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Part 2 – The Place I’m In

I mentioned in Part 1 that I spend a great deal of time inside my house. The biggest reason for this is to keep Angelica as safe as possible.

We cannot protect her from everything and even in this environment, no matter how hard we try, there are bugs and bacteria that we cannot eliminate. When her counts get low…..she is even a danger to herself…..any cut or bump can add to the possibility for a problem….

It’s not fun.

The weight of the stress alone, is almost too much to carry; let alone just dealing with the actual chemo and the side effects it brings and add in the emotional side of things and often it can seem overwhelming, but that’s not the point of this post….

Friday April 8 Langley, BC

Have you ever been hurt by another person?

I have.

For different reasons and at different times in my life, my feelings got hurt and it sucked. No one likes to get hurt, do they?

Well, here is some news that I’m sure is news to no one……..PAIN and SUFFERING happen. It’s as much a part of life as breathing and dying. It happens. It’s gonna happen! It’s just a part of life. No one gets a free pass. I’ve found that when I can accept that life has good AND bad moments, I can be more at peace with myself and in turn, when I am more at peace with myself – then I have more grace for others….

In this place that I’m in………I’m uncomfortable!

I’m literally living inside walls and there are aspects of this that feel so, so, SO claustrophobic!

You see, in response to the hurt I experienced, I built walls; and these walls……..they were supposed to keep me safe and protected.

I’m not really sure what I was thinking other than I just didn’t want to get hurt again. I guess that I figured that if my walls were big enough then I could keep hurtful people from doing hurtful things to me, and then… my life would be all sunshine and roses.

People who are hurting…..they end up hurting other people and the cycle rolls around and around and around! Think about it….when are you most likely to lash out at someone….after you’ve been hurt or offended?

HA!

It doesn’t really work like that. I still got hurt!

Eventually it got to the point where I avoided people. I don’t mean that I physically avoided ALL people, but that I didn’t really allow anyone to be close to me. I never allowed myself to be vulnerable to anyone. My understanding was that if I opened myself up to people, then I was opening myself up to a world of hurt.

And in time, I found myself alone!

The walls I had built to protect myself by keeping others out created an even bigger problem…..they allowed no one in.

I was alone; oh so very, VERY alone!

Eventually, I realized that this was a horrible way to live and after a fair amount of counseling, I began to let the walls down. I’m not saying that everything was 100% better and that I had no walls and was completely open and vulnerable to everyone, but I believe I was heading in the right direction. I was in process….. I was allowing people in to see me…to see the real me; to get to know me, the real me. Yes, I recognized that I might get hurt, but honestly, being alone hurts worse.

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. Joseph F. Newton

This last year, I’ve experienced those walls in a very literal way. I’m inside these walls. We are trying to create a safe place for our daughter; and for a variety of reasons, I’ve spent most of the past year within some literal walls. It’s been a rough year. It’s been a stressful year. It’s been a very tiring year, but most of all it’s been a very lonely year!

It’s also in some ways been a very enlightening year. I have SO MUCH TIME TO THINK!

Me as a Baby

Sometimes, this is a bad thing and sometimes, it is a very good thing.

I don’t want to be separated from “life”. Yes, this is just one year. Yes, we have made choices for a reason, a good reason. Yes, it’s not forever but right now it’s a lonely time and it sucks. I understand all of the reasons and it still doesn’t make it any better or easier. And so, I’m looking forward to this “season” ending and a new season beginning.

In any case, this has really cemented in me the fact that I do not want to be alone…..I do not want to live confined within walls. I’d rather be vulnerable than alone!

(part 3 coming soon)

My Little Picasso

Judah loves to color. I don’t remember exactly how we figured this out, but one day Judah got a hold of a pen and the rest is history.

I think…..I remember one day when I was making a weekly menu plan, something distracted me; and he grabbed my pen and started scribbling in my notebook.

It’s interesting to me, and we are encouraging it as much as possible, because I don’t remember any of my other boys being this interested in drawing or coloring.

The other two boys never really showed any interest in anything to do with pens or pencils or coloring…..it just wasn’t their thing….

But Judah seems to really enjoy seeing the marks that he can make on the paper. At this point, he will use either hand to color even though, he seems a bit stronger with his right hand. Mind you, if you try to take the pen out of his left hand and put it into his right hand…..he is NOT happy about that. There is a lot of screaming and general upset-ed-ness…..

I wonder if he’s gonna grow up to be an artist or……if he’s just really gonna enjoy coloring? We’ll just have to wait and see.

(part 2 is still coming…..I promise)

Out With the Old & In With the New

I was talking with my dad the other day and asking how much it would cost to get new carpets put in on my stairs….

The carpet that was there was the original carpeting and the house is 15 years old. There was only one other owner before us, but still….there is 15 years of someone else toenails and dead skin and coffee spills, not to mention that those particular carpets were a lovely off white color.

Old Icky Carpet – GONE!

They probably looked AMAZING when the house was first built, but let’s just say that after almost 2 years of our family trucking up and down those sucker a million times a day and even with multiple steam cleans over the almost 2 year period….off white carpeting (on the stairs, no less) is probably not the best color for a family of 7.

Literally, We’d steam clean them and within an hour, there would be a NEW stain. It was so frustrating because no matter how hard I tried to keep them clean, the stairs just looked disgusting.

So, I asked my dad about pricing and he mentioned that he might have something at the office that would be perfect…

My dad owns a flooring company in Langley, BC – “Kennedy Floors”.

The next day I came home from running a quick errand and Xandra mentioned that Papa had dropped off a carpet sample and that Uncle Tim would be coming the next day to install the carpet if I liked it.

Wow, talk about service. Ask and receive! BAM, just like that!

Thrilled to be getting rid of it

The carpet looked great next to our walls AND, it was a great pattern and color for a high traffic area. So we said, YES PLEASE!!!

My brother showed up the next morning and ripped all the carpet off the stairs. Josiah was LOVING just hanging out with his uncle for the day and my brother is amazing. He worked around having a 3 yr old “helper” who is well….he is just so very helpful!!!

It was interesting trying to keep the baby occupied because I couldn’t put him down on the floor or he would gotten into everything, but to get new carpeting……it was so worth it. We hung out on the couch some and checked out what was going on the back yard….it was really exciting stuff, like watching the grass grow!

Fortunately the baby took a quick nap, and before Tim put the new carpet in, I was able to paint around the edges of the
stairs.

Downstairs Hallway Color – a Dark Grey

Here is a picture of the finished stairs from today…

sorry ’bout the crappy cell phone photo

The lovely piece of wood in the left hand side of the picture is our custom made baby gate. Judah can crawl up faster than you can imagine, but he hasn’t quite figured out that standing or just turning around is not the smartest move and he’s definitely not clued in as to how to crawl down the stairs. I really must work on that with him, but until then…..Jon made the handy dandy piece of wood gate! It’s pretty classy and even has rubber edges so as not to damage our floor or banister. Purdy, aint it?

For about a week after, Tim installed the carpet, Josiah would walk up and down the stair and say to either Jon or I, “I sure love your new stairs. They are the best!”

Using the mallet and the kicker

I think he just really enjoyed the time spent with Tim. I have to admit, it was nice to have a day of hanging around with my oldest little brother. He’s pretty amazing. And I can’t wait for him and Daisy to have their baby. Any day now…….I’m so excited to be an aunt again. I love my nieces and nephews. Family is so much fun!

And new carpet is pretty cool, too! Thanks Dad! I love you!

(part 2 is coming…)

Part 1 – The Place I’m In

I have written, discarded and re-written about 6 different posts and I have no idea how to write about what I’m thinking about or where to even start.

Okay, lets try this out…

The chemotherapy that Angelica is going through kills cells. It specifically kills cancer cells, but indiscriminately, it kills a lot of other cells.

Our White cells are the infection fighting cells and more than a few times throughout these last 10 months, Angelica’s white cell count has been almost completely decimated. I compared the White Blood Cells, one time before, to an army. Imagine different units within that army. Unit #1 does the actual fighting of the different diseases and infections and viruses; while Unit #2 does all the recon work and Unit #3 has all the previous battle plans and strategies stored and ready for the next time they come up against a particular adversary. Obviously, this is an oversimplification, but you get the idea???

Playing Frisbee with Josiah

This particular virus that Angelica just had was a common virus that 75% of children under 3 years old have already been exposed to and had and 90-100% of children under 5 have already been exposed to and had…….

This means that Angelica, at 14 years old, was just dealing with a virus that she’s already dealt with previously. Those particular White Blood Cells that would have remembered and quickly destroyed the virus, were destroyed in a prior “Chemo” Attack and so she got sick. The only other one of our kids that got sick with this particular virus is Judah……so there is a good chance that Xani, Jeremy and even Josiah who is 3 years old, have already had this particular virus, especially seeing as it is, apparently, quite a contagious virus.

The threat of Angelica picking up different bacterial or viral infections is less than if she were a toddler or a young elementary school age child. Geli is not crawling on the floor or rolling around on the floor or picking up random bits and pieces off the floor and putting them in her mouth. She does not put a lot of objects that have been laying around into her mouth, and she is of the age where she can practice good hand washing techniques which drastically cut down on the amount of “bugs” that she might pick up. She can recognize and avoid, openly sick people and all of those different measures contribute to her being able to do things like going to school or to a movie. There is still a risk of her coming in contact with a certain virus or bacteria in going out in public, but she is not at as much risk as if she were younger.

But, we do have 2 little ones in our house, and they are the perfect age and quite susceptible to pick up on all the routine viruses that most all children get. Under normal circumstances, we wouldn’t give it a second thought and they would pick up and deal with all of these different viruses and bacteria and build up their own sweet immune system and because we older ones have already dealt with a bunch of them, we’d have two cranky little ones, but we’d be able to deal with it without too much trouble.

Run, Siah! Run!

Seeing as Geli’s immune system has been compromised AND any fevers mean a hospital stay until they figure out what is going on………we try our hardest to not place the little boys in a position where they might pick something up and bring it into our home to “share” with Angelica or anyone else for that matter.

This means no church, no play groups, no daycare or library time. There are no extra-curricular activities like swimming or gymnastics and we try to avoid the store during the busy times and often leave the boys at home, if it’s possible.

This has made for a very long and lonely year for me. I spend the majority of my time, in my house. We spend a large portion of time trying to create a safe place in our house. It’s not the easiest thing and I find that I feel like I’ve stepped out of the “world” and my life has stopped while the rest of your lives have carried on.

It’s a bizarre place to be in….

(to be continued….)

Magical Creatures…

I am just trying to survive.

I am on day 3 with a cranky, not feeling 100% baby who wants to be held ALL. THE. TIME! And, that would be almost okay if he would nap, but so far today we’ve done 2 naps for a combined total of 19 minutes. YAH! Cranky, OVERTIRED, Not Feeling Well Baby, for the win!

The house is um…..sort of somewhat tidyish, ya now minus the rice crisps that the baby was eating off the floor that he managed to smoosh into 5 million tiny shards. I still need to sweep those up, and I really should be folding the 4 loads of laundry and washing Geli’s bedding before she comes home tonight and all of that is kinda difficult to do with a cranky baby hanging off your hip. Did I mention that the baby weighs 30 pounds? Yah, cause doing anything while carrying around 30 pounds is not the easiest thing in the world.

I finally packed the boys up and put the baby in the stroller and we walked around our complex a few times and out and around the cul-de-sac just to get a bit for fresh air. Honestly, I had hoped that maybe this tired baby would crash, but no luck so far.

BUT…..he is playing on the floor in front of me, while I sit on the couch typing up this post, so that’s positive right.

I did manage to get a roast into the crock pot this morning and so at the very least dinner is taken care of.

Did ya catch that reference up there a few paragraphs back? Jon and Geli are coming home tonight.

As of 7pm tonight, the 48 hour time line for her blood to culture any bacteria is up and she gets to come home. It’s pretty much determined that it was just a virus and they don’t want her there any more than we do, and so we’ve asked to come home as soon as the 48 hr wait is up.

Her white count is actually coming up and her neutrophils were above .5 this morning and that’s a good thing. Bad thing was that even though she received red blood yesterday it only raised her levels by 15 points and that’s not enough to help her feel better. She was at a 71 yesterday for her hemoglobin and while some kids can tolerate being down as low as 60 or 50 something, Geli starts to feel pretty rough at 80 something….. She feels short of breath, and has headaches, and feels like her heart is pounding and is major dizzy and light headed. The chemo that she is getting hits it high point of effectiveness (the nadir) tomorrow and so some of her counts are still coming down. So the 85 that she hit as of this morning will probably end up back in the 70’s or lower as of tomorrow and so in order to deal with that, Geli is getting another “strawberry shake” today. Her platelets were also at a 20 and while that’s not the end of the world, we don’t want to have to be on pins and needles around her in case of cuts or bruises and so she is also getting platelets today. But after she gets filled full of red blood and platelets, she is good to come home! Hooray!

I spent a quiet day at home with my boys. We sat outside for a while and it was so nice to just be outside in the sun. I love the sun. It makes me feel so happy. I’m so ready for spring and summer to be here. I love the snow in the winter, but the rain…..well, I’ve had enough rain this year.

Yah….Soooo….That……

Well, Geli off and got herself a fever which earned herself a trip to the hospital and BAM….here we are doing this whole stupid song and dance again.

The pre-story goes something like this….

Judah woke up at 2:30am early on Sunday morning and when I picked him up from his crib he felt quite hot. We took his temp and he rocked in at 38.7 degrees Fahrenheit. Not too bad, but definitely a high score….I stripped him down to his shirt and diaper and brought him to our bed to nurse.

I lay there for a minute and then asked Jon to go and check on Geli. Fever’s are not our friends and seeing as we’ve been exposed to pretty much the same things, and because Geli’s immune system is compromised – there’s a good possibility that she could have whatever Judah’s got going on. Combine that with the fact that she’s been coughing and snotting and well…..the odds just keep increasing and increasing and not in her favor…

Jon came back a few minutes later and said that she was at a 37.7F And that started off the not so fun and amazing night of no sleep. There are just so many factors to take into consideration….does she have any neutrophils? Is this a virus? Is this a bacterial infection? Was she just too hot under her million heavy blankets? Jon told her to take a few blankets off and that he’d test her again in half an hour….well, half an hour later it was only down .1 of a degree. Between Judah, who managed to get to a 38.9F and Geli who hovered between 37.2 and 37.8 and one wicked nightmare that happened in the 15 mins of sleep I managed to get (in my dream, Jon came and told me that Josiah had some weird disorder and had 24 hours left to live – if that doesn’t just wreck your night, I’m not sure what will)….I lay there fighting against the stress and fear, only barely holding myself together.

To say it was a rough night, is putting it mildly.

We woke up the next morning and Jon was supposed to speak at church that morning, but with the threat of Geli spiking a fever, he canceled and stayed home with us. I’m really glad he did because I think the kids would have stressed out more if he had been gone all morning and then left for an undetermined period of time.

Her temps never went over 38F, but they did hover in the mid 37’s and so we finally called the Pediatric Oncologist at the hospital and talked about possibly bringing her in. We decided to wait until 5pm and make a call then. We were just trying to avoid a middle of the night panic filled trip into the hospital. Those suck even more than a somewhat expected or planned visit. We took her temp just before 5pm and it was at 38F on the nose….SUCKS! We waited for another half an hour, took it again and it was up to 38.3F and so it looked like we had our spike.

They piled all the pre packed stuff into the car and headed into Vancouver.

Once they got there, her temps were back down to 37.7F but her counts here borderline low and so they admitted her.

Here at home, we had prepped the kids that this hospital stay may be 16 or so days. 2 or 3 days for a negative culture and then 14 days beyond that….We figured that if we just wrapped our brains around that then anything better than that would be a bonus. Putting the kids to bed last night was a bit of a trip. There was no screaming or massive meltdowns like the last time Jon and Geli went to the hospital, but everyone was wired. We sat down on the couch with a couple of bowls of popcorn and watched Ice Age 2 to try to settle the kids down.

And then, because everyone was feeling a bit “upset” by this interruption to our everyday events, the 3 kids decided to bunk together in Angelica and Alexandra’s room. Jeremy slept on a fold out mattress on the floor and Josiah was on Geli’s bed and Xani was, of course, in her bed. Unfortunately, the days events were too much for Siah who just would not settle down (dont worry Geli, he didn’t break or wreck anything of yours) and after about 45 minutes….Xandra brought him back down stairs. Seeing as Judah was still sick and feverish and wouldn’t let me put him down, I called my momma to help me out. She ended up just taking Siah to her house for the night and then brought him back this morning. It was such a huge help.

Judah finally settled around 9:45pm and I was in bed by 10:15pm myself. I read a little and had my own bowl of popcorn and then went to sleep. After the night before I was hoping for a decent night of sleep, but with how off and cranky Judah had been I was expecting him to be up at least half a dozen times. He slept all the way through until 5am and so did I. Thank you, God!

As of this morning, Geli’s counts were low enough to score her some red blood but not completely decimated….just mostly! She also tested positive for a fairly common virus but its also highly contagious and so she been moved from the familiar oncology ward to an unfamiliar cardiology ward. This is great for all the other immuno-compromised oncology kids who wont get sick because of her, but sucks for Geli and Jon because none of the cardio staff know Geli and it ends up being ” a little of out of sight, out of mind” scenario. Basically, the staff of the oncology wards are amazing and obviously know their stuff, and it’s not that the cardio people don’t know their stuff, but they don’t know the oncology stuff and really they have no reason to know it….it’s just not as optimal as being on the regular ward.

So, we are in the most hated waiting period. We must wait for 48 hours from when the blood is cultured to see if she grows any funky bacteria (this is on top of the positive viral culture) and then it all depends on her counts. If she’s too low (as in has no neutrophils – the infection fighting white blood cells) then she’ll have to stay until her body starts making some. The worst problem is that the precautionary antibiotics that she is on, can also lead to her being neutropenic….so it’s a catch 22. She needs the antibiotics to not catch a bug while her counts are low, but the drug that they like to use on her, can keep her counts low…..not fun eh?

So basically we need

-for her to get over this virus,
-for there to be no bacterial infection,
-for her counts to rise,
-for Jon to stay healthy,
-for her to not pick up any bugs while at the hospital,
-for us to be peaceful and calm here at home,
-for us at home to stay healthy, and
-for them to be able to come home soon

My Sweet Girl

I remember the night that Angelica was born.

Early Morning Birthday Math – doesn’t everybody celebrate this way???

I was feeling some contractions, but I totally didn’t believe that they were contraction because they didn’t hurt. I was expecting 8-10 hours or more of pain…..THAT was labour. Anything else was just that whole “pre-labour” stuff that the books and our class had talked about and what I was experiencing was not even sort of painful.

I was desperate to avoid going to the hospital only to be sent home saying that I had hours and HOURS of labour left to go. And so I just continued on with my afternoon and evening. My mom came over and she seemed intent on convincing me that I was in labour but regardless of the fact that she had given birth to 5 kids of her own…..she obviously didn’t understand how this worked….

I told her to smile, I wanted to get a “14” picture! Nice Crazy Eyes!

Finally I got the point that the contractions were sharp enough to take my breath away and to even make my eyes tear up a bit and at that point I agreed to go to the hospital. From what I remember of our short trip down Willingdon, I fussed and complained to Jon the entire way about how they were gonna send me home and how I’d be devastated. And sure enough, when we walked into the ER the triage nurse tried to blow me off and then I had a contraction. Then she asked me a question and I had another contraction. Then she asked if I had had 2 contractions while I was having a third……then she said to forget the paperwork and to come right on up to the maternity ward. I had another one while waiting for the elevator, another one in the elevator and another one as I stepped off the elevator. The next hour is a bit of a blur. I remember pieces of it but basically, within the hour Angelica was born.

She was so cute and tiny and had this shocking black head of hair.

And that………that was the beginning.

My 14 year old

Now, my baby is 14 and its amazing how fast the time has flown by. Yes, there are times when I felt (and feel) like the months, weeks, days, heck the minutes…..are dragging by but really….I blinked and now she’s so grown up.

I got married at 19…….that’s in 5 years. Wow! That’s almost unbelievable!

Geli woke up on her birthday and was ready the fastest she’s been in……well, in a really long time, but I think she was excited to go to school and before she could go to school she had to go and get blood drawn to see what her counts were at so that we knew whether she was going to get the next dose of chemo on Tuesday.

Jon took her to get her blood work and then dropped her off at school “on time”. Angelica pranked one of her friends by dumping a bunch of Millet Puffs into her locker for her birthday. So when her friend opened her locker, there was a giant mess of puff balls that poured out of her locker, onto the floor and her friend says that she still has little puffs in her locker.

WHAT A MESS!

I think Geli was a bit nervous and a bit excited to see how her friends were gonna get her back. Here is her locker.

It was wonderful that the way that everything worked out that #1. Geli’s counts were high enough that she could be at school, #2 that they were able to delay her Chemotherapy by one day so that she could be at school and #3 that Geli was healthy and feeling well and able to enjoy her birthday with her friends……

She even got presents at school…..fun, fun!

After school, we had a few more gifts to give to her….

Siah had chosen this little monkey key ring. If you pressed a button on his head, he would say make monkey noises and his eyes would light up….it was a lot cuter than it sounds. It sounds kinda creepy just like that.

He was so excited to give her her present. it was really cute to watch him, although I’m not sure if he really wanted to give her the monkey….he was pretty excited about it himself.

Dinner was something that Geli loves and then the rest of the evening just went smoothly. Looking back on the weekend, I was just so thankful at how everything had turned out in her favor. It was an amazing weekend and one that I’m sure she will remember as a highlight of this past year.

My Sweet Girl,

I pray this new year in your life is full of love and laughter and family and friends and especially health. I love you immeasurably and I’m so excited as I watch you growing up into a gorgeous young woman.

This past year was the hardest you’ve faced yet and yet in spite of all that you’ve gone and are going through – you are thriving. You are so brave and you are learning about how much strength you actually have.

Even though there are times that we wish we never knew how strong we actually are……we all go through tough times and we come out the other end with strength and compassion and a new level of understanding for others who are struggling or going through their own hard times. These are all amazing character traits and I proudly watch you as you embrace everything that comes to you.

Keep smiling when you are happy and crying when you are sad…..being “true and real” about what you are feeling and how you are doing is another amazing thing. Hiding or pretending doesn’t help anything.

Be true to yourself.
Laugh Hard.
Love Harder! and…..
LIVE everyday with passion.

I love you sweetheart!

Your Momma

Birthday Weekend Continued

Saturday morning, the girls woke up (eventually) and we made a “Big Breakfast“. That’s what our family calls the weekend “eggs, bacon or sausage, homemade hash browns and toast” breakfast. It was delicious! Then the girls hung out until 3pm. It is so amazing to hear Geli giggling and having fun. The down times (and there are lots of them) really create contrast for the good times and we try to really appreciate and enjoy the good times.

The rest of Saturday involved produce shopping at the local veggie market, and then some cousin time. My cousins dropped off their 3 boys and went out for a date. It was so awesome to see the boys and we are looking forward to dumping our brood on them in the future and heading out for a dinner ourselves.

Sunday morning was spent making a turkey dinner for Geli’s Birthday meal. Technically, her birthday was on Monday, but we asked both sets of Grandparents to come over for lunch, after their churches let out, to celebrate.

We kinda forgot to take too many pictures, but Geli did remember and grabbed my camera and took a few. This one was just after lunch was finished. The guys are relaxing in the post turkey haze and checking out You Tube Videos. We worked on cleaning up the kitchen for a bit before we served dessert. Truth be told, we needed a moment to let the delicious lunch settle to make a bit of room for dessert.

We recently picked up some meat from M&M Meat Shops with a gift card that we were given and we got a free apple pie with our order. Geli really wanted to have it for her birthday and so we heated it up to serve with ice cream. It had wheat in it so there were a few of us that couldn’t eat it and so I made a dessert that was good for those of us who couldn’t eat it.

This is a raw papaya, banana pie and it was AMAZING. I made another one that was a raw blueberry, pear pie and althought I didn’t eat a piece of it – Jon said that it was delicious too.

The base is made from pecans and dates and then I placed thin slices of papaya on top of the base and purreed some banana and papaya together and poured it over the top of the slices. Then just before I served it, I cut up some banana slices and sprinkled it with some coconut. MMMMmmmmm!

We rounded out the day with a game of Settlers of Catan!

This past weekend was so nice. We weren’t running around trying to get everything done. We were mostly just at home and enjoying spending good quality family time together. There was food & games and it was just about the most perfect weekend……and we hadn’t even made it to Angelica’s actual birthday. Let the partying continue.

14th Birthday Party

It was Angelica’s 14th Birthday yesterday and we’ve basically celebrated non-stop since Friday.

We were woken up at 6am on Friday morning to the melodious sounds of someone barfing!

Jon ran upstairs and found Geli hunched over the toilet retching and heaving. He got her some anti-nausea meds and helped her get settled back into bed while I nursed the baby back to sleep. I was SO concerned that Geli might have picked up whatever felled 4 out of the 7 of us. It was supposed to be her birthday party on Friday evening and I was so upset.

This whole cancer/chemo thing is a massive head trip because you never really know what’s going on. She could be barfing from the chemo or it could be from a bacteria or it could be something else entirely. She could be feeling tired because she stayed up too late, because she’s getting sick, because her hemoglobin is low, because the chemo is hard on her body or any other number of things. Some of the issues are serious and some are less serious. Regardless, there is so much uncertainty and SO. MUCH. STRESS. so much of the time. It’s very wearing.

We all managed to get back to sleep and slept until just after 7am. When the whole family got up for the day, Geli joined us at the table all ready for school and she was feeling fine. So, we dropped her off at school and carried on with the day.

After school, Geil came home and started getting ready for her party. She’s been thinking about her birthday party since before Christmas and she had decided to have a fondue.

We set up a cheese fondue, an oil fondue and for dessert, a chocolate fondue.

Angelica has the most amazing friends.

These girls are so thoughtful, loving and encouraging; and I’m so thrilled that they are a part of Geli’s (and ours) life.

There was a cake pyramid and I was horrified that I couldn’t find any candles….and so we made do with one gnome!

Geli came up with the idea for the cake pyramid. We could have made an actual cake with icing, but Geli said that she just wanted to be able to dip the cake pieces into the chocolate fondue.

There were presents and lots of laughs…..

And there was some sneaky sampling…..

But really, he was just “helping” to make sure that it tasted ok and that it wasn’t gross……ya we’ll go with that…it was the Quality Control Sample.

The girls had a great time and Geli had a wonderful birthday sleep over with her friends. It went even better than what I had hoped for.

Ending It Off With A Bang

Well, we sure ended Spring Break with a BANG!

We had a big family lunch on Sunday Afternoon and before evening had hit, Xandra was barfing. As the evening wore on the symptoms grew until she was feeling pretty crummy.

On Monday morning, Jeremy woke up with some of the same symptoms, but he managed to make it all the way until after lunch time before he joined her in some sacrificial giving to the porcelain god. We kept them home on Tuesday because I’m a big advocate of the 24 hour rule – “wait for a complete 24 hours after vomiting or diarrhea before sending children back to school”.

I don’t like my kids to share germs – not even with each other but especially with anyone else.

I woke up extra early on Wednesday morning in ROUGH shape. I ran to the bathroom and made it with seconds to spare. And that begin my day of sleeping, and rushing to the toilet. Yesterday was NOT a good day. I’m not sure what the deal is because I didn’t feel nauseous at all, but I had such a SORE tummy. Like, lay on the couch moaning and whining about how bad it was…..while clutching a hot pack to my stomach.

I slept, in the morning; and slept again in the afternoon and then went to bed at 7pm. I might have been able to sleep it off, BUT……Judah was awake every hour from midnight until 6am. And this afternoon, I finally thought to check if he might have a tooth, and if that might be the reason for his crappy night. Sure enough, it looks like he’s getting a top tooth. He’s actually had a string of good nights recently. For the past week, he’s been up once a night and some nights not at all……..

I felt pretty crappy throughout the night and twice asked Jon to heat up the warm pack. I also felt bad, because if my kids were feeling this bad, I had no idea and could have totally given them a warm bag to cuddle.

I do feel better today – not a hundred percent – but definitely better.

I managed to get the house fairly tidy and even have a roast in the oven for dinner. What I didn’t get done…….the MOUNTAIN of laundry downstairs in my room. I have probably 5 loads that need to be folded, BUT…..I have NO laundry to do. That, I did manage, to get done.

So, I’m not as far ahead as I’d like to be, but I do have a moment to sit and pound this out. So that’s something.

I have a few things that I’d like to post about if I can just find the time to type them out. Hopefully soon.

I had a chat with the kids on the way home from school and we are back into our “routine”. We didn’t follow it while they and I were sick and so they are working on homework right now and hopefully we will get to sit and watch a show together as a family if they stick to the schedule tonight.

This is one of the things that I want to share with you……can you guess?

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30