xangelle.com

There is Too Much

Let me ‘splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up….
Inigo Montoya
The Princess Bride (1987)

Alright, so I’m gonna do my best to try to explain and update.

First, we don’t have a lot of new news……and that sucks.

We do know that Angelica’s blood cultures grew some gram-negative bacteria…….and this is bad, like very bad!

If you click on that link above and scroll down, it lists off some of the nasty bacteria that are gram negative….things like e-coli and salmonella, shigella, and legionella……nasty, nasty, NASTY!

To inject a little bit of humor, into this horrid situation, earlier this morning, we had a doctor wish for her to have e-coli!

Not that he wants her to have e-coli, but it’s possible that if it is, in fact, e-coli then it would only be a 10 day run on antibiotics as opposed to a 14 run on antibiotics. While those extra 4 days don’t seem like they should be a big deal, when you are parenting 4 stressed out, overly emotional children from ages 12-7 months, and trying to “do it all” every “second” counts….forget talking about days!

My sister and Jack, drove Judah and myself into the hospital today to pick up the van, so that the kids and I would have a vehicle for the next couple of weeks. This was such a blessing as I wasn’t sure how we were going to get it.

It was hard to go in and see Jon and Geli and know that I needed to leave in less than an hour to be home to pick up the big kids after school and yet it is so wonderful to see her not feeling so sick. When we showed up, Angelica and Jon were in the kitchen making baked potatoes for lunch and setting up for a rockin’ game of Monopoly.

She is looking and feeling a lot better. That part is equally frustrating and wonderful. On one side of things, she did not get seriously ill and so she’s not holed up in her bed, crying and not eating and barfing, but on the other side, she feels pretty well and is just killing time in the hospital “waiting” until she can come home again. The fact that she’s not REALLY sick is great, but she still has to be in there and that REALLY sucks!

I’m…….well, I’m doing okay! Honestly, I’m upset. I’m really upset. This is a very difficult thing to go through. Having your child diagnosed with cancer is hard. Helplessly watching your child go through chemotherapy is hard. Watching your child get sick and having to go to the hospital, away from you, to get better and knowing that she doesn’t want to be there, away from you, and the rest of the family and her own familiar house, is hard. Dealing with your own emotions about it all is hard. Feeling unable to help the siblings work through their own emotional upheaval is hard. Solo parenting is hard. Being without your spouse, for weeks, is hard. This is all just hard!

On top of it all, Josiah is sick. He started to look and act sick on Wednesday afternoon and on Wednesday evening, after Jon and Geli went to the hospital, my mom took Siah to her house. He’s had a fever, and a cough and a runny nose and was vomiting last night. I don’t know what to do because I’m his mom and I want to be with him, comforting him and yet……to have all of my kids sick over the next few weeks…..well, the thought of having to deal with 4 sick kids and not getting to go in and see either Jon or Geli is overwhelming. The thought of being up with him in the night and then up with Judah in the night, on top of how tired I already feel….. Just the thought of all of that, is enough to bring me to tears. And so right now, he’s with my momma…..how I love her!

And having said all of that, I’m doing okay! I am doing okay and I am not doing okay! It’s all wrapped up together, much like life.

I had a bit of a cry yesterday when we got the news of the infection and after they got home from school, I told Xandra and Jeremy. Last night, they each took turns having their own melt down. It was not a happy day in our house last night. I wish I could play you all the message that Jeremy left hysterically sobbing and screaming into Jon’s voicemail as he was trying to get a hold of him before going to bed. Its so SO sad and upsetting and yet so theatrically dramatic that if it weren’t for real, it would have been funny!

It was so nice to have had a sort of “calm period” over December/January, but dealing with this I can see just how fragile we all are over here. There is some strength that we have in reserve, but it feels more like we found a way to strategically hold all the cracked pieces of our egg shell (life, emotions, etc) all together. This most recent blow…..this time that our family is separated, yet again because of this stupid, STUPID cancer, has left us with a pile of broken egg shells that we are staring at and needing to once again piece together. It might be “easier” because we’ve done it before, but it’s not EASY!

None of this is easy and yet, we carry on because we must.

Angelica will be okay. Jon and I will be okay. The kids will be okay. We will be okay, but this is hard!

I can’t wait for this to be over!

ps. I called yesterday and made my appointment to give blood. Have you considered giving?

Visits in the Night & a Request

Well, Geli’s been feeling a little lower than usual, but we just chocked up it to the fact that she was at the end of a very brutal and intense chemotherapy treatment. We were (and are) looking forward to moving on from this stage and starting the next (every day down is one day closer to end, right?).

not quite ready for the picture…still rubbing her eyes

When she got a transfusion on Tuesday, she felt a bit warm when the nurse de-accessed her and so they took her temperature. She rang in at a 37.5 which is a whole degree higher than her average of 36.5 degrees but they don’t worry until it is over 38 degrees so they sent her home. She barfed on the way home on the side of the highway….fun times there. Her temp was still up a bit when they got home, but by bedtime it was down to 36.9 degrees and so she went to bed and had the best sleep she’s had in a while.

She felt ok yesterday but just not very hungry and her temps were well within normal range when we did take them; but at dinner time she felt hungry but was nervous that she might throw up if she did eat and she also she was complaining of being freezing cold.

being goofy for the picture

We took her temperature and it was 38.3 degrees. Seeing as her white blood count is almost non-existent, that is a scary number and so we had to take it half an hour later and then if it was not below 38 degrees – a quick trip into BC Children’s was necessary.

Half an hour later, it was up to 38.4 and so they packed up for a 3 day stay and quickly headed in.

Because her counts are so low, BC Children’s had a room (in the ER) ready for her when she showed up and she was ushered straight past all the other sick children in the ER and straight into a room, mask and gowns and all. It’s pretty serious.

They drew some blood for a culture and gave her a dose of antibiotics and they relaxed in their room until the hospital could find a bed for her. Apparently, the hospital is quite busy with a huge number of flu cases. The winter and beginning of the year was quite quiet and now business is booming…..unfortunately!

They got a room (on the cardiac floor as oncology was full and overflowing) around midnight and tried to get some sleep. Geli slept pretty well, but there were NO COTS to be found in the hospital and so Jon had to sleep on a fold out chair.

This is a nasty little piece of work, but it’s all that’s available. Not fun! It’s just about 6 feet long which is a little short for Jon, not to mention the uncomfortable bump in the middle where it folds out. So, while Geli was able to get some sleep…..Jon wasn’t. Not cool!

not cool…….

Geli’s feeling pretty good this morning, but her temp is still up and is very possible that it’s one of 2 things….either this is a neutropenic fever or a virus. The other option is a bacterial infection, but we’re really hoping that’s not the case.

I have a request for you all to consider.

Have you ever given blood? Have you thought about donating blood?

Now would be a REALLY great time to do so…..

The blood banks are low and when Geli needed blood on Tuesday it took a while for her to get some as the blood banks are low and needing to do some juggling to be able to accommodate the need.

If you’ve ever given blood or have thought about giving blood, now would be a great time to do so. If you haven’t thought about it, give it some thought. In Canada you can call 1-888-2-DONATE and in the States I believe you can call 1-800-RED-CROSS. I’m not just asking this because of Angelica, but for all the people out there who need help. Shortages are never cool especially when we can do something to make a difference.

This morning….looking cute

I’m calling today to book my next appointment because Judah is over 6 months old now and I’m allowed to give.

Could you think about helping?

I know that not everyone can give and that’s ok. I’m not interested in pressuring anyone, this is just a request.

Thank you!

I’ll post more updates on Geli as I know.

ps. Our kids were quite upset last night about Jon and Geli going into the hospital last night. It was a bit unexpected for them and a bit of a shock. If you are thinking about them, you could pray for them. Both Xani and Jeremy were up until after 11pm stressing and worrying and on top of everything else, Josiah is fighting some sort of cold or something. (It’s possible that’s whats affected Geli, but who knows… he only started feeling off yesterday) Thanks for all your love and support!

Just Holding On

If you’re thinking about us and able to pray for something specific…..

Jon and I tired!

We are feeling the effects of the last 7 months of stress and we’re exhausted!

I’m not feeling depressed and/or sad, just unbelievable tired and really worn down. In some ways we are looking forward, excitedly, to moving on to the final maintenance stage. There are 7 stages of this Leukemia Treatment. We’ve completed 3 and are 1 week away from completing the 4th stage. There are 2 more “active” or “intensive” stages and then we enter the maintenance stage which will last until the end of September 2012. But basically, Angelica should be finished the end of stage 6 somewhere around the end of May/beginning of June. It’s getting closer. We can see it. We can see that there is light at the end of this tunnel. We are excited about this. We are looking forward to what amazing adventures this summer will bring for our family after a year of intensive chemotherapy. Looking forward, we are so excited.

And yet, physically, we are exhausted!

Our bodies are so tired. We have been going so fast, so hard, for so long and we are finding that the pace and stress are taking their toll.

I’m finding that mentally, I’m not as sharp and “on the ball” as I was and I totally believe that it’s the fatigue affecting me. It’s affecting my ability to plan and organize and remember and keep on top of things. With 7 people in our family, chemotherapy, schedules, doctor’s appointments, school events and homework, counseling appointments, family organization, etc…..I’m finding that things that would have been a snap for me to do, co-ordinate and remember…..well, I’m dropping the balls on lot of things and this only adds to the chaos. In the long run, this ends up placing more demands on our time and energy and that’s not cool. Physically, I’m in constant pain. I’ve hurt my arm and shoulder carrying our sweet (but very heavy) baby while still trying to accomplish everything that needs to be accomplished. The constant pain is wearing and yet…..things still need to get done. I’m trying to walk the line between actually “damaging” my arm and waiting and hoping that things ease up over here.

Jon and I are lonely for and missing each other. Our “time together” and “relationship” are another thing that has received a blow from this whole situation. We are doing okay. Don’t get me wrong. Our marriage is not “on the rocks”, we are just missing each other terribly. I would say that instead of “growing” closer together right now, we are just “holding” and sometimes……just holding steady is okay.

We know that we have the rest of our lives to make up for this time, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are missing each other right now. One of the hard things about right now, is that when we do have the rare opportunity to “be away from it all” and to just “be together”….the thought of organizing and planning an evening requires more effort than just keeping on, keeping on. Often, its more difficult to have to arrange someone to watch the kids and to try to figure out where we can park our tired selves for a few hours….and at this point, we are so tired that we can hardly form coherent sentences, let alone carry on relationship building conversation and so we end up frustrated and still tired.

I keep telling myself that this is only a season. I know this. I know that this time will pass and we will not always be in this position, but that doesn’t change how tired I feel “right now“….or how difficult all of this is.

This is a difficult time and we are trying desperately to just hold on.

So, if you’re thinking about us and able to pray for something specific…..

We’re tired and need to be able to hold on for just a little bit longer.

Thank you!

What a Blur

This week has just flown past.

Not in a good, awesome, I wish it would have slowed down so we could have enjoyed all the wonderful goodness that we could possibly get, but more like a….I’m so tired because no one in this house is sleeping and the days have now run into one ginormous blur and I just want to be a bear so that I could hibernate for an entire winter.

Eating and sleeping….that sounds about perfect to me, right about now.

Jon and Geli have gone into the hospital to check her levels as we suspect that she may need either red blood or platelets….or both.

So Today could be a LOOOOONG boring day for them, but if she does get blood and/or platelets, it might help her to feel better. She’s been feeling really off and I believe it has to do with the Ara-C. I am SO incredibly thankful that she only gets 2 weeks of that drug as opposed to the 4 weeks of it, last time around. I don’t know how she would do if she had to take another 2 weeks of it. It’s a pretty hard core, nasty drug. We believe that she’s hit the bottom of the valley and it headed back up the mountain – figuratively speaking, but she’s still feeling like she’s stuck somewhere in a foggy, dark valley and it’s hard when you can’t see the light or the top side of the mountain….if ya know what I’m saying.

Basically, she’s tired. This is a HUGE and LONG fight and she’s very tired.

Judah’s been acting like….like…..well, like a baby and waking every couple of hours in the night. I’m waking for him to cycle back out of this nasty stage and back into the “only waking once a night” stage. This current stage sucks and I much prefer to get “actual” sleep.

Do you know how fast a family of 7 can take a house from clean to “not very tidy”? It’s pretty much instant! Boooo – and that is why I HATE cleaning!

I’d really like some chocolate or a cookie or something else that I probably shouldn’t have……You know, something with gluten or dairy and sugar.

And, that’s all the time I have for today as the baby just woke up from his incredibly short nap……..SUCKS!

Oh well, I’ll try to find some rest and joy and I’ll meet ya back here later.

Update for Tuesday January 25th

Today is a busy day over here.

Jon and Geli left at 7:15 to go into Vancouver for some more chemotherapy. They were hoping to get in and get started on what is supposed to be a VERY LONG DAY and the traffic has been so bad that even now at 9am…they are still not there. They are close, but not there yet.

Their day will most likely look like this.

Show up, get accessed (the IV into her VAD), get blood drawn, wait 30mins to an hour for blood test results, then most likely get a platelet transfusion, and quite possibly a red blood transfusion, then a dose of chemo via IV and then another dose of chemo shot directly into her thigh muscles, then they have to wait an additional 3 hours to make sure that she has no reaction to the intramuscular shot and then they get to head home. They should arrive home any where from 6pm-8pm tonight.

That’s a whole 12 hour day……YUCK!

Out here, we are headed into 2 appointments for Judah to see how things are going for him. He seems to be doing okay and I’m really hoping for some great and amazing news from his appointments today.

Angelica is doing pretty good. She is still having some nasty headaches, although on the pain scale they’ve gone down from a solid 8 out of 10 to a 3 out of 10 and while that seems like a fabulous drop in pain to have had constant headaches for over a week….even a mild headache is annoying. I think that the constant pain is wearing. She had a pretty down day on Sunday and that seems to be when she bottomed out and things have headed up from there. She’s pretty tired and today’s blood test will give us more answers as to why.

We’ve been giving Xani something to help her sleep and it’s amazing the difference when she gets a little bit of sleep, but we still need to deal with “WHY” she’s not sleeping and some of the emotional crap that she’s not processing very well. We have been in contact with one of the psychologists at BC Childrens and I’m going to go in and talk with her next week and then we’ll take Xani in.

Other than that things are going okay and we are just trudging along taking things day by day.

Cousins (picture heavy)

My sister dropped Jack off a our house the other day. He’s such a sweet little boy with such a cute little disposition. He’s so darling.

Of course I got out my camera, because he just “needed” to have some pictures taken. Look at this cute little face…..

Then I sat the two cousins together to try and get a picture of them…but Jack wasn’t having any of it. He super quickly crawled away. He’s pretty quick and we’re hoping that he’ll give Judah a few tips or pointers on crawling – the proper way! But If you look at Judah’s face, he doesn’t really look that impressed, does he? He looks like he’s saying, “Show off!”

I figured that I’d take the opportunity to take a picture of Judah sitting, cause I had mentioned that I wanted to get a picture of him sitting to show you all. He’s sitting…..I can’t believe how fast the time is flying. Next thing I know, he’ll be in Kindergarten and then off to college. OH MAN!

Well, not to be outdone….Jack had to show us all that he was almost ready to stand. “See me balancing! All I have to do is push up, and VOILA! I’m standing!”

“Not only that…..Here’s my Blue Steel! You can’t do that one, Judah, can you? Just try to top that!!!”

The boys were headed right into a smackdown and so I distracted them with some food….

Hey Jack, man! You dropped some of those potato puffs on your shirt! It’s a bit embarrassing looking, but mostly I just wanna know if you’re gonna eat that. I’ll help ya out, if you’re not???

Hey! Lady, where did those treats go? We’re still hungry, eh?

Hey Judah! Slow down, don’t cram those in so fast! I wanted some!

Hey Lady! Are you still taking pictures of us? Haven’t you got enough already? Geesh!

Celebrating Late

It was my Momma’s Birthday on January 14th, and I missed it.

My Mom and Dad

I didn’t completely forget about it, but I never got a hold of her to wish her a happy day and to let her know how much I love her. I thought of her a few times, and each time, i told myself that I’d call her as soon as i finished whatever it was that I was working on at that exact moment.

Then I woke up the next morning and MAN….I felt bad. But, she’s my momma and she loves me and she loves to celebrate life – any day, any time for any reason……and so it was all good!

We asked my parents to come and have dinner with us this past Monday night.

I knew that we were going to have them over and yet for whatever reason (I’m going with lack of sleep) I totally zoned on the fact that we were having them over “for her birthday”. I can’t even believe this myself. I’ve dropped the ball on a lot of things lately. My brain just doesn’t seem to be firing on all cylinders these days, and that’s not so cool!

And that’s how I found myself at 3:30pm in the afternoon getting ready to think about make dinner (we were gonna eat at 5pm) and realizing that I had done NOTHING about a birthday cake. I didn’t even have a pie or muffin or anything made up that we could even just “pretend” was something “birthday” related.

I quickly tried to think of a quick alternative. Normally, it might just be easy to pop to the store and pick up a cake or some other dessert, but with the different food issues, that’s not really an option for us.

And then I remembered, Udi’s Double Chocolate Muffins. These little beauties are Dairy, Egg, Soy and Gluten Free and…they are actually delicious. Most importantly, I could pick some up at both of my local grocery stores, IGA and Save On.

I figured that I could make some powdered sugar icing with my soy-free Earth Balance and some almond milk and at the very least, we’d have something to stick a candle in.

It’s not the most beautiful birthday dessert that I’ve ever thrown together, but I was able to throw it together in less than 10 minutes and for a last minute rush job that takes a dairy, soy, egg and gluten free food issues into consideration, I think it’s pretty good.

We had some great family time and enjoyed celebrating life, and got to eat some yummy chocolate cake as a bonus.

I sure love you, Momma! You are worth celebrating, EVERYDAY!

NO MORE

Fear is a horrible, terrible thing.

Iâ€™ve been battling fear for as long as I can remember and I’m sure from even before I can remember. I hate it. I hate feeling out of control. I hate feeling like Iâ€™m being choked. I hate feeling like I canâ€™t breathe or think or reason. I hate fear.

For a long time, living with fear was just my normal.

I was terrified of everything and everyone. Iâ€™m not even kidding or joking when I say that. I was scared that Iâ€™d do something wrong and that Iâ€™d would then get in trouble. I was scared someone was going to be disappointed in me. I was scared that Iâ€™d make a wrong choice – and so I would make none. I was scared that I wouldnâ€™t get good enough grades. I was scared that no one would like me. I was scared that someone would think poorly of me. I was scared to ask for help or directions orâ€¦..well, just anything. I was scared that people wouldnâ€™t like me if they knew who I really was. I was scared that theyâ€™d reject me. I was scared to even â€œtryâ€ to do things that I was interested in for fear of failure.

I was terrifiedâ€¦â€¦and it sucked.

A few years ago, I went through quite a bit of counseling and I dealt with some of my issues regarding and related to fear. Iâ€™d had enough. It felt like fear owned me. I couldnâ€™t do anything. I couldnâ€™t live. I wasnâ€™t living. I was simply existing and even then, Iâ€™m not really sure that â€œexistingâ€ is even a good enough description of how bad things were.

Now, for those people who knew me back then (Iâ€™m talking from 1985 – 2005), Iâ€™m not sure if you knew all of this about me. Did I do a good job of hiding this? I got told that I came across a stand-offish or as a snob and that was never my intent. I was only trying to protect myself from what I was sure was a world of hurt and pain. My perception of life was so off, and it took getting some help for me to even realize just how bad things were.

Itâ€™s like I was on a road traveling through life, only I had bags and bags and bags of garbage tied to me. The bags were so unbelievably heavy that it took every ounce of energy that I had to even stay upright, and forward movement was almost impossible. I cry a little inside when I think of all I could have done as a teenager and young adult were I not so scared and insecure. Donâ€™t get me wrong, I love being a wife and mom and I would not give up this life that I have, to go back for another try, but there were things that I could have done differently or heck just DONE, were I not so scared. Chances that I could have takenâ€¦â€¦

I felt like this for a far back as I can remember. I didnâ€™t realize that I had the power/strength/ability to make my life different and it took a long time for me to come to the realization that what I was dealing with wasn’t “okay” and that I didn’t have to stay like this. I knew that others seemed to be living so much more free-er than me, but I just figured that they were better or had it more together or……were way better at faking it than I was. I didnâ€™t know what it was like to live free from fear. it wasn’t until things go SO difficult and SO uncomfortable for me that I realized that I needed some help and…it wasnâ€™t until I got some help that I was able to see just how captive I was to fear.

Living life out from under the heavy, overwhelming burden of fear was amazing. It wasnâ€™t perfect, but lets say that if I had been weighed down by 50 bags of garbage, maybe I got rid of 35-40 of them. Can you even imagine the difference that would make?

I could breathe. I could walk. Heck, I could run and skip and sing! It was like the storm cloud that Iâ€™d been living under parted and the sun was shining and the birds were singing and my world seemed so new and exciting.

Living life became fun and amazing. There were still things that I struggled with but I could see how bad it had been and how far Iâ€™d come and I was determined to figure out a way to get rid of even more baggage and to carry forward in my life without being weighed down and held back by fear. And I was doing just that………..slowly and steadily, I was moving forward towards a life of greater freedom and confidence……

The last 6 months have been hard.

I feel scared.

I hate that Iâ€™m scared. I cringe every time the phone rings. I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that itâ€™s going to be bad news. I donâ€™t want to talk to people because Iâ€™m scared that they are going to judge me, or that they might ask me a question that I donâ€™t have an answer to. Typing that out it seems so stupid. Iâ€™m aware of how stupid it sounds and Iâ€™m not saying that what Iâ€™m dealing with is rational. Iâ€™m completely aware of how irrational this all is. Iâ€™m scared of something bad happening to my kids. Every fever, every headache, the fact that no one is sleeping well – it all weighs on me so heavy, itâ€™s almost crushingâ€¦â€¦years ago, every issue that came up, Iâ€™d immediately go into â€œworse case scenarioâ€ mode and recently, those thoughts have all been back. Every little toy or piece of food on the floor is seen as a choking or health hazard for Judahâ€¦

I hate waking up to a horrific dream regarding something bad happening to my kids or family. I hate waking up in a panic wondering if the kids are alive. I hate feeling like Iâ€™m being judged about how clean my house is or isnâ€™t; or how much homework my kids do; or how well my kids behave; or how well Iâ€™m coping or not copingâ€¦â€¦

I hate it.

I hate feeling like this. I recognize this from before. I recognize the feelings, the fear, the insecurity.

No one has said any of this to me. No one is judging me. There is nothing wrong with the kids. This is the fear weighing me down and holding me backâ€¦..

I donâ€™t want to â€œexistâ€ like this. This is not living. Iâ€™m aware that there is a part of right now that we are â€œsurvivingâ€ through, but for the most part of my lifeâ€¦.I want to LIVE. I want to live free from fear and insecurity.

Itâ€™s time to get rid of some of this garbage thatâ€™s weighing me down. Iâ€™ve done it before and I can do it again. I’m strong enough. I’m brave enough. I have the courage to face this head on and to not let it weigh me down. I’m reclaiming my life back. I may have been dealt a hard blow and fear may have tried to dump all that garbage back on top of me, but I won’t stay down. I’m not tied to the garbage anymore, and it’s not tied to me.

One thing that I’m excited about…..I know how to walk down this road. You know how when you gone somewhere once before, that you have an idea of how to get back there. The first time you go down a road to a destination…you are hesitant and cautious, but once you’ve been there, you have more confidence…. You feel like you can navigate through the roads and you recognize the landmarks and you can get to your destination that much quicker….ya, that! That’s where I’m at…..

Iâ€™ll admit that there is a part of me that feels scaredâ€¦..and thatâ€™s just fearâ€¦holding me back, and Iâ€™m not going to let it win.

Hebrews 13:6

Stopping to Enjoy Little Moments

Sometimes before bed, little tummy’s get a little bit hungry.

There’s nothing quite like a warm glass of milk and some cookies for a bedtime snack.

It’s especially fun when you can pretend that your cookies are glasses….mind you it’s a little difficult to see through them, but it’s still fun to pretend, isn’t it?

Sometimes its nice to just stop and look at all the little details. Some of those “little” things” won’t stay little for very long and it’s so nice to be able to stop and take a minute to record and remember the little things in life.

And sometimes, you are reminded that life is a bit messy and sometimes “really enjoying life” involves a bit of mess, some clean up and may even require some changes after, but it’s all worth it…….

These little moments in life pass by so quickly.

Too Fast

My baby is growing up WAY TOO FAST.

Hey! Are you talking to ME?

There are aspects of my life that I wish would go much faster and yet typically, I try to just enjoy the moment that I’m in. But in all of the busyness of this season of our lives, I often feel that I’m missing out on “just enjoying” the time with my baby. I think that I know that once this time is gone, I’ll never get it back and so I’m trying to hold onto every moment that I can get. Often it feels like I just don’t have the opportunity to “just enjoy” and truth be told, sometimes I’m just way too tired to “enjoy” and we’re left with just holding on and surviving through “this moment”.

Ah well, It is what it is and I refuse to beat myself up (too badly) over it all.

I’m hiding

Judah is almost 7 months old. How is that even possible? Man!

Peek-A-Boo! I see you!

He’s right at 27 pounds….typing that out it seems so crazy! And I have no idea how long he is…long enough to look WAY older than almost 7 months old. He’s wearing 12-18 month clothes. He is such a happy baby, unless he’s upset, and then……THEN HE’S REALLY UPSET!

He knows how to let you know that he’s not happy about something. There are no worries that he might get lost in all of the day to day chaos. No Sir! That kid communicates quite loudly about his wants and needs.

And…..He is mobile! GAWK!

Up on all fours

He’s not crawling (normally) just yet, but I suspect that it’s any day now. He does get up on all fours and so I’m on the look out for when he starts to “crawl”. Right now he does this cute little army crawl and can get from one end of our dining/living room all the way to the other. We can’t just put him down on the floor and expect him to stay put. Nope! He is ALL OVER the place.

I need to get a video of him to show you. It’s SO cute!

I’m so cute, aren’t I?

He can even sit for brief periods of time now. Man! This time goes by so SO fast.

We are so thrilled to have this darling little man in our lives. He is such a blessing to us and brings such light and joy to our lives.

Shhhhh! Don’t tell anyone I can crawl or they might not pick me up as often!