Hey! Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. I love the feedback. You all are amazing. I do feel good and have noticed that some of my clothes are fitting different. I’ll just keep at it and see what happens from there.
So, I made this comment yesterday that really hit me hard………
…so that I can plan or organize for it so that it will all run smooth and then everyone will be able to enjoy life.
I’m specifically talking about the last 8 words of that sentence.
I’ve even gone through counseling for this and yet……here it is. Straight outta my mouth. I’m shocked and horrified and well…..completely frustrated with myself.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt responsible to make others feels happy; even at my own expense, a fair amount of the time. It got to the point where it was so overwhelming that I felt completely buried under the mountain of “falsely assumed” responsibility. I felt completely burnt out and even angry at everyone when really, the biggest person that I should have been angry at was myself.
I, somehow, had this idea that it was my “responsibility to make others happy” and it was killing me. I was absolutely being crushed under the weight of that burden.
Recently, I’ve thought I was doing pretty well.
I’ve learned SO much about letting things go and about setting boundaries and about how I’m responsible for myself and yet……here I am staring at myself in the mirror feeling like I’ve come right back around to this…..this……monster.
I KNOW that it’s not my responsibility to make others happy. I know that I’m not actually capable of making others happy. That is something that’s up to them….that is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to figure out if or why they might be unhappy and what they need to do about it.
But, ………there is something in me that wants to make others happy and in some way gets some sense of pride or accomplishment when others mention their happiness (or if life’s easier or smoother for them) as a direct result of something or things that I’ve done or do.
I don’t think it’s wrong to do nice things for others, but if I end up feeling like it’s my responsibility and if it’s weighing heavy on me….then it’s probably something that’s not mine to carry and I probably should have never picked it up in the first place.
I need to go back and look at things that I’m doing and figure out my motivations and maybe I need to put or lay down some of the things that have been weighing so heavily on me.
This is part of me being responsible for myself and my own happiness and well being. I do have ones that count on me and me being able to be happy and healthy emotionally and physically. So I do need to take care of myself and make sure that I’m not so burdened down and emotionally taxed that I can’t enjoy life, be present and be there for them.
hI pATTI i FEEL BAD THAT WE HAVE NOT HAD THE KIDS OR YOURSELVES OUT. i SORT OF KNOW hOW YOU ARE FEELING WITH TRYING TO GET SETTLED AND NOW READY FOR SCHOOL PLUS YOUR WORK >wE FEEL LIKE WE HAVE BEEN RUSHING EVER SINCE WE RETURNED FROM fIJI. i HAD SO WANTED TO BE MORE HELP TO YOU BUT HAVE REALLY BLOWN THAT IDEA HOPEFULLY WHEN WE GET HOME FROM rOMANIA OUR LIVES WILL SLOW DOWN A BIT fEB. OR mARCH BEFORE ANY MORE TRIPS wE DO LOVE YOU ALL,AND PRAY FOR THE LORDS BLESSING AND STRENGTH. yOU ARE A GREAT FAMILY i LOVE THE RECENT PICTURES wILL HAVE TO SEE IF YOUR mOM CAN GET SOME COPIES FOR rOMANIA lOVE gRANDMA