Behind the Scenes….

This is what has been happening at our house, last night and this morning…

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We had a great family get together yesterday afternoon and then Xani started barfing. Between last night and this morning she barfed 7 times….and we won’t event talk about what else was going on “behind the scenes” if you know what I mean….This morning she woke up with a fever…..this is so frustrating.

We moved Xani’s mattress into the TV room mostly to keep her and Geli separated. We are desperately hoping and praying that this “whatever it is” will skip Geli.

Over the weekend, Geli had a reaction to a bandaid and we think it’s a combination of the adhesive and the one chemo drug that she’s getting. Something similar happened once before. She has a bunch of blisters on her arm around where they drew blood on Wednesday and it hurts really bad. We have been applying Polysporin and praying that it just goes away and doesn’t cause any big problems. Her counts are high enough that we are hoping that she will be able to fight it off herself.

She did throw up her breakfast this morning though which scored her the right to stay at home today. And seeing as she is fine other than that barf…..I’m saying that it’s chemo related and not sickness related….at least it seems that way.

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Jeremy also woke up this morning with his own “behind the scenes” action and he’s been alternately laying on the couch and laying in the bath this morning…..really not feeling very well at all. He keeps threatening to barf and we have a bowl close by, just in case.

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There is a lot of soup and weak peppermint tea being handed out and we are praying that whatever this is….that it just stops now.

I was SO looking forward to everyone going back to school and Jon and I being able to relax on his one day off and nope…….so I’m pouting and whining a bit. I’ll be ok, but I’ve had enough of vomiting and diarrhea to last me a life time….

While I’m cleaning up vomit and other behind the scene messes…..do you have any humorous life stories to share with me? I’d love to hear from you….and I could really use the laugh today!

Another Chemo Day…..

Geli and Jon went into BC Children’s Hospital today for some chemotherapy.

We dosed her up on some heavy duty anti-nausea meds before she left and she seems to be responding well this afternoon/evening. Not feeling sick or icky, just a little loopy, but we’ll take loopy over barfy, anyday.

We took Angelica into the BC Biomedical Labs yesterday so that we would know what her blood counts were, as her chemo is count dependent. Basically, her counts have to be at a certain level in order for her to continue on with the chemotherapy this round. If they are too low, we must wait for them to come up. If they are low, but not scary low, then they continue on but give her the same dose as the last time and if they are all still amazing, then they continue on increasing the chemo as long as she tolerates it.

We went to Granville Island yesterday and it was such a nice time out. We left shortly after getting Geli’s blood draw and managed to make it there just in time for lunch. We had packed a lunch and had planned on having a picnic, but once we got there it was too cold for us baldies to stay outside and so we found a table inside and ate our lunch there.

After that we wandered around a bit and around 2pm we got the blood work results. Her counts were ok, but her platelets were low and that is something that we had wondered about as she didn’t stop bleeding after she got her blood draw in the morning. She soaked through the bandaid that they had given her and needed a kleenex in the van on the way home. We finally got that under control, but that incident had made us wonder about her platelets and yes….they were low, but not low enough to need a transfusion.

We talked with our nurse, Suzanne and weren’t sure what was planned as far as her moving forward, but we finally got the news that she would be continuing on with the chemo, but that they would give her the same dose as last time.

And so this morning, she got chemo into her spinal fluid via a lumbar puncture as well as two other chemo drugs intravenously through her port.

She’s done well and we are hoping that she continues to do well.

If you are willing to pray for her, please pray:

– that she gets no mouth sores
– that she gets no headaches (this was the worst side effect of the last dose, a week of headaches)
– that she feels well and not sick to her tummy (barfing sucks)
– that she is able to sleep well (she has had quite a bit of trouble with her sleep)
– that she will be able to enjoy the next week leading up to her birthday
– that she will be well and healthy for her birthday party, next Friday
– that her girlfriends will be well and healthy for her birthday party
– that our family is healthy and strong
– that we get some rest (the two little boys have been struggling with sleep)
– that we feel able to manage all that is required of us

Oh, and as a child fighting a life threatening illness, Angelica gets to “Make a Wish”. She is thinking about what she would like for her wish. We would love for her wish to be an amazing one that really blesses her so if you were interested in praying for favor for her, that would be awesome.

The Going’s On Around Here

I’ve been a bit scarce as of late.

I’ve been running at full tilt just trying to stay and keep on top of things and while it’s kind of working – I’ve had little to no “me” time and so that means no blog posts.

Hiding

Hiding

I’ve stolen a moment while the baby is sleeping and yet I feel guilty because if I don’t clean, then I’ll be further behind, but…..I’ve not stopped typing, have I?

In my mind, I can see that the end of this whole year of crap may be starting to settle down, coming to a close. I can see that a new chapter is coming soon and so we’ve been taking steps to prepare for that time.

I mentioned a post or two ago that I had gained more weight than I’m comfortable with and so the first thing that I did was to start to count calories AND to only eat whole foods while avoiding dairy, wheat and soy. It’s still going well and as of today I’ve lost 7 pounds. While it’s not difficult, per se, it’s not “fun” and yet, I’m not interested in being uncomfortable and so I carry on.

It’s amazing how much more energy I have when I eat only healthy foods. In some ways, it feels like a light has turned on in an other wise dark place and I can see more of what I need to do and for the most part, I’ve even scraped together the energy to accomplish what is required right now.

Eyelashes

Eyelashes

Over the past 9 months things have been quite chaotic and with the amount of stress that we are under, there are some important (to me) things that have slipped or been lost in all the stress and chaos. Kids helping out around the house and being a part of the daily chores and just pitching in……all of those kinds of things have slipped over the past 9 months and while the kids have “had” to step up in some ways, in other ways, it’s all just been too much for them.

I know how strung out I’ve felt and so its been a combination of giving them some leniency and also just not having the energy to “make things happen”…..Regardless, I hoped that if I could just hold on….that maybe we might get to a position where I didn’t feel like I was drowning. We are getting close. In some ways, I feel like I use up all of my reserves by about 3pm and then I’m just existing until the eveing. With each day that passes, I gain another couple of minutes, but it always surprises me how things like grocery shopping or a huge melt down with one of the kids can deplete what energy I have.

This is in sharp contrast to last July right after Geli was diagnosed and Judah was born, when even just sitting on the couch watching my kids felt like too much to deal with.

Brothers

Brothers

The week before Spring break we decided to switch things up. The kids were fighting and bickering and it was not cool. We took away all of the kids electronic entertainment and banned them from the computers and video games (we don’t have cable). On top of that, we told the kids that there was going to be an afternoon schedule and that there would be a “treat” if the schedule was kept and everything got done.

The schedule looked like this:

3-4pm Homework
4-5pm Play while 1 kid helps to make dinner (take turns helping)
5-5:45pm Dinner Time
5:45-6:15pm “EVERYONE” helps to clean up the kitchen
6:15-6:45pm Get Ready for Bed
6:45pm “Surprise”
8pm Bed Time / Lights out

Aunty Ruth's Sweater

Aunty Ruth’s Sweater

The kids mostly followed the schedule for the whole week prior to Spring Break and it was awesome. We had a Family Breakfast on Saturday morning and we talked with the kids about how they felt the week went and the response was very positive. The kids ALL mentioned how much nicer the week was because they mostly got everything done and the house was clean and we got to have some family time each night.

This week has not been quite as on schedule because of Spring Break, but we will be right back at it starting on Friday. I always like to get back into the “routine” a few days before school starts up again so that the kids are already “in” their routines and not just forced to get back into the swing of things so abruptly.

I’ve been trying really hard to stay on top of everything and to not let things slip. For the most part it’s working, but I do need to find out how to have some “me” time in the middle of all of this. My milk supply has dropped quite a bit and seeing as we are not even remotely ready to wean, I’m doing all I can to up it again. I made a big batch of Milk Increasing Herbal Tea and have been drinking that and chugging a ton of water on top of that. I’ve also been trying to make myself sit and really rest for a little bit. I’ll admit, that I find that to be a bit more difficult because there is just so much to do, but I’ve already noticed a difference and Judah seems to be a bit happier as well.

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Smiles

Geli is heading in for another dose of Chemo on Thursday so we’d love some prayer that she’d handle this next dose well. She has 2 more doses, including this one and then we wait for the next round to start…..Every day, takes us one day closer to the end.

Things have been busy, but we are gaining ground, I think?!? It’s slow going, but we will make it through this.

It Strikes

Josiah woke up at 2am last night and barfed.

Jon got him cleaned up and changed his bed and then Judah woke up. These two little boys can play a masterful game of parental sleep deprivation. It’s been just over a week of brutal sleeping habits and this is just the icing on the cake.

Both boys were sleeping somewhat soundly at just after 3am and the next barfing episode didn’t happen until just after 6am, and fortunately for us, that’s when Judah decided to wake up as well.

As we were getting ready this morning, Jon was musing about how he felt better this morning than he has for the past week.

I casually remarked that we were so blessed. We got 3 straight hours of sleep and that’s why we feel so amazing.

Yes……we are that sad. 3 hours of sleep is like heaven. We are giddy over here and it’s all because of 3 measly hours of sleep. Wow, that’s is just so sad!

Bad NightAfter the 6am barfing session, Josiah managed to completely clean out his stomach at 7am onto my bed…..

Here is the stripped bed and his bowl and a surprisingly chipper little guy.

Right now he is laying on the couch next to me watching Max and Ruby……and can I just say, Ruby has the MOST annoying voice.

We are desperately praying for this bug to skip Angelica (and the rest of us)….Siah has a bit of a fever and a fever is an automatic trip to the hospital for Geli and so we are really, Really, REALLY not wanting her to get sick right now.

Determination

My baby is almost 9 months old and I can hardy believe it.

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“Hey Momma, does that picture you just took make my butt look big?”

This past month or so, he’s been trying his hardest to “move”. His preferred mode of transportation is to push himself along our floor and slide on his stomach using his right leg and left arm to army crawl himself forward. In the past week, he’s actually managed to make a few “actual” crawling movements and I’m hoping that real crawling starts soon.

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“steady…….STEADY!”

But he’s also been trying with everything in him to stand and to walk. I wouldn’t say that he can confidently furniture cruise, but he can definitely furniture cruise. The little guy falls as much as he stands and cruises, but boy does he ever try…..he is one determined little boy.

He loves to grab a hold of a stool or some other low piece of furniture and to “high center” himself…..that way he has the sense of standing without any of the actual effort….and the added bonus is that he can have his hands free to grab stuff. He is so SO wobbly and his little legs end up shaking and bobbing and wobbling. But, he is just a young baby with 30 pounds of weight that he’s trying to support. That’s a lot for a little guy, although he’s not so little, just young.

I can do this

“I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this………I think?!?”

One of the things that I LOVE watching about Judah is his determination. He is SO determined. I’m not saying that as a “positive spin” on stubborn-ness. Nope, I actually mean DETERMINED. He wants to try and he will continue to try over and over again to accomplish things until he can do them.

Hey There!

“Hey Momma, How’s it going? Look at me!”

I love watching my kids….all my kids. I learn so much from them. Each one of them has something amazing about them and they add that “something” into our family and we are SO blessed by them. This little boy is no different. I’ve often wondered how being born into the chaos, stress and fear that Judah was surrounded by, would effect him. He is so happy and my kids (and other people) often remark about how happy he is. He has this amazing sparkle in his eyes, his smile is incredible and his laugh…..oh my goodness, his laugh is unbelievable. It’s so contagious and heart warming.

Laughing

Babies laughs are the best ever!

And when he misses a step, or wobbles off balance or has a low moment…..yes, just like us, he cries……but with a lot of love, snuggles and some hugs and kisses; he keeps on carrying on and tries again.

Crying

We all cry, eh?

Hopefully, we all carry on, too!

So Grown Up!

Jon and Geli have headed into BC Children’s Hospital again today. She has chemo today and tomorrow. She’s been feeling a bit off and we are having to give her more meds to combat the nasty feeling. It’s not fun. Her spirits are doing well though….and for that we are so thankful.

All Dolled Up

A little while ago we had talked about her getting all dressed up when she had to go into the hospital and then seeing if people recognized her and today was the day. She looks so grown up, doesn’t she? Those are my boots and my sweater. Man, I remember when I could fit into my mom’s stuff and it was right around this age….12, 13, 14 years old.

Angelica is just a few weeks away from turning 14….April 4th is the big day. So fun! She’s been planning her birthday for a few months now. She LOVES to plan and organize and she’s been working on fine tuning all the plans for a while now. She’s really looking forward to this party and I love that she’s looking forward to something with so much anticipation.

All About Me

Out for a dateI left Josiah and Judah at home with Jon last Friday and took Angelica out shopping for a birthday present for one of her friends. We went into Michaels and then hit the mall.

It was so bizarre how lost I felt. It’s been over 8 months and I’ve done almost nothing for myself in all of this time. Geli was headed off to some area of the store and her counts are high enough that I didn’t feel like I needed to stress about her and so I just let her go while I browsed through random sections of the store.

I didn’t have anything that I HAD to pick up. I didn’t have anything that I NEEDED to pick up. I didn’t even have anything that I WANTED to pick up. I didn’t have a baby hanging off of me and I wasn’t freaking out that a 3 year old was touching or climbing on or possibly breaking something. I actually texted Jon that I missed him and the boys and that I wished they were with me. I felt so SO lost. I had no idea what to do with myself and it was horrifying, and yet really made me think….

These past 8 months have been tough and there have been times when I honestly wasn’t certain what state I be in, mentally and emotionally, when things started to settle down. I knew that we’d get through it. I didn’t have a choice. We would come through and then what…….

Now we are looking forward to June (when the intensive part of Geli’s treament comes to an end) and we can see that there might be an end to this crazy, CRAZY time. We are not there yet, but as I’ve said before….each passing day brings us one step closer to the end.

African Style SlingingThings are not easy and I still feel a bit like I’m hobbling along BUT……I’m starting to think about the future. I’m starting to plan and hope and wish. I’m feeling like I need to start making plans for transitioning from this “high stress time” where I’m just trying to “exist”, to living a more purposeful, planned out life.

Just recently, I’ve attempted to meal plan, again. This was a HUGELY effective tool when I used it before Geli got sick and it saves us SO MUCH TIME and alleviates the whole “What’s for dinner? stress”. I’ve also tried to schedule in Monday’s as a Grocery shopping day, but if things continue to settle down enough that Jon and I get our Monday “day off” then I might bump that to Tuesday to work around “our day”. Planning “one” shopping day has also helped to alleviate some of the stress from continually running out to the store although it TOTALLY threw the kids for a loop that we refused to just go out and get something that they thought they “needed”. They seemed to figure it out fairly quickly though.

I’ve been trying this for a couple of weeks now and on the weeks that I’ve actually made it happen…it works perfectly. When things get stressful and we go into “survival mode” it doesn’t seem to work as well. Even right now, I’m thinking that I should plan a couple of freezer meals which would totally help out when things get stressful…..hmmmm….have to give that a bit more thought.

PeekAnother area that I’ve very recently started “working on” is me…..more specifically my health. At this exact moment, I’m tackling my weight. I was 194 pounds before I got pregnant. Not as Light as I’d like to be, but on a 5 foot 10 inch frame….it doesn’t show the same as it might on someone not as tall.

After having Judah, and all the Cancer stress and the month long hospitalization I was actually down to 185 pounds. Over the last 6 months, I’ve hovered around 190-195 pounds and just recently, I managed to hit the 200 pound mark and that’s it! I’ve got to do something. I had planned to just try to get through this first year without worrying too much about my weight, but that was when I was still under 200 pounds…..that whole 200 pound line….that’s my line. And I hit it and sooooo I’m choosing to work on it. I think that “technically” the books/experts/whoever “they” are say that I should be around 170 pounds, but I am really quite happy being 180-185. I haven’t been 170 since before I got married at 19 years old….. And so I’ve chosen to do something…..I’m counting calories and walking. I’d love to hit this hard and be all anal and perfect about it, but I honestly don’t have the energy to do this as intensively as I’d like to and I’m working on being okay with that for right now.

I’m down 5 pounds already and so I carry on. I’m hoping that this summer I will be in better shape than I have been for the rest of this year.

I’ve got a long way to go as far as “working on me’ goes, but I’m trying to take baby steps. I don’t want to get to June and have things slow down and for me to be still functioning in this “survival” mode. Knowing that things should be easing up, I want to be preparing myself so that the transition is not another shock to my system. I’ve had enough shocks for now, eh?

15 out of 56

Well, we are 15 days (2+ weeks) into Delayed Intensification 2 which is 56 days long (8 weeks). This is the second to last stage before Maintenance. So far, Geli has had a Lumbar Puncture, one dose of Intrathecal Methotrexate (into her spinal fluid), one dose of Peg L-asparaginase divided into two shots (one in each thigh). She has had two doses of Vincristine and 2 doses of Methotrexate (both of those into her port in her chest).

ColoringShe has been doing pretty well. There have been some down times, some barfy feeling moments, and a lot of great moments. Some times the chemo makes food and water taste “off” and that sucks. Sometimes, it’s difficult to sleep and yet regardless of how much sleep Geli does get, she feels overly tired most of the time.

Her body is working overtime to heal and process the poison injected into it and she’s fighting so hard and most definitely winning this race.

Geli has been at school all last week, except for Thursday when she had to go in for her last chemo dose. She has no chemo this week and we are planning for another great week at school.

Sweet BoyAs her parents, we are thrilled to see her attending school, hanging out with her friends, just being as normal as is possible in this crazy situation.

She is working hard on her grade 8 school work and while she’s not done as much work as is required from her school mates, she’s done really well on keeping up to date with the essential assignments that her teachers have given to her.

Angelica and a friend scored a perfect mark on an oral presentation that they have been working on over the past month or so. That was definitely a bright spot over this last week.

We’ve been out walking most days and the exercise and fresh air are wonderful. You don’t realize how much you take your health for granted until you spend a huge portion of a year not feeling well and laying on a couch and then you realize that even a simple walk requires almost more effort than you have to give. BUT….summer’s coming and swimming is important Siah & Gelienough that we are trying to build up strength so that we will be able to swim without needing a life jacket or having to rest after 5 mins.

We are really, REALLY looking forward to summer. Angelica will be on Maintenance and we will be defining a new normal and this summer will be a most welcome break from this past year. I think that we are all looking forward to a bit of a relaxing summer.

I’ve been trying desperately to stay on top of the house and have been running at warp speed from morning till night and unfortunately most of the night too (thank you very much children). I’ve had almost no down time and I’m desperate for summer with no homework, a bit more of a relaxed schedule, once a month visits into the hospital, no deadlines……I can’t wait.

Snow DayWe have managed to turn our house up side down and I think its a good thing, BUT…..it’s not without it’s challenges. We did move our bedroom down to the basement along with the two little boys. Geli and Xani are up in what was the master bedroom. Jeremy is still is his room and we’ve moved the “TV/Rec Room” up to the big room that used to be Siah’s. I will try to get pictures soon, but so far this particular room arrangement is working well.

Xani is still struggling pretty hard and it’s difficult to watch her struggle and hurt.

Jeremy is rocking his Lego Root Camp and just being Jeremy. Recently, we tweaked the meds that he’s taking and it’s made a great difference.

ColoringJosiah is 3 years old and while the whiny voice and testing of behavior is not the most fun….he’s doing really well. I believe that he’s settled greatly from the initial chaos and while there are still things that we can and will work on with him….he’s doing SO much better. We’ve been trying to color a bit and he’s loves to spend one on one time with anyone. He stresses a bit about not knowing “how” to color and wants to have one of us color “with” him by putting our hand over his, but we keep practicing and he’s getting a bit more confident that he “can” color all by himself.

Judah is getting so big and I can hardly believe that 8 months have past us by. While I’m still not eating wheat (he seemed to have some gluten issues), soy or dairy….the intestinal issues that Judah was dealing with seem to have settled and he is doing much better. I have never really had a baby who has eating issues and yet, Judah is giving me a run for my money.

He will eat rice puffs or rice cakes or potato puffs any time any where, but try to give him some thing that might actually have taste or nutritional value in it and he clamps his lips and crosses his arms in front of his face and uses his arms in a windshield wiping motion to knock the spoon out of your hand.
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I’ve tried to see if he will feed himself and it’s very hit and miss and so I’m not stressing about it too much because I don’t want to “create” a HUGE issue. He’ll eat when he eats and seriously…..it’s not like he’s wasting away, eh? He’s quite the chunk!

He has the sweetest personality and is so happy and squish-able and lovable and we are just so thrilled he is ours. (I just wish he’d sleep a little more consistently – he can….it’s just very hit and miss and I think that more sleep would make this whole situation just a little easier to handle.)

All said, we are doing okay! I wouldn’t say that things are the MOST AMAZING EVER, but we are surviving. One day at a time, we are making it through this…….A lot of that is due to you and your prayers, encouragement, love and support……we are so thankful to you all.

March 6th – A Year Already!

I can”t believe that it’s already March 6th.

Happy Birthday, Jack Man!

My nephew is 1 year old today. How cool is that?

It’s hard to believe that it was a year ago that my sisters and I were pregnant together and we had no idea what was on our horizon.

I had the cousins over to my house the week before last. We had Michelle’s 3 kids and Debbie dropped off Jack and between us all, there were 9 kids in the house….3 under a year. It was wonderful chaos.

Then my sisters left and Jon and I were left alone with ‘ALL THOSE KIDS”.

It’s really not that bad because the older 5 kids are all 10 and older and so it’s not like they require intense supervision….just a holler out here and there. There’s Josiah and the babies to watch and as long as the gate is up….we’re golden. They just crawl around on the main level and play with all the toys. If I occasionally throw them some food bits, then they are more than happy.

I tried to get a picture of the three of the little boys and well……I wasn’t as successful as I had hoped to be.

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I think this next one was the best of the bunch and it’s not that great….

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Being the oldest and the most responsible, Jack’s just had to do a quick butt check and he was happy to report that all was clear. That smell must have just been some gas or something, but Judah totally blamed it on Zach…

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The girls had been helping to distract the babies and then they left…..

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Jack crawled off to try to find them and that left the two boys….Zach had a rice cake he was muching on and Judah was quite upset that he didn’t have one. Here he is voicing his disapproval.

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Judah: “Hey Zach, You don’t mind if I have some of that cookie, do you?”

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Judah: “Look, Just hand it over and no one gets hurt.”

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Judah: “Wise Move, Dude! Wise Move.”

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Judah: “Man, I love these things”

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Zach: “What Just Happened?”
Judah: “Yup, I can still fit an entire half a rice cake in my mouth. I’m so amazing!”

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Jack got a little upset at Judah for stealing Zach’s Rice Cake….

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But he quickly mellowed out when I told him that I had extra rice cakes for everyone.

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Zach was pretty happy about that too.

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I tried one more time to get a good group shot….

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Judah was pretty happy and Jack seemed either mesmerized or traumatized, but Zach wasn’t exactly happy about that creepy looking Uncle Jon who was trying to get the boys to smile.

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Either that or he was just upset that Judah kept crowding in on him…

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And then he lost it…..

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So I grabbed all three of the boys and we had a quick snuggle.

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I sure do love these little boys!