I have written, discarded and re-written about 6 different posts and I have no idea how to write about what I’m thinking about or where to even start.
Okay, lets try this out…
The chemotherapy that Angelica is going through kills cells. It specifically kills cancer cells, but indiscriminately, it kills a lot of other cells.
Our White cells are the infection fighting cells and more than a few times throughout these last 10 months, Angelica’s white cell count has been almost completely decimated. I compared the White Blood Cells, one time before, to an army. Imagine different units within that army. Unit #1 does the actual fighting of the different diseases and infections and viruses; while Unit #2 does all the recon work and Unit #3 has all the previous battle plans and strategies stored and ready for the next time they come up against a particular adversary. Obviously, this is an oversimplification, but you get the idea???
This particular virus that Angelica just had was a common virus that 75% of children under 3 years old have already been exposed to and had and 90-100% of children under 5 have already been exposed to and had…….
This means that Angelica, at 14 years old, was just dealing with a virus that she’s already dealt with previously. Those particular White Blood Cells that would have remembered and quickly destroyed the virus, were destroyed in a prior “Chemo” Attack and so she got sick. The only other one of our kids that got sick with this particular virus is Judah……so there is a good chance that Xani, Jeremy and even Josiah who is 3 years old, have already had this particular virus, especially seeing as it is, apparently, quite a contagious virus.
The threat of Angelica picking up different bacterial or viral infections is less than if she were a toddler or a young elementary school age child. Geli is not crawling on the floor or rolling around on the floor or picking up random bits and pieces off the floor and putting them in her mouth. She does not put a lot of objects that have been laying around into her mouth, and she is of the age where she can practice good hand washing techniques which drastically cut down on the amount of “bugs” that she might pick up. She can recognize and avoid, openly sick people and all of those different measures contribute to her being able to do things like going to school or to a movie. There is still a risk of her coming in contact with a certain virus or bacteria in going out in public, but she is not at as much risk as if she were younger.
But, we do have 2 little ones in our house, and they are the perfect age and quite susceptible to pick up on all the routine viruses that most all children get. Under normal circumstances, we wouldn’t give it a second thought and they would pick up and deal with all of these different viruses and bacteria and build up their own sweet immune system and because we older ones have already dealt with a bunch of them, we’d have two cranky little ones, but we’d be able to deal with it without too much trouble.
Seeing as Geli’s immune system has been compromised AND any fevers mean a hospital stay until they figure out what is going on………we try our hardest to not place the little boys in a position where they might pick something up and bring it into our home to “share” with Angelica or anyone else for that matter.
This means no church, no play groups, no daycare or library time. There are no extra-curricular activities like swimming or gymnastics and we try to avoid the store during the busy times and often leave the boys at home, if it’s possible.
This has made for a very long and lonely year for me. I spend the majority of my time, in my house. We spend a large portion of time trying to create a safe place in our house. It’s not the easiest thing and I find that I feel like I’ve stepped out of the “world” and my life has stopped while the rest of your lives have carried on.
It’s a bizarre place to be in….
(to be continued….)
I can only imagine how the isolation is hard to live with. For all of you of course. Then there is the fact that people need people and its so easy for us to “forget” others in a prolonged situation. Its like we continue on cuz the crisis seems to be over and it becomes a new strange level of normal. I love your anology of space and the highways running and I think so many of us get preoccupied with our journey we dont look at those travelling with us. Love you so much. You are a valiant warrior and. Simply one of the most amazing human beings I know.
i love you.
hi patti i know that feeling my life has stopped while the rest of your lives have carried on. The first year i had cancer i thought i would never see my first anniversary of diagnosed cancer day because time was soooooooooooo slow and felt like eternity. it feeels like the clock had stopped ticking. that first year is the longest year of my life. after the first year is over then the clock starts ticking again. 2 more months to go. praying for you and jon. your life has beeen put on hold. when i had cancer at that time i felt i had lost those few years of my life and now trying to catch up. You will get your catch up time. You will celebrate with Angelica when she gets her children wish. what is angelica wish ? disneyland? praying for the whole family. 46 more days will be 18 years cancer survivor. times fly so fast now. much love and prayers and blessings debra
Congratulations on your new stairs!! They look wonderful. Your place is about the same age as ours I have scatter rugs in all the doorways to hide marks that won”t come off. Trust you all have a great week ahead Love Grandma