ME – Page 23 – xangelle.com

Keeping Records or Creating Memories

I spent a good portion of yesterday creating pages in a scrapbook.

I bought a small scrapbook for this baby because I really wanted to be able to keep a record of this pregnancy and to be able to “hopefully” capture the memories after.

I figured that if I went with one of the small scrapbooks that takes pages that are 8″ x 8″ that maybe…just maybe the smaller sized page wouldn’t seem so intimidating.

I also told myself that I wasn’t looking to create “the most gorgeous scrapbook” out there. I wanted this to be a cross between keeping records and documenting the memories. I was looking to create the feeling of an old spiral bound paper covered scrapbook.

I have some old scrapbooks from when I was a teenager and I love the informality that my old paper covered spiral bound scrapbooks have. It’s like they hold all my secrets.

Years ago, when my girls were little, I started a scrapbook for each of them. The big 12 x 12 pages….

I’ve realized a few things that really got me bogged down in regards to those scrapbooks.

1. I was trying to create the most gorgeous, elaborate pages ever known to man.

2. I tried to document EVERY. SINGLE. PHOTO that we took

3. I was trying to “copy” other people’s ideas of a scrapbook

I managed to work through a few things (in my head) yesterday and that leads me to a plan that I believe will really work for me.

1. I’m creating a more laid back feeling scrapbook.

Yes, I’m still using pretty paper and the odd sticker or ribbon or embellishment, BUT….these books “look” way more like me. A little laid back, but neatly laid out with special memento’s of certain days and events tied in with the pictures.

2. I’m highlighting only key moments or ages or events.

I actually worked on both this baby’s scrapbook and on Siah’s scrapbook. While working on Siah’s book, I’ve decided that I’m going to scrapbook ahead with this baby’s book and create pages for 1 month, 2 months, 3 months and so on…up to 12 months. I’m going to create first visit pages for the grandparents and for other key visitor’s. I’m currently working on Siah’s book even though I have no photo’s printed out. I managed to create about 12 pages for him yesterday and have a list of pictures that I know that we have on the computer that I need to just print out. I’ll just load them onto a USB and run down to the closest Shopper’s Drug Mart and print them out with the instant photo center and then slap them in and VOILA! A ton of pages completed.

I’m actually going to go and pick up another 3 scrapbooks and recreate books for Geli, Xandra and Jeremy, highlighting the first month, then a monthly pic or two and possibly some Easter or Halloween or special holiday’s. I think that I can get MUCH further with WAY less personal frustration and I’ll feel WAY more productive and good about actually accomplishing something with these “memory” books.

3. I’m being true to myself in what I’m creating.

I want a book that is a combo of pictures and special treasures or notes. For example, one of the pages that I created for Siah was a page with “notes” that I scribbled down in the early days with him. I had saved all the cards that people gave me and I was able to create a pocket with one of the cards and I tucked these “notes” into this created pocket. I love that I can look back one day and pull out a piece of paper that I wrote down little notes about his feeding, sleeping and pooping habits. One note has his weight on one day within the first month scribbled onto it. Another piece of paper has notes to myself with a grocery list, a note to book swimming lessons for the kids and a few different Dr. Appointments listed down. I tucked some ribbon that I had saved from one of his first presents behind the little envelope and the overall look is something casual, but cute and I love it.

I think that this will work for me. I think that I can actually accomplish this.

Seriously, I probably knocked out over 20+ pages yesterday and it was amazing to feel like I could have kept going. I am looking forward to creating more pages for both this new baby and also for Josiah and I’m feeling really good about being able to put something together for the older 3 kids as well.

I do also keep a small “treasure box” for each of my kids. It has their first outfits, the hat they got in the hospital, their first shoes, their first sweaters, hand prints and/or foot prints from different ages……the first tooth, first hair cut. That kind of stuff. The kids LOVE to go through their boxes and look at their stuff. They also suggest that we keep and put stuff in the boxes. So I know that they love and treasure these boxes, just as much as I do.

Do you scrapbook? Why or why not? Are you amazingly creative or do you just throw things in a book and call it done? Did you keep scrapbooks when you were younger? Do you have some other method of keeping memories and treasures?

Let me know what works for you?

Quiet Mornings

It’s a quiet morning around here. These are my absolute favorite.

I slept in a bit, and Jon got the kids off to school. He is so amazing. I’ve just been so “blergh” and not feeling 100%. He is the best father and husband EVER! He takes care of all of us so well.

And now…….well, the kids are off for the day and Jon is working and I’m sitting in my living room watching Siah play on the floor close by.

The sun is shining in the windows and I’m about the get a cup of coffee to slowly sip. I might even make some muffins. Or not….I might just sit here and enjoy the sunshine.

I love quiet mornings.

I remember when the older 3 kids were all under 5 and I didn’t think I’d ever have any quiet moments again. It’s amazing to look back at that time and think that it flew by so fast. Even though I felt so stressed out and worn out at the time, it went by so SO fast.

It really made me realize that I can stop and breath and relax in whatever moment I find myself in and realize that “this too shall pass” and that soon it will be just a distant memory and that I need to try to enjoy the moment I’m in instead of looking forward past this moment “hoping” for something better or wishing that I weren’t “missing out” on something. I missed so many things from back when my older 3 were little because I was so focused on getting past that stage. I didn’t stop to realize that I only had that time with them “right then”.

I’m not saying that motherhood or whatever else you’re going through isn’t sometimes (or often times) tough, but that this moment in time is a once in a life time thing.

I’ll never get this moment back once it passes me by. Sure, I’ll get new moments, and new memories; but this one…….this moment is special for all it’s own reasons.

I want to try to enjoy all my “moments”.

(and Jon just brought me a coffee – what a darling. My quiet morning just got a bit sweeter.)

Monday Morning Weigh-In

I need to take some pics to add to this post. Hopefully soon….

It’s been a while since I had a Monday morning weigh-in, and I’m pleased to report that as of this morning I weighed 192.4 lbs.

I figure that’s not a terrifying number to get through the holiday’s and end up at.

If you search back….the last time I weighed in, I was sitting right around 191 lbs. So, while I’ve not lost any weight…..the 1 pound weight gain is nothing I’m too worried about.

I’m still exercising a couple of times a week, in fact I’m headed out to class with my sister in an hour.

I’d say that while my weight hasn’t changed drastically, my shape is changing. Change is good, right?

I’ve also wondered if I am a bit anemic as I’ve been feeling so SO tired, recently. Like, ridiculously so….I talked with my Dr. today and I’m upping my iron supplements a bit (my iron was on the lowest end of normal at my last blood test) and hopefully that will help me to feel a bit more energetic. It would be nice if the sun would come out, too! It seems like our winter has finally shown up. Read that as it’s grey and raining, and wet and raining and oh. so. blah…….with more rain. It’s nasty.

I’d post a weekly menu along with this, but I haven’t made one…..yet! I really need to. It makes such a difference in our meals, budget, health and stress levels. Tonight we’re having “chili and rice”. Thank goodness for freezer meals for those days when you’ve been too lazy to cook.

So, how did the holiday’s treat you? Do you have some holiday weight to work off? Any New Years Resolutions regarding exercise and weight loss?

ps. Pic of the oldest and youngest on Christmas morning. He’s just tolerating the camera in his face.

pps. I realize that technically it’s not Monday morning, but that was the original title of this post and I just went with it.

2010 – The Year of……..

Okay, so I’ve still not gotten around to editing my Christmas Photo’s but hopefully soon…….

And one quick thing about my post from yesterday – Every word I said was directed at me, to me, by me, for me and had nothing to do with you. What I mean by saying that is that I don’t care if you LOVE Facebook or if it’s a great place for you to connect with all your family and long lost friends or if that is how you choose to spend your free time or if it’s your hobby or whatever. What you choose or decide to do with your time is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY UP TO YOU, and I am making absolutely NO JUDGMENTS on you or on anyone else as to how they spend their time. I chose to delete my account because Facebook was not something that I was passionate about and yet it called to me from time to time and sucked me in and I hated that. So, just so that we’re clear. No Judgment on you…..just simplifying for me. Good? Good!

Now that all of that is out of the way, I’d like to talk about this New Year.

I’ve seen on more than one blog the concept of choosing a word to define your year, and the more I thought about it….the more I liked the idea.

I have read in a lot of different places how 2009 was seen as a horrible year for many for a variety of different reasons. While the last quarter of 2009 is a little fuzzy or blurry in my mind, there are so many good things that have happened to us last year and I don’t resent 2009 at all.

January – We started part-time at the Life Center.
February – Does Valentine’s Day count???
March – Get Away to Harrison Hot Springs
April – My Oldest Baby turned 12
May – Approved For Mortgage
June – Bought our First Home
July – Moved into our First Home & Celebrated 14th Anniversary
August – Family Holiday to Whistler
September – Kids Love New School
October – Swine Flu (Hmmmm this one might not be a positive, eh?)
November – More with the plague….
December – Christmas counts, right? Actually we’re on Full time at Life Center, now.

So, see….2009 was actually pretty good to us.

Looking forward, I have a GREAT feeling about 2010. I think that this year is going to be an amazing year for us. I originally thought about the word HOPE….there are so many aspects to this word that I think apply and really would be great for our family, BUT……it just didn’t sit completely perfectly with me.

The longer I thought about it, the word I was most excited about was….

EXPECTATION

Here are some definitions of expectation, expectancy and expect….

1. anticipation, hope
2. that which is looked or waited for with interest
3. the feeling that something is about to happen
4. looking forward to something about to happen
5. to regard something as probably or likely

Having just come through Christmas and being able to watch my kids on Christmas morning while they HOPED for certain things was amazing. To see the EXPECTATION on their faces as they waited for a present to be handed to them, and them to see the EXCITEMENT that the ANTICIPATION of finally getting to open that present brought to them was……well, it was tangible. You could feel it in the air and in the energy that they exuded as they wiggled and bounced and finally in their cheer when they RECEIVED something that they had HOPED for.

I just have this feeling that 2010 is going to be a great year. I am confident that good things are going to happen. I can’t explain exactly what I mean by this, but I believe that this year will be full of excitement, blessing, health (I’m throwing that one in there…the power of positive speech and all), stability, etc….I just really feel like we’re going to be able to look back on 2010 and say to ourselves, “WOW! What an AMAZING year!”

I’m really looking forward to this new year and also to living up to the word “EXPECTATION”. I want to expect good things from life. I want to teach my kids to expect good things. I’ll also teach them to deal with the rough things that come along the way, but you can learn to see the silver lining in the middle of all of those dark stormy rain clouds that might come your way. I want to be a person who sees the positive in things FIRST, and to not have my first response always be a pessimistic one. I want to learn to HOPE a little more than I currently do.

I want that child-like EXPECTATION not only in my life, but EVIDENT in my life.

I’m excited to see what this new year brings and I’m expecting that I’ll be able to look back and be so pleased with how things turned out when all is said and done.

Simplifying and Cutting Back

I deleted my Facebook Account yesterday.

It was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

See, I hate Facebook! Well, hate might be too strong a word, but I’ve disliked Facebook almost since the day that I signed up.

And why did I sign up for something that I didn’t really like, even at the time?

Good Question?

My honest answer, “Because everyone else was doing it!”

Apparently I’m just a lemming.

I hate getting notifications of group invitations and knowing who’s got a fish tank or who is playing Farmville or who is as sexy as Edward Cullen. I don’t want to know what type of personality you are or to even have friend suggestions for people I don’t know.

It was ego boosting to have people “friend” me at the beginning, but then there were people that I didn’t want to necessarily be “found” by and then what? Do I accept them? Do I reject them? or do I ignore them? It gets messy! I hate messy!

In the end, Facebook was a place where I felt like I was stalking. Ya know, signing in to see what everyone else was up to without ever contributing to the “Facebook world” and really….that’s just HUGE waste of my personal time and so…..POOF! I’m no longer there. Which for me means…..no more time wasted ((cough)on that site!(cough))

I do still have my Twitter account and really that was the only part of Facebook that I really liked (the status updates) and although I haven’t twitted/tweeted (Whatever!!!)…..I haven’t posted a tweet in a while…..I’m hoping that I can – figuratively – OOOOMPH my tired behind off the couch that it’s been parked on and get back to seeing the funny side of life.

I love to update the silly stuff my kids say. For example, Siah pulled this one outta the air the other day.

“Yesterday, I was younger than J.J.”

He’s two, people, how does he even know what “yesterday” means let alone that he was younger. It was all used properly in context and was said as if now, NOW, he was much older than Jeremy.

Obviously we have an incorrect grasp on age, but still….so SO cute coming from his little tiny voice piping outta the back seat of the van and said to no one in particular (he was chattering to himself while we were driving)!

Anyway, anyone who really needs to contact me has my e-mail address or else, we’re not really that close, are we?

I’ll admit, it did feel a bit like I was cutting myself off from a huge section of the world, but really…..am I leaving a part of the world? or am I taking a step forward into my reality?

Questions? Questions?

Only time will tell…………

Breaking the Slump…

It’s been over a month….about a month…..just under a month….I dunno. It’s been a while.

I’ve come to this page so many times over the past few weeks and stared at it blankly – not sure what to say or where to start. It’s unreal how easy it can be to get “out of the habit” of writing. I have wondered if I’m just in a weird space or maybe just in a different place. Maybe I’m not needing this place……or maybe I need this place more than ever and I’m avoiding something that I need the most….I dunno.

I want to write here. I think about this space all the time. I open up my browser and look at the last entry and think about how guilty I feel that life is flying passed me and I’m not recording any of the details of it and that I’m going to regret that someday. I hate living life with regrets. I think about how I love being able to come here and say what I want….when I want to…about what I want. And then………I’m so tired and feel like whatever I have/want/need to say requires more effort than just not saying anything and so I do nothing. The words and thoughts are all still there…..but just running around inside my brain all messed up. It’s about as awesome as it sounds.

The end of 2009 has been fairly rough for me.

I am not, nor have I ever been, a sick person….and yet….I have been sick for what feels like FOREVER!

I got sick back in the beginning of October with what I’m certain was the swine flu and then basically since then my immune system has been shot. I’ve had one cough/cold/snot thing going on after another after another after another. I’ve had anywhere from 2 days to (I think the longest time of feeling well was) a week of respite, but other than that…its been one nasty germ filled fall/winter and it has completely taken me out mentally/emotionally and more certainly physically.

I’m SO looking forward to this whole “Flu Season” being over and to the warmth and brightness of the summer months. Unfortunately I have about 5-6 months until that season rolls around and as much as I’d like to cocoon myself and my family until then….it’s not possible and so – we soldier on.

I’d like to say that I’m gonna post more but I’m also horrified of lying to myself and to any of the 5 people left reading this sorry excuse for a place on the ‘NET. So, we’ll just leave it at……I’m hoping to FORCE myself to recap the holiday’s (’cause I know that’s EXACTLY what you were hoping I’d talk about, eh? But I promise that I’ll share some pics….aren’t pics worth it?) and maybe…just possibly…….I might be able to drum up the energy to bust myself outta this “slump of silence” and get back with my regularly scheduled blatherings.

I can hope right?!?

Addressing the Issue of Size……

I thought that I could say something about myself and my size.

I’ve gotten a few comments about how I look good or about how someone would never have guessed that I weigh what I weigh and it got me thinking…...and as it goes, I’m going to share what I’m thinking…..who wouldda guessed that, eh?

I am not a small person.

I have NEVER been a small person……well, maybe when I was a baby, but other than that….

When I was 12 years old, I grew 6 inches over one summer landing me at 5 foot 8 inches tall by the end of that summer. I weighed 120 pounds and modeled for a few years after that. I wasn’t fat or overweight, in fact I was thin……but I am (and was) a BIG person.

Now, I am 5 foot 10 inches and currently I weigh 193.8 lbs. I come from a big family. There are big bones on both sides of my heritage. I managed to get size in my genetic make up. I carry the weight well and fairly evenly distributed….I’d prefer that I have a little less in the truck and a little more up top (if ya know what I mean) but for the most part I’m not completely depressed by how I look….for someone who’s has a million children…..or ya know 4.

I am a big person. It’s taken some time, but for the most part I am comfortable being a big person.

It was difficult as a teenager. I won’t lie. And I struggled with feeling like “Ginormica” compared to the majority of my friends and especially my mother and sisters…..they’re petite! But I came to realize that there was nothing I could do to change my size and that I could be miserable about something that I couldn’t change or I could accept that it was who I am and carry on with life.

There are aspects of being a tall, big boned person that I like. I can hide a few extra pounds on my frame. I am strong. I can reach things in high places without needing help or even a stool.

Obviously, there are things that I don’t like about my size…..I’m not a big fan of the “number” of my weight. I don’t like feeling like I’m taller than all my girlfriends. I hate shopping because most pants are floods and those in the “tall girl” section have a rise in the crotch that makes the waist band sit right under my armpits. It’s a HAWT look!

But, for the most part I’m fairly happy with myself. I would like to lose some weight. Ideally, I’m about 20 pounds heavier than I’m could be, but honestly, I’m totally okay with weighing 180-185 lbs. I weighed 170-175 lbs when I got married and was by no means “large” at that point. I feel stronger and healthier when I weigh a little bit less than I do now. I’m not looking to be super model thin. I am completely realistic with myself and my size.

I currently wear size 11-15 pants depending on the cut, style and fabric. I wear a Medium to Large Shirt. I wear a size 10 shoe.

I am just a big person.

I see Angelica who is 12 years old walking the “big girl” road and I’m doing everything in my power to help her LOVE who she is.

It helps that I’m bigger than her…….for now! It helps that there are WAY more girls out there nowadays who are bigger and taller. It’s more normal now for girls to reach 6 feet tall and to have size 12 feet. It was brutal when I was 12/13 years old walking into a shoe store HOPING and PRAYING that they’d have even just 1 pair of a size 10 shoe and that it wasn’t too ugly. Now, It’s awesome to walk into shoe stores and to see size 11 and 12 ladies shoes and the variety and quantity. Not that I need that size, but if my girls do….no problems. It helps that I know what it feels like to be a big person.

I am a BIG person and I’m working on being as healthy as I can be.

I want to model good exercise habits for my kids. I want to teach them to eat well. I don’t want to see them sucked into the whole “I need to diet to be thin and acceptable” garbage. I want them to be aware of themselves in a healthy positive way. I want to teach them to be responsible for their health. I want them to love themselves for who they are and not for their size.

And so, I am working on myself because I believe that modeling healthy positive ways to live, eat and exercise is one of the best ways that I can train my children….and I think it’s working!

A Few Steps Behind

So, I am sick, AGAIN!

And I’m so frustrated about it already.

First we had that stupid flu for a week…..then I felt better for almost a week and then managed to pick up some stupid cough/congestion thingy. It sucks! Actually to say it sucks is putting it mildly.

And now Geli has the flu…..she’s been out since Saturday….it’s awesome. She’s normally a bit of a grouchy person and right now she is 100 times grouchier than normal….which makes for some AWESOME, AMAZING times at our house.

With me ~~feeling like my head is full of 1,000 pounds of glue and that the glue is slowly oozing down into my lungs and suffocating me and no amount of coughing is helping to clear it away~~ not feeling well, I’m not as “on top of it” as I normally am.

The house is a bit messier and I still have not come up with a meal plan for the week. We had a pork roast last night and I do have a lasagna in the freezer (Crap! I gotta go and pull that sucker out to defrost……be right back…………DONE!) and if we continue along with our “normal Wednesday meal of Soup, then I guess I have up to tomorrow planned. Although before right this moment, all I knew that I was thinking about doing the lasagna tonight as it required no effort on my part….

I still have to come up with something for the rest of the week, AND we desperately need to go shopping, but that’s the LAST THING that I feel like doing……..maybe Jon’ll go when he comes home from work tonight? We need stuff for the kids to take for lunches…..GLURG!

I hate feeling like this.

I hate seeing my house untidy.

I hate feeling like I’m behind on things.

I hate feeling just slightly out of control.

I hate feeling so stinking tired (and like an elephant is sitting on my head.)

I can’t wait to start to feel normal again.

Alright, so now that I’ve complained so much – I’m reminded of the whole “attitude of gratitude” thing and I’m determined to find something to be thankful for…….gimmee a minute…..

……..or two………

……..or three………

……..or four………….

Alrighty….well, that took longer than I’d have liked, and I really struggled to find something to be thankful for in the middle of these circumstances, but right now….

I’m thankful to be sitting here in my beautiful house (albeit a tiny bit messy) with the GLORIOUS SUN FLOODING IN MY BIG WINDOWS. The atmosphere in my house feels so alive and yet peaceful at the same time. I’m thankful that I have the opportunity to enjoy the sun shining into my house and on me today.

I could be working. It could be raining. It could be a lot worse than it is right now….but for now……I’m thankful.

Alright, I’m off to figure out the rest of the week’s food and to consider what else I am thankful for.

What are you thankful for today?

Another Monday Morning Weigh-In

Well, I normally dread these Monday morning weigh-ins and yet this weekend……not so much!

And wouldn’t you know it, for all of my not dreading it…..I gained weight this week. How’s that for fun?

The scale showed a clear 193.8…..that’s UP 1.6 pounds from last week.

While I’m not happy about that – I’m also not devastated. I’m still exercising (4 times this week) and I’d guess that I just need to be a little more aware of what I put in my mouth this week.

I will get “there”. In my mind, “there” means healthy and happy with myself. That’s what I’m working on….. While at times it may seem like an uphill battle, every positive choice that I make takes me one step closer to that goal.

I think that for me, one thing that I’m learning is that it’s all about choices and consequences. If I choose to eat healthy and to exercise, I’ll reap the rewards that lifestyle brings. On that other hand, I am also responsible for the choices to eat crap and to take a day (or two or three or so) off exercising.

While once in a while “treats” are okay – it really needs to be once in a while, and not “the norm”. I think I’m learning…..slowly….oh so slowly. It’s not that I’ve not known this in the past, but I’ve just not really accepted it or lived my life as if these rules applied to me. Like I said, I’m learning…..

I don’t really see a big difference between these photos and the previous ones, but that’s okay. I’m feeling good and I know that I’ve lost 10 lbs and for right now…..that’s good. It will come. I will be healthy. I believe it.

Monday Morning Update

So, another Monday has rolled around and the kids are off to school and I’m headed off to coffee with a dear friend shortly.

Jon is cooking some breakfast – eggs and homemade sourdough bread…..YUM!

I’m sitting here in my clean and tidy home and today feels like a GREAT DAY.

It doesn’t hurt that when I stepped on the scale this morning I was down to 192.2lbs.

YAH!!!!! That’s 5.2 lbs down since Sept 28th and from August 9th (when I started exercising)…..it’s 10lbs+/- that I’ve lost.

Although, if I’m totally honest, I will have to admit that the weight loss (this week) was from a really cruddy week of being sick, and not from extra diligent and careful effort on my part. I ate soup, soup and more soup and I managed to drag myself out to exercise ONCE (on Friday) and…..it was BRUTAL!

I think that saying that I did about half the class is an overstatement. I guess that’s the fallout from spending the week on the couch.

I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER and aside from just being a tiny bit tired….it’s as if last week never even happened.

I’ve been frustrated for a while at how tired I’m feeling. It’s been particularly frustrating because WHY AM I EXERCISING AND NOT FEELING ANY BETTER? After two months at this, I should be able to do a set without feeling like I’m dying, right?

Then I started wondering about my Iron levels. See, I cut out red meat back in the summer. If I don’t absolutely HAVE TO, I’m not eating it. I feel really cruddy when I eat it…like it’s physically noticeable how hard it is for me to digest and so….I choose to stop eating it, and VOILA – I feel better! But, like I said, I wondered if I might have a bit of a low iron issue – due to other issues that I’m just not gonna talk about right now – trust me on this one…..honestly!

Well, This past weekend we went out and got a Iron Supplement and I’ve been taking it since Saturday and the difference is already noticeable.

I’m hoping that I’ll feel a bit more energized soon.

I’m back at the exercise this week. I am noticing changes in my clothes and that adds a tiny bit of extra incentive to keep going. The clothes I wore yesterday honestly felt “frumpy” because they were a bit too loose, so I’m gonna need to ransack my closet and figure out which clothes actually work and which ones need to get shoved to the back corners…..hopefully forever.

It is hard to keep going when you don’t see “things” happening, but I am seeing that perseverance is paying off. This is no quick fix deal. It’s a life style…..made ONE. CHOICE. at a time…..for every good choice there is a positive reaction (eventually) and for every poor choice there is an equally poor consequence……

I’m working towards making the positive choices.

ps. I’ll try to get Jon to take a picture of me today and I’ll add it later…….