Category: ME

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

No, I’m not actually going to talk about hair or shampoo or anything like that, but really what was running through my mind was the stupid whine that seems to be on a looping track these days.

I’m so tired. We’re running around crazy busy. I never seem to have time or energy to do things that I like to do. We are commuting too many hours in a week. When will we buy a place in the BIG CITY? Will we actually be able to get a place in the BIG CITY? Whine! Whine! Whine! Moan! Moan! Moan! Snivel! Snivel! Snivel! and all that crap….

It seems to be all I’m saying these days, and I’m thinking that you have got to be at the very least as sick of hearing about it, as I am sick of whining about it.

And so….I’m gonna talk about something else.

I wanna talk about LOVE! Yup, Love.

See, I’ve been mulling a whole concept of “Unconditional Love” over and over and over in my brain….about as much as I’ve been whining about it, and so you know it’s quite a bit.

The concept of loving unconditionally in your life takes a RADICAL SHIFT of thinking….at least it does in mine.

Especially in the area of parenting.

You see, Since we became parents……12-13 years ago – we’ve done this sllllliiiiiide from one type of parenting to this whole completely different kind of parenting.

Before we were all about control. Control your children so that you can train them properly and then you’ll have good kids. Yell at them when they get outta line, spank them (it’s how we were raised), if they disobey, make sure that the punishment is so severe that they never want to even contemplate doing that thing again. And make sure that they know who is the boss….if they don’t respect you as being in control, then you’ve lost all hope of ever having a good kid…..

There was a lot of fear that we might “mess up” and somehow our kids would be wrecked or ruined and then it would all be our fault and we’d be these horrible bad parents and “Woe is us! We wrecked our kids! There is no hope for us or them!”

I know that’s a bit of an overkill reaction, but it’s kinda what we felt like.

Slowly……OH. SO. SLOWLY……there were aspects of that type of thinking that just didn’t sit well with us and we started to institute slow, tiny, itty-bitty, baby steps of changes. I think the first change was that we decided to not spank our kids any more. Not that we don’t believe that there shouldn’t be consistent discipline or that there shouldn’t be consequences for choices made, both positive and negative…..but we just didn’t see that “we” could justify “hitting” our children in anger or love or really for any reason. I never wanted to see the kids flinch when we raised our hands to them. We don’t want to see them shrink into a shell of themselves when a voice is raised at them. We don’t want their concept of us to be an angry, yelling, hurtful parent who is disappointed when they mess up and is only happy and approving when they “get it right”. We don’t want their concept to be that if they are “good” then we are happy and accepting; and if they are “bad” then we reject them until they “get it all together”.

We want to love our children and to be a safe place for them to grow and develop and to stretch their “wings”. We want them to RUN TO US not only when things are good, but especially when things are bad. We want for their concept of us to be that we love and accept them for WHO they are and not for what they DO. They can’t win or lose our love. Our love is UNCONDITIONAL…..is it FOREVER. We love them because they are our children. We just love them.

When we love unconditionally, we just accept that there are hard times and better times. There are things that they need to learn, and what better place to learn those things than within the boundaries of our love.

The whole unconditional love concept doesn’t mean that I just let my kids run wild and do whatever they want, and I just say….well, my love will make up for all the rude destructive behaviour and one day they’ll grow up to be productive successful contributing members of society. Nope! I’m still responsible to train these little ones. I’m more responsible the younger they area and as they grow older, my responsibilty for them lessens until they are confidently standing on their own and then I’m just their if they need me and ask for my help or advice.

But for now….they can learn through choices and consequences. Life is made up of choices and consequences and just about everything that we do in life is either a choice or a consequence. I can choose to speed, but I have to accept that if I speed, the consequence could be a $150 ticket at the least OR I could kill someone at the worst. Learning to make positive choices, means that I don’t want to kil anyone and so I choose to NOT speed because I don’t even want to deal with that consequence…..

But the whole idea of choices and consequences means that I don’t have to yell anymore….not that i’m not human and sometimes I go further than I can handle and then I get to apologize to my kids for yelling. I mean, if I want them to be respectful to me and to each other, do I not offer them respect as well. Lead by example, right? But take tonight for example…..we’ve talked about not yelling at each other. Talk respectfully. Treat each other the way that you’d want to be treated. But, tonight….that one didn’t go over so well.

The kids were helping to tidy the house and Xandra and Jeremy started to get a little frustrated at each other and instead of asking us for help with their dilemma or figuring out a way to communicate their needs and wants…it dissolved fairly quickly into Xandra screaming in a fit of rage that she “WASN’T SCREAMING AT YOU?” And so calmly I told them both to go to their rooms and get their jammies on as it was time for them to go to bed.

They dissolved into a sobbing mess, neither wanting to go to their rooms, but both heading their all the while crying about how sorry they were that they were yelling and that they wanted to stay up and help.

I calmly explained that I wasn’t angry, but that the consequence for screaming at each other disrespectfully was that their time helping in the family was over and they could just go to sleep. Xandra handled it a bit better than Jeremy and got her jammies on and piled into bed. Jeremy was a bit more upset and that’s normal as his brain doesn’t always grasp the situation quite the same way as the girls due to his own personal sturggles.

Just because he struggles doesn’t mean that he gets away with it. He still has to deal with the consequences that his choices bring to him. That’s life…that’s what life brings…that’s what he will have to deal with for the rest of his life. It’s better that the learn that now, where it’s safe within our love as opposed to learning it when he steps out on his own…..that would not be loving of us to just “set him loose to figure it out on his own”, would it?

And so, I went back to their rooms, and hugged them and explained how the situation could have gone differently. There are several different scenarios that they could have chosen, but their choice was to try and control the situation by force. In effect, they were beating each other with their words and their volume….not cool! They did “get it” and they went to bed. In case you were wondering, it was 7:30pm and by the time all was said and done and their lights were turned out it was 8pm, so it’s not like I sent them to bed at 5pm…

But the big thing….once upon a time….I would have yelled….and possibly screamed at them to exert my control and force over the situation. I would have used my words and volume to try and force them to do what I wanted. They have learned from me, and it’s going to take time to help them “un-learn” that way of dealing with situations. Fortunately, I have that time and I’m willing to take the time to help them learn new ways of dealing with different situations that come up.

My kids are still expected to be respectful of people and things. They are not allowed to just run wild. BUT…….I want them to know that above all else, they are loved and that they are loved because they are my children, and not because they are “doing” it right. I believe in them. I want the best for them. I will be cheering them on ans they make great decisions, and I will be here with open arms when they make choices that negatively affect them or those around them. I WILL LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY!

Shine Down on Me

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Today was a glorious, GLORIOUS day!

Can you tell that I’m running on a sunshine high?

It’s been SOOOOO LONG since I’ve felt as good as I did today. Which is funny because I actually felt pretty cruddy today. I woke up…well, lets back up a few hours. Jeremy woke up at 4isham and then Siah woke up at 4:30am and Jon took Jer back to his bed while I nursed Siah and then he rocked Siah for a minute and put him in his bed…..not sure what the problem was, but Siah PUKED! Nothing wrong at all….maybe just a burp or he coughed or something. I dunno!

I figured we were up for the day, but again…I was wrong. We all went back to sleep and slept until after 7am.

I woke up with a wicked headache and after chasing it with 600mg of Ibuprophen and then some Robaxacet…..coupled with coffee and water and finally some pressure point thing……I finally had a few hours of relief. I think it’s “monthly” and we’ll just leave it at that.

Siah went to sleep at 11:30am and ended up sleeping for 2 hours. It was amazing. I’m not sure what’s going in with him. It’s absolutely AMAZING. He’s just potty trained and then just this last week he started staying dry ALL NIGHT and sleeping through the night. (Sleeping through -in my mind – is going down at 8pm and waking up after 5am only to nurse and then sleep again until after 7am) Only as recently as a few weeks ago, he was up several times a night….and so this is heavenly. He’s also just started having a BIG afternoon nap instead of a piddly little nap. I’m just loving it.

So, after Siah woke up, it started to get a bit warm in the house and we opened up ALL the windows and let some fresh air in and I honestly felt like a part of me was waking up from the dead. I know that I struggle over the winter and I fight and fight and fight to stay on top of it all, but I’m always so amazed at how FABULOUS I feel when I get even just a bit of sunshine in my life.

I got a bunch of stuff accomplished, today and I, well…..I just feel happy. And this is a good thing……..a very VERY good thing.

The sun was shining in through the window today and this corner of my front room just look so cheerful and happy and so I had to take a picture of it as it did a pretty good job of reflecting how I felt about today.

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Looking on the Positive Side of Things

So, I am at home today.

I was supposed to be going into the office today, but with Siah feeling so poorly yesterday, we decided to give him an extra day to rest before throwing him back out into the world of viruses, germs and sick people who like to share.

I LOVE what we are doing and woul love to be going in to work today, BUT Jon had an appointment that was important and so he is going in todayand I am staying home with the boy.

I could be all sorts of bummed because I don’t get to “go and have fun”, but…..I’m spinning this whole situation for my benefit!

I “get” to stay home today. I “get” to have a quiet day without 2 hours in the car or without trying to rush around. I “get” to cuddle with Siah in his special “rocky chair” and to put him down in his own crib. I ” get” to have a great day. i can pick up around the house and take it easy and get a few work things done….great thing about being able to do admin stuff remotely.

This is going to be a great day.

I’m choosing to focus on the positive which can only help me. If I choose to focus on all I’m missing out on…..I will be a miserable person at the end of the day. That doen’st just suck for those who have to be around me….that’s hard for me too.

So, I make a CHOICE….I choose to have a good day and be happy about it.

What have you had to make positive choices about recently? How has it worked out for you?

Want vs. Need – the hunger edition

Well, after being so upset with mysef about my weight – I decided to step back up to the plate…..hahaha….I just realized that phrase is exactly what I don’t want to be doing.

Anyhooooo………

Jon and I have a weekly date and we are going for Sushi tomorrow.

I had a little chat with myself on Sunday and very sternly told myself that if I didn’t behave and eat well all week, then I’d not be able to go for Sushi on Thursday. I really wanted to go for sushi and so…..I’ve been really good the last 3 days.

I’ve eaten veggies, veggies, and more veggies; fruit, some meat, some nuts, some grains and then calling it a day. Not necessarily in that order, but in that volume. Do ya know what I mean…lots of veggies, less fruit, less meat, less nuts and even less grains?

I still don’t know if that really makes sesne, but I don’t care – I’m moving on.

I’ve done fine until this afternoon…well, I had a moment last night where I wanted “something” and settled for nothing. It’ was really quite delicious! Ha Ha Ha! Okay, not funny at all.

This afternoon was hard. I hit that 2:30 – 3:00pm wall and just wanted chocolate or a donut or cake or something with sugar and carbs in it.

I resisted and now, here I am. It’s 10 minutes to 10 o’clock and I’m hungry. Not gonna eat, but seriously thinkin’ about it and that’s why I’m here.

So you can all keep me accountable.

So, I’m gonna go and chug some water and then go to bed…..can’t eat while I’m sleeping can I?

What do you all do to combat the cravings? What’s worse for you – the afternoon’s or the evenings?

I Felt Like My Head Was Going To Explode.

I almost asked Jon to pull over onto the side of the road so that I could get out of the car and lie down on the pavement.

I hurt so bad, and all I could think was, “If I could just not move then the pain might go away.” All the while, the van was jerking violently over every crack and bump in the road and swerving wildly around every hairpin corner. The continual lurching to a stop, combined with the lights pulsing from shadow to glare 10 times per second just about sent me over the edge. I wanted to throw up and was desperatly trying to keep myself from throwing up and the tension of those two acts countering each other was about more than I could take.

I finally did make Jon pull over at a gas station to pick me up some Tylenol and Advil and I pounded the combination down faster than a drowning man gasps for air. I wished I could just cut my head off – not to die, but just to be rid of the pain…..it was absolutely overwhelming and we still had 15-20 minutes left until we made it home, but it felt like it was a billion days. I couldn’t even fathom continuing on like I was. (In reality he was driving normally – this is what it felt like to me)

About 2 minutes after we pulled back onto the road, I made Jon pull over and I unloaded onto the side of the road…..which totally sucked because I watched some of the medication that I was so desperately craving now sitting on the side of the highway…….and then I don’t remember anything more until we pulled into our driveway and I somehow made it out of the car, up the stairs and face first onto my bed in the darkness.

My mom asked how what wrong and I’m not even sure what I said to her. I layed on the bed and hurt so bad that I started crying, but that made it all hurt even worse and so as bad as I was feeling, I forced myself to stop. I must have fallen asleep then.

Jon said that I slept for about 45 minutes and in that time, the combination of the Tylenol and Advil kicked in and when I woke up, I was still in pain, but it had eased up so that the pain wasn’t the ONLY thing that I could focus on.

I can’t believe how horrid it felt or how quickly it seemed to come on. I had a bit of a headache when we left work, and by the time we made it to Surrey, it was bad enough that I probably would have taken a few Tylenol when I got home. Somewhere between Surrey and Langley, it had morphed into the kind of monster that took over my life.

I took something stronger last night and slept peacefully – albiet drugged – from 11:30pm until 4am. Then I had a hard time sleeping until about 6am, but slept from 6am-8am. I still hurt today, but no where near like what I felt yesterday.

I’m not loving this.

It hurts. I hope that it doesn’t happen again sanytime soon. This was seriously the Mother of All Headaches. I used to get headaches ALL THE TIME, and then I didn’t have any for FOREVER. This one kicked any ol’ migraine that I’ve ever had. I’ve felt like throwing up before, but never actually threw up. Now I can check that one off my list of things to do. I’ve seen the spots and done the whole fuzzy thing, but to feel like I just blanked out because of the pain……WOW! I’m hoping that this was a fluke one off thing.

Do any of you suffer from migraines on a regular basis? Do they wreck you for a day or so? What do you do?

I’m Still Here

I can’t even fathom the fact that it’s been almost 2 weeks since I last posted.

The thing is…..I want to be on here recording more of what’s going on in our lives and yet…..i just haven’t.

Our lives are busy. Good busy! But busy, nonetheless, and I’m typically exhausted and I like to bring funny stuff here. As I type this, it makes no sense to me because who cares if it’s funny. I just love to go and read about other people’s lives. And even the boring stuff is interesting to me because it’s more insight into who they are and what they are doing and why they do things the way they do.

I know that it’s only a “part” of their lives, but I still find it fun and interesting.

So, here I am.

I think the biggest thing that I’m frustrated is the fact that I am currently spending 8 hours a week in the car travelling and that SUCKS! That’s an entire day of my week gone. I’m trying to figure out how to use that time….on the phone or when Jon’s with me we can be planning and discussing things, but more often than not it’s just wasted time. DOUBLE SUCKS!!

AND….on top of that, I’ve started to exercise and I’m up to 40 minutes on my eliptical machine which if you throw in a shower at the end – which is totally necessary – that’s an hour each time, and I’ve scheduled in 3 times for sure and if I can, I try to do more. This whole exercise thing is funny. I hate it. Even after almost a month, I still hate it, and yet I think about getting on that machine way more than I ought to – so there is something that is happening that my body is craving…..and I seem to hit my stride at about 12 minutes in and then I LOVE IT for the next 20 minutes and then I HATE IT for the next 8 minutes. They usually go something like this…..imagine me trucking along on the machine and as the cycle of information (minutes done, speed, distance, calories and heart rate) pases by I count down in 30 second intervals (that’s how long it takes to cycle through) 8 minutes…….7 and a half minutes……..7 minutes…..6 and a half minutes……Jon, come and distract me……Siah, come and dance for mommy…….I wonder how long I’ve got left to go now…..AAAAAAAAAK! Are you kidding me still 5 and a half minutes…..okay, 5 minutes, now….

And it goes like that all the way until the 40 minutes is up….LOVELY, eh?

I know that I’m feeling better and that I have more energy, and there are times that I “WANT” to get moving, but somehow it’s not my most favorite thing to do. Any of you, out there, exercise freaks? Will I start LOVIN’ this at some point? Or is it always just going to be a decision to make it happen?

Another thing that’s frustrating me about this is that instead of losing weight……I actually put on weight? I’m watching what I’m eating and I gained about 4 pounds. When you are trying to “LOSE” weight – well, the gain just really threw me. I’m sticking with it, and I’m now at 183, but still…..what’s up with that?

I wish I had taken my measurements at the beginning to see if I’m losing inches. I think I am because the “muffin top” that hung ever so elegantly over the waistband of my jeans is almost non-existant and I have room in my belt when I put it at my normal “comfy” belt hole. So, both of those things would lead me think that I’m changing shape, even if the number hasn’t done what I’d like it to. Oh, and there’s the loving way that Jon mentioned that where my butt had pretty much slid down into my thighs, now it’s retaining a more shelf like appearance. Thanks for putting that so eloquently, honey! You’re have such a way with words – eloquence like a poet…..seriously.

Well, I’m sure that I could ramble some more, but i got a baby to feed and myself to get ready for the day and then I gotta kick it into high gear as today is an “at home” day and I gotta lot to do in a short amount of time.

It’s About that Time of Year, is it?

Well, Jeremy came home with a bit of a cough about a week ago, and then it seemed to spread to Siah and then the girls started coughing…

I figured that it would pass in a few days and all would be fine.

Well, either it was a wicked little bug with some severe staying power or it just weakened our immune systems just enough for it’s friend “THE ALMIGHTY NASTY POWERFUL COLD” to move on in.

My mother-in-law was down for the count yesterday, but whatever she’s got is different from what I’ve got.  And I don’t think that I could have picked it up that fast from her anyway….you know with incubating periods and all….the little buggers have got to have some time to spawn….or something like that.

Anyway, so I’m full of snot and I have a bit of a cough but it’s mostly just in my throat…..there is no real chest involvement going on over here…..just lots and lots and lots of snot.

YUCK!

So, I’m pounding back the Vitamin C and drinking an entire ocean load of hot lemon water and if I feel like partying it up real hard, we might throw a little homeopathic remedy or two around – you know, just to keep it interesting.

The problem is…..I really am supposed to be working today.  I got stuff to do and books to cook and well, I’m just trying to figure out what is really important and what I can just put off for another day.  Oh so much fun!

What I want from you – my dear sweet Internet friends – is your best cough/cold remedy.

You know, the one that you use when you feel like crap?  Or maybe it’s the one that crazy Aunt Maude started pushing on your family 60 years ago and no one can explain why or how, but it really does work?  Or the one that Uncle Harry brought home from the war and claims that it saved him and an entire Amy Hospital from dying?  Or the one that your best friends mother uses and you have to avoid the house for 3 days because it smells so bad – but she claims it really works?

Ya know…..just help a girl out over here and in return…..

Here’s a cruddy first morning picture of me just crawled outta bed, no make up, one snot drip away from needing a fresh tissue…..I’m feeling really yummy here.

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In Keeping With the Theme…..

So, last week was a bit of a rough week for us over here, BUT……..we’ve survived and are back to being our cheerful happy selves.

Thanks for sharing with me. I love it when your girlfriends will sit down and cry with you and then out of left field, you get a dear friend who gives you a bit of a kick in the pants, and it’s all good. Thank you…….seriously THANK YOU!

But, in the middle of all of this, I’ve been noticing that my house has kind of thrown up on itself.

I was NEVER a packrat – EVER! in fact, I would regularly go through my “memory chest” and re-sort and file (under G for Garbabge) things so that I only ever had a certain amount of “the most important things“.

A few years into marriage, someone who lived next door to us, had peeked in through our window (can we say creepy, sleezy, stalker?) and wanted to know if we were moving. It was far enough into our marriage that we weren’t sporting that “just got married/don’t have enough stuff/trying to fake that we really are grown ups now” look. I just really REALLY liked a clean, no extra crap look.

Only the bare essentials for me thank you….

This continued on in our married lives for years. In fact, we moved houses 9 times in 7 years, and instead of it being a problem (I mean, obviously we had problems as you can tell because what “normal” person moves 9 times in 7 years…..at least 4 of those with kids) I actually looked forward to it because it was just another opportunity to “throw more crap away“.

And then……..THEN…..then we moved to our current home. Where we apparently set down roots….or had a pile driver come out and drive some piles into our current home. We’ve been here for the past 7.5 years. Even for the first couple of years, I just threw things out. It was kind of like a revolving door policy. If something was going to come in, then something else needed to go out. I only had “so much” room and was not going to let things get cluttered.

And now here I am and my house feels CHAOTIC, and I don’t understand how we got here, where all this stuff came from and when did I change and WHY?

I’ve been getting rid of crap lately (see, my theme that I mentioned – ha ha ha ha) No, I’m serious. I’ve been throwing stuff out. If it’s not super important to me or the kids – then OUT it goes.

And, over the weekend, we got rid of a van load of junk, and I have another van load of junk to go tonight. I’m totally embarrased typing that out, because I must admit that I’m barely even started yet. Now, before you go all “crazy” and think that I’m living in the dump….remember that my normal sense of “clutter free” is probably a bit harsher than yours….remember the previous comments of my house looking like we were moving…yah – I like the minimalist look.

But, I did have WAY TOO MUCH CRAP and I’ll be throwing it out, giving it away, or selling it so that I can finally feel like I can breathe again.

I think I figured out when and why it happened.

Almost 4 years ago, we sweet little boy died before we even got a chance to hold him, and it ROCKED MY WORLD.

I’ve not been the same since.

It was hard to breathe let alone worry about my house. It was an effort to just survive and only the very most important things got any energy focused toward them…..like caring for the kids, but honestly, I don’t think I did a very good job of even that. It’s amazing to me when I see how far from “that place” that I am, but it’s sad to see how the “effect” of losing Nathaniel is still with me.

I’m stronger than I knew I was, and yet I’m also aware of a sense of frailty. I can’t “do it all“. I recognize that I tire easier. I can’t plan too many events in a row or I feel overwhelmed. I like my alone and quiet time. I’m just so different. It’s the same me but different. I sit here trying to explain in words, and I fell like I’m not doing a very good job, and really to say “it feels like a part of me died with Nathaniel” is probably the best way of explaining it. Not in a sad, depressed way, but just that a small part of me changed and will never be the same, and that happened when Nathaniel died. I still don’t think I’m explaining it well, but that’s okay.

Back to my house….I just didn’t care as much about……well….I just didn’t care about much. But the further I get away from that point in time, the more I’m aware of the healing that takes place over time. I don’t think there is anything else that can make the process go faster – just TIME!

And no – having Siah didn’t make things better. I love Josiah. I’m so thrilled that he’s a part of my life. He has his own spot in my heart and in my life. He didn’t fill the spot that was Nathaniel’s; he never could, and he was or never is supposed to.

I love the fact that Nathaniel is still having an impact on my life today. I never got to hug, and raise him, but his legacy lives on. It lives on with every “thing” that I process and learn about “living, dying, grieving and healing”

In thinking about my house and processing why I am at where I am today, and how I got here….I realize that it’s all a part of the process. I can choose to see it as such or I can be frustrated.

I choose to just walk it out. And so today, walking it out means that I am seriously decluttering.

And I’m loving it.

How about you? Are you a pack rat or do you like the minimalist look or do you have a healthy balance?

Did Ya Miss Me?

I’M BACK!

I don’t know that I post frequently enough for anyone to “miss” me, but regardless…..I’m back, and I’m hoping that things will be a bit more “normal” aorund here.

I had a GREAT weekend away. I was at a women’s retreat. It was amazing. 30 women gathered together to love on each other, to share with each other, to bond, to get refreshed, to get in touch with some of the dreams that we’ve had, and to re-ignight the passion to see those dreams fulfilled, to laugh, to feel restored, to remember how important that “we” are and that we need to take care of ourselves, to eat AMAZING food – that we didn’t have to prepare or clean up from…..the list just keeps on going and going and going.

It was an awesome time away.

I was even privileged to be one of the 3 FABULOUS speakers…the other two women who shared are some SERIOUSLY AMAZING women….with so much insight, and I was completely honored to be asked to share on BOUNDARIES.

It’s something that I am passionate about and to be able to share some of what I know in the hopes of it empowering others….it was AWESOME!

I actually walked away from this weekend feeling better than I have leaving any other ladies retreat that I’ve been involved in. It was a weird feeling. I was tired, but not overwhelmingly so.

I did come home exhausted, and I went to bed fairly early last night after sitting around the house and not doing too much, and then Jon – the wonderful, WONDERFUL man that he is let me sleep in this morning, and I actually feel ready to hit this week.

Usually it takes me a couple of days to feel ready to hit the ground running, but not this time…YAH!

I feel like I’m in a transitional time. It’s like I’m changing from a caterpiller to a butterfly and I’m right in the middle of the change.

Insecurities and worries that would have plauged me and tormented me until I felt crushed by them are not weighing that heavy on me, and I feel like I have to confidence to take the next steps in my life that I’m supposed to.

I did really good ALL weekend. Just a few little teeny, tiny, insecure thoughts that were “Oh so easy to banish”, but mostly it all felt “right”…..it’s not been until I got home and my mind started wondering and replaying the weekend that I started to feel a little “off”. I am okay. It’s just like I’m in that change state…..recognizing that the “old, insecure” me is slowing giving way to the “new, strong” me and like any negative behaviour…..it’s not going to give up it’s control easily.

I’m excited to see what the future holds for me.

I love to see women empowered and loved on and to see them feel “safe” especially with other women…..I LOVE IT.

I think I might post a little about what I talked about. Would you be interested in reading a bit about what I was able to share this past weekend?

How are you with personal boundaries?

Too Busy – Looking Forward to Next Week

This week is insane for me.

My house is a disaster. I have a butt load of music to plan. I have to practise my mad guitar skillz. I gotta make some more necklaces to sell. I still have to fold the Mt. Everest of laundery sitting in my front room….plan and make dinners…pay bills…buy groceries….and all I want to do is to go to sleep.

As mentioned in my previous post I’ve been experiencing a bit of a Niagra Falls experience over here, and I think that as a result I think I might have a bit of low iron situation going on. I’m currently taking Floradix and am hoping that will help things out, but right now – I’m a cold, tired, whiney baby!

I have also been a bit distracted by the whole US Election, and am waiting to see the results of that.

In other fun and exciting news, Jeremy blew our microwave up on the weekend. Well, it didn’t technically blow up and it even still works, but he put a “warm bag” in to heat it up so that he could snuggle wth it and instead of putting it in for 2 minutes…..he went with the whole “If 2 minutes is good, then 10 minutes would be better” thought process, and seeing as we are such attentive parents, we didn’t notice until we started asking ourselves what the idiots downstars were burning this time, and ONLY AFTER multiple sniff checks through the floor heating grates did we come to the conclusion that THAT HORRID SMELL was actually coming from somewhere in our house….and OH MY GOODNESS CRAP! What the heck is in the microwave, and why is the microwave covered in orange yuck and man….put that thing out on the back deck…..

So, we are currently microwave-less. Which is not the end of the world because we were planning on doing it anyway – you know……bad radiation waves, and reverse polarisation and all that crap….and seriously…the stupid microwave was given to us as a gift by my grandparents before we got married as an engagement gift……oh…..400 years ago….or maybe just 13+ years ago and it’s had a good long life.

This just means that we have to think ahead in reagards to defrosting meat and reheating cups of cold tea or coffee. It’ll all be good – Right?

Well, the baby is still sleeping – it’s been two hours and so I’m going to go and work on some necklaces which means that as soon as I open everything up and just get started he’ll wake up….that way I’ll be sure to be completely frustrated and not just a little.

How’s your week been so far? Could you go micro-wave-less in your house?