Some Thoughts on Community

The week of our vacation was eye opening in some different ways, and it actually really cemented some of what I want or am looking for in my life.

We had two large families – by today’s standards – in close quarters for 9 days, and we all did really well together.

It was like a huge family unit.

All our different strengths and weaknesses were apparent, and there was such a sense of love and unity and working toward togetherness…it was amazing.

This is not to say that everything we did, that everyone else agreed or even liked what we were doing, but that we trusted each other enough and loved each other enough, and truley believed that each of us had the best interests of the other at heart.

I think that in “society” today, we have such an sense of independance and isolation, and individualism and that we’ve lost a good part of the community or “village” mentality. I think that we have lost out on the support and help and the wise input from others in raising our families and also in growing and maturing ourselves.

I remember when I wa younger and lived in North Vancouver. We were a part of a local church, and there were many different people from all walks of life….young adults, singles, young marrieds, young families, parents of older kids, empty nesters, and the elderly. There was so much imput that all could have to offer and we as kids growing up in this close community knew that we always had someone close who could help us out or who we could talk to or that if we were doing something that we shouldn’t be doing, we knew that we had a hundred pair of eyes and ears watching our for us and over us.

I think that it created a very safe place to grow up in, and a very safe place to learn in and so many different views to learn from.

I think that there is something to say for having different views and insight on any given situation. It enables you to learn to think through different situations before coming up with a plan.

Our vacation was such an example of community or family at work. When I needed extra support with my kids, I always had another adult gently reminding my kids of what I had said, and I was able to offer the same support. I also love the fact, that there are different things that are important to different people, and that we can see be watching, what different things are important to different people and then you ven have the opportunity to watch and work out why those different things might be important, and you have the option of learning and growing from what they are doing. Not that you are trying to be exactly like them, but you can learn and adapt what others do to fit within your family life.

In dealing with Jeremy, specifically, I don’t feel like too many people understand him or where he’s coming from, or us and specifically us dealing with him.

Dealing with a child who has ADD can be utterly and completely ovrwheling, and tiring beyond all reason. And there are no signs that show that there in anything “wrong” with the child aside from the destruction that follows him, and the stressed out parent hovering closely by.

I spend so much of my time trying to protect both you from Jeremy and Jeremy from you.

It was amazing to me, that this past week – I was able to relax a little and to let others help me in parenting Jeremy. There were still moments that I stressed, and problems that had to be dealt with, but to feel that there was someone else that I trusted with him….that even if they didn’t completely understand Jeremy and what was “up with him” that they wanted to understand, and that they loved him and us and had our best interests at heart.

I couldn’t have said all that to you…..what I did know was that I felt safe. Safe to let Jeremy be Jeremy and safe to just be me.

Over the course of the week, Jeremy did do some things that were not acceptable. It is all related to the ADD, and dealing with things “NOW” without thinking through the consequences and having him dealing with Jason or Lise as opposed to me was interesting. It’s not that no one was upset (it wasn’t about being upset or not being upset), but that even in our upsettedness (is that even word) that there was a different way to deal with and/or explain things to Jeremy. I love that. I love that in love and trust there is safety.

I want to try and find a way to foster and grow a village for my family. I love the idea of many people pouring into my kids and even me, and I want to be a part of pouring into others in the same way.

How? How does this happen? I’m still working that through, but I think that honesty, openess and just being real – plays a big part of it.

The more open and real I am about my struggles, as oppsed to trying to put on the “perfect face” and trying to be “perfect” in front of everyone, the more others will grow to know and understand what I’m going through, and the more understanding and caring they will be.

I’m still working all this through, but it’s what I’m working towards.

Do you have any thoughts on the matter?