ME – Page 24 – xangelle.com

Yup – And here it is…..

Alrighty so guess what? I gained weight this week.

How’s that for a bummer?

Here it is Monday morning and I’m supposed to weigh in and so i stepped on the scale this morning and…..

198.2lbs

HOW THE CRAP DOES THAT HAPPEN?

Yah…well…it’s that oh so special week of the month.

And for whatever reason I gain….as in… I stepped on the scale one day and was down at 194……and then the next morning I was right back up to 200.

I didn’t eat anything weird or different….this is just my fun yo-yo monthly weight fluxuations.

It is VERY discouraging, but because I know to expect it….well, no, it’s still discouraging even though I know to expect it.

I do feel puffy and my fingers feel squishy…that’s where I can really feel the “bloat”. So, I’m just gonna keep on exercising (I made it to class 5 days this week – YAH) and watching what I’m eating and I’m hoping that my next weigh in, things’ll be back to normal.

I might even have a picture for next week’s….if I can remember to get Jon to take one.

Well, I’ve gotta go and plan my weeks meals and tidy the house and fold 80 bazillion loads on laundry that are currently in a mountain on my bedroom floor. But, HEY! They’re clean, at least…..and COFFEE….that’s the very next thing on the to-do list.

I’m gonna leave you with a little song that I’m currently grooving on right now….I LOVE this version.

Eating Right…….for ME!!!!

I’ve been really trying to watch what I’m eating recently. Not only because I want to loose weight, but because I really want to be HEALTHY!

I’m trying very hard to switch my focus from being “THIN” or “SKINNY” to being “HEALTHY”.

This is a very hard switch for me as I’ve wasted YEARS attempting to attain this image that I see in ~~my head~~ the media. I’ve been all over the “weight map” from seriously overweight to thin (although I would say that I’ve spent way more time in the overweight camp than I ever did in the “normal” weight camp, but still, I was there from time to time and that counts for something, eh?)

I am a big person. I’m not talking about weight – with that comment – I’m talking size. I’m 5 foot 10 inches. I have a HUGE bone structure. I will never be a “petite” person, but I can be healthy….and where I am at right now….is not where I’d like to be.

I’m not looking to be super-model skinny, but I’d like to lose a few more pounds. I don’t want the extra weight around the middle and the extra jiggle that I’ve been carrying around for the past few years.

And so I’ve made some changes…the first was to start regularly exercising and NOW…….I’m finding that I’m really enjoying it. That’s not to say that I always enjoy it, but I do find that I crave it during the day and then usually dread it in the hour or so before I actually go and then am exhilarated after it’s finished and then I am brutally tired a few hours after that….wake up the next morning and rinse, lather, and repeat….

We have a pretty good diet. We made some rather HUGE changes a few years ago when we cut out dairy, most wheat and processed food, and sugar. Normally, we eat HUGE amounts of fruit and veggies, a small amount of meat, a variety of whole grains and we typically have a meatless meal or two a week.

I know that I do better when I have “less to no” meat and about 2 weeks ago I re-read the Eat Right for Your Blood Type Book. There are so many things in there that make sense to me and “feel” right to me and I’ve been implementing more and more of his suggestions into my daily eating and it’s making a HUGE difference.

The biggest, most radical difference that I notice is when I cut out meat, specifically red meat. When I eat any red meat, I feel so bloated and sluggish and BLURGH! But when I don’t eat meat – I feel amazing. I have SO. MUCH. ENERGY.

I am eating way more fruit, veggies and eating beans, eggs, nuts and goat cheese for my protein. The biggest area that I’m noticing that I’m lacking is in the whole grains. I need to add some more grains to my meals, but other than that – I’m doing pretty well and I’m feeling so much better than I was, even two weeks ago.

I’m finding that I’m more aware and in tune with myself and my body and am recognizing that when I eat crap food….typically, I end up feeling very crappy. Who wouldda though it, eh?

I recently bought a mandoline and it is all that I thought it would be and more. It has seriously cut down time spent slicing and has totally helped me to up my veggie intake.

I’ve been implementing more RAW foods into our diets and I have to say that there are some seriously tasty recipes out there in the RAW food world. I’ll try to throw up some of the recipes that I’ve tried recently and LOVED! One thing that I’m really loving about this kind of food is just how quick it is to throw some of these recipes together. No waiting for cooking or baking – just quick, throw together recipes and then YUM!

Here is a dip that is SO YUMMY and quick to make found via here and then originally here(it’s the second video down).

Non-Dairy Ranch Dip

1 cup of soaked sunflower seeds (soak for 2 hours and drain)
juice from one lemon
1/2 cup chilled water
1.5 tsp of sea salt
1 tsp of onion powder/granules
1/8 tsp of black pepper
1/5 Tblsp dried Dill

Blend everything together and serve with veggies or chips or over a salad….YUM!

You can thin it out with a bit more water to make it creamier if you like a thinner dressing for your salads.

This dressing is so delicious and everyone in our family likes it but Jeremy….and well, he doesn’t like food in general so his opinion doesn’t count.

I recently made these…..well, I’m not even sure what to call them. I sliced yellow zucchini thinly and length wise on the mandoline. On each strip of zucchini, I placed small pinch of sprouts and a small spoonful of the sunflower dip and then wrapped them up like a sushi roll. I served them with a small dish of the dressing, in case a little extra dipping was required and well…..they didn’t last even a few minutes. I’m lucky I snagged these few to take a picture of.

Let me know if you give the dressing a try and what you think? Or if you have any great, healthy recipes…I’d love to hear about ’em?

Where I’m at….

I ~~was sitting on my couch, this morning, in my living room…..~~

~~I was sitting on my couch in my living room, this morning….~~.

~~In my living room there is this couch that I sit on, in the mornings…~~

This morning as I was sitting on my couch in my living room…..

……..the soft gentle chirping of the birds in my backyard floated in on a gentle cool breeze that smelled crisp and clean and just like fall. I could smell my coffee as it rested beside me and the hear the familiar clicking of the keys on my keyboard as I checked on my e-mail and while uploading a few photos.

Sounds amazing, doesn’t it?

Now the reality is that I attempted to check my email while fending of a 2 year old who was climbing all over the top of me…..while he attempted to wedge himself in between me and the laptop so, “Siah see pictures! Siah see pictures! Siah see pictures!“. I did have a coffee that was getting cold in the kitchen because we have no coffee table and that previous reference to the wriggling 2 year old would mean that the couch and I would be wearing more coffee than I’d manage to get inside me. There is a cold breeze hurling through the window (that faces the dark, shaded backyard) that Jon opened behind me which is competing and winning over the gorgeous sunshine that is flooding through my front windows. I am currently listening to the majestic sounds of the roofers yelling crude comments and laughing while hammering and working on the other houses in our complex. Fortunately, our house is finished so they are not banging on my roof. WOOT!

Jon has taken Siah to the bank to drop off a deposit. Thank God! and I am taking a few moments to breathe.

There are certain aspects of the kids going back to school that have been a little difficult. Siah is COMPLETELY LOST! He loves his siblings and is having to learn how to play without someone entertaining him 24/7. It’s a rough life….I know.

The house is SOOOOO quiet with the older three back at school and I’m finding it easier to keep on top of everything. YAH!

Now, this could be a post all about where I’m finding myself emotionally and mentally as we step back into the fall routine, but really……it’s all about location! (And apparently overused punctuation – excuse that!)

Anyway, I love to imagine where people are when they are sitting relaxing or attempting to work with a scrambling 2 year old on top of them…..whichever more describes your life….

Do you ever do this?

Well, You don’t have to wonder anymore……

When I’m at home and actually able to sit down for a moment…..This is where you’d find me.

We are not finished decorating and we still need to get some furniture pieces and other finishing touches, but we’re getting there and I LOVE it. I love the open feeling of it and the clean, uncluttered look and well….it’s exactly what I was hoping for when I first started imagining what we could/should do with this place (Our HOME!)

We’ll be having an open house fairly soon and if you’re around, we’d love to have you drop by! I’ll keep ya posted as we plan and actually managed to come up with a few concrete details….

And, Jon and Siah are back…..which means, I get to be done, for now!

But, do you have a “Place” that you relax or that you feel is “yours”? What’s it like? Or what would you like it to be?

Little Bits of Happiness

I have just ordered 99 prints of pictures that I’ve taken recently…..well, within the last year.

I heard about Walmart’s Photo Offer of 99 prints for $9.99 on 09/09/09 and well, seeing as I never print out my pics….I figured this was a great opportunity to do so.

I had the best time looking through my pictures and grabbing the ones that I really love…..the ones that make me smile and feel happy when I look at them and remember.

I wanted to share these pictures with you. If you’re interested, you can see a little bit of what makes me happy.

Maybe it will offer some tiny sliver of insight into me – maybe not……or maybe you don’t even care……that’s okay too.

But, I LOVE these pictures and I can’t wait to get them and actually HOLD ONTO the pictures.

There is just something special about actually holding the photos in your hands.

I’m trying to figure out a way to display them. I’d love to have a wall that was covered with these pics….with my pics…..I think that’s part of the happiness. I love that I was able to capture each of these little moments and now I can treasure them forever.

If you’re interested in seeing a slide show of the pics you can click here or just enjoy the few that I littered this post with…..whichever.

So, what makes you happy?

Layin’ it down……AGAIN!

Hey! Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. I love the feedback. You all are amazing. I do feel good and have noticed that some of my clothes are fitting different. I’ll just keep at it and see what happens from there.

So, I made this comment yesterday that really hit me hard………

…so that I can plan or organize for it so that it will all run smooth and then everyone will be able to enjoy life.

I’m specifically talking about the last 8 words of that sentence.

I’ve even gone through counseling for this and yet……here it is. Straight outta my mouth. I’m shocked and horrified and well…..completely frustrated with myself.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt responsible to make others feels happy; even at my own expense, a fair amount of the time. It got to the point where it was so overwhelming that I felt completely buried under the mountain of “falsely assumed” responsibility. I felt completely burnt out and even angry at everyone when really, the biggest person that I should have been angry at was myself.

I, somehow, had this idea that it was my “responsibility to make others happy” and it was killing me. I was absolutely being crushed under the weight of that burden.

Recently, I’ve thought I was doing pretty well.

I’ve learned SO much about letting things go and about setting boundaries and about how I’m responsible for myself and yet……here I am staring at myself in the mirror feeling like I’ve come right back around to this…..this……monster.

I KNOW that it’s not my responsibility to make others happy. I know that I’m not actually capable of making others happy. That is something that’s up to them….that is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to figure out if or why they might be unhappy and what they need to do about it.

But, ………there is something in me that wants to make others happy and in some way gets some sense of pride or accomplishment when others mention their happiness (or if life’s easier or smoother for them) as a direct result of something or things that I’ve done or do.

I don’t think it’s wrong to do nice things for others, but if I end up feeling like it’s my responsibility and if it’s weighing heavy on me….then it’s probably something that’s not mine to carry and I probably should have never picked it up in the first place.

I need to go back and look at things that I’m doing and figure out my motivations and maybe I need to put or lay down some of the things that have been weighing so heavily on me.

This is part of me being responsible for myself and my own happiness and well being. I do have ones that count on me and me being able to be happy and healthy emotionally and physically. So I do need to take care of myself and make sure that I’m not so burdened down and emotionally taxed that I can’t enjoy life, be present and be there for them.

Holding myself back!

Yup, I’ve been holding myself back.

You might be wondering if this is a good thing or not and…well, it is!

I’ve had these amazing lightbulb moments recently and you know how when something hits you as HUGE, or LIFE CHANGING or ALTERING that you want to share…..well, this is one of my moments and I’m gonna share….m’kay?

I’ve been exercising for over 3, almost 4 weeks now and while I’m not thrilled with the weight loss (haven’t really lost anything. I’m hovering between 196 and 202 and that sucks). There are other things that I’ve definitely noticed as positive effects from the exercise.

I’m needing less sleep. I feel stronger. I can do more and more of the class each time with better technique and skill. These are all positives. I can see and feel muscles developing (under the nice layer of fat that I’m hoping will start to melt soon). I’m excited to go to the class and feel AMAZING when the class is done. These are all good things, eh?

I’m working on my diet to find the right balance of food and calories that will fuel my body and help me to start loosing.

I will admit that I’ve felt very discouraged by how hard I feel like I’m working and the fact that I don’t see the weight coming off, BUT…..I am trying to focus on me getting healthy and strong FOR LIFE and not just for weight loss. I believe the weight loss will come…..or so I keep telling myself.

I’m also learning more about myself and having these little “lightbulb moments” during the class which then translate into more thought provoking times outside of class.

I am a highly organized (heck you could call it anal) type of person. My mind moves so fast……ALL THE TIME. Trying to shut it off or at the very least slow it down is a major undertaking. I find that I’m constantly thinking of what comes next. I’m constantly trying to figure out what happens in the future so that I can plan or organize for it so that it will all run smooth and then everyone will be able to enjoy life. (another realization just hit me – BLAM!!!! – man….I’ll be processing this one today some…..hmmmmmm)

I realized one class that I was so tired and overwhelmed because in my head I was running through how long there was still in the class and how much we still had left to do and which exercises that were hard I still had to do and how long until the easy ones started…………

My thoughts were focused so far ahead of myself and I realized that I was exhausted just thinking about what I still needed to accomplish. I was totally psyching myself out and was completely sapping any energy that I might have had to do the exercise that I needed to be doing right at that moment.

I tried very hard to bring myself back to the present, and to focus on what was in front of me and to just take it one step at a time, but honestly…..finishing that class was very difficult.

I went into the next class purposing to stay right in the moment and to not race ahead and while I had to reign myself in a few times…..I did WAY better and actually found that I had the energy to do the class and I wasn’t wasted by the time the class was finished. In fact, I was surprised at how fast the class seemed to zoom by. It was awesome.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how this applies in my everyday life.

And….well…..it really does apply.

I know that I’ve got a busy, BUSY fall that needs to be planned and organized and while I love to plan and organize – I’ve been letting it all overwhelm me slightly. I know that I can do it all. I know that it’s not too much. I even enjoy it. And so I’ve promised myself that I will view the over all picture lightly. I’ll see it for what it is….the big picture and then I’ll get busy with what needs to be done today and this week.

I can do this….and I’m gonna just relax and stay present and just enjoy today.

Tomorrow will take care of itself and my worrying about it won’t make it any easier or harder – will it?
Matt 6:25-34

Day 5……looking Up

Alright, so I blaaaaaaahhhed all of yesterday’s blah right outta me, and today has been a better day.

We ARE going away early next week for a 2 nighter in Whistler. It should be a ton of fun. Neither Jon nor I have been to Whistler recently and the kids have never been up there. So, we should have a blast up there with the family. Do you have any suggestions of things that we “should for sure do” while we are there? I’d appreciate hearing about what your favorite summer activities at Whistler are.

Today went a little differently than I planned or rather it went differently than I had thought it would, but it was still good.

My brother came over this morning to work a bit more on the trim . We have those HORRID rounded walls that were SO POPULAR about…..oh…..15 years ago (the age of our home) and so we had to order special rounded trim pieces to finish off the trim after we had the flooring put in. They finally came into the shop and today he brought them over. It’s so nice to spend time with family, even if they are working.

After he left, we popped over to this little coffee and tea shop in the Fort. It is such a cute place AND…..best of all, my cousin works there, and was able to take a quick break so we visited. So much fun.

After that we hit two stores to try and find me a pair of Birkenstocks. I’ve bought them a few times in the past and wear them until they fall apart. I end up feeling so great from wearing them (I’ve had massive issues with my feet) and I’ve really noticed that recently my feet have been hurting and then that means that my knees are hurting and then my hips hurt and my back hurts and then I get a headache……yah! All because of my feet. So, I’m on the search for another pair of Birkenstocks, but I’m looking for something pretty. We’ll see. I’ll show ya what I got, when I actually get a pair.

We didn’t find exactly what I was looking for, but we can still look in a few other places.

We headed home after that and I’m feeling more settled now. We are managing to work though some of the boxes and to get the garage cleared out some and to put more and more things away and I’m feeling like it possible that we might get “sorta” settled before this vacation is over and definitely before school starts.

One HUGE weight off my shoulders are the kids school supplies. I found out that the school orders packages of the school supplies from Smartpacks and I am ordering the kids supplies tonight. We got ahold of the company today and the kids supplies will be delivered directly to the school and it’s for a decent price, but the biggest thing…..I don’t have to go anywhere and search out “the best” deals or fight with all the other crazy parents….I’m just sitting here on my butt clicking away and feeling so happy and smug. Yah me!

Tomorrow we’ll probably attack a few more boxes and maybe try to do something fun with the kids….we’ll see.

But, I’m feeling WAY more relaxed about everything today. And that’s a good thing, right?

ps. for anyone who cares – I’ve exercised 10 outta the last 13 days, and am feeling good about myself. I’ll weigh in tomorrow morning to see how that’s all going.

Day 4

Today is Day 4 of “The 2009 Cruddy Vacation”.

That sounds promising and fabulously positive, doesn’t it?

The kids have been unbelievably pissy the last few ~~days~~….~~weeks~~…..heck since we started talking about moving in the summer.

And I think I’ve caught that whatever they are feeling….

This is kind of a crappy vacation, if I do say so myself. And I just did!

Jon worked (HELLO – VACATION….where we DO NOT work) on Monday and then finished off our taxes (What was that? oh yah, those were supposed to be done a LOOOOOONNNNGGGG time ago – don’t even get me started on that) on Tuesday and then on Wednesday we had some running around to do and then here we are today where Jon paid some bills and is now doing a dump run….doesn’t this sound like a vacation that you’d like to be on? I did manage to wash and edge in a few walls with paint yesterday, but I still have to paint the rest of the wall and well, it all looks ugly…..and unfinished and BLERGH! GAKH! GRUMPH!

We are tired, and trying to do everything with the kids around SUCKS (cause all they’re doing is whining and moaning and making more mess and needing to be fed – seriously – and wanting to go “fun places and spend oodles of money and…..), and then it’s hot and nothing is finished and we’ve not got any solid plans and I do REALLY well with “plans” and (wonder where my kids get that from, eh?)…and ……AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!

I am hoping that we’ll get away for even an overnighter, but I’m not even sure of that at this point.

So, now that I’ve moaned and complained for far too long, how about some sorta, somewhat, kinda positive news.

Okay!

First, some not so positive news. I gained a freak load of weight. Awesome, I know! I made it all the way back up to 200 pounds. Brutal, Brutal, BRUTAL!

I made the decision at the beginning of August that I would try to hold steady. Meaning, I would not gain any more weight, but I wasn’t full on into losing wight yet, either. I figured that come September, I’d really give ‘er. At least, that was my plan….and it was going pretty well. I managed to stop stuffing my face with whatever was in front of me and to have SOME amount of self-control. I didn’t gain any more, but I didn’t lose, but I was okay with that.

2 Sunday’s ago, my sister (Debbie) asked if I wanted to go to a free exercise class – and my head exploded cause I was laughing so hard. No, I didn’t not WANT to exercise, but REALLY, I just should AND IT WAS FREE. SO I DID! and then….. I went back the next day….missed the next one and then went the next 4 days in a row…..YAH ME! I have now gone 8 out of 11 days. I’m sore, but no so much that I can’t function. I’ll be hitting the 8pm class today as well.

I would love to report some major weight loss, seeing as I’ve done more work in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last year put together, but I’ll be content with the 3 pounds that I have lost. Even more exciting is that my pants that have been feeling a little “Sausage-y” (it’s a word, just go with it) now are fitting looser. As in, I can put them on and not “gish” out all over the top with that lovely “muffin top” look that so many are sporting these days. It’s such a HAWT look, no?

So, this is Day 4. And I’m sure that tomorrow will be………… Day 5….ha ha ha I bet you thought I’d say tomorrow would be better….It might. I’m hoping.

Spanish Banks – Aug 16/09

*I didn’t even realize that I had an “exercise” category. Imagine that!

Quitting, Giving Up or Making Choices

So, I have a question for you today.

If your child signed up for a week long day camp and after one day decided that he or she really didn’t want to go back, would you make them?

Jeremy went to the first day of a day camp and after the chaos of day one was finished….he came home and said that he didn’t want to go back. It was too loud and too busy and there was too much of “everything”. He even complained about there being too much sugar in the snacks.

I actually wondered if he was sick!

I talked to him about going back and explained that he needed to make a decision and that he couldn’t just flip flop and go one day and not go the next, but that he needed to make a choice. It would be a fun week at the camp and that if he decided to not go then he couldn’t just go when he heard his sister’s talking about how much fun they were having.

He thought about it for a while and then decided to not go.

I know that I could have forced him to go. I could have manipulated him into thinking that it would be so much fun and talking him into wanting to go, but I let him make the choice. Honestly, I believe that he made a very good choice.

It is a loud noisy situation and he is an extremely sensitive kid and doesn’t do well in chaos. He can feed off the nervous energy and end up making choices that get him into trouble. As much as I would have liked him to go and he could have had fun and made some good memories – it’s possible that he could have gotten into trouble and had a horrible time.

I remember feeling like if I started something that I “HAD” to finish it or else I was quitting or giving up. I don’t want to teach my kids that its okay to just quit everything that might be hard or difficult or that it’s okay to just give up when something is awkward or uncomfortable, BUT….I do want my kids to know that they have choices.

I want them to grow up knowing who they are and how to make good choices that affect them positively. I want them to make choices and consider the consequences. I want them to know that if they make a choice (or find themselves in a situation) and it’s not a good one for them – that they can make another choice that will positively affect them or help them.

Would you consider this quitting or giving up or making choices and what would have you done?

Hot and Puffy

Today was a much cooler day, but it was still warm. When I look at the thermostat in my house and it reads 28 degrees or even higher at 30 something… that’s too hot….for inside……

We’ve still been trying to plow onward and empty more and more boxes and trying to put away more and more stuff and to bag up and throw or give away anything that doesn’t actually have a “spot” to fit into.

So far we’re getting there. It’s slow going, but we’re getting there.

The stairs in my house are slowly killing me. I’m not used to it and it’s annoying to have to run from the top to the bottom only to find out that your forgot to bring something with you and it……just. happens. to. be. onthefreakingtopfloor.

So you pound up the stairs again and then rinse, lather, repeat a hundred times a day.

If I were actually losing some weight as a result of this, I’d not be complaining, but nope. No such luck on that point.

If anything, I’ve gained some weight and judging by the size of my feet tonight…I’ve been on them WAY TOO MUCH TODAY.

They are huge and puffy and they hurt like crazy…

But we are getting there.

It’s my baby’s second birthday tomorrow.

How the crap did that happen?

Where did the last two years go and where did this little boy come from?

We are going to be celebrating his birthday in September. The weather will still be nice enough and hopefully I’ll have my house in a little bit more order…..Am I dreaming on that one?

Well, The baby is being bathed and I gotta do what I can to tidy up the kitchen before Jon is done with him……lets hope I haven’t used up all my time.