focused so far ahead of myself and I realized that I was exhausted just thinking about what I still needed to accomplish. I was totally psyching myself out and was completely sapping any energy that I might have had to do the exercise that I needed to be doing right at that moment.

I tried very hard to bring myself back to the present, and to focus on what was in front of me and to just take it one step at a time, but honestly…..finishing that class was very difficult.

I went into the next class purposing to stay right in the moment and to not race ahead and while I had to reign myself in a few times…..I did WAY better and actually found that I had the energy to do the class and I wasn’t wasted by the time the class was finished. In fact, I was surprised at how fast the class seemed to zoom by. It was awesome.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how this applies in my everyday life.

And….well…..it really does apply.

I know that I’ve got a busy, BUSY fall that needs to be planned and organized and while I love to plan and organize – I’ve been letting it all overwhelm me slightly. I know that I can do it all. I know that it’s not too much. I even enjoy it. And so I’ve promised myself that I will view the over all picture lightly. I’ll see it for what it is….the big picture and then I’ll get busy with what needs to be done today and this week.

I can do this….and I’m gonna just relax and stay present and just enjoy today.

Tomorrow will take care of itself and my worrying about it won’t make it any easier or harder – will it?
Matt 6:25-34

Fresh Start

I can’t believe it’s already September.

Where did this summer go?

It seems completely eaten up with the house purchase. That is how I will remember the summer of 2009. It was the summer we bought our first home.

I’m thrilled that we were able to buy and that we are getting settled in. It’s not been a fun, go-a-lot-of-places and have-a-lot-of-adventures kind of summer, but it HAS been a good summer. Tough, but good!

Friends of ours are also starting another leg of their life journey and are in the process of buying a new place. We went over to check out their place last night. We LOVE these guys and are so thrilled for them.

We had some great food and some even better conversation.

It used to seem like we lived so far away from these guys, but then we moved closer to them and now they have moved closer to us and now we are considerably closer than we were before. (Okay, that’s a completely lame sentence, but it is what it is…..and I’ll just throw it out there and slowly walk away from it.)

I managed to snap a bunch of pics of the kids while they were swimming. (yes, this new place of theirs has a pool – how wicked amazing is that?) and what’s even better…..after it got dark, we sent the kids to watch a movie and we adults headed down to the pool. Can we sigh a HUGE SIGH of HEAVENLY-NESS?!? I felt so relaxed last night.

Relaxed! Ha! There is a loaded word. Yesterday was Jon’s first day back at work and today is my first day back at work and well……I was mentioning to Jon yesterday how I was already feeling the pressure of “the Fall” starting to weigh in on me. It’s good…..Sorta! This is going to be a GREAT fall with exciting and amazing things, BUT….it’s going to require a significant amount of work and well………that work will require effort and…..well…..when I think of the sheer volume of work it’s all gonna require……then I just want to run and stick my head in the sand and head back to vacation.

Ahhh! It’ll all be good. I’m just looking at the volume of everything all at once and I know that if I just focus on what is in front of me (today) then it will all work out.

That is a very short snippet of a very big “AH HA” moment that I’ve had very recently and one that I’ll be talking more about as I think it’s HUGELY relevant to me right here and right now.

Well, gotta get started on my day. Click here to see the WHOLE set of pics from last night.

Day 5……looking Up

Alright, so I blaaaaaaahhhed all of yesterday’s blah right outta me, and today has been a better day.

We ARE going away early next week for a 2 nighter in Whistler. It should be a ton of fun. Neither Jon nor I have been to Whistler recently and the kids have never been up there. So, we should have a blast up there with the family. Do you have any suggestions of things that we “should for sure do” while we are there? I’d appreciate hearing about what your favorite summer activities at Whistler are.

Today went a little differently than I planned or rather it went differently than I had thought it would, but it was still good.

My brother came over this morning to work a bit more on the trim . We have those HORRID rounded walls that were SO POPULAR about…..oh…..15 years ago (the age of our home) and so we had to order special rounded trim pieces to finish off the trim after we had the flooring put in. They finally came into the shop and today he brought them over. It’s so nice to spend time with family, even if they are working.

After he left, we popped over to this little coffee and tea shop in the Fort. It is such a cute place AND…..best of all, my cousin works there, and was able to take a quick break so we visited. So much fun.

After that we hit two stores to try and find me a pair of Birkenstocks. I’ve bought them a few times in the past and wear them until they fall apart. I end up feeling so great from wearing them (I’ve had massive issues with my feet) and I’ve really noticed that recently my feet have been hurting and then that means that my knees are hurting and then my hips hurt and my back hurts and then I get a headache……yah! All because of my feet. So, I’m on the search for another pair of Birkenstocks, but I’m looking for something pretty. We’ll see. I’ll show ya what I got, when I actually get a pair.

We didn’t find exactly what I was looking for, but we can still look in a few other places.

We headed home after that and I’m feeling more settled now. We are managing to work though some of the boxes and to get the garage cleared out some and to put more and more things away and I’m feeling like it possible that we might get “sorta” settled before this vacation is over and definitely before school starts.

One HUGE weight off my shoulders are the kids school supplies. I found out that the school orders packages of the school supplies from Smartpacks and I am ordering the kids supplies tonight. We got ahold of the company today and the kids supplies will be delivered directly to the school and it’s for a decent price, but the biggest thing…..I don’t have to go anywhere and search out “the best” deals or fight with all the other crazy parents….I’m just sitting here on my butt clicking away and feeling so happy and smug. Yah me!

Tomorrow we’ll probably attack a few more boxes and maybe try to do something fun with the kids….we’ll see.

But, I’m feeling WAY more relaxed about everything today. And that’s a good thing, right?

ps. for anyone who cares – I’ve exercised 10 outta the last 13 days, and am feeling good about myself. I’ll weigh in tomorrow morning to see how that’s all going.

Day 4

Today is Day 4 of “The 2009 Cruddy Vacation”.

That sounds promising and fabulously positive, doesn’t it?

The kids have been unbelievably pissy the last few ~~days~~….~~weeks~~…..heck since we started talking about moving in the summer.

And I think I’ve caught that whatever they are feeling….

This is kind of a crappy vacation, if I do say so myself. And I just did!

Jon worked (HELLO – VACATION….where we DO NOT work) on Monday and then finished off our taxes (What was that? oh yah, those were supposed to be done a LOOOOOONNNNGGGG time ago – don’t even get me started on that) on Tuesday and then on Wednesday we had some running around to do and then here we are today where Jon paid some bills and is now doing a dump run….doesn’t this sound like a vacation that you’d like to be on? I did manage to wash and edge in a few walls with paint yesterday, but I still have to paint the rest of the wall and well, it all looks ugly…..and unfinished and BLERGH! GAKH! GRUMPH!

We are tired, and trying to do everything with the kids around SUCKS (cause all they’re doing is whining and moaning and making more mess and needing to be fed – seriously – and wanting to go “fun places and spend oodles of money and…..), and then it’s hot and nothing is finished and we’ve not got any solid plans and I do REALLY well with “plans” and (wonder where my kids get that from, eh?)…and ……AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!

I am hoping that we’ll get away for even an overnighter, but I’m not even sure of that at this point.

So, now that I’ve moaned and complained for far too long, how about some sorta, somewhat, kinda positive news.

Okay!

First, some not so positive news. I gained a freak load of weight. Awesome, I know! I made it all the way back up to 200 pounds. Brutal, Brutal, BRUTAL!

I made the decision at the beginning of August that I would try to hold steady. Meaning, I would not gain any more weight, but I wasn’t full on into losing wight yet, either. I figured that come September, I’d really give ‘er. At least, that was my plan….and it was going pretty well. I managed to stop stuffing my face with whatever was in front of me and to have SOME amount of self-control. I didn’t gain any more, but I didn’t lose, but I was okay with that.

2 Sunday’s ago, my sister (Debbie) asked if I wanted to go to a free exercise class – and my head exploded cause I was laughing so hard. No, I didn’t not WANT to exercise, but REALLY, I just should AND IT WAS FREE. SO I DID! and then….. I went back the next day….missed the next one and then went the next 4 days in a row…..YAH ME! I have now gone 8 out of 11 days. I’m sore, but no so much that I can’t function. I’ll be hitting the 8pm class today as well.

I would love to report some major weight loss, seeing as I’ve done more work in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last year put together, but I’ll be content with the 3 pounds that I have lost. Even more exciting is that my pants that have been feeling a little “Sausage-y” (it’s a word, just go with it) now are fitting looser. As in, I can put them on and not “gish” out all over the top with that lovely “muffin top” look that so many are sporting these days. It’s such a HAWT look, no?

So, this is Day 4. And I’m sure that tomorrow will be………… Day 5….ha ha ha I bet you thought I’d say tomorrow would be better….It might. I’m hoping.