Hawk Eye

Hawk Eye….this is a look that my father has perfected. My second child, Xandra has also perfected this look and I can usually pull a mean “Hawk Eye” from time to time as is necessary.

However, today, right now….as in this moment…. my Dad is being wheeled into surgery.

He is having a cornea transplant.

If you would, could you pray?

While this is not an emergent surgery, we’ve really had enough surgeries and hospital visits over the past few years, and we’d love for this surgery to go as absolutely smooth as possible with amazing healing after it’s all over.

Thanks so much for your support and love.

Addressing the Issue of Size……

I thought that I could say something about myself and my size.

I’ve gotten a few comments about how I look good or about how someone would never have guessed that I weigh what I weigh and it got me thinking…...and as it goes, I’m going to share what I’m thinking…..who wouldda guessed that, eh?

I am not a small person.

I have NEVER been a small person……well, maybe when I was a baby, but other than that….

When I was 12 years old, I grew 6 inches over one summer landing me at 5 foot 8 inches tall by the end of that summer. I weighed 120 pounds and modeled for a few years after that. I wasn’t fat or overweight, in fact I was thin……but I am (and was) a BIG person.

Now, I am 5 foot 10 inches and currently I weigh 193.8 lbs. I come from a big family. There are big bones on both sides of my heritage. I managed to get size in my genetic make up. I carry the weight well and fairly evenly distributed….I’d prefer that I have a little less in the truck and a little more up top (if ya know what I mean) but for the most part I’m not completely depressed by how I look….for someone who’s has a million children…..or ya know 4.

I am a big person. It’s taken some time, but for the most part I am comfortable being a big person.

It was difficult as a teenager. I won’t lie. And I struggled with feeling like “Ginormica” compared to the majority of my friends and especially my mother and sisters…..they’re petite! But I came to realize that there was nothing I could do to change my size and that I could be miserable about something that I couldn’t change or I could accept that it was who I am and carry on with life.

There are aspects of being a tall, big boned person that I like. I can hide a few extra pounds on my frame. I am strong. I can reach things in high places without needing help or even a stool.

Obviously, there are things that I don’t like about my size…..I’m not a big fan of the “number” of my weight. I don’t like feeling like I’m taller than all my girlfriends. I hate shopping because most pants are floods and those in the “tall girl” section have a rise in the crotch that makes the waist band sit right under my armpits. It’s a HAWT look!

But, for the most part I’m fairly happy with myself. I would like to lose some weight. Ideally, I’m about 20 pounds heavier than I’m could be, but honestly, I’m totally okay with weighing 180-185 lbs. I weighed 170-175 lbs when I got married and was by no means “large” at that point. I feel stronger and healthier when I weigh a little bit less than I do now. I’m not looking to be super model thin. I am completely realistic with myself and my size.

I currently wear size 11-15 pants depending on the cut, style and fabric. I wear a Medium to Large Shirt. I wear a size 10 shoe.

I am just a big person.

I see Angelica who is 12 years old walking the “big girl” road and I’m doing everything in my power to help her LOVE who she is.

It helps that I’m bigger than her…….for now! It helps that there are WAY more girls out there nowadays who are bigger and taller. It’s more normal now for girls to reach 6 feet tall and to have size 12 feet. It was brutal when I was 12/13 years old walking into a shoe store HOPING and PRAYING that they’d have even just 1 pair of a size 10 shoe and that it wasn’t too ugly. Now, It’s awesome to walk into shoe stores and to see size 11 and 12 ladies shoes and the variety and quantity. Not that I need that size, but if my girls do….no problems. It helps that I know what it feels like to be a big person.

I am a BIG person and I’m working on being as healthy as I can be.

I want to model good exercise habits for my kids. I want to teach them to eat well. I don’t want to see them sucked into the whole “I need to diet to be thin and acceptable” garbage. I want them to be aware of themselves in a healthy positive way. I want to teach them to be responsible for their health. I want them to love themselves for who they are and not for their size.

And so, I am working on myself because I believe that modeling healthy positive ways to live, eat and exercise is one of the best ways that I can train my children….and I think it’s working!

A Few Steps Behind

So, I am sick, AGAIN!

And I’m so frustrated about it already.

First we had that stupid flu for a week…..then I felt better for almost a week and then managed to pick up some stupid cough/congestion thingy. It sucks! Actually to say it sucks is putting it mildly.

And now Geli has the flu…..she’s been out since Saturday….it’s awesome. She’s normally a bit of a grouchy person and right now she is 100 times grouchier than normal….which makes for some AWESOME, AMAZING times at our house.

With me feeling like my head is full of 1,000 pounds of glue and that the glue is slowly oozing down into my lungs and suffocating me and no amount of coughing is helping to clear it away not feeling well, I’m not as “on top of it” as I normally am.

The house is a bit messier and I still have not come up with a meal plan for the week. We had a pork roast last night and I do have a lasagna in the freezer (Crap! I gotta go and pull that sucker out to defrost……be right back…………DONE!) and if we continue along with our “normal Wednesday meal of Soup, then I guess I have up to tomorrow planned. Although before right this moment, all I knew that I was thinking about doing the lasagna tonight as it required no effort on my part….

I still have to come up with something for the rest of the week, AND we desperately need to go shopping, but that’s the LAST THING that I feel like doing……..maybe Jon’ll go when he comes home from work tonight? We need stuff for the kids to take for lunches…..GLURG!

I hate feeling like this.

I hate seeing my house untidy.

I hate feeling like I’m behind on things.

I hate feeling just slightly out of control.

I hate feeling so stinking tired (and like an elephant is sitting on my head.)

I can’t wait to start to feel normal again.

Alright, so now that I’ve complained so much – I’m reminded of the whole “attitude of gratitude” thing and I’m determined to find something to be thankful for…….gimmee a minute…..

……..or two………

……..or three………

……..or four………….

Alrighty….well, that took longer than I’d have liked, and I really struggled to find something to be thankful for in the middle of these circumstances, but right now….

I’m thankful to be sitting here in my beautiful house (albeit a tiny bit messy) with the GLORIOUS SUN FLOODING IN MY BIG WINDOWS. The atmosphere in my house feels so alive and yet peaceful at the same time. I’m thankful that I have the opportunity to enjoy the sun shining into my house and on me today.

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I could be working. It could be raining. It could be a lot worse than it is right now….but for now……I’m thankful.

Alright, I’m off to figure out the rest of the week’s food and to consider what else I am thankful for.

What are you thankful for today?

Another Monday Morning Weigh-In

Well, I normally dread these Monday morning weigh-ins and yet this weekend……not so much!

And wouldn’t you know it, for all of my not dreading it…..I gained weight this week. How’s that for fun?

The scale showed a clear 193.8…..that’s UP 1.6 pounds from last week.

While I’m not happy about that – I’m also not devastated. I’m still exercising (4 times this week) and I’d guess that I just need to be a little more aware of what I put in my mouth this week.

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I will get “there”. In my mind, “there” means healthy and happy with myself. That’s what I’m working on….. While at times it may seem like an uphill battle, every positive choice that I make takes me one step closer to that goal.

I think that for me, one thing that I’m learning is that it’s all about choices and consequences. If I choose to eat healthy and to exercise, I’ll reap the rewards that lifestyle brings. On that other hand, I am also responsible for the choices to eat crap and to take a day (or two or three or so) off exercising.

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While once in a while “treats” are okay – it really needs to be once in a while, and not “the norm”. I think I’m learning…..slowly….oh so slowly. It’s not that I’ve not known this in the past, but I’ve just not really accepted it or lived my life as if these rules applied to me. Like I said, I’m learning…..

I don’t really see a big difference between these photos and the previous ones, but that’s okay. I’m feeling good and I know that I’ve lost 10 lbs and for right now…..that’s good. It will come. I will be healthy. I believe it.

Monday Morning Update

So, another Monday has rolled around and the kids are off to school and I’m headed off to coffee with a dear friend shortly.

Jon is cooking some breakfast – eggs and homemade sourdough bread…..YUM!

I’m sitting here in my clean and tidy home and today feels like a GREAT DAY.

It doesn’t hurt that when I stepped on the scale this morning I was down to 192.2lbs.

YAH!!!!! That’s 5.2 lbs down since Sept 28th and from August 9th (when I started exercising)…..it’s 10lbs+/- that I’ve lost.

Although, if I’m totally honest, I will have to admit that the weight loss (this week) was from a really cruddy week of being sick, and not from extra diligent and careful effort on my part. I ate soup, soup and more soup and I managed to drag myself out to exercise ONCE (on Friday) and…..it was BRUTAL!

I think that saying that I did about half the class is an overstatement. I guess that’s the fallout from spending the week on the couch.

I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER and aside from just being a tiny bit tired….it’s as if last week never even happened.

I’ve been frustrated for a while at how tired I’m feeling. It’s been particularly frustrating because WHY AM I EXERCISING AND NOT FEELING ANY BETTER? After two months at this, I should be able to do a set without feeling like I’m dying, right?

Then I started wondering about my Iron levels. See, I cut out red meat back in the summer. If I don’t absolutely HAVE TO, I’m not eating it. I feel really cruddy when I eat it…like it’s physically noticeable how hard it is for me to digest and so….I choose to stop eating it, and VOILA – I feel better! But, like I said, I wondered if I might have a bit of a low iron issue – due to other issues that I’m just not gonna talk about right now – trust me on this one…..honestly!

Well, This past weekend we went out and got a Iron Supplement and I’ve been taking it since Saturday and the difference is already noticeable.

I’m hoping that I’ll feel a bit more energized soon.

I’m back at the exercise this week. I am noticing changes in my clothes and that adds a tiny bit of extra incentive to keep going. The clothes I wore yesterday honestly felt “frumpy” because they were a bit too loose, so I’m gonna need to ransack my closet and figure out which clothes actually work and which ones need to get shoved to the back corners…..hopefully forever.

It is hard to keep going when you don’t see “things” happening, but I am seeing that perseverance is paying off. This is no quick fix deal. It’s a life style…..made ONE. CHOICE. at a time…..for every good choice there is a positive reaction (eventually) and for every poor choice there is an equally poor consequence……

I’m working towards making the positive choices.

ps. I’ll try to get Jon to take a picture of me today and I’ll add it later…….

Focusing on an Attitue of Gratitude

I know that it’s late and that Thanksgiving is over, but seeing as I was sick through the weekend – I figure that I got a little extra time….and really, who needs an excuse to be thankful, REALLY???

Recently, I read this…

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and it really struck me.

Only shortly after reading it (while I was feeling like death warmed over and stuck at home alone left to care for two children, the 11 yr old, who was sick and the 2 yr old, who was not sick…..I know, poor me!) Xandra dumped a bag of popcorn – by accident – all over the kitchen floor.

This flashed back into my thoughts and I realized that I had a choice as to how I was going to view this situation.

I could be SO annoyed and angry that she did this and that now I had to clean a huge mess when I was already feeling cruddy and the baby was just getting into everything and spreading mess everywhere and everything hurts, especially to move and this required a lot of moving and bending and extreme head ache-y-ness and my mood could have just spiraled down so that I ended up feeling even worse than I already did. If I was feeling particularly bad, I could grouch loudly at Xandra and make her feel even worse than she already did…maybe I could even make her cry….see it could just be an all round amazing situation…..

Or, I could realize that it really wasn’t that big of a deal and not only did I get to spend some extra time with my daughter, but we were in no hurry and had tons of time to clean the mess up AND….I got a clean floor out of it all.

I CHOOSE to grab a hold of the second option and felt a lot better than if I had gone with Option A.

I’ve found myself over the past couple of days with time to think and seeing as life has drastically slowed down for me this week – what with me being sick and all – I’ve had lots of time to think about this whole “attitude of gratitude” thing.

It is amazing what can happen when you choose to focus on the positive in any situation.

Siah poked a pencil into my BRAND NEW LEATHER OTTOMAN…13 times ….and I wanted to cry. I called Jon, and whimpered quietly into the phone. After I got off the phone, I thought to myself, “Really, what is the good in this situation?” it took a bit of thinking, and what I came up with was that now it’s had it’s first “child wounding” and unless you really look for the holes, you can’t see it and well, really in the grand scheme of things it’s not the hugest deal AND I got to talk to Siah a bit more about treating things with respect (“being nice” – in 2 year old language).

I could have been angry and yelled at him and been annoyed for the rest of the day, but I choose to focus on the positive and not to dwell on the negative. It was amazing.

I have caught myself multiple times feeling grouchy and annoyed that I feel SO CRAPPY, but instead of wallowing in my own personal dimension of hell, I’ve focused on the fact that I’m having a quiet week. I’ve stepped off the crazy train of life and have been able to cocoon inside my home and rest. I’m able to rest…..that right there is amazing. Aside from the feeling crappy part, oh, and the part where I still have 4 kids and 80 million loads of laundry to conquer and a kitchen that never seems to stop spitting out dirty dishes and……okay, I’m getting carried away again……aside from all of that stuff, it feels almost like a little vacation.

I am choosing to slow down, take it easy, rest, relax, heal…. I’m not pushing past it all and valiantly forcing onward. I’m being selfish and not sharing any of the these germs with anyone else, if I can help it.

I LOVE that in the middle of this rough week, that I can still smile and be thankful…..for everything…..even if some things require a little more thought to see the positive within the situation.

What are you thankful for today?

When Planning Ahead Totally Pays Off

Last Thursday was an “At Home” day for me.

I had planned on running out to the store to pick up some groceries for the weekend and then figured that while I was headed out, I might as well plan for the next week of meals and pick up what I could for the next weeks meals and that way I’d be one step ahead of myself (if that’s even possible).

And now……am I ever glad that I planned for this week early!

I feel like crap BUT…. Jon and the kids are able to keep things running smoothly on the meal side of things.

There were a few adjustments to last weeks schedule…..but this is normal, eh?

Friday we were supposed to have Bar-B-Que chicken, BUT…the girls headed over for a sleepover at my sisters and so Jon, I and the boys had Taco Del Mar. YUM!

Saturday was the Thanksgiving dinner with my family and then Sunday…….

Sunday was the day that I felt absolutely brutal. We were going to have Jon’s parents over for dinner and have pork roast. Instead, we canceled on Jon’s parents and took the chicken that we were going to make on Friday and used it to make Chicken Soup.

It was just what I wanted….and it was so good that I made a second batch this morning.

My Chicken Soup Recipe

Put a few pieces of chicken, cloves of garlic, a whole cut up onion and 2 Tblsp of Oregano into a pot of water.

(I did 4 chicken legs, 6 cloves of garlic, and 1 large onion into approx 16 cups of water)

Boil it all for 2 hours or more.
Pull out the meat and put aside to cool.
Strain the garlic and onion out of the broth and blend in blender with a tiny bit of broth.
Pour blended garlic and onions back into broth.
Once meat is cool enough to touch, strip it from the bones.
Cut meat into small pieces and return to soup
Cut up 2 carrots, 1 cup daikon, 1.5 cups zucchini, 1 cup celery & add to soup. (all guesses)
Add 2 Tblsp of Miso soup paste to soup.
Add rice noodles or rice or barley……your choice….(I did rice noodles)
Add Salt to taste

Simmer, Stir and Enjoy……

Anyway, without further delay, here is the planned out Meal Schedule for this week.

Monday: Beef & Broccoli over Rice (I ate some broccoli and rice – it was yummy)

Tuesday: Spaghetti with Salad

Wednesday: Soup & Salad and Biscuits

Thursday: Chicken Stir-fry over Rice noodles

Friday: Ham & Pineapple Kabobs with Rice

Saturday: Burgers with Homemade Fries

Sunday: Lasagna & Salad

I’ll probably eat soup for as long as I feel crappy, but the rest of the family will still eat good.

It’s just nice to know that even though I feel lousy that we have what we need and I don’t need to run out and pick tons of stuff up.

Loss at a Price…it’s not worth it!

Alrighty, so right off the bat….I stepped on the scale this morning and I weighed 194.2 lbs.

But, I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.

I ache all over and my tonsils feel like they are too big for my throat and swallowing hurts and my head hurts….and well….It’s not awesome.

I’d post a picture for you, but seeing as I desperately need a shower and my hair is greasy and stringy and all over the place and I’m in my pyjamas and feel really nasty because Siah peed on me after he climbed into bed with us this morning (Oh yah, THAT was a real treat of a wake up call) Well, the picture just ain’t gonna happen – at least not today.

If I had to choose between the weight loss and feeling this badly or staying the same weight or even gaining weight and not feeling sick…..I’d choose the not feeling sick and gaining weight over this. I really don’t remember the last time I was sick and THIS SUCKS! I’m so glad that we don’t get sick very often.

We have 4 of the 6 of us out with varying forms of “not feeling well”…..Jeremy is coughing like he’s practicing as if it’s an Olympic event. Siah has the LONGEST snot trails that I’ve ever seen….and Xandra – well, she feels like me. Jon and Geli are unscathed, and unless something miraculous happens, I’m not seeing us returning back to normal life anytime soon.

I’m hoping for the miracle.

Yup – And here it is…..

Alrighty so guess what? I gained weight this week.

How’s that for a bummer?

Here it is Monday morning and I’m supposed to weigh in and so i stepped on the scale this morning and…..

198.2lbs

HOW THE CRAP DOES THAT HAPPEN?

Yah…well…it’s that oh so special week of the month.

And for whatever reason I gain….as in… I stepped on the scale one day and was down at 194……and then the next morning I was right back up to 200.

I didn’t eat anything weird or different….this is just my fun yo-yo monthly weight fluxuations.

It is VERY discouraging, but because I know to expect it….well, no, it’s still discouraging even though I know to expect it.

I do feel puffy and my fingers feel squishy…that’s where I can really feel the “bloat”. So, I’m just gonna keep on exercising (I made it to class 5 days this week – YAH) and watching what I’m eating and I’m hoping that my next weigh in, things’ll be back to normal.

I might even have a picture for next week’s….if I can remember to get Jon to take one.

Well, I’ve gotta go and plan my weeks meals and tidy the house and fold 80 bazillion loads on laundry that are currently in a mountain on my bedroom floor. But, HEY! They’re clean, at least…..and COFFEE….that’s the very next thing on the to-do list.

I’m gonna leave you with a little song that I’m currently grooving on right now….I LOVE this version.

Eating Right…….for ME!!!!

I’ve been really trying to watch what I’m eating recently. Not only because I want to loose weight, but because I really want to be HEALTHY!

I’m trying very hard to switch my focus from being “THIN” or “SKINNY” to being “HEALTHY”.

This is a very hard switch for me as I’ve wasted YEARS attempting to attain this image that I see in my head the media. I’ve been all over the “weight map” from seriously overweight to thin (although I would say that I’ve spent way more time in the overweight camp than I ever did in the “normal” weight camp, but still, I was there from time to time and that counts for something, eh?)

I am a big person. I’m not talking about weight – with that comment – I’m talking size. I’m 5 foot 10 inches. I have a HUGE bone structure. I will never be a “petite” person, but I can be healthy….and where I am at right now….is not where I’d like to be.

I’m not looking to be super-model skinny, but I’d like to lose a few more pounds. I don’t want the extra weight around the middle and the extra jiggle that I’ve been carrying around for the past few years.

And so I’ve made some changes…the first was to start regularly exercising and NOW…….I’m finding that I’m really enjoying it. That’s not to say that I always enjoy it, but I do find that I crave it during the day and then usually dread it in the hour or so before I actually go and then am exhilarated after it’s finished and then I am brutally tired a few hours after that….wake up the next morning and rinse, lather, and repeat….

We have a pretty good diet. We made some rather HUGE changes a few years ago when we cut out dairy, most wheat and processed food, and sugar. Normally, we eat HUGE amounts of fruit and veggies, a small amount of meat, a variety of whole grains and we typically have a meatless meal or two a week.

I know that I do better when I have “less to no” meat and about 2 weeks ago I re-read the Eat Right for Your Blood Type Book. There are so many things in there that make sense to me and “feel” right to me and I’ve been implementing more and more of his suggestions into my daily eating and it’s making a HUGE difference.

The biggest, most radical difference that I notice is when I cut out meat, specifically red meat. When I eat any red meat, I feel so bloated and sluggish and BLURGH! But when I don’t eat meat – I feel amazing. I have SO. MUCH. ENERGY.

I am eating way more fruit, veggies and eating beans, eggs, nuts and goat cheese for my protein. The biggest area that I’m noticing that I’m lacking is in the whole grains. I need to add some more grains to my meals, but other than that – I’m doing pretty well and I’m feeling so much better than I was, even two weeks ago.

I’m finding that I’m more aware and in tune with myself and my body and am recognizing that when I eat crap food….typically, I end up feeling very crappy. Who wouldda though it, eh?

I recently bought a mandoline and it is all that I thought it would be and more. It has seriously cut down time spent slicing and has totally helped me to up my veggie intake.

I’ve been implementing more RAW foods into our diets and I have to say that there are some seriously tasty recipes out there in the RAW food world. I’ll try to throw up some of the recipes that I’ve tried recently and LOVED! One thing that I’m really loving about this kind of food is just how quick it is to throw some of these recipes together. No waiting for cooking or baking – just quick, throw together recipes and then YUM!

Here is a dip that is SO YUMMY and quick to make found via here and then originally here(it’s the second video down).

Non-Dairy Ranch Dip

1 cup of soaked sunflower seeds (soak for 2 hours and drain)
juice from one lemon
1/2 cup chilled water
1.5 tsp of sea salt
1 tsp of onion powder/granules
1/8 tsp of black pepper
1/5 Tblsp dried Dill

Blend everything together and serve with veggies or chips or over a salad….YUM!

You can thin it out with a bit more water to make it creamier if you like a thinner dressing for your salads.

This dressing is so delicious and everyone in our family likes it but Jeremy….and well, he doesn’t like food in general so his opinion doesn’t count.

I recently made these…..well, I’m not even sure what to call them. I sliced yellow zucchini thinly and length wise on the mandoline. On each strip of zucchini, I placed small pinch of sprouts and a small spoonful of the sunflower dip and then wrapped them up like a sushi roll. I served them with a small dish of the dressing, in case a little extra dipping was required and well…..they didn’t last even a few minutes. I’m lucky I snagged these few to take a picture of.

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Let me know if you give the dressing a try and what you think? Or if you have any great, healthy recipes…I’d love to hear about ’em?