Category: just crap…

I’m Dreaming of…..

Not sure what craziness was going on last night, but all 4 of the males in our house were taking part in some crazy sleep deprivation thing.

Yah, Jon, Jeremy, Josiah and Judah….all of them were awake pretty much mostly from 2:30am until 5:30am….That means that basically Geli and Xani got to sleep last night and the rest of us….well, we were mostly up.

And so I feel a bit like a zombie today. I was hoping to accomplish SO MUCH MORE and yet, no. Grocery Shopping it is.

The baby is playing nicely on the floor beside me and the girls are in the basement playing. Jon has taken the boys to run a chore and at this exact moment, I’m sitting on my couch. Counting down the minutes until I could possibly go to bed for the night.

I’m figuring that if Judah goes to sleep between 7:30pm and 8pm then I’m looking at 4.5 hours….maybe I could even just take him to bed with me and make it half an hour earlier….

Yup, that about how exciting life is today. I’m dreaming of………sleep.

And when I’m this tired, there is really no flowing coherent thought, other than…..I just want to sleep and so I shall end this post and keep myself busy until the most wonderful time of the……..day.

I’m Tired

I have a few things that I’d love to post about.

Pictures to share and stories to write about, and honestly….I’m just too tired.

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Geli and her cousin, Jack

Things are going relatively well. We’re gearing up for Angelica’s last round of the High Dose Methotrexate which will be happening this Friday though Monday.

Hopefully, I’ll have more energy and time to post soon.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

We’ve received a few letters and cards and e-mails and every time, it feels like a hug….so THANK YOU!

It means so much. It might seem like to so little, but to us it’s HUGE!

We appreciate everyone of you so much! Thanks for standing with us, and supporting us.

Third Time’s The Charm

Well, I finally got the baby down…..after the third try.

It’s a little frustrating. Just when you think he’s asleep, he twitches and wakes himself up and WHAM…he’s not planning on going back to sleep anytime soon.

Or, you’re CERTAIN he’s asleep and you ever so carefully place him in his crib only to have him blink his eyes WIDE OPEN, the instant his skin comes in contact with his sheet.

OR…..you’ve basically crawled into the crib with him, to fake him into thinking that you’re still holding him, and you stay in that weird hunched over position so long that you’re entire back cramps up and your legs start to go numb, and you think that he’s relaxed into a deep sleep….you ever so slowly released the weight and pressure that you’ve put on him and BAM! Eyes. Open. Again!

and just when you’ve given up all hope of getting to have any free time in the evening, and you’ve basically slung him over your arm and are just ignoring him….you realize that he’s dead weight and has fallen completely soundly asleep. Based on prior track records, you have absolutely no belief that he will stay asleep, in fact you completely believe with every fiber in your body that the “INSTANT” you even make a move towards the crib, that his “sensors” will go off and he’ll wake up.

You kinda roughly plop him into his crib, kinda shove his blanket on top of him and run out of the room hoping that you can, at the very least, hit the toilet before he starts screaming and wakes up the toddler……

After about 15 minutes, you wonder what’s going on….you go in and check…all’s good, still breathing…Hmmmm weird.

Well, might as well attempt to get that snack you had been thinking about 2 hours ago…….can’t hurt to try, cause FOR SURE, he’ll be up any second.

At some point you realize that he’s actually out for the night and you’ve not accomplished what you had wanted to initially because you were basically waiting with bated breath for the little darling to wake up………and he never did. MAN!

Okay, so that’s not really what happened tonight, but it or some variation happens often enough around here for it to not be entirely funny and yet, 5th time around (I have 5 kids, just in case that reference made no sense to you) – I can appreciate it for what it is….just another season. He’ll be a better sleeper soon enough and until then, I’ll try to relax and not get too frustrated when I don’t accomplish as much as I’d like.

Jon and Geli left for the Hospital this morning just after 7:30am. She had a lumbar puncture scheduled for first thing, and was receiving chemo into her spinal fluid then; after that, she gets one dose of chemo; and then 6 hours of hydration before the THIRD DOSE of the Methotrexate.

She should be coming home on Sunday….which we are all looking forward to.

We were the best prepared and the least prepared for this third round of chemo.

We kind of know what to expect and what to prepare for. Geli was able to pack her clothes, her school stuff and her favorite foods with speed and ease. Jon packed all of his stuff up and I was left with the chaos of the other 4 kids and the house.

Xani had a bit of a “moment” last night. She couldn’t sleep. Didn’t want Jon to go away. Was Stressing. Not fun!

My big accomplishment today was to go shopping for Almond Milk, Soy Milk and Coffee Grounds. Yee Haw!

I fed the children super healthy, fresh-right-outta-the-box Chicken Noodle Soup. * snort * I win the Mother of the Year award tonight.

I think we’ll have fish and potatoes and veggies, tomorrow night, to try and make up for tonight’s amazing-ness.

I folded 2 loads of laundry today….there’s that, right?

Judah’s been having some similar issues to Josiah (when he was an infant) and I’ve gone absolute hardcore on cutting out all dairy from my diet. (There’s been some blood in his poop – in case you don’t know what I’m talking about.) It’s not fun and it’s just one more stress. I know that it’s dairy related and even just the 2 days of not eating any dairy has already made a HUGE difference. Judah’s not had any of the ezcema that Siah had, so that’s a bonus. He just tends to barf a lot, get a wicked diaper rash (I’m assuming because his “movements” are a little more acidic that they should be because he’s body is working overtime to breakdown any dairy proteins), and has had some blood tinged poop. I’m not FREAKING. We’ve had this happen before and way WAY worse. Josiah, at a health level with 0 being perfect and 10 being really bad, was at like a 14. I’d give Judah a 2….prespective….it’s all in the perspective.

But, my biggest issue and I’ve complained about it before….I LOVE CHEESE. I can find delicious dairy free chocolate. I can bake dairy free. I can cook dairy free, but…….I LOVE Old Sharp Cheese. I don’t mind some goat cheese, but if it’s too “goaty” ick! And that is the toughest thing for me about going dairy free. It’s really rough. You should all feel terribly sorry for me – I know……wah, wah, WAH!!!!!!

Ah well, I’ve gotta go and plan out my day tomorrow.

There will be a list with like 15 things that I want to accomplish….and then there will be the “List of Reality”….with the 1 or 2 things that I absolutely MUST DO!

Fun! Not!

Out for Tonight! Ciao!

A Local Recommendation

We had our ducts cleaned today.

The heating ducts in our house, to be clear and precise…..

We haven’t had them cleaned since we moved in over a year ago…..and they needed it badly. Especially with Geli and the need to be careful with her health. Seeing as we are starting to run our heater more, we figured that it needed to happen and fairly quickly. We ended up calling a property manager friend of ours and he recommended that we use “his guy” and honestly, we are thrilled that we did.

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The sunshine was so amazing today!

We had called two other companies before we got the recommendation. Both companies were booking at least two weeks ahead and their prices were ridiculous.

We left a message for Pavan from Lower Mainland Carpet and Furniture Cleaning and he called us back right away. And, he was able to come the next day. AND…He gave us an amazing price.

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When these guys came, they were friendly, and totally professional. They were careful with their shoes and with their hoses and our walls. They went through each room thoroughly and when furniture needed to be moved, it was moved carefully and put right back into place.

It was interesting to hear the different items traveling through their hose as they sucked all the dust and “stuff” out of our ducts.

When they were finished, they did a walk through to make sure that the covers were all back in place and that everything was as it should be.

Just before they left, we asked if we could get their picture and if we could mention them here. I love it when we get a recommendation for a service that you need and so I’m passing the recommendation along.

We don’t get anything for mentioning them, I just wanted to promote a small business with great service for great value. I have no idea how their carpet and furniture cleaning skills are, but if they have the same work ethic and attention to detail as they did today, you wouldn’t be disappointed.

So, if you’re needing to get your ducts cleaned and you live in the Lower Mainland/Fraser Valley give these guys a call.

It’s my Party and I’ll Cry if I want to

I’m sitting in my room over in BC Women’s Hospital on the labour & delivery ward.

Judah and me are hanging out over here, while Geli and Jon are down the hall at Children’s, in the Oncology Ward.

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We’ve been over with Geli for a good bit of today and then resting while she was gone for her Bone Marrow biopsy and Spinal Fluid Tap and right now we’re just hanging low over here for a moment.

Today has been an “icky” day for Gelica and a “crying” day for me.

Between the excitement of the past few days, chemo treatment, tests, and wacked out sugar levels, Angelica had a barfy, yucky, nasty day……..she’s had no fever though and right now, her blood levels are within normal range – so for that we are so SO thankful.

I’m hitting the end of Judah’s second day of life and facing the lovely hormonal changes that brings. Add on top of that – very little sleep, a leukemia diagnosis, a week of stress and the looming unknown and you have a sure fire recipe for tears.

I’ve cried off and on today and feel some of the built up pressure has released, but I still feel like I could use a really good cry. Just to release all the pressure that’s built up since my last good cry about a week ago.

I hate this. This is nothing that I ever imagined for my daughter, for our immediate family, for our extended family…….it was unfathomable, until now………

I hurt for her. I hurt for Jon. I hurt for my other kids. I hurt!

I look back at some of the little life lessons that I learned over the last year and see how I can use those lessons in my life now.

Probably the biggest one with the HUGEST impact on me………..I learned through this past year in my exercise class!

Stay in the present!

You can handle just about anything that’s in front of you right now. It’s when you race beyond into the future that you can be overwhelmed. I can handle today. Tomorrow I will have the strength that I need to get through that day. If I try to imagine or figure out or plan for the next week or so, or month or 6 months from now…..its too much! The unknown is too great and overwhelming.

So today, I cry and I process and I hope and I cry some more.

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In the middle of my tears, I am aware of some blessings. I am off my feet, even if they have swollen up to elephant size again. I have some amazing quiet, one on one time with my newborn. I’m still with my “baby” even if I’m sleeping down the hall from her. We are being cared for and supported in so many amazing ways by so many amazing people. In the middle of all this chaos, I am blessed and I know it. That doesn’t mean I’m grateful that we’re walking this road, just that I can see some pretty rocks on the path in spite of the dark clouds and rain.

I’ll get through today and when tomorrow comes, I know I’ll be able to get through it as well.

Anytime Now Would Be Alright With Me

On Sunday, as we were headed into church, I realized that the crotch of my maternity jeans had worn out.

Yes, I had to go through the morning in jeans with a massive hole in the crotch and well, if that wasn’t just a slight bit uncomfortable. I kept stressing that someone might be able to see. Thankfully, I had nice (ish) underwear on.

Yup, more than 6 months of serious wear and those babies have finally bit the bullet. I bought them before I was 12 weeks because I was headed to a Ladies Retreat and my regular jeans were too tight. They were great jeans too. Low rise, sat under the gut, (I HATE stuff over my stomach ESPECIALLY when I’m pregnant) boot cut, no gathers or weird bunchy pockets…..they were just great jeans and I wish that I had them to wear after the baby comes. I might see if my mom can do something to make a comfortable yet not terribly noticeable patch of some sorts.

BUT……I DO figure that this means that it’s time for the baby to come now. I mean if I’ve worn out my jeans, then come on…….right? It would be stupid to buy another pair when this baby could come any time now….like even tonight! Hint! Hint! Little One!

Today was a fairly low key day.

I did have a midwife appt earlier this morning and I’ll update on all of that with my 38 week post tomorrow.

Other than that, I had coffee with my sister and looked a bit more for those paint with water books (no luck though) and then……wait for it…….wait for it……..

I cleaned house!

Jon steam cleaned our stairs and the hallways, up and down, and I washed our bedding and did all the remainder of the laundry and then washed the laundry room floor and cleaned out the boys bathroom upstairs in the hallway.

I need to make some laundry detergent (We use Pink Solution!) and to clean the TV Room. The main floor needs to be swept and the kitchen tidied from today’s dishes and then pretty much I’m ready!

I could clean out the fridge – doesn’t that sound fun, or wipe out the cupboards….again with the thrilling excitement…..I know!

Jon has a meeting tonight and I really wish he didn’t, but I’ll survive! I might even take a bath and do my toe nails once the monkey’s go to bed. Ooooo the Excitement around here is amazing, AMAZING, I tell you!

Well, the close of today brings me one day closer to meeting my sweet boy and I’m so excited!

Just a Tad Off…

I’ll get to the 35 week post soon enough.

This has been a bit of weird week for me.

I’ve felt a bit insecure this past week and I really don’t know why?

By insecure, I mostly mean unsafe or unsure or just not quite as confident or strong or “on top of things” as I normally feel.

I just wanted to retreat and pull back inside myself and my house and just “be”.

And so mostly, I did just that.

I did go into work on Tuesday and plowed through an unbelievable amount of work which was great, but by the time we called it a day – I WAS EXHAUSTED!!!

And then……that makes me feel so….so….well, I end up feeling like I’m failing or less than adequate or something.

I try to put in all into perspective. I’m 8 months pregnant with my 5th kid and I’m working and trying to stay on top of everything. We are eating regular dinners, the laundry is caught up, the house is tidy-ish, I’m exercising 4.5 hours a week and we are all happy and healthy.

Wanna know what I did during my other pregnancies???

I existed! I slept! Not even kidding you…..I woke up EXHAUSTED! I barely stayed awake until the kids went for their nap at noon and if needs be, I’d sleep on the floor of their room in front of the door to block them in, just so I could get a nap myself. Then I’d wake up (sort of) and throw something together for dinner and I’d count down the minutes until 7pm when it was bedtime because that meant that I could go back to bed……sometimes, I wouldn’t even make it to their bedtime and I’d go to bed early and leave Jon to put them to sleep.

Yah, pregnancy has seriously kicked my butt!

So, in perspective…….I’m doing pretty good, right?

But, it doesn’t always feel that way. And for whatever reason, this week has been harder than others.

I did manage to cross a few things off my “Getting Ready for Baby” List and that typically makes me feel better, but right now I’m so scattered (my usually computer like brain is acting like it has a wicked virus) that I can’t mentally see a picture of what still needs to be done versus all that has been done and well……that just feels like another kick when I’m already down.

I’ve got a month left. I can do this. I know I can.

I will make it through. One day at a time!

And soon, when I’m holding my baby, this will all feel different. It’s just a matter of time.

Delicious Summer Evenings

I’m sitting up in my bedroom and my ceiling fan is on and it’s SO warm and the air is still and quiet and it’s…….heavenly.

I long for summer evenings like this. I know it’s not technically summer, but there is something about the warmth and the sun that makes things seem all better.

We came home this afternoon and I sat out in the sun for just over half an hour and I felt totally recharged. Well, as much as someone who is 30 weeks pregnant can feel energized and/or recharged.

We came inside and managed to re-arrange the TV Room to include some office space. Opening up the TV Room to accommodate some office stuff meant that we could clear out some of the stuff that we’ve been storing in our bedroom, thereby freeing up space that we need for the baby and more specifically the baby furniture.

In the process, I also managed to clear about 5 things off my “To Do List”.

I’ve got about 5 pages of “Things to do” (it’s double spaced, so it’s not like it’s a million things) and last night Jon and I sat down and put a time frame or time limit to each of the items. We are aiming to get the “important” things finished by the beginning of June and then there are some things that I’d like to get done but that aren’t critical and I can finish those during June as I’m counting down the days. There is nothing worse than just sitting around with NOTHING to do just waiting for the baby to come. I’ve done that and it SUCKS!

Well, time to put my boys to bed. Oh and By the way, I’ve loved hearing your movie favorites….if you haven’t shared, there is still time to chime in with your two cents.

ps. I love light movies like Sweet Home Alabama and Failure to Launch. I also LOVE action movies like FaceOff and the Transporter, and I even love the M. Night Shyalaman movies. I think that my least favorite movies are science fiction type movies. But, it all depends on my mood at any particular time as to which movie I choose to watch and re-watch.

LIttle Bit ‘O This and a Little Bit ‘O That

I’m sitting on the main level of my house killing time listening to my baby scream his head off because he,
“WAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNTTTTTSSSSSS MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMAAAAAAA!” and seeing as he is mostly over the whole measles thingy and I’m so tired of his incessant night waking, we have started to institute the

Back to Bed, Baby! Initiative.

This involves getting up every time he wakes up and putting him back in his own bed. He is in a bed, and so he can easily get out and the biggest issue that we have is not even him coming to our bed in the middle of the night.

The biggest issue is the fact that since the while measles thing, he’s been waking up around 11 or 12 and screaming for no reason that we can figure out. He is quite verbal (as in everyone who hears him speak can’t believe he’s only 2 years old) and his language skills are quite advanced and so if he so desired, he could tell us if there was an issue…..I think that he’s OVERTIRED and can’t even really handle himself. You should see the dark circles he’s currently sporting under his eyes. Poor Baby.

The 11-midnight scream fest comes in a close second in the frustration factor. The number one issue is that he’s decided that regardless of whether we let him sleep with us or if we put him back in to his own bed, around 2am, he wakes up and then is basically restless and awake from 2am until after 5am. This time usually involves TONS of thrashing around. Crying because the covers are on. Crying because the covers are off. Kicking mommy and daddy in the head/stomach/back/whatever happens to be closest to the thrashing feet. Crying because we won’t let him watch a movie. Crying because he wants to go to the bathroom. Crying because he doesn’t want to go to the bathroom. Basically, there is lots of crying and very little sleep.

And so, it is time to learn how to sleep again.

This likely means that we will get even less sleep over the next 3-4 nights as we sleep train him to stay asleep or at the very least, to once again stay on his bed. YUCK! but it will be so worth it by next weekend when we are all sleeping soundly. I hope I’ve not jinxed it by saying that.

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It was my baby girl’s 13th Birthday today. Angelica became a teenager today. I’m still a a bit amazed that I have a teenager and yet….it’s really not that different feeling from yesterday as she was quick to tell me. Time sure flies doesn’t it.

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Jon and Jeremy went to church today and Xani and Siah and I stayed home. Siah’s still officially within the contagious time period and Xani was coughing like a mad woman. We made coffee cake and an egg/hashbrown hash-type breakfast. We cleaned the kitchen and then sewed like crazy.

I’ll be showing you over the next little bit some of the fun things that I made. Xani made 2 pillows and she did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself.

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We’ve filled and hidden the kid’s Easter Baskets and tomorrow morning we’ll have a treasure hunt for the kids. They are looking forward to it and if it weren’t for Geli’s birthday being today we probably would have done them today, but I wanted to make her birthday special. We had her favorite meal of roast chicken, and potatoes, with carrots and asparagus and gravy AND…..Yorkshire Pudding. And she was a very happy girl. We’ve still not given her a gift or even had a cake so I’m not sure how special of a day it was, but ….well…….ya know……it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?

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I’m still trying to come up with a fun activity for us to do as a family tomorrow……ya know, one that involves being trapped inside the house with a contagious child….ya! should be fun! It’s been a long LOOOOOOOOOONG week and I still have a few days left to go.

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The baby has been making the funniest movements. I’ve been bent over the sewing machine and apparently, he didn’t like being squished because he kept trying to streeeeeeeeeeeeetch out and kept kicking out the sides of my body towards my back. It felt so weird, and yet……….TOTALLY AMAZING. Baby movements are the best thing ever.

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Some people from our complex just had a stillborn at 24 weeks. One week shy of when Nathaniel was born. My heart os breaking for them and all they are going through right now. I only hope that I can, in some small way, reach out and be a support or comfort to them. I’m feeling stressed that I’m pregnant, though and am feeling cautious as to how that might make them feel. So many sad conflicting emotions. In some ways, it’s like reliving the whole loss over again. So SO sad!

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Well, after half an hour, it’s quiet and so I’m gonna sign off and head up stairs to bed. I hope you all had a great Easter Sunday with great food and hopefully lots of chocolate…….

Guest Post – recent noteables

*** Guest Post by Jon ***

As Patti is consumed with prego related stuff, I thought I would jump on here and record some of the fun little things that have been going on here that I will want to come back and read one day later. You know the saying “One day you’ll look back and laugh”… That saying means that you are not laughing now and yet you need the presence of mind to record the events, ’cause you know that one day you might just snicker a little.

File these under 2 yr old experiments…
1) Both boys stayed home sick today and I got the short straw and Patti went into the office. I was helping J with some overdue homework (and working at passing another level of his video game) and Siah got into Patti’s makeup. He poured an entire bottle of foundation makeup on his hair and then covered that with a liberal helping of baby powder. Then he applied the same mixture to the new flooring in the bathroom and skated in it. Turns out that the foundation is oil based and took eight wash and rinse cycles with our not-so-cheep-hippie shampoo to get out (and he still had a nice skin-tone hue in his hair for the rest of the day).

2) Tonight, Siah found a tube of antibiotic cream and dosed his hair one more time (in case you are counting, this is the same day as #1). This effectively used up the rest of the shampoo. I will say that he has had a life-long aversion to getting his hair washed. He got soap in the eyes once and since then, he freaks and goes into the fetal position whenever I go to rinse his hair. When he has a good lather on, the fetal position does an effective job of getting more soap in his eye, thus proving again that shampoo is bad. Today we cured that. The last shampoo (I think this is lather and rinse cycle #15) he managed to stay looking up through the whole rinsing cycle. Attaboy!

3) OK, this is the one that I really need to record so that I can look back and laugh… I now own three new wax rings for my toilets. These are nifty little seals that connect your toilet to your floor/plumbing. You see, you need these whenever you have to remove your toilet, because they are not reusable. I have four toilets in my home, and Siah has become fascinated with the flusher knob / spinning water / gurgling sounds / filling up again thing. He has a particular interest in watching his precious movements go round and round and round and down. Because he cannot repeat the movements often enough for his interest level to be satisfied, he has gone through our house in search of poo-sized objects that he can use instead. Right now, I have three toilets that will not flush at all. I own an industrial toilet plumbing snake (He is our forth kid and we have learned a few things), but no dice! The snake does not move the water one bit. I mentioned that we have four kids, and it seems that non-flushing toilets are fine to use for nasty, disgusting colon cleansings, or at least they are fine until you realise that THEY DON’T FLUSH… OMG! ITS FLOODING!!! HEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP! (I’m keeping a good supply of grade 3 towels on hand).

So I have to 1) convince Siah not to flush anything else down the drain, 2) scoop brown water from the bowls into some bucket that will never get used again for ANYTHING! 3) remove toilets and find and remove blockages (this requires grade 3 towels as well) 4) use the nice new wax rings and replace the toilets.

I Kid You Not… My eldest just came in while I am typing this and told me that toilet #4 is blocked.

one day I’ll laugh.