Life – Page 17 – xangelle.com

Getting Away from it All (part 2)

After lunch, we headed back to the hotel and even before we got there, the kids were already asking to go swimming.

So we all got our bathing suits on and headed back to the pool.

I really was on this vacation – see?!?

The pool had actually been closed for maintenance and had just re-opened all clean and sparkly on the day before we arrived. Between that and the fact that we were the only ones in the pool the entire time we were there…..it was perfect for someone with a compromised immune system.

Josiah was SO excited to be able to be swimming. He spent the majority of the time in the hot tub, and so did I. We typically would go swimming every week, but, back in the summer, we had to cancel our membership to the Walnut Grove Rec Centre because the pool is just not a great place for Geli and we didn’t want the other kids picking something up and bringing it home and so it was such a treat to be able to swim as much as we wanted for a few days.

Jon and Jeremy and Judah hit the weight room before they came swimming…..

I think this was the most exciting part of the weight room – for Jeremy…..

We don’t have cable and so it was such a treat.

Judah worked on some push ups…..gotta build up that upper body strength, eh?

This is the 80 ft water slide that is inside the hotel. It was AWESOME! It’s almost pitch black inside the tube and you can get going pretty fast. It took a while and a little bit of coaxing, but even Josiah went down the slide.

There were lots of smiles….

and a lot of silliness…..

And SO. MUCH. SWIMMING!

It was so amazing to step away from everything. To get away from our house, from school, from work, from cleaning, for deadlines, from everything and to just do something totally fun together as a family. After Swimming on Tuesday morning, Jeremy snuggled up next to Jon and looked close into his eyes and said, “Thank you Daddy. Thank you SO MUCH for bringing us here. This is the BEST EVER!” All the kids mentioned many times, just how thankful and grateful they were to be able to get away and to stay at the hotel and to go swimming.

Everyone relaxed and it felt like everyone was able to catch their breaths and de-stress a little.

It’s amazing how little time it took, once we got home, for everyone to try to pick up the stress again. Xani came to me panicking about school and homework and I actually told her that for that night, we were still on vacation and that she got to relax and take it easy and then tomorrow she could make a list of everything she needed to get done and to then start plugging away at it.

This is kind of where we are at. Times away like this are so precious, because we do kind of have this weight of stress that we are living under. It’s like our reserves for dealing with normal (stressful) situations are all gone and we have barely enough to just hang on in each moment. I know this is not forever, but it does wear on me to see it playing out in my children. Children are not supposed to be stressed like this.

But, not to focus on the negative…..our time away was so fabulous. So needed. Such a blessing. So fun…..it was simply amazing.

We are so grateful to Jon’s parents for coming with us. It drastically reduced the kid to adult ratio…we were only out numbered by one. It was a blast to hang out with and to be able to spend some time away with them.

We are so thankful to the Super 8 in Aldergrove for giving us a great deal. We so hope to be able to come back again.

And we are so grateful that we were even afforded this amazing time away. Thank you, thank you, thank you. The opportunity to escape was such a gift.

If you are interested in seeing the rest of the pictures from our time away, click here...

Falling Short

Can’t Hear the Truth For All the Lies

This is a tough season in our lives and I think that’s putting it mildly.

I don’t understand and I’m not really even trying to understand “why” this happened to us. I’ve found that for me, there is no good that come come from sitting, pondering, feeling sorry for myself and our family and embracing the misery and loneliness of the “why’s”…..to do so only drags me deeper and deeper down into a pit and once in that pit, it’s a thousand times more difficult to get back out of. It’s much easier to claw and scramble and to do everything in my power to stay out of the pit in the first place.

I don’t feel amazing. I don’t feel like I’m doing very well. I do feel like I’m exhausted. I do feel like I’m walking around with cement boots on. I do feel like I’m processing through mud or honey and sometimes, it all feels completely overwhelming.

It’s a good thing that I not choosing to live my life based on my feelings. I’d be in quite a pickle if I were living solely based on how I feel on a day to day basis. (mind you, this is an everyday moment by moment choosing, not necessarily a blam! – now it’s done and all’s well forever and a day kinda thing)

A friend of mine is going through some “life crap” of her own. Everyone has “stuff” that they are dealing with. Life’s not perfect or easy, is it?

I sent her a message the other day, you know…..to encourage her…… asking her “what the truth for today was?”

As soon as I hit send, it hit me like a blow to the chest…….WHAT WAS MY TRUTH FOR THE DAY?

The truth is….I am strong enough to handle this.

The truth is…..I am capable of putting one foot in front of the other and continuing on each morning.

The truth is…..I not going to die because of an overload of laundry….get it….overload.. Ha Ha (well, I thought it was funny!)

The truth is……I will make it through this. We will make it through this.

The truth is…..I might be tired but I am getting some sleep AND if I really need to, I can call someone to help me.

The truth is……We’ve been so blessed in this whole process.

The truth is……Angelica is doing SO well for someone who is going through what she is going through.

The truth is……The kids are and will be okay and in spite of all of this, they will still be amazing members of society.

The truth is…..the truth is…..the truth is…..

Sometimes I get so bogged down in my feelings and I don’t feel strong enough to look past my feelings to see the truth of my situation.

This is a kinda crappy time – that’s not a lie, but inspite of the crapiness……

The truth is……there is a whole lotta good, a whole lot for us to be thankful for, and we have been so blessed and supported throughout this journey.

We will make it through this time and whatever you might be going through…..you will make it too!

Third Time’s The Charm

Well, I finally got the baby down…..after the third try.

It’s a little frustrating. Just when you think he’s asleep, he twitches and wakes himself up and WHAM…he’s not planning on going back to sleep anytime soon.

Or, you’re CERTAIN he’s asleep and you ever so carefully place him in his crib only to have him blink his eyes WIDE OPEN, the instant his skin comes in contact with his sheet.

OR…..you’ve basically crawled into the crib with him, to fake him into thinking that you’re still holding him, and you stay in that weird hunched over position so long that you’re entire back cramps up and your legs start to go numb, and you think that he’s relaxed into a deep sleep….you ever so slowly released the weight and pressure that you’ve put on him and BAM! Eyes. Open. Again!

and just when you’ve given up all hope of getting to have any free time in the evening, and you’ve basically slung him over your arm and are just ignoring him….you realize that he’s dead weight and has fallen completely soundly asleep. Based on prior track records, you have absolutely no belief that he will stay asleep, in fact you completely believe with every fiber in your body that the “INSTANT” you even make a move towards the crib, that his “sensors” will go off and he’ll wake up.

You kinda roughly plop him into his crib, kinda shove his blanket on top of him and run out of the room hoping that you can, at the very least, hit the toilet before he starts screaming and wakes up the toddler……

After about 15 minutes, you wonder what’s going on….you go in and check…all’s good, still breathing…Hmmmm weird.

Well, might as well attempt to get that snack you had been thinking about 2 hours ago…….can’t hurt to try, cause FOR SURE, he’ll be up any second.

At some point you realize that he’s actually out for the night and you’ve not accomplished what you had wanted to initially because you were basically waiting with bated breath for the little darling to wake up………and he never did. MAN!

Okay, so that’s not really what happened tonight, but it or some variation happens often enough around here for it to not be entirely funny and yet, 5th time around (I have 5 kids, just in case that reference made no sense to you) – I can appreciate it for what it is….just another season. He’ll be a better sleeper soon enough and until then, I’ll try to relax and not get too frustrated when I don’t accomplish as much as I’d like.

Jon and Geli left for the Hospital this morning just after 7:30am. She had a lumbar puncture scheduled for first thing, and was receiving chemo into her spinal fluid then; after that, she gets one dose of chemo; and then 6 hours of hydration before the THIRD DOSE of the Methotrexate.

She should be coming home on Sunday….which we are all looking forward to.

We were the best prepared and the least prepared for this third round of chemo.

We kind of know what to expect and what to prepare for. Geli was able to pack her clothes, her school stuff and her favorite foods with speed and ease. Jon packed all of his stuff up and I was left with the chaos of the other 4 kids and the house.

Xani had a bit of a “moment” last night. She couldn’t sleep. Didn’t want Jon to go away. Was Stressing. Not fun!

My big accomplishment today was to go shopping for Almond Milk, Soy Milk and Coffee Grounds. Yee Haw!

I fed the children super healthy, fresh-right-outta-the-box Chicken Noodle Soup. * snort * I win the Mother of the Year award tonight.

I think we’ll have fish and potatoes and veggies, tomorrow night, to try and make up for tonight’s amazing-ness.

I folded 2 loads of laundry today….there’s that, right?

Judah’s been having some similar issues to Josiah (when he was an infant) and I’ve gone absolute hardcore on cutting out all dairy from my diet. (There’s been some blood in his poop – in case you don’t know what I’m talking about.) It’s not fun and it’s just one more stress. I know that it’s dairy related and even just the 2 days of not eating any dairy has already made a HUGE difference. Judah’s not had any of the ezcema that Siah had, so that’s a bonus. He just tends to barf a lot, get a wicked diaper rash (I’m assuming because his “movements” are a little more acidic that they should be because he’s body is working overtime to breakdown any dairy proteins), and has had some blood tinged poop. I’m not FREAKING. We’ve had this happen before and way WAY worse. Josiah, at a health level with 0 being perfect and 10 being really bad, was at like a 14. I’d give Judah a 2….prespective….it’s all in the perspective.

But, my biggest issue and I’ve complained about it before….I LOVE CHEESE. I can find delicious dairy free chocolate. I can bake dairy free. I can cook dairy free, but…….I LOVE Old Sharp Cheese. I don’t mind some goat cheese, but if it’s too “goaty” ick! And that is the toughest thing for me about going dairy free. It’s really rough. You should all feel terribly sorry for me – I know……wah, wah, WAH!!!!!!

Ah well, I’ve gotta go and plan out my day tomorrow.

There will be a list with like 15 things that I want to accomplish….and then there will be the “List of Reality”….with the 1 or 2 things that I absolutely MUST DO!

Fun! Not!

Out for Tonight! Ciao!

Siah Safe

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to cook and bake. Often it’s a challenge to work with Siah’s Allergies and “the way we eat” and come up with food that looks and tastes as delicious as “regular, normal” food. It’s regular and normal for us, but I’d like to be able to serve it to you and have you not notice the difference. I also don’t want to always have to give Siah something different from the rest of us. It’s important to me that he understands that he needs to be careful when he goes out, but that here in our home, he never has to worry or feel “different” or “strange”. It’s a challenge that I’m usually up to, but in the past few months, I’ve not done a ton of baking and I’ve mostly stuck to our regular go-to meals.

But recently, I’ve been thinking about Chicken Lasagna.

My Aunty Lori makes an amazing Chicken Lasagna. Although I’ve never had “her” Chicken Lasagna, my dad had “her” lasagna (when visiting them in the Great White North – they live in the boonies.) and loved it so much that he asked her for the recipe. He’s made it a few times and MMMMmmmmmm – YUMMY! It’s a Tomatoe based Lasagna.

I asked for the recipe a bit ago and my mom even printed it off for me, but the paper got wet and then Siah destroyed it…so I still need to get it, because it’s one of Geli’s favorites and apparently, I “wreck” my lasagnas because I put too many veggies into them.

I’ve also tried a few times to make a White Cheese Sauce based Chicken Lasagna, but according to my kids…..I’ve had some “interesting” but not horrible results and yet nothing that was FABULOUS – until yesterday…….

I made a lasagna yesterday “based” on this recipe….with substitutions and additions, of course.

With the dietary restrictions and lifestyle choices that we have/have made, I pretty much “always” alter recipes and mostly, I have pretty great results. In this recipe, I use brown rice lasagna noodles, vegan Becel for the butter, Spelt Flour, Soy Milk, Goat Mozzarella, a hard Sheep Cheese for the Parmesan, Cheuvre for the Ricotta, and just because I know my kids preferences, I used carrots and zucchini instead of spinach. It was sooo YUMMY!

I love it when I find a “traditional meal” that I can alter to fit in with the allergies and intolerances within our family. In fact, It was yummy enough that I bet I could have fed it to you and you’d have never known it was “different” or “altered”.

You can’t very well have a delicious meal like that without dessert, can you?

Well, we don’t hardly EVER have dessert, but we do like snacks. This past week, a wonderful lady brought us a meal and included with the meal were the most amazing double Chocolate Chip Cookies. ~~Like a pig, I devoured~~ We finished what was brought, and then ~~they were so delicious that I~~ we wanted more.

I’m not sure if the cookies we were given were dairy and egg free, BUT…..no worries because ~~they never lasted long enough for Siah to know that they were even in the house~~ I found a recipe and made some unbelievably delicious Double Chocolate Chip Cookies that even Siah can eat.

Again, with the substitutes….I used Spelt Flour, Vegan Becel, Ener-G Egg Replacer, and President’s Choice Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chipits (these chipits have no dairy. MMMmmm). These are AMAZING!

There is no way that these could be considered “healthy”, but at the very least, they won’t upset our tummies, and Siah can eat them without us worrying about his allergies.

Stolen Moments

The day that Geli was scheduled to start this current phase of treatment, the oncology clinic was slammed with too any cases and to try to squeeze Geli in would have caused some issues and so they bumped her treatment for one day.

Jon called me that morning to let me know that they were kicking Geli out on a day pass. In about 5 minutes, we had decided to yank the kids from school and come in for the day.

The kids were SO excited to be going in to see Geli and Jon. Because the kids had been sick with coughs and colds, we’d not seen Jon or Geli in almost 2 weeks and it was tough on all of us.

We made it in to the hospital just after noon and Geli had until 4pm before she needed to be back at the hospital for her next dose of antibiotics. We went to Red Robin’s for lunch and after we headed down to Granville Island.

We went to the Kidzone area in Granville Island and the kids had a blast.

They LOVE the skeeball game……and Geli had fun showing/helping Siah to play.

I walked around holding the baby and snapping pictures and just enjoying my family enjoying each other.

There were lots of laughs and lots of smiles and the kids seemed genuinely happy to see each other. They all played SO well together.

Jon got the opportunity for some extra snuggles. It’s been extra hard with everything that’s going on because Jon has missed out on so much of Judah’s early days…..

The kids played and played and played some more….

And then counted up their tickets that they won. They pooled all the tickets together. Geli and Xandra let Jeremy get something with all their tickets. This was very generous of them.

Josiah found the dancing game and he didn’t even need the game turned on to bust a few moves…

He hasn’t quite grasped the concept of “playing” an actual game…he “thinks” he is playing the game, even with no tokens…

My Sweet Boy…..with the Frankenstein stitches in his head….AWESOME!

We made it back to the hospital in time and Geli got her drugs hooked up. After her drugs ran, she was headed out again to the Teen Group. The oncology department has a monthly teen event for the kids to be able to connect with other kids who are going through what they are going through and it’s been a good thing for Geli. She was unsure if she really wanted to go and was feeling a bit insecure, but she did go and had a GREAT TIME! (They went “glow-in-the-dark bowling and it was so cool!)

The kids and I stayed to hang out with Jon for an extra 2 hours…

We stopped at Safeway to pick up some food for dinner and headed to a nearby park. Judah screamed the whole way there. Just keeping it real for his dad….he HATES his car seat and does this just about every time he’s put in it.

The kids swung on tire swings….

….played on the toys….

……slept……

and Josiah climbed so high on the climbing toys and freaked us right out. That little boy is part Mountain Goat. He managed to scale the toys up and down multiple times without any issue and he was definitely higher than either Jon or I were comfortable with…and then……….. then he tripped over a piece of wood that was laying on the ground….how does that work out???

It started to get colder as the sun went down and I wrapped Judah up like a burrito….only it required two blankets as he’s so big….so I guess it was a REALLY BIG Burrito?!?

Pretty soon it was time to go home and the sadness set in along with the reality that we were going home and Daddy had to stay with Geli.

There were tears and hugs…..

and even kisses….

And we headed home. Our hearts a little fuller from a day spent together. A day that we did not expect to get and yet a day that was a gift. Those stolen moments are so precious and are the things that fuel you and help you to carry on when things seems so difficult and “off”.

You can see all the pics, if you want, here…..

Finding Joy

Right after Geli was admitted to the hospital (mid-Sept), I was really struggling.

I was sad and angry and upset and frustrated and so many other chaotic emotions. I was sitting on my couch feeling sorry for myself and right in the middle of a fairly awesome pity party, I decided to stop. Feeling sorry for myself wasn’t helping me very much and so I thought I’d try to look for things around me that I find joy in.

Right in front of me, on my ottoman, was my diaper basket. It’s where I keep my diapers, wipes, a few burp cloths and receiving blankets and sometimes some books or toys. I had just re-stocked it earlier in the day and I had created a rainbow from the diapers. The sun was shining in through my windows and….well…..it made me smile a little. So I went and got the camera and decided to take a few pictures of some things that made me feel happy.

The baby was sleeping, and so I figured that at the very least I had a few minutes to look around and freeze those moments for myself. It’s so nice when babies sleep. Mmmmmmmmmm snuggly babies! Just the thought makes me smile.

At first, it was a little bit slow to find the things that brought me joy, but once I started really looking…….I realized that my floors were swept and mopped and man, did they ever look good. I never used to clean my floors all that often and now I have to and while I don’t enjoy cleaning them…..I sure do enjoy them cleaned.

As I wandered into the kitchen, I saw the vegan Banana Bread Muffins that I had made earlier that day…….and they were DELICIOUS! Another smile!

On the corner of the counter were the supplies from the Birthday party that we’d just had for Xani and the bright cheery colors made me smile again.

All of this smiling was pretty amazing, as I’d spent most of the two previous days crying and feeling quite sorry for myself.

As I walked into the dining room, I saw a laundry basket FULL and OVERFLOWING with neat rows of folded laundry. I love the orderliness of perfectly folded stacks of laundry. If they are all sorted by person or room…..even better. (Those are little boy underwear and not Jon’s, just in case y’all were wondering!)

Jeremy had come home from school that day because he said he was not feeling well. He really wasn’t acting or looking too terribly sick, but he did look so cuddly and sweet all snuggled into the couch with his jammies on. I sure love that sweet boy of mine.

I looked outside my window and the sky was so blue….this picture doesn’t even represent just how glorious the sky looked that day.

As I stood out on my deck to take the picture of the sky, I looked down onto the patio and saw my poor neglected hanging basket. In the chaos of this summer…..well……well, it mostly died. So we had taken it down from the front door area and moved it to the patio before we threw it away. With the rain we had recently had, some of the flowers that were apparently only MOSTLY dead had managed to come back to life. I loved that in the one plant, there were the 3 stages of life. There was the young new growth, the blooming flower and the dried out dead pieces.

We have the most amazing backyard. It’s HUGE and the kids LOVE to play back there. As much as I’d love to be in our own house and not in a townhouse….there are some amazing advantages to living here right now; and this is one of those many advantages.

After I took all these pictures, the kids came home from school and we had a great afternoon and evening. I need to remember, more often, to STOP and to LOOK for the things around me that bring me joy instead of focusing on all the crap in my life. Seeing all the things that I have right around me that are beautiful and wonderful and focusing on the happy things, really makes a HUGE difference.

Laying Aside The Pride…….

This is a difficult post for me to write.

I need help.

I hate asking for help. I hate needing help. I’ve taken great pride in being able to take care of my family on my own and now……..now I am coming humbly and asking for help.

Up until now, I’ve been trying to “do” everything and honestly, we are not doing well. I am not doing well. I feel completely overwhelmed and like I am at my breaking point. I, personally, have had one too many melt downs just recently and I need to be a bit stronger to deal with the demands on my time and energy for the long haul. I’d like to say that were it not for all this cancer crap, that I’d be doing okay but…..we are dealing with cancer and 5 kids and all the craziness and chaos that surrounds us.

I’ll do a more detailed update on how we (individually) are all doing soon, but honestly, it’s not pretty. It’s pretty rough over here and we have a long road ahead of us.

There are about 32 weeks of Intensive Chemotherapy Treatment left for Angelica before she starts the maintenance stage. This (the maintenance stage) is when our Doctor has talked about things getting back to more of a normal stage of life. Until then, not counting any time for delays, we are looking at more than 6 months of treatment. That’s a long time!

Right now, we feel like we are barely hanging on and while we’ve had offers of help in the past, we just didn’t know what to do with the help. And…..I thought I’d be able to deal with everything.

And so, to anyone who has offered or is interested, I’m asking for help!

There are so many ways that someone could help. It doesn’t have to be a huge commitment. It could be a one time commitment, or weekly or even monthly. It could be 15 minutes or longer and there are many different ways that you could help. From cleaning, to meals, to helping with the kids, to sending a card or e-mail – anything that helps to lift some of the burden from us would be amazing.

The strain of dealing with the Chemotherapy Treatment is SO MUCH GREATER than just some physical discomfort for Angelica. Walking your child through the Treatment is a full time job. There are the physical issues that come as a result of the treatment like nausea, vomiting, mouth sores, weight loss, lack of appetite, muscle loss due to inactivity as a result of the physical devastation of the chemo drugs, insomnia, fatigue and pain. There is the mental anguish and fear from everything going on and not understanding 100%, to the fear of the unknown and the future. There is the schedule of treatment. It’s a brutal wicked schedule and the treatment center is an hour away from us, more if there is traffic. It is a huge thing to deal with.

Add in 4 other children each with their own specific needs and add on top of that the fear and confusion of having a sister dealing with cancer and a mom and dad who are distracted and overwhelmed and not available in the way that they have been.

Add in 2 jobs, neither of which are being done well. Add in the extra house work and meals and school work, oh and the stress of not having any time to invest in each other or the kids, individually, throw in finances and you have an unbelievable recipe for disaster. This is not even the whole picture……

I’m not trying to whine and complain. Realistically, this is just where we are at.

We are so grateful and thankful for every thing, big and small that we’ve been blessed with. We have been so SO blessed by so many.

If you have offered to help or are interested in helping, we are at the place where we are willing to accept it and we hope that we have an easy way to explain what we need.

We are not expecting anything and right now, we have nothing more than our gratefulness and thankfulness to offer in return.

But…….if you are interested in helping, please click here and see the sheet that we’ve created with some of the details.

Highlighting the Highlights

So I turned 35 a few days ago and while it wasn’t the best birthday that I’ve had, I suppose that it could have been worse. As it turns out……it is what it is and there is nothing that I can do to change or to alter it and so here are the highlights of it all….

This is a picture of me bright and early on my 35th birthday. This is the “raw” me. No make up, no hair (ha) and wearing a pretty bland, white tank and jeans.

As much as this is not my FAVORITE picture of me….I suppose that it could be a lot worse and I’m not entirely disappointed in how 35 looks on me. Eh?

Here is the Birthday Banana that the girls made for me. Very creative if you ask me……

Then there was the crazy, no good, horrible, terrible day that happened. In the evening, my momma came over and took the kids and I down to Derby Reach. We picked up some sushi and ate at a picnic table as the evening turned to night. It was a break from the craziness of the day and a treat. Jon and I used to go for a weekly sushi date before Angelica was diagnosed and we haven’t gone since. Thank, Momma! I love you. You have and continue to be such a help and encouragement to me.

Momma took Siah for a sleepover on Saturday night and after we woke up on Sunday morning we went for breakfast at Ricky’s Restaurant. This is another favorite thing of mine to do. I love breakfast…..any time of the day. Eggs and Hashbrowns and bacon or sausage………MMMMMMmmmmm! Debbie, Denver and Jack joined us. In all the insanity of this whole crazy journey, it’s nice to do something ordinary.

The kids and I came home and spent the rest of Sunday as just a quiet at home day. I figured that if I was going to get all the kids down to bed on my own that I’d need to start early. We had a few too many leftover’s in the fridge and so rather than spending time cooking, I re-heated and everyone got to choose a little bit of this and a little bit of that. My mom came over just as things were warming and she stayed for dinner. I was able to get the dishes cleaned and the kids in jammies while she held Judah. So SO nice.

Just as I was shooshing the kids upstairs to read before I turned out their lights, my sister Debbie came rushing into my house carrying a cake stand…….with a cake. SURPRISE!

They sang happy birthday to me….

Even Judah joined in with a few squeeks and squawks…..

And we even managed to get Jon in on the action through Skype. (Geli was sleeping thanks to some meds.)

After my post mentioned emotional eating, I’ve made a few changes for myself, my health and my diet; and the cake Debbie brought over was sooooo appreciated.

Isn’t that amazing? It’s watermelon on the bottom two layers, and a layer of canteloupe and a layer of pineapple. With thin layers of strawberries and banana’s in between. The sauce is a soy yogurt blended with strawberries, and those are grapes for fancy candles…..

Debbie is amazing.

It was even more delicious than it looks and was a great way to end off the day after my 35th birthday.

What was even better, was that I managed to get all the kids asleep early and was in bed, myself, by 8:30pm. Sleep is an amazing thing.

So, it wasn’t all bad……more like difficult or tough or just not what I was expecting or had hoped for.

But, we carry on.

And Just Like That

Jon and Geli went into the hospital yesterday and I honestly believed that it would be a super quick in and out.

By super quick, I mean approximately 1 hour……that’s about how long it takes to have her blood drawn and then to get the results back. The 1 dose of IV Chemo takes about 10-15 mins and can be given while they are waiting on the results.

We had wondered about her needing a red blood transfusion because she was quite pale and very tired.

I wasn’t expecting that all her counts would be quite as low as they are. Her counts had seemed to be heading up but right now they are looooooooow. Which means no more school this week! Seriously, what’s up with that?

And so she scored herself 2 bags of red blood cells and a bag of platelets…….and the quick 1 hour appointment turned into and ALL DAY AFFAIR.

Judah says, “Hello!”

crappy photo quality from my Blackberry

My mom had come over just after they left and took Siah with her over to visit my sister. So, I had the day with just Judah and myself. I wish I weren’t quite so exhausted. I was left feeling like I HAD to clean while I had the opportunity and no one else was there and also like I just wanted to sit on the couch and do nothing…..the end result was that I did neither very well and ended up feeling guilty about it all. How’s that for wrecking your day…..

I coulda……

I could have done this or that or the other thing, and all I accomplished was eating junk food(this belongs in a whole ‘nuther post itself about emotional eating), 3 loads of laundry, disinfecting the floors, a blog post and dinner for the family.

So we will be fed and clothed an hopefully free(er) from germs, but not much more than that. I’m thankful that I managed to sanitize the bathrooms early this morning.

Depending on how her counts rise, starting the next stage may be stalled a week. We are hoping that her counts rebound this week and that things move forward as planned BUT….we just have to see how it goes and carry on from there.

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