Amazing Mind

I’m guest posting… I didn’t ask; I’m just sneaking in here.

If you’ve been following along, we have a son that is ADHD. Really, really ADHD! We have a lot of stories, a lot of tears, a lot of things that we have learned along the way. And most of all we have a very very special boy.

We have been able to see his uniqueness through all of the erratic behavior. We have seen his creativity, his ability to adapt and react, and especially his really soft and loving heart. We’ve seen it, but others sometimes don’t. His teachers have been so fed up with the impulsive decisions and distracting behavior that they have sent him out of the class, moved his desk far away from the other kids in the class, and even sent him to the sick room… the sick room!!! His “disease” would be that he has a brain that works differently than the other kids in his class. Going to the sick room, means that something with you is wrong, and going there because of your brain would mean that something is “wrong” with your head. (I didn’t stand for that and was in the principles office the next morning, but it did happen once.)

We have spent a lot of time telling J that he is special and that he has a brain that is designed for a special purpose. I even got diagnosed with ADHD at the same time as him so that he would know that my brain works the same way that his brain works. I wanted to show him that if I’m successful and thrive in the right environment, that he would see his own potential. But that message gets lost in the choices and consequences and negative emotions of always being in trouble. He starts to feel like the boy that deserves to be in the sick room… and that breaks my heart.

Add to all this that we have four kids and the oldest doesn’t hold back her frustration when J makes choices that effect her. She has had to ask for forgiveness for some harsh words, more than once. We constantly tell the other kids that brains are all different and that J will be successful in life when he is the right environment, but it never really feels like they are listening.

(Geli is an amazing girl herself, and I am killer proud of her and her amazing mind.)

It has become a constant effort to keep reminding J of his gifts and talents and to try and show him that the school system is designed for only one kind of mind and that success in school does not mean “smart” and that poor results in school does not mean “stupid”.

Fast forward to today…

My brother-in-law gave J a PS2 (as he had upgraded) and a couple of games, including a Tony Hawk skating game. J has been playing the game a bit and has figured a few things out, and is working through the different levels… and he’s doing pretty good. The girls have started playing too (the oldest has always been good at video games) and they started playing the competition games.

A bit about the game… You are a skater (on a skate board) and are skating around a course doing tricks. You have to manage your balance, watch for upcoming obstacles and features to slide, jump and grind on. The more tricks you can combine, the more points you get for the trick. It’s all happening really fast and is controlled by 12 buttons and two small joy sticks that you operate with both hands (for those that don’t know what a PS2 controller is).

All day Saturday, Geli (our oldest) was running downstairs freaking out (in a good way) about what J was doing. “You’ve GOT to come check out the score that J just got.” “OK, NOW you have to come check out the score.” “J just did a rail slide around the entire course and got a X14 on his points!” and so on… At one point, she asked “how can he do that?” and I explained that his mind doesn’t filter things out and process them one by one. He sees it all and processes it all at the same time, so he can react lightning fast and do so accurately.

Later that night I overheard them talking about a certain stunt that is required at some point, and Geli said it was hard. J replied that he thought it was easy. They went back and forth for a bit before Geli stopped and said, “Well, that’s because you have an amazing mind.” She wasn’t being sarcastic or joking; she was genuine and genuinely amazed. I have to say, I wasn’t prepared for the emotions that I felt at that moment. He does have an amazing mind, but for someone else to see it for what it is, and to say it in that way, made me stop cold. It was like the years of reinforcing his uniqueness and special brilliance in the face of overwhelming emotional opposition had just been validated. Geli saw it and said it. J heard it and saw it too. I overheard the short exchange, but i recognized how huge it is. Geli has had her eyes opened to the reality that her brother is not retarded but rather brilliant, and is even showing him more respect and he is proud in a whole new way,

As parents, we have told him often that his mind is amazing and that it is made for a purpose, but I don’t think anyone else in the world has ever watched him do something and recognize that they have just seen something amazing. And I don’t think that it could be more meaningful than coming from the sister that liked the role of antagonist.

It took a video game to provide the right way to show it but…

Jeremy, you have an AMAZING MIND!

To the Very Core of Me

We had a pretty good day yesterday.

We skipped out on a Fundraising Pot-Luck after church to just have some family time. I did bring a main dish as our contribution, so I didn’t feel bad about skipping out.

It’s one of those things that some people just don’t understand, but I am learning to just deal with the idea that not everyone understands the choices that we as a family make. The even bigger point in all of that (for me) is that it’s not necessary for others to understand what we do or why we do it. The fact of the matter is – we are called to live our lives the best way that we see fit for us and that we choose to allow others the grace to make the best decisions for themselves – WITHOUT judgment!

I can try to explain our thinking in it all….if anyone cares. This is not about justifying our decisions, but about communicating what our choices are and why we’ve made those choices in case any of these choices or the reasons for these choices can help others with decisions they have to make.

When Nathaniel died, it affected all of us (minus Siah as he obviously wasn’t alive yet). The kids were old enough to know that a baby brother was coming (yes we had found out it was a boy) and were aware enough to know that something bad had happened and then to be devastated when told that their baby brother had died.

They were aware of the next three times that I got pregnant (I have not had easy pregnancies – read that as barfing my brains out and overwhelming tiredness….and after we lost Nathaniel, throw in a measure of depression just for fun) and equally as aware every time something went wrong and we had another loss.

We spent a lot of time together. We understood each other and what we were going through (age appropriately, of course) and the grieving process hit each of us differently. We all walked the road of Grief at different paces and in very different ways. Some of us talked, some of us shut it all inside, some of us exploded, some of us wore it on our sleeves, some of us journal-ed, some of us lost ourselves in work, some of us colored elaborate pictures, some of us wrote poetry……In some ways, we are all still processing.

In December 2009, just before Christmas, Xani came up to me and wanted to know what we were going to do about Nathaniel’s birthday. See, 5 years later and unprovoked – she is thinking about that day and Nathaniel and his death. I think what made this year really stand out is that “things have changed”. We’ve moved. We don’t live in the house that we did back then. We don’t even live in the same city that we did. So now, all those things that we did as traditions to remember and celebrate his place in our family……(from a child’s perspective) what happens to them?

I’m an adult. I can see that while we might do things in different locations, the most important thing is to remember and celebrate. But for a child……things have changed and what do we do now? The lack of knowledge can exacerbate the whole “out of control” helpless feeling. And that’s not fun for anyone, including children…..

Our tradition has always been to go to a restaurant and get breakfast together (even if it’s for lunch), then we go and buy a helium balloon per person and write personal messages from us to him. We always went to this one particular park to release them and we would watch until we could no longer see them in the sky. Then, we’d just spend the rest of the day together. There have been lots of tears some years, and less tears other. There has been laughter and just living in the moment. Embracing every emotion that comes and accepting it as normal. These have always been good days. Good days to remember and to celebrate a little life that had such a HUGE IMPACT in so many ways and all without ever having taken a breath. What a legacy to leave behind for such a tiny little person.

This year, January 24th fell on a Sunday and so we went to church, but skipped out on the lunch after to just go and be “us”. We went and got breakfast for lunch and fielded a bunch of questions from the kids about how and where the rest of the day would take place. We went out and got some balloons and brought them home to write our personal messages on them. Jon and I had thought about this one park close to us, but as we pulled out of our driveway, one of the kids suggested another park close by and all the kids seemed to really like that suggestion and so we turned right instead of turning left and headed out.

It is important to us to remember. It is important to us to allow our kids to process the loss of a sibling. Even in their own ways. I remember how shocked I was to find a poem written last year by one of my daughters about her fears of losing another one of her siblings. The pain and fear expressed in that poem was so raw and real and I know that she is still processing through the grief.

This is real to my kids. Heck, this is too real even for me. I can’t count the number of times that I flashed back to that day and the absolute emptiness, the nothingness that I felt and all the while feeling this horrible crushing pain that literally took my breath away.

It’s so hard to even try to put it to words how I felt, and yet I relived it often yesterday.

I kept pulling up Nathaniel’s picture on my Blackberry just to see that one more glimpse of my son.

We make the best decisions that we can for us. And as long as I can be content knowing that it was the best decision that I could make for me individually and for us corporately, then it doesn’t matter who “gets” it or who doesn’t.

What matters is that we had a day that we needed, together as a family. A day to remember, to celebrate, to heal, to process, to love, to laugh, to cry (if needs be)….we had each other!

In the end, nothing else matters.

Meal Planning

The Fall was a bit of a crap shoot as far as my health goes and this last bit of time (since New Years) has been the LONGEST stretch of time in a row that I’ve not been sick.

It’s been an AWESOME 3 weeks!

I’m back on track with planning meals, which SO HELPS us out.

And so, because I know that you are desperate to know what we’re eating this week………Here we go!

Monday – Tilapia, Brown Rice and Peas (Jon made this meal, hence the unimaginative veggie selection, but kudos for actually making the “healthy” 45 minute rice)

Tuesday – Chicken and Rice Casserole, Spinach and Cauliflower

Wednesday – Roast Pork with Potatoes, Broccoli and Carrots

Thursday – Spaghetti with Brown Rice Noodles

Friday – Meatless Taco’s

Saturday – Homemade French Fried Potatoes and Chicken Tenders

Sunday – Roast Chicken with Potatoes and Carrots, Peas, Salad

I think that I should plan from Tuesday to Monday because Monday will typically be the “planning/shopping” day as it’s our day off, but for now….this works.

So far, we are two for two and they have been GREAT MEALS that everyone has DEVOURED!

Do you have any great suggestions for one dish meals or quick and easy meals that you LOVE!?!?!?!

I just have to be able to adapt it somehow to make it egg and dairy free……Stupid allergies!

Christmas – The Late Edition

So, This year was a bit different than usual.

Normally, we do our Immediate Family celebrations on Christmas morning and then get together with one side of the family in the afternoon and then do the other side of the family on Boxing Day.

This year, we were already in town for the Christmas Eve service at our church and so we just stayed in and celebrated Christmas Eve with Jon’s Parents and the rest of the family from Jon’s side.

We spent Boxing Day with my side of the family and on Christmas Day………

Christmas Day was a day spent quietly and gloriously at home.

I was dreading spending Christmas Day without family, but things have been SO CRAZY BUSY in our lives and I was looking at 4 straight days in a row of going, going, going and I figured that if I kept up the pace that by the 5th day…..I’d be going, going, going, GONE!

And so, we decided to just have a quiet, “down” day with just us for Christmas Day.

All I had running through my head was my own Childhood experiences and memories which led me to believe that Christmas morning was AWESOME with the stockings, and family breakfast and then gift opening and then having a grandparent or two swing past with more presents and then……..

….and then all I can remember is how boring Christmas Afternoon/Evening was…….until I became a teenager and friends would come over and we’d play games or go and see a movie or something…

I had an amazing family and I know that this is not “the truth” this is a young girls memory of how exciting the morning was and how the afternoon/evening paled in comparison…..so you can guess that the morning was pretty freaking amazing. Let’s just leave it at MOUNTAINS of GIFTS…….and move on from there……

I was feeling a bit stressed that I wouldn’t enjoy Christmas and that I’d feel kinda bummed and a little bit sad and lonely.

The kids slept in on Christmas morning…how’s that for a Christmas miracle.

Everyone was still asleep at 8am…then they all woke up and got their stockings while Jon and I tried to wake up. We’d stayed up late wrapping presents. Stupid, stupid, STUPID!!!!!….We do this every year and then every year we swear to do things differently. GAH!

Around 9am we came down and had our traditional “Sugar Cereal” breakfast (I don’t buy sugar cereal almost ever so it’s a pretty huge deal when we do get some) and when that was done, we started in to the presents.

X-mas Collage

click on the picture to see the set

I don’t remember the “timing” of the rest of the day, but it was the most relaxing, quiet, slow, amazing day that we have had as a family in a long, LONG time!

There was no place to go and nothing to do aside from “just being” together. We started a puzzle, played games, had some food, and even watched a movie together in the early evening.

I felt “recharged” at the end of the day, which is so out of the ordinary. Typically we come home and feel like we’re about to die, knowing that we have another whole day to get through celebrate with the family.

Don’t get me wrong. We love our families, but sometimes the pace of it all feels overwhelmingly insane. I loved the fact that looking back at the “Christmas Holiday’s” – I actually felt like I had a holiday and didn’t feel like I needed a holiday to get over the “holiday’s”.

It was a great Christmas! It was probably the BEST Christmas that I’ve ever had…..but then again I say that every year.

And Another One Bites the Dust

I’m SO glad the weekend’s over.

I tweeted on Friday that I was so glad the weekend was here…..but I forgot some tiny, pesky little details…..things like, i had to work half a day on Saturday, and then Sunday is a work day and well…..that means that the other half of Saturday was my/our “down time”

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Yah Right! The older girls had a birthday party to go to (My niece turned 11 – it’s hard to believe how big these girls are getting now. We just counted tonight and there are only 77 days until I have a teenager in the house….AAAAAWWWWWKKKKK!) and well, we drove them there, and then had to do a Costco Run after we dropped them off. Too many dollars later and just enough time to get home, drop everything off and then it was time for the pick up run. Then, it was get the kids home and into bed early as they had stayed up WAY too late on Friday night watching a movie with Dad (I went to bed ’cause I’m smart like that – or maybe just boring like that…hmmmm) and SHAZAM – there goes the evening.

I did fold 4 loads of laundry – that’s got to count for something right.

Now, here we are and the kids are in bed and Jon is musing about picking up some thing to snack on and watching a movie and I’m dreaming about tomorrow…….our day off………

Which would be awesome, if we didn’t have to go grocery shopping!

There’s always something, eh?

It’s about time for a vacation, I’m thinking.

Wouldn’t it be nice to go somewhere warm and sunny?

I can dream, can’t I?

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Do it for the children…….

So, today is the day.

It’s my mom’s birthday, but it also happens to be De-Lurking Day.

DelurkerDay2010-400x400

I’ll be popping around to all the blogs I read and spreading my cheery goodness…what ever of that I currently possess….to all those that I don’t nearly comment on enough.

I’m looking forward to seeing who is out there.

So, come on….just a short hello would be awesome….or you can share what you had for lunch? Or well, anything really….I’m easy to please like that. Then, once you’ve spread your cheery goodness here…..go forth and continue to spread it everywhere else. We can be like cheery goodness fairies. Or…ya….whatever……..

Monday Morning Weigh-In

I need to take some pics to add to this post. Hopefully soon….

It’s been a while since I had a Monday morning weigh-in, and I’m pleased to report that as of this morning I weighed 192.4 lbs.

DSC_0270I figure that’s not a terrifying number to get through the holiday’s and end up at.

If you search back….the last time I weighed in, I was sitting right around 191 lbs. So, while I’ve not lost any weight…..the 1 pound weight gain is nothing I’m too worried about.

I’m still exercising a couple of times a week, in fact I’m headed out to class with my sister in an hour.

I’d say that while my weight hasn’t changed drastically, my shape is changing. Change is good, right?

I’ve also wondered if I am a bit anemic as I’ve been feeling so SO tired, recently. Like, ridiculously so….I talked with my Dr. today and I’m upping my iron supplements a bit (my iron was on the lowest end of normal at my last blood test) and hopefully that will help me to feel a bit more energetic. It would be nice if the sun would come out, too! It seems like our winter has finally shown up. Read that as it’s grey and raining, and wet and raining and oh. so. blah…….with more rain. It’s nasty.

I’d post a weekly menu along with this, but I haven’t made one…..yet! I really need to. It makes such a difference in our meals, budget, health and stress levels. Tonight we’re having “chili and rice”. Thank goodness for freezer meals for those days when you’ve been too lazy to cook.

So, how did the holiday’s treat you? Do you have some holiday weight to work off? Any New Years Resolutions regarding exercise and weight loss?

ps. Pic of the oldest and youngest on Christmas morning. He’s just tolerating the camera in his face.

pps. I realize that technically it’s not Monday morning, but that was the original title of this post and I just went with it.

2010 – The Year of……..

Okay, so I’ve still not gotten around to editing my Christmas Photo’s but hopefully soon…….

And one quick thing about my post from yesterday – Every word I said was directed at me, to me, by me, for me and had nothing to do with you. What I mean by saying that is that I don’t care if you LOVE Facebook or if it’s a great place for you to connect with all your family and long lost friends or if that is how you choose to spend your free time or if it’s your hobby or whatever. What you choose or decide to do with your time is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY UP TO YOU, and I am making absolutely NO JUDGMENTS on you or on anyone else as to how they spend their time. I chose to delete my account because Facebook was not something that I was passionate about and yet it called to me from time to time and sucked me in and I hated that. So, just so that we’re clear. No Judgment on you…..just simplifying for me. Good? Good!

Dominos

Now that all of that is out of the way, I’d like to talk about this New Year.

I’ve seen on more than one blog the concept of choosing a word to define your year, and the more I thought about it….the more I liked the idea.

I have read in a lot of different places how 2009 was seen as a horrible year for many for a variety of different reasons. While the last quarter of 2009 is a little fuzzy or blurry in my mind, there are so many good things that have happened to us last year and I don’t resent 2009 at all.

January – We started part-time at the Life Center.
February – Does Valentine’s Day count???
March – Get Away to Harrison Hot Springs
April – My Oldest Baby turned 12
May – Approved For Mortgage
June – Bought our First Home
July – Moved into our First Home & Celebrated 14th Anniversary
August – Family Holiday to Whistler
September – Kids Love New School
October – Swine Flu (Hmmmm this one might not be a positive, eh?)
November – More with the plague….
December – Christmas counts, right? Actually we’re on Full time at Life Center, now.

So, see….2009 was actually pretty good to us.

Looking forward, I have a GREAT feeling about 2010. I think that this year is going to be an amazing year for us. I originally thought about the word HOPE….there are so many aspects to this word that I think apply and really would be great for our family, BUT……it just didn’t sit completely perfectly with me.

The longer I thought about it, the word I was most excited about was….

EXPECTATION

Here are some definitions of expectation, expectancy and expect….

1. anticipation, hope
2. that which is looked or waited for with interest
3. the feeling that something is about to happen
4. looking forward to something about to happen
5. to regard something as probably or likely

Having just come through Christmas and being able to watch my kids on Christmas morning while they HOPED for certain things was amazing. To see the EXPECTATION on their faces as they waited for a present to be handed to them, and them to see the EXCITEMENT that the ANTICIPATION of finally getting to open that present brought to them was……well, it was tangible. You could feel it in the air and in the energy that they exuded as they wiggled and bounced and finally in their cheer when they RECEIVED something that they had HOPED for.

I just have this feeling that 2010 is going to be a great year. I am confident that good things are going to happen. I can’t explain exactly what I mean by this, but I believe that this year will be full of excitement, blessing, health (I’m throwing that one in there…the power of positive speech and all), stability, etc….I just really feel like we’re going to be able to look back on 2010 and say to ourselves, “WOW! What an AMAZING year!”

I’m really looking forward to this new year and also to living up to the word “EXPECTATION”. I want to expect good things from life. I want to teach my kids to expect good things. I’ll also teach them to deal with the rough things that come along the way, but you can learn to see the silver lining in the middle of all of those dark stormy rain clouds that might come your way. I want to be a person who sees the positive in things FIRST, and to not have my first response always be a pessimistic one. I want to learn to HOPE a little more than I currently do.

I want that child-like EXPECTATION not only in my life, but EVIDENT in my life.

I’m excited to see what this new year brings and I’m expecting that I’ll be able to look back and be so pleased with how things turned out when all is said and done.

Simplifying and Cutting Back

I deleted my Facebook Account yesterday.

It was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

See, I hate Facebook! Well, hate might be too strong a word, but I’ve disliked Facebook almost since the day that I signed up.

And why did I sign up for something that I didn’t really like, even at the time?

Good Question?

My honest answer, “Because everyone else was doing it!”

Apparently I’m just a lemming.

I hate getting notifications of group invitations and knowing who’s got a fish tank or who is playing Farmville or who is as sexy as Edward Cullen. I don’t want to know what type of personality you are or to even have friend suggestions for people I don’t know.

It was ego boosting to have people “friend” me at the beginning, but then there were people that I didn’t want to necessarily be “found” by and then what? Do I accept them? Do I reject them? or do I ignore them? It gets messy! I hate messy!

In the end, Facebook was a place where I felt like I was stalking. Ya know, signing in to see what everyone else was up to without ever contributing to the “Facebook world” and really….that’s just HUGE waste of my personal time and so…..POOF! I’m no longer there. Which for me means…..no more time wasted ((cough)on that site!(cough))

I do still have my Twitter account and really that was the only part of Facebook that I really liked (the status updates) and although I haven’t twitted/tweeted (Whatever!!!)…..I haven’t posted a tweet in a while…..I’m hoping that I can – figuratively – OOOOMPH my tired behind off the couch that it’s been parked on and get back to seeing the funny side of life.

I love to update the silly stuff my kids say. For example, Siah pulled this one outta the air the other day.

“Yesterday, I was younger than J.J.”

He’s two, people, how does he even know what “yesterday” means let alone that he was younger. It was all used properly in context and was said as if now, NOW, he was much older than Jeremy.

Obviously we have an incorrect grasp on age, but still….so SO cute coming from his little tiny voice piping outta the back seat of the van and said to no one in particular (he was chattering to himself while we were driving)!

Anyway, anyone who really needs to contact me has my e-mail address or else, we’re not really that close, are we?

I’ll admit, it did feel a bit like I was cutting myself off from a huge section of the world, but really…..am I leaving a part of the world? or am I taking a step forward into my reality?

Questions? Questions?

Only time will tell…………