Category: Siah

Day 15 – Texas Trouble

We left Round Rock around 10am with plans to head to Inner Space Cavern which was only 20 mins away in Georgetown.

When we arrived, the parking lot was FULL, the overflow parking was filled with school busses and there were millions of little children running around like feral cats.

We tried to find a place to park our truck and trailer in the overflow lot but it was difficult to navigate and in our efforts, the brake cable got pinched and short circuited, triggering the brakes to lock in place.

At that point, we were parked, whether we wanted to be or not. So in a super avoidant maneuver, we decided to go for the tour of the caverns and deal with the issue after.

We sidestepped through the chaos and went inside, only to be told that the next public tour was at 12:50pm.

So, it looked like we were going to deal with the trailer electrical first. I looked up RV service centres and there was one 2 minutes up the road. With the brakes being locked up, Jon cut the brake cable to release it and we carefully drove up the street and into the RV lot.

Jon took the cut piece of cable into the shop and bought a new one…..rather than doing a hack job and splicing the new cable onto the old cable, Jon decided to replace the cable properly.

Once replaced, the lights would turn on but not the turning signals.

While Jon was working on the truck, I was eating my feelings.

So Jon checked out the fuses and sure enough, we had blown fuses. So we had to buy and replace 6 fuses. But, Jon got it all figured out and working and at this point it was 1pm, so we decided to head back to the caves. Oh what fun!

We paid the admission and the next tour was leaving right away. So we headed into the caves.

The tour guide was funny and interesting. You walk further and further underground and it gets darker and warmer and more humid. They warn you to not touch anything in the cave because the oils on your hands destroy the formations ability to grow and develop. There is this one place where you are allowed to touch the formations as it had been touched when the caves were first found.

The ground is wet and damp and they have railings to hold onto and rugs nailed down into the ground so that you have better grip and don’t slip.

About half way into the tour, Jude did slip and fell onto his right arm, hurting it. And then he started to panic. Jon took him back above ground and got him an ice pack from the trailer.

Siah and I finished the cave tour and found Jon and Jude waiting for us.

It’s a good thing that we had a light day of travel planned because these two events, while nothing huge or horrible were unexpected and wearing. We packed back into the car and headed towards Brady, Texas where I had reserved a spot at an RV Park.

As we travelled further into Texas, it got hot and windy. It was beautiful with the wild flowers and cacti growing and the wide open spaces and rolling landscape.

We pulled into “The Heart of Texas RV Park”. It is such a cute little place. The wind blows warm. There are quail in the neighbouring yard cooing along with the hooting owls. The grounds are filled with wild flowers and brush and the most gorgeous trees.

We sat outside in the sun for a bit, before each of us ran through the shower in the guest house; and then made some dinner. After dinner, I had time to put the trailer in order – it felt a bit chaotic as we had spent time with family and friends over the past few days, rather than stay on top of keeping it neat.

Jon did a bit of schoolwork with Siah and then we settled for the night. A chaotic and unplanned day ended much more calmly than it began and for that I am so thankful.

Day 9 – Arkansas

It’s our last day in Arkansas before we move on with our trip and I’m determined to hold every moment with so much gratitude.

Dalton had the day off today which was awesome. He, Xani and Jon hopped in Xani’s Mini Cooper and ran out to pick up eggs, bacon and sausage for breakfast. I’m sure we could have planned better but it was just another moment to be together and remember.

Jon and Dalton were in charge of breakfast and they did a fabulous job. It was delicious! Complete with grits and Jimmy Dean sausage. To be honest, I did not eat the grits; but I heard someone say they were delicious.

After breakfast, we tidied up and the boys headed to the range. Xani and I stayed behind. I was tempted to go but the lure of some quiet time was too much for this introvert.

The boys had fun and I took a shower, did a little prep for tomorrows travel and Xani made snickerdoodles. I helped her roll the dough balls and then we sat in the sun for a bit. It was a such a lovely day just being with the people I love.

We had talked about possibly having seafood for dinner but by the time dinner rolled around we decided to go to Waffle House. The boys were so excited because it’s internet famous for always being open no matter what.

Having never been, I was expecting more of a family restaurant but it was more like a diner. We squished 6 of us into 4 person booth with 2, on chairs at the end.

Before we arrived, I had figured that I didn’t want waffles so I’d probably just get a salad or something light. But the menu has waffles and eggs and hashbrowns and grilled cheese and basically it’s carbs with a few proteins like eggs, bacon and sausage to balance it out.

Jude said the waffle were spectacular. 10 out of 10 and it got an “S” rating – which I understand to mean Superior – for both the food and the service.

It was late when we arrived and by 8:30 the waitress suggested we not stick around as they would be closing at 9pm. We said that we understood they were open 24 hours so why were they closing; and she said that the drive through would be open but they closed the indoor dining as this was the ghetto and we’d be likely to get mugged if we stuck around. It was a funny way to round out the day.

We went back home and Siah checked in on his school work, we packed a few things up and went to bed a bit earlier as we were planning to get on the road to Bay St Louis early.

It’s bittersweet to be leaving my sweet girl but knowing how well she is loved by this incredible family makes it easier.

We absolutely enjoyed every moment getting to know these guys. They are such good people with great hearts; authentic and real and we hope to be able to see them again soon. We are so thankful that you opened your home and hearts to us. We feel blessed to call you family.

Day 9 – Arkansas

It’s our last day in Arkansas before we move on with our trip and I’m determined to hold every moment with so much gratitude.

Dalton had the day off today which was awesome. He, Xani and Jon hopped in Xani’s Mini Cooper and ran out to pick up eggs, bacon and sausage for breakfast. I’m sure we could have planned better but it was just another moment to be together and remember.

Jon and Dalton were in charge of breakfast and they did a fabulous job. It was delicious! Complete with grits and Jimmy Dean sausage. To be honest, I did not eat the grits; but I heard someone say they were delicious.

After breakfast, we tidied up and the boys headed to the range. Xani and I stayed behind. I was tempted to go but the lure of some quiet time was too much for this introvert.

The boys had fun and I took a shower, did a little prep for tomorrows travel and Xani made snickerdoodles. I helped her roll the dough balls and then we sat in the sun for a bit. It was a such a lovely day just being with the people I love.

We had talked about possibly having seafood for dinner but by the time dinner rolled around we decided to go to Waffle House. The boys were so excited because it’s internet famous for always being open no matter what.

Having never been, I was expecting more of a family restaurant but it was more like a diner. We squished 6 of us into 4 person booth with 2, on chairs at the end.

Before we arrived, I had figured that I didn’t want waffles so I’d probably just get a salad or something light. But the menu has waffles and eggs and hashbrowns and grilled cheese and basically it’s carbs with a few proteins like eggs, bacon and sausage to balance it out.

Jude said the waffle were spectacular. 10 out of 10 and it got an “S” rating – which I understand to mean Superior – for both the food and the service.

It was late when we arrived and by 8:30 the waitress suggested we not stick around as they would be closing at 9pm. We said that we understood they were open 24 hours so why were they closing; and she said that the drive through would be open but they closed the indoor dining as this was the ghetto and we’d be likely to get mugged if we stuck around. It was a funny way to round out the day.

We went back home and Siah checked in on his school work, we packed a few things up and went to bed a bit earlier as we were planning to get on the road to Bay St Louis early.

It’s bittersweet to be leaving my sweet girl but knowing how well she is loved by this incredible family makes it easier.

We absolutely enjoyed every moment getting to know these guys. They are such good people with great hearts; authentic and real and we hope to be able to see them again soon. We are so thankful that you opened your home and hearts to us. We feel blessed to call you family.

First Official Week of School

Last week was a tough one as we had an extra bonus amount of work to “fit in” to our regularly busy schedule, with elections printing (Thanks Snap Election!)

Siah woke up with a cold on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL and was SO DISAPPOINTED. When I asked Jude what we were going to start our school year with, I was pleasantly surprised to have him say he’d like to start with Algebra.

We did not do as much as I had planned in my fairy tale dream world of perfectionist homeschooling; but we did get some done and for a child with PDA, I figure that’s pretty freaking good. Considering that I was busy working 14 hour days all last week.

As this week starts, Siah is still home with a cough but on the mend. Xani’s covid test came back negative – as we breathe a sigh of relief and curse whatever virus has invaded our home.

Jude’s School Day Reporting

I stayed home, today, and we actually worked through some school work with hardly any fussing. We are still acclimating to “school” and are easing into things. We managed to hit Math, Reading and Comprehension, novel studies, PE and our Conflict Resolution and Peaceful Communication Course. All in all a good day.

Parenting PTSD, the Educational Version

I recently received an email that sent me into an absolute tailspin.

I’ve just realized that with all the info blacked out, this email could be for any one of them, because all 3 of my boys have the same initials. All 3 have IEP’s and “school teams”.

Do you see anything wrong or even remotely threatening or negative about this email?

Nope! Neither do I and I asked for a meeting. Regardless, as I lay in bed, my heart started to race and the thoughts in my head sped out of control.?

What if they are upset with my child?
What if they are upset with me?
What if they are going to tell me that it’s too much effort to support my child?
What if they chalk his issues up to bad parenting instead of trauma?
What if they judge me?
What if they are tired of trying?
What if they put it all back on me to solve and fix?

And the thoughts spiral out of control until I’m choking back the tears and barely holding myself together.?

{I know that these are “what if’s….” and I really don’t want to live in the world of “what if’s….” because….what if it all goes amazingly well? And really what does it matter if someone thinks poorly of my child. I know the truth. But truth doesn’t always vanquish the trauma…..at least not right away.}

This is Parenting PTSD, the Educational version.In the past, I’ve had administrators and teachers say those things about my child. I’ve heard those things said to me, said about my child, and said when it was presumed that I wasn’t listening. To hear those things, destroys a piece of your heart, mind and soul. It breaks your ability to trust, to really even hear at all, let alone with an open heart and soul.

It is devastating to hear that people feel your child is too difficult, too much effort, or just not worth the effort.

While I know that currently, we have people on our teams who actually care for my boys, that past wounding, that TRAUMA is still there. It’s runs deep and it excruciatingly painful.

As a parent of a child with extra needs, you are already soul crushingly weary but usually with no real option or opportunity to rest. You are almost always in fight or flight mode. If for some blessed reason you aren’t there, it only takes one second to be activated …..sometimes when it’s not even necessary.

I’m extra exhausted right now and pretty close to the edge of tears, most of the time.

I’m not alone in this, either. There are thousands of parents, with kids who have challenges, who feel traumatized from dealing with the people within the education system.

We are desperate for people to truly see our children for the wonders that they are. We are desperate for someone to share all the good and amazing things that they see about our children. We are desperate for people to look beyond the challenging behaviour, to see what our children are saying, to listen and really hear their hearts. To champion them into becoming all they they can be and even more.

We are desperate for people to see our children as human beings; and as valuable, worthy and important as the typical kids.

On our end, it takes the courage of showing up and being there even when you don’t know if it will make a difference or if you’ll get hurt again. It takes vulnerability to share your hurts, your ideas, your successes and your failures.

If you work within the education system, know that you have parents and children who are incredibly triggered right now.

show love,
show compassion,
show mercy,
show grace,
show acceptance.

Invest in relationship.
Foster communication.
Build trust.
Be Respectful.
Be a life line.

And the benefits will be innumerable.

But recognize that there is Trauma and it’s not going anywhere soon.

Be a part of the solution, not the problem.

Executive Function

Ya’ll I’m exhausted. It’s been a week FILLED with one thing after another after another and while none of those individual things are critical, the combined weight is enough to drag me under.

So today, I’m going to share a post that I read yesterday. I think awareness is so important. You can’t truly understand something, unless you’ve lived or experienced it.

BUT……you can learn. You can try to understand. You can lay personal bias and judgment aside and really seek to understand.

Jon and I have said for YEARS, that our kids have the capability to be wildly successful in life but that they would totally benefit and need a Pepper Potts to administrate things for them.

Those of us without Executive Function Deficits can often organize and structure our own lives. We can juggle all the balls, even the boring ones. But for those of us who have reduced Executive Function, certain tasks can seem insurmountable.

It doesn’t mean that people with Executive Function Deficits are stupid. They may be “Different, but they are not Less“. I will harp on that until the end of time. It’s so important. We all have strengths and challenges. It’s a part of being human. we should never belittle others for their challenges……EVER!

Here is link to an incredible article by Mair Elliot on Executive Function and how frustrating, and unpredictable it is to live with Executive Function Deficits; how much effort is required on a daily basis, and how it can affect quality of life even though the individual may be intellectually capable.

Please read this article with the intent to learn and understand.

Different, not Less!

Superpowers

Lets start Autism Awareness, Acceptance and Appreciation Month with a video from my sweet boy, Siah. It’s always best to let the experts talk about what they know best. Some of this is very broad and general information regaarding autism and some is very specific to Josiah.

This was a Speech that Siah shared with his school for Speechfest one year. He did such a fabulous job and was so well received by our school community.

Every incredible person with Autism is unique and wonderful, just like you and me. We all have strengths and things that we can work on. We all have interests and dislikes. We all desire love, acceptance, respect; basically, to be treated like human beings.

In our family, we are very open about who we are, the challenges we face and the strengths we have. We are different, but not less.

What are YOUR Superpowers?

I believe that mine include compassion, kindness and understanding.

Baking

Today I have 2 things I’m grateful for; but they’re related so I’m counting it as one.

I’m super thankful for kids who like to bake. It means that we have lots of baking around. Siah has been watching “Nailed it” and has even tried his hand at a layered cake. He definitely “Nailed it!”

Another thing that I am SUPER GRATEFUL for is my cookie scoop.

Do you have one?

They are AMAZING! No more rolling balls with hands or messing with two spoons…..just scoop and drop. Baking is so quick and easy with the cookie scoop. If you don’t have one, get one! You will thank me.

What are you thankful for?

Good from Bad (part 2)

I’m wanting to put this down here so that I can just walk away from it over the next 2 weeks.  

It’s not that anything HORRIBLE happened but it seems to me that it’s a lack of knowledge…..or, it could be that everyone was tired and emotional.  But my responsibilities lie with the little one in my charge and I have the honor of standing up for him until he can stand for himself.  

My biggest issue with what happened yesterday is the misunderstanding of what was really going on.

I believe children want to do their best and if for some reason they are acting in a way that doesn’t fit the situation……we, as adults, should be asking ourselves “what’s going on under the surface?”

Children want to please, they want to succeed and so often their “negative” or “inappropriate” behaviours are a result of their insecurities and anxieties over a situation that they can’t figure out, control or succeed at.

If our first response was not one of frustration or assumed disrespect, I believe that so many tense situations with our kids could be dissipated before the kids got stuck in fight or flight mode.

Siah was sad and overwhelmed and running away from those feelings and emotions.  The harder people tried to force him to face those feelings, on his own…..the harder he dug his heels in.  The moment that I joined him, in his feelings, and helped him to carry and process those feelings is the very moment that his defences started to come down.  

This is not something that is solely applicable to Siah….this works for every child.  

  • Believe that children want to succeed.
  • Believe that children want to please.
  • Know that something else is going on, if they are acting contrary to those two beliefs.
  • Attempt to determine the cause of the anxiety or anger
  • Empathize with the child ( you don’t have to fix the situation, validate their feelings and check in with the child to make sure they feel understood and that you have the correct read on the situation)

I have found that this works almost 100% of the time to dissolve anger and anxiety.  

It’s almost impossible to work through anything or to teach a child when they are in fight/flight mode.  And anxiety in children often presents as anger.

Anger is usually a secondary emotion to fear or sadness and usually presents when a child is feeling out of control.  

Empathy and empowerment are two of the most critical tools when working with children, in my opinion.

As adults, it’s our responsibility to work with the children and to adjust to their needs and deficits while continuing to teach and encourage in those areas of deficit.

They are the vulnerable and needy. We need to put their needs first. 

I believe that there may have been a personal desire to be in the assembly which may have prompted personal feelings of anxiety for missing a special event.  But…..if the focus had been on why Siah was struggling and not on “just getting him back to the assembly”….the entire situation could have gone down very differently.  

Think of a tug of war over a canyon….with the child on one side and an adult on the other….the canyon is the event or idea that is causing the anxiety…..the harder the adult pulls the child,  the harder the child will pull back trying to remain in a place of safety.  They will quickly lose all ability to reason and rationalize as they struggle to find a place of safety.  If the rope is laid down and the adult crosses over to the child,  they can stand together on the edge of the cliff and talk about the issue without the fear of being pulled into it. Once the adult lays the rope down, there is nothing for the child to be struggling against.  They may be SO terrified that they don’t realize the rope has been laid down and it may take a moment to help calm them enough to see that……but it’s SO MUCH easier to do that beside them, then across the canyon. 

Siah did go in and sing “What a Wonderful World” and I’m so glad he did.  He sat with me at the back of the assembly and enjoyed the videos and the music.  At one point, he leaned over to me and said, “Something good always comes from something bad…..the good thing in this bad situation is that I’ll get to meet a new principal, right mom?”

In the middle of his stress and anxiety and internal chaos……he’s still looking for the silver linings.  I love that.  

Our children will struggle – that’s a given – and some more than others, but it’s our job to stand beside them and to help guide them through, until they are strong enough and confident enough to do it on their own.  It’s a privilege and honor to be able to be there for them, especially the more vulnerable ones.  

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this…..not necessarily Siah’s particular situation but this idea…..this idea that children inherently want to please and that we can help or hinder the situation with our actions and reactions.  Is this a foreign concept to you? 

I’d challenge you to try it then next time you come up against a child who seems defiant…..it will blow your mind!

Good from Bad

I’m SO ready for this break.  Not that it’s really a break…..what with kids home from school and then this little thing called Christmas.  But this fall has been a busy one and it’s not been easy.  I’m ready to jus step off the crazy train for a moment and just BE with my family.

Today was a tough day for Siah.  Any day that’s off schedule and out of the norm is tough, but this last week of school before winter break has been one filled with assemblies and parties and treats and crafts and singing…..

While that sounds fun, for Josiah, it’s overwhelming.  To make it even worse, his Principal is retiring and today was her last day. He LOVES her and in a lot of ways, she has been his lifeline at the school.  While teachers, friends and classrooms changed, she was always there…..caring for, championing and encouraging him.


He’s mentioned a few things that have made me wonder how much anxiety he was carrying over her retiring, but I think he’s internalized a lot more than he’s let on.  

I’ve brought it up a number of times, to remind him and to allow for opportunity to process.  He understands from a conscious level but I think that he’s been struggling to process the feelings and emotions.

There was an incident at school today and I don’t have all the facts, but I heard another student looking for “Siah’s mom” and when I left the assembly to see why I was needed.  I was informed that they were just going to try and call me because Siah was very upset.  

I found him in the stairwell, clutching the Lego creation that he associates with his Principal and acting quite belligerent.  

I was almost 100% certain that his actions were entirel because he was overwhelmed with feeling and emotion and unable to process those feelings without help. 

He was refusing to go back to the assembly and quite upset that people were “forcing him” to go back.  The part in all this that’s so tough for me, is that this is a little boy who doesn’t quite understand or speak the same social/emotional language that the rest of us Neurotyoical People do.  He looks like he should and some times, he knows enough to fake it…..but really, he’s lost and has no clue.  So here he is and he’s run headfirst into an extreme emotional scenario (a retirement assembly) but add into that, that he feels devastated that she’s leaving and terrified of what the new year/new principal will bring. 

Now demand that that child, who doesn’t understand the language, his feelings or the situation……demand that he face his fear  and do it NOw, in the language that he doesn’t understand.   

He says that someone told him they were really disappointed with him.  That is brutal for a parent to hear.  I don’t know that’s exactly what someone said or if it was inferred.  What I do know is that what Siah received and he felt shamed because of it. 

When I found him in the stairwell, he was so on edge and definitely in fight/flight mode.  He was refusing to go back to the assembly and I knew that there was a bigger issue.  He’s been walking around our house singing “what a wonderful world” for the past 2 weeks….and commenting about how it’s the principals favourite song and that they were going to sing it for her. 

I tried to see if he would come with me but no dice.  Then I asked him if he was sad and feeling upset because the principal was leaving.  At that point, tears started to run down his cheeks.  I asked if I could give him a hug and he put aside the Lego and allowed me to comfort him while the tears fell.  I tried to convince him to come back to the assembly but he was scared and refused.  I told him we could sit in the office but when we got there, it was locked.  So I suggested we sit in the hallway.  He agreed to that.  I pulled him into my lap and talked to him a bit more about how this moment would never come again and that he would be so sad if he couldn’t sing the special song.  We heard them start the song and he agreed to come inside the gym, while holding my hand, if I stood with him.

So we sang with the rest of the students.  I let him keep the Lego creation.  The main issues in my mind were calming him down, haveing him be apart of this very special celebration and recognizing & understanding his emotions while acknowledging that it was ok to feel sad and overwhelmed.  

He told me that he was told he couldn’t have the Lego as fidget and while I understand that it’s neither discrete nor small……it’s definitely tied into today’s bigger issues. 

I may come back and post some more about this more tomorrow but for tonight, I’m going to head to sleep because I’m falling asleep on my phone.

Any thoughts?  Questions? Comments???