Already There

Angelica, Have I told you that I love you recently? Have I told you HOW MUCH I love you?

I do. I love you SO SO MUCH.

It’s not necessary for you to shave your head. Not now, not ever. If you don’t want you, you don’t have to.


There are aspects of this whole situation that suck and the whole “losing your hair” thing is one of those things that just SUCKS! It’s “not” really that big of a deal, but I think that it’s more “what” it represents. There is a starkness and an “in your face” reality of it all. You can’t pretend that this is not happening. You are then faced (literally) on a day to day basis of the harsh reality this whole journey.

I know that I don’t have to shave my hair. I know that you’ve not asked me to do this and yet I want to. I want to be there with you along this road. I can’t be inside of you protecting you from all the chemo and all the side effects. I cannot calm that storms that rage inside your mind and body, but in this way, I can join you. And although you still currently have hair, it’s looking like it might not be there sometime in the future and I want you to know that…..

1. it’s just hair. It’s not what makes us beautiful. We are beautiful regardless and our hair is something fun that we get to play with, like jewelery or make up or clothes. It’s adorns us, it doesn’t define us.

2. Obviously it will grow back….it keeps doing that and every day that we live……brings us one day closer to the day that we can walk away from the uphill stage of this battle.

3. Even if it’s not necessary for you to shave your hair, or if it doesn’t fall out…….I don’t mind. I just want you to know that I’m already down this part of the road and it’s not bad…..maybe a little chilly in the frosty winter chill (HA) ….but it’s okay.


I know that this part of the whole ordeal is not your favorite, but again….you are weathering this all with so much strength and grace and I’m SO PROUD OF YOU!

You are amazing!
You are gorgeous!
You are so brave!
You are so strong!

I love you!

If you do need to walk on this side of the road….I’m already here and its okay!

Author: Patricia Culley

I'm the ringmaster of my own circus. Just trying to stay one step ahead of the monkeys.

7 thoughts on “Already There”

  1. Patti, you are an amazing woman, and I am so proud to call you my daughter-in-law. Jonathan chose REALLY WELL when he found you. Watching you lead your daughter and family through these dark days has overwhelmed me many times. You are an amazing wife and mother. I cannot imagine anyone I know doing a better job with my grandchildren. Thank you for being you. I don’t know if I’ve ever said this before, but it is truly how I feel. I (and all of us) absolutely love you.
    Dad C.

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