Category: Life

Is it really still this week?

I have a hard time believeing that I wrote that post only 4 days ago.

This has been the LOOOOOOONGEST week ever, and truthfully – It’s not over, yet……

Tuesday I was part of a pre-conference all day meeting that was pretty fun.  Wednesday I was able to make it in to see Chris, although he was a bit backed up, and I didn’t get to see him as much as I would have liked to.  I got home from seeing him, and had a message waiting for me on my home phone……..from my doctor’s office……the Obstetrical Doctor……telling me not to worry, just to call…………..

Yah Right!  Those calls are almost NEVER good!  So, I call back, but I know it’s about the gestational diabetes test that I took last week.  YUP!  I flunked the one hour test, and have to go in  for the 3 hour.

It oculd have been worse news.  I could have had such bad levels that they would have just sent me to the gestational diabetes clinic, and we could have carried on from there.

Apparently, the cut off level is 7.8, and I was at an 8.4 – anything higher than a 10.3, and I would have had a direct pass to the clinic.  So, I still have a chance at passing the 3 hour, although when I went in to pick up the requisition from the office yesterday, the nurse didn’t really think that would be the case.  I’ll just have to show her……

So, I called my naturopath, to ask a few questions, and she has put me on some stuff that is supposed to level my blood sugar levels, and I’m back HARD CORE on the candida diet cause it’s supposed to also stabilize blood sugar levels.  So much fun – not!

I will admit that the news that I had flunked came at a not-so-fabulous time.  I am doing okay emotionally.  Not fabulous, but better than really bad!  With everything else that is going on, this one more piece of news kinda pushed me over the edge and I had a bad night on Wednesday night.  Kept obsessing about everything, and couldn’t sleep until after 2am.  Nice, eh?  Especially as I had to get up at 6:30am the next morning to take a shower before I started Thursday.

Thursday was a crazy busy day.  Did a ton of running around, and had to drive into Langley to pick up the Meds from the Naturopath, and was supposed to pick up one thing from a Pharmacy, but I hit 3 different ones, and it wasn’t available at any of them.  I had to blast home ’cause the kids were walking – at least that gave me a few extra minutes.  It’s the difference between thinking that I have to go and pick them up around 2:30pm, or they come home around 3pm.  Their schoool actually gets out at 2:48pm, but if you want a parking spot you have to come a bit early, and you have to factor in the driving time (even if it is only 3 minutes) – when they walk home – I don’t even have to think about them until they show up just after 3pm – that is soooooo nice!

So, last night after I gave a really lame attempt at getting the kids off to bed (Jon normally does the bedtime routine ’cause I hate the 500 million stall tactics, and hove no patience at that point), I laid down with J to get him to settle down and go to sleep……..and I fell asleep!  That’s not really a problem except for the fact that I’d told Xan that I’d come and lay with her for a minute as soon as J was asleep.   I think I stalled her off until tonight!  At least that what I remember from my end of the conversation, mind you I wouldnt’ bet he most reliable person to ask at that point ’cause I was mostly asleep.

I woke up feeling pretty good this morning.  The kids got off to school, and I got ready for the day.  I’ve been shopping this morning already, and visited Jon at the conference.  I’m home now – OBVIOUSLY – and am just finishing up a salad with some chicken on it, and have to get busy.

I have a bunch of stuff that I NEED to get done, and it has to be done either today or tomorrow.  I should really just do it today to get it over and done with.  I’ve been feeling more pregnant, and awkward as far as my body goes.  I’m getting bigger, and am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable, but I’m not complaining…..too much!

I’ll be 29 weeks tomorrow, and am so excited to have made it this far.  Only a bit longer and our sweet little boy will be here.  I have an ultrasound on Tuesday, and it will be fun to get another peek at him.

Well, that’s my week so far.  Hope you’ve all had a fabulous week, and have an even better weekend.

This Week

This week feels a bit nuts.

I really shouldn’t complain as it hasn’t even really started, yet; but I know where it’s headed.  Jon is doing sound all week for a conference, and while it’s decent money for a weeks worth of work, it’s  hard week on our family.

It sucks even more ’cause this year they started the conference on the Victoria Day Monday Holiday.  Last year, the holiday was the day after everything wrapped up, and it was so nice to have a day off.  This year, I had the kids at home all by myself, and Jon was gone, and well…….it was just a rough day.

I’d like to think that I’m further ahead of “things” than I was was this morning, but I’m not entirely certain of that.  I have a full day tomorrow, and am hoping to pop in to see Chris on Wednesday.  The trip in and out is always a big deal.  I don’t mind it so much, but it jsut really takes up your day.  Thursday, and Friday I’m helping out a friend, and then I have to survive Saturday by myself with the kids, and then Sunday is crazy busy with both Jon and I involved, and well…then we start another week, and I already have Monday and Tuesday booked up of that week, and will probably want to go in to see Chris next Wednesday.  I might just book off Thurday entirely, and so far I one appointment first thing on Friday morning.  The only good thing about all of this is that by the time these next two weeks are done – I will be finished 30 weeks.  Wow!  We really are headed into the home stretch, and I still have SO MUCH to do.

We did manage to clear out the baby’s room, and scraped the first layer of filth off the walls.  We still need to clean them really good, and then fill all the holes, and then paint.  I also need to steam clean the carpet REALLY well!  Then we just have to get some furniture to fill it up.  I did hang some of the little clothes in the closet.  SO CUTE!  I really can’t wait until we have this little one.

I did hear a very sad story today though.  The pastors of the church that the conference is renting came past the church today, and they had been at the hospital visiting with a couple who had just had a stillborn.  It’s so sad.  The baby was 11 days overdue, and moving around and everything seemed to be fine, and then it just stopped moving.  The lady had the baby last night.  It’s so hard to hear things like that.  It doesn’t scare me, but it does make me wonder if they had induced 2 days earlier, would there have been a different outcome?  Just like, if Nathaniel had been born at 25 weeks, and not just died, he could have been alive.  I know that you can’t live in the “what ifs” and “could have beens”, but sometimes it’s hard to not think the thoughts.

Our Fun For The Day….

We really didn’t have anything planned for today, and just needed to pick a few things up here and there.

We decided to head out to Anita’s Organic Grain & Flour Mill to see what their store was like, and to get a feel for what they had, and what we could get.

We have been buying our Kamut and Spelt flour at the Ladybug Organic store, and I knew that they got it from this Anita’s Place, and I even knew that it was out in Chilliwack.  I hadn’t found their website, but Jon took a look, and found it for me.  YAH!  We e-mailed them for a price list, and discovered that we really liked their prices, and as far as distance, it works out to about the same to head in to Langley or out to Chilliwack, and so we decided to check them out one day.

Today just happened to be that day.

20 KGs of Kamut and Spelt Flour
It is just a tiny, little, almost a shack, but I was very excited.  Their prices were amazing, as far as healthy, organic weird flours go, and they even had  rolled kamut and spelt flakes.  Jeremy’s VEGA test showed that he was okay with Oatmeal, and so we do make it.  I am still  intolerant to oatmeal,  and so shouldn’t really have it all that often.  To see that I could make a pot of porridge out of Kamut Flakes or even Spelt flakes was awesome.  They look almost exactly the same as old fashioned rolled oats, and just enable us to add a little more variety into our lives.  YAH! We didn’t pick any of the rolled grains up today, but will go back in the near future to pick some up.  I did make some Kamut tortillas today, and the kids were thrilled.  I didn’t make any last week, and it made lunches more difficult.

I have also tried a loaf of Spelt/Kamut breaf made with oil, flour, salt, and baking powder.  We’ll try it out tomorow morning, and see how it tastes.  It’s the quick and lazy way to make bread.  I still haven’t tried out the long and difficult way.  I’m a bit scared that after all the effort I have to go through, that it would still taste lousy, and then I’d be annoyed.  Well, I will probably just go for it this week.  It’s basically a sourdough starter bread, so it takes a week to just get the starter ready, but again the only ingredients are water, flour and sea salt.  If I can make it for cheaper than $6.00 a loaf, then I’m doing fabulous.

A friend is lending me her baby bath, and a swing, and so that’s very exciting.  Jon and I were talking today, and we want to get all the “Big” stuff done before July 1st.  The kids are done school at the end of June, and I really don’t want them involved in all the painting and set up of the baby’s room.  The little finishing things, sure – no problem, but not the painting and puttying and sanding and crib set up and other stuff.

That means, that not only do we have to do the walls in the baby’s room, but we also have to get a crib and a change table and a dresser.  We are hoping ot be able to get stuff that matches.  Knowing that this might be our last baby, and that it’s kind of a special event, we just want to do it extra special.  I might have found the bedding that I want.  I like this pattern.  I’m just struggling over the price.  It’s a much better price than what I saw it for in the store today, but still………GULP!

Oh well!  It’ll all come together eventually, and I don’t need to worry!  I know that! 

I’m off to bed now, but I just wanted to say one more thing. 

To all the Mother’s with living children, and especially those who have children that are not living…..I hope you have a peaceful day tomorrow and that it would be filled with hope and love and very special thoughts and memories.

And to everyone else, may you be thankful that you had a mother who brought you into this world, and that you are alive and well, regardless of your life’s circumstances.

May tomorrow be a special day for you all!

26 Week Picture and other stuff…………

26 weeksFINALLY, I got Jon to take the picture.  Not that it’s Jon’s fault, but you know….I have to have my hair done, and decent clothes on, and make up, and well…….the stars all have to align, and when they do……..then we can take a picture.

So, finally we did it.  I don’t think it’s magazine worthy, but then again, I mostly just want to keep a record of everything, and that’s what I’m doing, and so I’m doing good!

The little bugger has been breech for a while, and he turned the right way up for one whole day, and by the next day, he was back in the breech position, and hasn’t truned again since.  I’m really hoping he’s not getting to comfy – I don’t want a C-section, and will do whatever it takes to avoid that if possible.  I’m not against it, if it’s totally necessary, but don’t want to have to deal with that.

I finally got the book keeping done.  I do books for my Grandfather’s Misions Society.  I was going to finish the books a month ago, and then the accident happened.  Well, as of last night I finished them, and then……….then the angels sang, and harp music played, and I rejoiced!  And it was good!

Today I was going to go in and see Chris, but I figured that I’d just  stay home for one more day, and get caught up on a bunch of stuff that has been getting shoved further and further down the list of “things to get done”.  I feel like I’m almost caught up, abd even though I know that I’m pretty much caught up, I still feel kind of pressured by the thoughts that I have stuff to do.  Not sure what is up with that.  I might just need to make a list of  everything that I’m still thinking about, and  cross off all the stuff that I’ve finished.  Sometimes I need a visual.  I can see the list inside my head long after it’s been taken away.  No, I don’t have a photographic memory…well I have a slighty inaccurate photographic memory.  I can actually see the things that I’ve looked at, but I don’t usually pay enough attention so that I can recall every  single detail.  What I would have given to have had that ability in High school….Can you even imagine how cool that would be?

 Like I said, I can do that to a certain extent, but it’s a hit and a miss as to the percentage of perfection that I attain on a regualr basis.

 The kids are doing okay.  Nothing really exciting to report on that end.  Geli has been complaing, and I finally found some sort of okay multi-vitamins that I’ve been giving her and Xan just in case we’re not covering ALL the bases with the food we eat.  Hopefully she will stop complaining about how sick she feels all the time.

I was getting calls from school from her EVERY FREAKING DAY.  I kinda subscribe to the , “Are you barfing or do you have a fever?” school of thought.  Either of those will win you a trip home and confined to your bed for the rest of the day, but anything less than that will earn you a prayer and an over-the-phone kiss and hug from Mom!

The kids have been doing fabulously as far as the food stuff goes.  I still need to post some of our meals that we make.  Will get to that one of these days.  Jeremy did get in to see the Naturopath while I was up in Kamloops.  Jon took him, and he’s doing really well.  I’ll have to do an update on that, as well.  Our next appt for him is on Monday May the 28th.  He gets retested for his food intolerances, and gets a hemoglobin test, and another appointment with the Naturopath.  It will be so exciting (I hope) to hear how much better he is doing.  I’m really hoping that his yest levels have dropped, and that he is well on his way to a healthier life. 

When I went in for my appointment last Friday ,we talked briefly about Jeremy especially seeing as we had made a visit ot the ER the night previously.  She said that waht we are doing right now is only the tip of the ice berg as far as what she CAN actually do to help him.  That is SO EXCITING.  To know that the sucess that we’ve experienced with him is only the beginning.  It’s so encouraging.

Well, I’m off to see Chris tomorrow, and have to pick up my mom just before 8am- AAAAAAWWWWWWCCCCCCKKK!  That’s WAY TOO EARLY!  Oh well!  I’m excited.  Chris has been moved out of the ICU and into the Trauma Unit.  This is a step in the right direction, and so exciting to hear.  I can’t wait to see him tomorrow.

97 days to go!

Yup!  I’m in count down mode.  I know I’ve got a long ways to go, but seriously…..I only dreamed of making it this far.  Soon I’ll be holding my son!  Okay, I kee saying that, but it’s true.

Well, I thought I had something really exciting to say, and then I came on here, and promptly forgot what I was going to say.  SUCKS!  I figured that if I just started typing, that it’d come back to me.  Well, guess what?  Not so much!  Now I’m just blathering on, and hoping that whatever it was that was all so witty and amazing would miraculously pop back into my mind.

It ain’t happening, and I’m freaking tired. I guess that’s what happens when you only get 5 hours of sleep the night before, and then run hard ALL DAY.  I still have so much to do, and so little time to acomplish it all in.

Gotta write more lists, but not tonight!  Right now – I’m going to bed.  Ta Ta, see ya on the flip side!

Yah…..I Have No Idea What to Title This One….Ramblings, maybe?

Green ConfettiI mentioned that I had an appointment with my Naturopath for yesterday.  Just when I was getting ready to take the kids to school, we got a call that something had come up, and that she needed to rebook.  So, no hand holding after all.  At least not until Tuesday afternoon. 

Tuesday is shaping up to be a BUSY day.  Jon rebooked my OB appointment for Tuesday morning, and then the Naturopath rebooked for Tuesday afternoon.  I don’t think I’ll be making the treck into Vancouver to see Chris on Tuesday……too much going on.

The baby was really moving around yesterday afternoon, and well into the evening.  Jon was moonlighting doing sound for a Graduation, and I don’t usually go to sleep until he’s home.  Don’t know why I do this, maybe just something about him being home….I don’t know!  I sleep fine when he’s not here, and if he’s gone for some reason until 2 or 3 or 4 am then I don’t stay up, but if I know he’s going to be home oarund midnight or so I just wait up.  Was probably stupid of me, ’cause I know that I was tired, but my brain is just moving and moving at a zillion miles an hour.  I even had to read once I crawled into bed, and finally shut the light off and went to sleep about 1am.  Paid for it this morning though, when the alarm beeped at 7am, and I really didn’t want to get up.  Had to though ’cause Jon had to leave by 8am to do more of the same sound gig, so I had to be ready to get the kids off to school by myself.

It’s all good though.  I’m feeling okay right now, although I may go to bed after the hockey game tonight just to try to catch up on sleep.

It’s weird being here at home, and with Chris in VGH.  I don’t mind the drive in, but when I’m tring to fit it in to “my life” I realize just how special the time up in Kamlops was.  We were just there.  Nothing to do.  No where to drive to.  Just sleep and eat and be with Chris. 

It’s funny (maybe that’s the wrong word) trying to “do” life after a tragedy.  Not that I think that we are “in” a tragedy, but this is a tragic situation, that could have been a lot worse, and Thank God is actually much better.  I remember after Nathaniel died, trying to figure out what my new “normal” would be.  While this isn’t exactly the same, it still requires an adjustment.  I want to be there for my brother, my sister-in-law, and my family!  I will gladly rearrange things for a season to be able to “be there” for them.  I think that it’s important.  We are a very close family.  I probably need to explain that.  We do not necessarily live in each other’s pockets, but when we do see each other, it is as if no time has passed.  We do not make a big deal about who can and can’t come when we do have a get-together.  If you can make it great, and if not, then we love you lots and will see you next time.  I think that comes from a great love for each other, and a HUGE confidence that we will always be there for each other if/when needed, no strings attached.

Right now it’s Chris and Nina’s time.  They need us, and we are here for them.  It’s nice to see that we are here for each other as well.  I love seeing the way our family pulls together, and does what’s necessary. 

Like I said, I’m just rambling, but when my mind is going, and I have all these thoughts, and I just need to get some of them down so that I can let them go, and hopefully slow my brain down, that’s when I ramble. 

The picture at the top of this post is of the steps up to the hospital in Kamloops; or, depending on which way your headed, down to the Starbucks across the street.  The trees around the hospital were dropping these little seed pods (maybe) and  they were every where.  Some times it looked like it was snowing green.  They made me think of confetti they way they were all over the ground, and especially piled up along the edges of the paths and the stairways.  I even had some in my hair.  Again with the rambling…..not very exciting…….just another thing rumbling around inside my brain.

Well, hopefully with a few things dumped, I’ll be able to pick a few to focus on, and actually get some stuff accomplished.  Hope you’re having or have had a great day.

I’m Late but Learning to Run on His Time

It was my brother Tim’s birthday yesterday.  He turned 28 years old.  Man, we are all getting old.  I don’t actually have a problem with that, but maybe my siblings would have a problem with me saying that.  I had to count backwards from me (I’m turning 32 this year), and realized that Chelle will be 30 in June!  WOW!  Seems like only yesterday I was standing in the Fireside room in Elim or New Life or whatever it was called then, and counting off 8 more years until I would be completely finished school.  Now, here I am, and my eldest daughter has only 8 more years until she is finished high school.

We are home, and well………it was a difficult day.  So exciting with Chris coming home (to the coast), but it kinda felt like I was accosted with a WHOLE TON OF STUFF when I walked in through the door.  I think that by the time we got the kids settled down and in bed, that things were at least on their way to becoming “normal” again.  Is that even possible?  This whole unreal (and yet very real) situation with Chris affects EVERYONE………..and it affects everyone in a unique way.

At least I know that this time when I came home after being away for only (almost) 3 days, that the kids really missed me.  I had to tease Xani for her comment about not even realizing that I was gone last week.  I think that she is the one who has missed me the most over the past few days.  Funny little ones.  We did a lot of talking this afternoon and tonight.  I just let them talk about anything and everything.  It was good for them, I think.

Xani suggested that from now on, I drop them off at school, and then head in to see Uncle Chris and Aunty Nina, and then come home when school was finished.  That is kinda what I was planning…….sorta. 

I have an appointment with my naturopath tomorrow at 10am.  This is basically just a hold my hand appointment because this is around the time that we lost Nathaniel.  I will admit that last week was fabulous.  Nothing like focusing on someone else to enable you to not have to deal with your own life struggles.  This week has not been as good as far as evading the thoughts and fears.  I don’t feel like I’m overwhelmed, or that fear is rising up inside of me.  It feels more like the thoughts are coming at me from outside.  I can hear them, and recognize that they aren’t comfortable thoughts, but I can’t seem to block or ignore them entirely.

So, I have this appointment where she will tell me that I’m doing good, and that everything is going well, and so just keep trucking along.  And so I will!

No worries!  I’ve been taking good care of myself.  I’m not an idiot!  It is possible to eat and drink enough water, even in an emergent or critical situation; and a little bit of lost sleep won’t kill anyone.  And honestly, I’m not even really stressed. 

It’s amazing how freeing just hearing God’s voice can be.  Once you learn to trust that what He says will come to pass, it make life so much easier.  Don’t know what to do or to think?????  Just ask the Father, and obey whatever He says.  If he says your brother will live, and not lose his arm, then I choose to believe that He keeps His word.  My Father is not a liar.  And if He says that my child will live, same thing….I choose to believe that He keeps His promises and that I can rest assured that He will take care of me and protect my little one.  Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m super human and never experience a moment of doubt or fear, but I do have WAY MORE peace than if I were just stumbling along all by myself, and trying to have some hope that things might turn out okay.

I know, that even if for some reason I heard wrong, or wanted to hear some thing…..I know that God will walk me through whatever road I have to walk down.  He’s already proven that time and time again. 

So, tomorrow, I will get up, an see my kids off to school.  I will go to my appointment, and then I will go to see Chris and Nina and whoever else happens to be there……….And we WILL hear good reports about how God is doing amazing creative miracles in Chris AND Nina’s bodies!  I’m so glad he’s here at the coast, and in VGH!

Side Blogging

There are still some things that I want to record, and so I’ve installed this side blog to be able to do that without taking any focus off Chris and Nina.

I’m a little behind on some things, which really doesn’t matter at all in the grand scheme of things.

We had Geli’s birthday on April 7th and she went bowling.   Here is the Butterfly Cake that I made for her party.

Butterfly Cake

I think I’ve already mentioned that fact, but I might not have mentioned that only 3 kids showed up.  She had invited 5, so it’s not like the pool was that huge to begin with, but it could have been a disaster were it not for “SUPER DAD!”  Jon pulled it all together and made it an amazingly fun time for the 4 kids that were there.  I’m so thankful for Jon.  He’s truly an amazing man.

Not only can he guarantee that any occasion with him involved is sure to be a huge success, but he’s been taking care of the kids while I’ve been up in Kamloops with Chris and the family and working and juggling half of what I do, while still trying to keep up on all that he has to do.

You know that things are being taken care of when you haven’t seen your kids for over a week, and you ask if they miss you, and they tell you that they don’t really!  In fact, Xan mentions that she really didn’t even think about you while you were gone.  The only one who said he missed me was J, and I think that he’s just missing a middle of the night cuddling partner.  Mind you, with me gone, he can stretch out all over my entire side of the bed.  Not that me being in the bed usually stops him from stretching out all over Jon and I any way…….YES!  He still sleeps with us…..about 3-4 times a week, we get a midnight visitor.  I really don’t mind, and Jon only minds when J shoves his razor sharp elbows and knees into Jon’s rib cage. 

Nice, eh?  I’m that valuable around here.  Oh well, it’s all worth it, when Jon says that he never realized just how much stuff I actually do.  That makes you feel all kind of warm and fuzzy inside, knowing that he is acknowledging that I do actually do a ton of stuff around here, and I’m not just sitting on my butt on the computer all day.

24 Weeks PregnantI’m also 24 weeks pregnant.  If I make it all the way to term, I only have 16 weeks left.  YAH!  I’m so excited.  I can hardly wait to see and hold my sweet little boy.  I still have a lot to do to be ready for him, but we’ll get there.  Right now, we are mostly focused on Chris and Nina and praying for them and being there for them.  It has kind of almost taken my mind off of the fact that this is around the time that Nathaniel died….like I said……almost……….

Our little one is moving around quite a bit, and if I could remember anything other than the fact that Nathaniel didn’t move a lot, I’d compare it to my other pregnancies……but I can’t.  It’s hard to believe that I was pregnant with Jeremy 7 years ago.  When this little guy is born, Geli is going to be older than I was when Christopher was born.  Weird! 

I never thought I’d ever have kids with quite this age span, but then again, I never thought I’d have gone through a still birth and then 3 losses after that.

I guess you just never know what’s on the road ahead in your journey, and you just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and turst that God will give you the strength to deal with whatever comes along.