Judah – Page 4 – xangelle.com

Vacation 2014 – Part 3

Ok, so life got busy and I didn’t end up finishing posting about our vacation.

I’m sure that some of you feel like you’ve just been left hanging……..HA!!!!

Ok, maybe not so much, but……continuing on….

It’s amazing how quickly the busy-ness and chaos seems to seep back into every facet of your life, once you leave the “vacation” and head back into reality. I guess that’s the beauty of vacation or holiday time….it’s a moment to relax, settle, absorb……just breathe.

There were lots of those moments, in between the bustle of life with 6/7 people. No family vacation is really a vacation for the parents…..it’s more of a break. Once I realized and accepted that, I’ve been a lot more content on our “holiday’s”.

Jon took the kids on a number of walks and this sweet boy here…..

He brought me back something from almost every walk. He is such a thoughtful little soul.

This time he brought me back some lovely flower puff things…..I have no idea what they were and they were almost dried, but I put them in a beer bottle vase and he was so thrilled to see his gift treasured.

After the first 3 days of sheer panic, this lovely fellow settled down (as long as there were no other dogs walking past) into the camping lifestyle and was almost a gentleman….almost!!!!

He has such sad eyes.

There was SO. MUCH. SWIMMING…. and Judah even sucked up his courage enough to jump off the dock TWICE!!!!

Jeremy was determined to get this rubbermaid bin to work as a boat and although it took a fair amount of figuring to work out the ballast and balance…he finally managed to tool around a little, until it dipped a little too much at one corner and then filled up and sank….

Sometime, this little one just slays me with his nerdliness…..he is such a sweet quirky treasure.

I have no idea what he was trying to show me in this picture.

Here is where you get the best peek of my little darling….ear folded over and all…and he wasn’t swimming….just wearing the goggles because he wanted to.

Oh I love him, so!

The Skagit Valley is a beautiful place with so many interesting things to look at and experience. It feels like our own little corner of heaven on earth. These puff ball mushrooms were just growing in the campsite, but it wasn’t till we got home and I could google them that I found out they were edible and not poisonous. They were just so cute, all nestled into the ground.

Read about Part 1 of our vacation here.

Read about Part 2 of our vacation here.

Part 4 coming….

Firsts…

I dropped off this sweet boy at preschool this afternoon.

He’s been so excited since we started talking about it back in November. He was thrilled to be going…….all the way up to the moment that we turned around, after putting on his inside shoes and hanging up his coat and backpack.

The next step was circle time on the carpet with all the other kids……..and he was all of the sudden not so sure about the whole situation.

But, he was desperate to play with a magnifying glass that he saw in a box and I told him he couldn’t, unless he did circle time first.

PHEW!

I’m positive that he will do fine and I know that he will LOVE the 2+ hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He loves going to “class” at church and this will be just as fun, if not even more.

I skiffed outta there and now I’m sitting in Starbucks waiting to go and pick him up.

I pick him up in just a little bit, but he’s with his cousin and the two of them should stir up some fabulous excitement for the teachers. They can be quite the monkeys, if they want to…..or maybe I should say seagulls???? Ha Ha!

It’s a bit weird. Dropping him off. It’s been such a crazy few years and I don’t really feel like I’ve had too many moments to catch my breath, but hopefully, this New Year and this New Season will have a few of those moments in them.

It’s nice when the quiet moments are available and it’s not that you have to force them into being.

Is there anything new happening for you in this new year or is there a new season starting in your life? I’d love to hear about it.

Moving Forward The Morning After

So I posted last night…..

I was tired and emotional and probably if those two factors had not ganged up on me….I may have filtered myself a bit more or even just made less typos…..maybe….maybe not?!?

I don’t know that this morning brought any new clarity with it.

I woke up with a killer headache……….at 5:30am.

Yah, it’s been a long day already and it’s only noon-ish. Did not get back to sleep after that. BLERGH!!!!

On a side note….It’s gorgeous outside.

That is the view to my right….

and this is my view straight ahead…..

She’s not supposed to be on the couch….but I haven’t exactly kicked her off.

It’s the last day of school before the Christmas Break….and probably my last quiet (ish) day for the next two weeks.

So, I’m taking advantage of it. I’m sitting. The house is a mess, and I made Judah pancakes for lunch. He is currently trolling Netflix….I believe Ninjago is the show of choice at this exact moment.

I’m currently staring at my Christmas Tree trying to figure out what I’m thinking, but again with the 50 million thoughts going in 50 million directions.

I had a few people send me private messages of encouragement and those were so nice to hear.

I wonder if it’s about perspective.

I’m in the middle of it all. From my position, I look around me and I see children who are unique and amazing and challenging in their own fantastic ways. I see the screaming and the bickering and the squabbling and the challenges to get them to do their chores and take care of their responsibilities. I see their shortcomings and I want to work with them to strengthen those areas while at the same time encouraging them in their strengths. I see these amazing individuals with really great hearts even in spite of all the challenges that we’ve faced individually and as a family……. But it’s a constant effort to keep these 5 bodies moving in a forward direction.

We were so isolated over the “cancer years” and before then….doing almost anything with Jeremy required HERCULEAN effort and sometimes it was easier to just not do anything. Again…..very isolating.

It is hard when you’ve had it said to your face that people can’t be friends with you because your child is too difficult. Or to hear from others that you shouldn’t subject your children to people because they are too much effort to have around and be around.

Just typing both of those down….I realize how brutal those two comments are. I mean, I know how brutal they are….I’ve lived though both of those said directly to my face and more. But I can’t imagine saying those things to someone…..EVER!!! I love children. I especially love the challenging kids. The ones that make you think and keep you on your toes. The extremely smart kids that say the most incredible things but require a little more attention and focus……I love the regular kind of kids too, but somehow, the ones that people seem annoyed with or bothered by….the ones that talk and talk and talk and talk and never shut up……I LOVE those kids. I want to go out of my way to make sure that they feel special and included and NEVER EVER a bother or an inconvenience….

I get it. I know how much effort it is. I live it…..EVERY. SINGLE. DAY! Jeremy has not been the easiest child. He requires some effort. Well, he requires a lot amount of effort. So does Josiah in a different way and Judah….well, he’s a 3 year old. What 3 year old doesn’t require some attention and effort. My boys require effort……I know this. I guess, it would just feel really good to feel like others “want” to be with my kids. Do you know what I mean? I think that in spite of their particular challenges or maybe even as a result of them….that my kids……all 5 of them are pretty amazing. I’d love to feel like others felt that too and wanted to spend time with them….not cause they HAD to, but because they WANTED to.

So, to those who have said something…..THANK YOU. Really! I appreciate it more than you may ever know.

I’m not sharing this in the hopes that people will “do” something. I am just trying to unravel some of this mess inside myself. Part of that is dealing with the hurts and wounds that I have or have gotten.

I realize that I’ve been hurt and I definitely have some sore, open wounds when it comes to my kids and how they are perceived and received.

And this OBVIOUSLY colors how I hear people comment on my kids.

So the school wanting to help Siah….turns into….HE’S A PROBLEM…..which I can’t even fathom….cause he’s freaking sweet kid who can read and write and wants to please…….and then I go…WHAT….WHAT do I even do with that….

How could be he a problem…..which, when it comes down to it….that is not even the issue at all.

He is a great kid….who has some quirks and may require “some individualized strategies” to help him succeed and how do we (parents & school) as a collective team help him to achieve success?

So we met, and talked through some things and I think I have a better perspective. I think we are more on the same page than I “felt”.

Which is great.

Not that the whole things doesn’t still stress me out….but the Principal….she’s an amazing lady, encouraged me to trust them and to just “plug my nose and JUMP!”

I believe this school and these people are amazing people…..I believe they truly care about Josiah. I really do believe that they want the best for him. That they want him to succeed. And so…..I jump.

I’m scared.
I’m nervous.
I’m sure I’ll need reassurance again.

But…..

I want to trust.
I want to believe.
I want to be in “community.”

and so….

I carry on…

one step after the other…..hopefully in a forward direction. 🙂

My Joy

This little one is absolutely precious.

My Judah Zane is 2.5 years old. He joined our family during some of our darkest times and has brought light and hope with him.

Physically he is a big kid. He was born big. He’s remained big. But his personality matches his size and is just as HUGE as the rest of him. He plays hard and laughs hard and cuddles hard and loves equally as hard.

It’s so strange to see him changing from a little baby into a toddler and he is rapidly racing through the toddler stages and into the little boy stages. He is growing up so fast and sometimes I just want to stop time and keep him small….but I can’t and so I snap these pics to hang on to the moments.

To remember the little details……..like those lips so soft and often so warm on my cheeks..

To remember his eyelashes, his dimples, his ears and his little nose….

For all of his size, he is such a sweet gentle boy…I think he’ll be one of those gentle giants. Big and yet so Loving….

I’m so thankful that this sweet boy joined our family. He has brought so much life and joy into our lives.

DPA or otherwise known as “Keeping my Sanity”

The kids are supposed to have a period of Daily Physical Activity every day.

In our house….this is also known as my Sanity Time.

With three little boys all vying for my attention, things can get a bit crazy. Especially when it’s only just been half a week that we’ve been back at school. I am strongly trying to convince myself that it will get a whole lot better than it has been this week. Jeremy will remember and settle down into a schedule, rhythm, and routine and Josiah will better understand what is expected of him as a kindergartener and Judah, well, I’m trusting that he will soon realize that he doesn’t need to crawl inside myself in order to feel connected and “seen”.

Throw in a little “sensory overload” and well, there have been one too many meltdowns this last week. But, the ONE TIME that everyone seems to chill-the-heck-out is when we go far a walk and so, this year…..I’m thinking of insituting a strict DPA schedule and sticking to it, rain or shine….of course, it’s been gorgeous so far….ask me how it’s going when it’s nasty and wet!

There are so many opportunities to learn just in our every day lives…..yesterday while we were waiting for our dr office to open after lunch, we sat outside on the steps and found all the different shapes we could find…..circles on the top o the lamp posts. The Triangle at the top of the church which the cross was sitting on. The rectangle of the bricks…..I got Siah’s shapes lesson in for the day and he had no clue that he was “in school”…..I love that. No pressure….just fun!

Here are some of our pictures from our walk today……..

We started recess with a little cupcake snack….

I figured this was as good a time as any for a little sugar rush.

Nature’s Stained Glass

Foraging…

Judah’s upset cause he had to wait to eat the berries

Nature’s Monkey Bar’s and Climbing Apparatus

Imaginary Play

I wonder what he’s thinking in this picture…is he a wolf, a fox, Batman???

Vibrant Color

Judah enters the World of Make Believe

The Art out here is crazy…..Nature’s Sculptures

I often wonder “Where His Path Will Lead”?

What keeps you sane these days? Or centers you? Or helps you to de-stress?

Another Beginning

So, I guess I took the summer off, eh?

Wasn’t planning on it, but it just turned out that way. Life has been so busy and it doesn’t really show signs of slowing down any time soon.

Today was our first day back at school for all 4 of the bigger kids. Geli’s in Grade 10. Xani’s in Grade 9. Jeremy started Grade 7 and Josiah started Kindergarten. Judah doesn’t want to get left out of anything and so….well, he just joined right in with us. (Forgot to get the girls pics….will have to do it when they get home today….oooops!)

Siah wasn’t exactly thrilled to have his “first day of Kindergarten” picture taken. Just keeping it real, people. Just keeping it real!

Once I let him go back inside and get his DSi…..which is what he wanted. I was able to grab this shot where at least, he is looking in the general direction of the camera and sort of smiling.

As far as first day’s go…..I think today was a pretty good one.

Jeremy did a great job reviewing some of his last years stuff and we ploughed through a ton of stuff with Josiah. I can’t wait for a few months to be able to see how far he’s come. We’ve got a fairly hefty reward incentive thingy with stickers and a goody box and all that jazz going on……in an effort to convince him to “stay focused on the actual activity at hand”, and I’m really hoping that soon we will be able to phase that out or mostly out.

Not surprisingly, Jeremy is quite nervous about what he may or may not remember and so I’m planning on doing a bit of review this week to “prove to him” that he is actually as smart and competent as I say he is.

We did manage to get out for a “Recess” and took a walk along the trails by our house. We picked a(nother) full tray of blackberries to freeze. (Jeremy will eat frozen berries like they are candy and so I’m saving up as many as I can get my hands on.)

We made it to lunch time, made it through lunch and now that the baby is sleeping, we are about to start a section of Arts and Crafts…..I think we are gonna do some leaf rubbings. Jeremy picked some up on our walk……We’ll talk about seasons and the leaves changing colors and falling….and it will all tie into Josiah’s Science Lesson for the day.

I am hoping that I’ll be able to carve out a little more time for myself now that we are back into a “routine”. I am really throwing that word around lightly here, but I’m confident that we will get there…..right? Positive thoughts! Positive thoughts!

How was YOUR summer? I’ll get to mine in the next few posts or so…

How has your September started off? Busy? Regular? Quiet? Slow?

How I wish mine was quiet and slow……how I wish!!!!

Escaping it All

About a month ago, right in the middle of a whole bunch of really bad appointments regarding Geli’s bones….I decided that I needed a break from everything.

Jeremy had just been doing a section in his Social Studies on the Watershed and the rain cycle and I figured that a trip the Lynn Canyon was EXACTLY what we needed.

I didn’t tell Jeremy that we were “going on a field trip” until it was time to start school. He was SO EXCITED!

We packed up and headed out to North Vancouver. We started our adventure at the Ecology Center.

The large majority of my pictures are blurry because the boys were having SO MUCH FUN and moving so fast that it was tough to get a good (clear) shot in.

They LOVED the hands on exhibits and Jeremy loved how so much of it had to do with what he was learning. While homeschooling is not EASY by any stretch of the imagination, I love that I’m involved with him and his learning. It’s so cool because we were able to pull in aspects of Language Arts, Science and Social Studies into this one field trip. I love that. And he was excited to show me what he knew and how it tied in…..I especially LOVE that HE IS EXCITED about what he is learning. That just about makes up for all the frustrations that we go through.

Siah LOVED the bones. He was enthralled by them.

After we left the Ecology Centre, we walked down to the Suspension Bridge. It had been WAY too long since I had been to the Canyon and it was so good to just escape from everything and to get lost in the beauty of the forest.

Jeremy helped Siah walk across the Suspension Bridge while Judah CLUNG to me for dear life. He really wasn’t sure that he liked the moving, swinging bridge.

We took our time meandering down the trail. We stopped to check out the stumps and to count the rings on a recently falled tree. Jeremy thinks this one had 120+ rings? I didn’t count.

Judah was desperate to get down to the water on the other side of this fence. He was pretty adamant that he should be in the water and not upon the trail.

It was so much fun to have no time frame, nothing pushing us, no schedules to make….we just WERE….

I’m very much a driven person. I try so hard to stay present and in the moment, but so often I am thinking of what needs to happen or what should be happening and I’m so aware of what we aren’t doing and on this day, I was so very aware of us and where we were at mentally and emotionally and I tried so hard to just “BE”….to just be with my boys. To not worry about how long it took us or how many detours we took or what we stopped to look at. The boys were enjoying exploring and running and climbing and I was enjoying them just enjoying everything. There was really nothing that they could do wrong and so we just WERE….

I remember us as kids (my brother’s and sister’s) climbing this rock and it’s fun that my kids now get to experience that as well. I remember how HUGE it seemed to me then and when I look at it now it’s still pretty big….

It was nice to see the boys playing “together” instead of fighting against each other.

We finally made it down to the 30 foot pool. Beautiful, isn’t it? And this picture does nothing to represent the actual beauty of the place. It’s incredible. I grew up doors away from the Canyon…I was so blessed.

We climbed down the rocks and sat by the water and ate our lunch. I love the look on Judah’s face….mine – not so much, but man, is he cute!

Josiah and his celery stick give it two thumbs up…

We hung out for a while, threw some rocks, climbed on the rocks and then slowly started making our way back to the van.

Josiah was much braver, crossing the bridge for the second time……

It was such a nice and so needed escape from everything. We came home feeling slightly recharged and in the middle of all the craziness….that is such a good thing. We are looking forward to our next escape to Lynn Canyon.

Laughing Instead of Crying

I’m laughing right now, because the other option is crying and well………I just need to laugh instead.

This is SO ridiculous. Like you wouldn’t even believe it…..I mean, maybe you might, but seriously….I almost can’t even believe it and I’m living it.

Judah had diarrhea for most of the day yesterday and yesterday evening, I went to change yet another diaper and……..found a worm.

No, I don’t mean one of those squishy, squirmy earthworms….I mean a PARASITE!

And it was still moving. *let me throw up a little in my mouth here*

So I freaked, I panicked and then I pulled out my Google medical degree and got to work because it was after hours…..of course it was after hours….you think this would actually happen WHILE my doctor was in the office…..no, of course not.

I don’t even know where to go from here – storywise, I mean….

I read. I read a MILLION articles. Determined that these little wrigglers living in my son’s gut and diaper were pinworms or threadworms…..same thing. and that they are extremely common……like 4 out of 10 kids have ’em. YUCK!!!!!

Changed another few diapers (I already mentioned diarrhea, eh?) and found a few more worms…….DOUBLE YUCK!!!!

Judah’s been sleeping really poorly the last few nights and waking up crying and saying ouch and squirming around fussing at his butt and more than a few of the articles talked about “your normally angelica child becoming irritable and fussy for no apparent reason” while I wouldn’t give him angelic, he’s definitely been WAY fussier in the last few days than normal. Coupled with the lack of sleeping, appetite that’s been off, and lets not forget about the ACTUAL WORMS!!!!!! TRIPLE YUCK! It’s pretty safe to say that he (and by extension, there is a good chance that at least the majority of the rest of us) has worms.

While I would have much rather talked with my Naturopath and gotten some natural parasite killer….would ou belive that her offices are closed on Wednesday….ya when did we find the worms….ya that’s right…on TUESDAY EVENING…after her offices were closed too. Unreal. So rather than waiting for a few more days…..Jon went to Shopper’s Drug Mart and talked to the pharmacist. She showed us this medicine – Combantrin

One dose will kill the worms currently living inside of you. And then you need to take another dose in two weeks to kill any more worms that grew from the eggs that you still had or that you picked up from within the house…

Apparently the home protocol is very similar to the home lice protocol and in fact, apparently, these little guys are WAY easier to eradicate than lice are. Which I guess, if I’m looking for silver linings….I guess that I’m glad we have pinworms and not lice…..if I can even wrap my head around such a statement.

And so, the de-worming has already begun…..meds have been taken and I am currently on a rampage against the little wormies…..that just sounded wrong. Almost cute and in my mind, this is anything but a cute situation.

Please reassure me that you or someone you know has gone through this and that I’m not the only one. Supposedly this is not an indication of poor hygiene, just like lice are not a reflection on poor hygiene. I can read that and know in my head that it supposed to be true, but BOY OH BOY…..am I ever struggling. …

I didn’t need this right now. Not that anyone ever needs this….but seriously…..this is not exactly reducing the stress load in my life.

So, what say you…….say something…please (yes, I’m begging)

Minute by minute

The days this week have moved by so unbelievably slow (in the moment) and yet I blink and it’s lunchtime and then I blink again and it’s dinner time….followed by bedtime and then we do it all again.

It’s not easy juggling the 11 year old student with the 4 year old child and the 1 year old toddler BUT…..amazingly, there is less stress overall. My days certainly feel stressful when Jeremy is upset because he doesn’t understand something and then Siah started whining about wanting to play on the Wii and then Jeremy gets frustrated and yells at Siah for bothering him and during it all the baby is clinging off of me wanting……something, anything……in those moments – I breathe. And then I breathe again.

Settle everyone down, get a new activity for Siah to do, pick up the baby and try to talk Jeremy away from the ledge that he’s figuratively perched himself on.

It’s…..well, fun is very definitely the wrong word, but it’s…..it’s…..well, it’s never dull. Busy….i think busy is the right word.

We start off our mornings eating breakfast together and reading through a kids devotional story.

And in the middle of all the chaos, I’m okay. Tired…no, EXHAUSTED; often stressed about being able to really get through to Jeremy, sometimes worried that I will not have enough time or energy to focus on the other kids; I worry about being able to continue this beyond this week and yet….I believe that aspects of this will change and evolve. Somethings will be easier and some things, we will just let go of as we find a rhythm, a groove! All of us are learning right now. From the oldest to the youngest….we are all on this journey together and overall, I’m okay with it.

Our house feels more peaceful….less stressful. I asked Jeremy how he felt this first week was going and he shrugged. then I asked him if he felt more stressed, less stressed or about the same amount of stress as he had wile at school and he instantly replied with “less stress”.

So, That’s a good thing, I think!

I must find “me” time in the middle of all of this. Being “ON” all day is tiring and I’m definitely going to need to be very aware and careful to take care of myself.

Judah is sleeping right now and the boys are watching a movie while they finish lunch! Things are more or less quiet and I’m going to just sit and enjoy a cup of tea….until the baby wakes up…..which I hope isn’t for a while, but honestly I don’t have much hope for that.

Thanks for all your encouraging comments. I appreciate each and every one of them and each and every one of you!

Wrap Up – FINALLY!

I’m finally getting to the last day of our Wish Trip and while I think that no one really cares about our flight home, there were enough things that I want to make note of and remember that even though it was over a month ago, I’m going to go ahead and wrap it all up.

We had to have our luggage out in the hallway on the Friday night by 10pm or else we had to carry it with us and let me tell you, luggage for 7 people….you don’t really want to be carrying that around especially when you have two adults, one weak teenager, one mostly helpful teenager, a curious child with ADHD, a useless but fun loving 4 year old and a 30lb baby! It’s enough work just to get ourselves from point A to point B without thinking about and wrestling luggage as well.

The weather was bad the whole night and the boat shifted and pitched and rocked. While it was the coolest feeling, I was also awake to feel it and the awake part of that equation…not so cool!

On Saturday morning, we had to be down in the restaurant for breakfast by 6:45am. We made it there by 6:50am and so that’s a win in my books!

We were TIRED! See the CRANKY baby! Cranky babies are fun to travel with, NOT!

Jeremy was pretty sad that the cruise was over and he whined and moped his way through breakfast.

After breakfast, we were scheduled to disembark at 8am and so we lined up and eventually got off the boat. We went through the cruise security, picked up our luggage and got onto the bus to head back to the airport. We got to the Airport around 10:30ish, needed to re-pack a few things and then attempted to check in for our flight.

Unfortunately, we were not allowed to check in until 4 hours prior to our flight and so we needed to waste some time. Yup, our flight wasn’t leaving until later that afternoon and WHEE!!!!!! we were hanging out in the Orlando Airport OH THE JOY!

It had been such a good trip and at the same time we were so ready to go home.

We walked around a bit, we hunted down some gluten free food, we looked through the stores, we walked some more….and finally the time was close enough that we could head down to our gate.

I had really been hoping that Judah would stay awake until we got on the plane and then sleep the whole first plane trip but it didn’t work out that way.

Siah was done by about this point and fortunately, the people that were all around us had also been on the cruise, with children, and completely understood Siah’s limp frog routine on the floor….fortunately it was a fairly quiet performance and so we just left him to have at it.

We waited until everyone else had boarded before we got on…I figured it would help (everyone) if we weren’t on the plane for an extra half an hour.

Judah woke up about half an hour after the plane took off but Siah had HAD it and he slept HARD for most of the flight from Orlando to Denver.

We had a two hour layover in Denver and seeing as Jon used to work in the Denver Airport, we went to a little taco stand that he knew of….the food was very yummy and between eating and looking for souvenirs, the time flew by fairly quickly. Pretty soon we were waiting at our gate for the flight to Vancouver…

The flight was just a short flight and there was no movie planned but when the flight attendants heard that Angelica had been on a Wish Trip, they wanted to make this flight home special for her. They showed her the movie listing and got her to choose a movie as the in-flight movie. That was pretty fun. Towards the end of the flight one of the attendants came up and asked if Geli and the kids would like to see the cockpit after the flight landed. Jeremy and Geli were really excited about that and so when we landed and everyone else had left the plane, the pilot brought Jeremy and Angelica into the cockpit…

It was a pretty neat experience…

And a great way to end the trip.

Jon’s parents met us at the airport and drove us and all our luggage home.

We got home, dumped everything inside the front door, threw pajamas on everyone and jumped into bed, so thankful to be sleeping in our own beds.

It was an amazing trip and we were so thankful to have been blessed by the Children’s Wish Foundation. This is and was truly the experience of a life time.

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