Month: May 2012

Escaping it All

About a month ago, right in the middle of a whole bunch of really bad appointments regarding Geli’s bones….I decided that I needed a break from everything.

Jeremy had just been doing a section in his Social Studies on the Watershed and the rain cycle and I figured that a trip the Lynn Canyon was EXACTLY what we needed.

I didn’t tell Jeremy that we were “going on a field trip” until it was time to start school. He was SO EXCITED!

We packed up and headed out to North Vancouver. We started our adventure at the Ecology Center.

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The large majority of my pictures are blurry because the boys were having SO MUCH FUN and moving so fast that it was tough to get a good (clear) shot in.

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They LOVED the hands on exhibits and Jeremy loved how so much of it had to do with what he was learning. While homeschooling is not EASY by any stretch of the imagination, I love that I’m involved with him and his learning. It’s so cool because we were able to pull in aspects of Language Arts, Science and Social Studies into this one field trip. I love that. And he was excited to show me what he knew and how it tied in…..I especially LOVE that HE IS EXCITED about what he is learning. That just about makes up for all the frustrations that we go through.

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Siah LOVED the bones. He was enthralled by them.

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After we left the Ecology Centre, we walked down to the Suspension Bridge. It had been WAY too long since I had been to the Canyon and it was so good to just escape from everything and to get lost in the beauty of the forest.

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Jeremy helped Siah walk across the Suspension Bridge while Judah CLUNG to me for dear life. He really wasn’t sure that he liked the moving, swinging bridge.

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We took our time meandering down the trail. We stopped to check out the stumps and to count the rings on a recently falled tree. Jeremy thinks this one had 120+ rings? I didn’t count.

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Judah was desperate to get down to the water on the other side of this fence. He was pretty adamant that he should be in the water and not upon the trail.

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It was so much fun to have no time frame, nothing pushing us, no schedules to make….we just WERE….

I’m very much a driven person. I try so hard to stay present and in the moment, but so often I am thinking of what needs to happen or what should be happening and I’m so aware of what we aren’t doing and on this day, I was so very aware of us and where we were at mentally and emotionally and I tried so hard to just “BE”….to just be with my boys. To not worry about how long it took us or how many detours we took or what we stopped to look at. The boys were enjoying exploring and running and climbing and I was enjoying them just enjoying everything. There was really nothing that they could do wrong and so we just WERE….

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I remember us as kids (my brother’s and sister’s) climbing this rock and it’s fun that my kids now get to experience that as well. I remember how HUGE it seemed to me then and when I look at it now it’s still pretty big….

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It was nice to see the boys playing “together” instead of fighting against each other.

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We finally made it down to the 30 foot pool. Beautiful, isn’t it? And this picture does nothing to represent the actual beauty of the place. It’s incredible. I grew up doors away from the Canyon…I was so blessed.

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We climbed down the rocks and sat by the water and ate our lunch. I love the look on Judah’s face….mine – not so much, but man, is he cute!

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Josiah and his celery stick give it two thumbs up…

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We hung out for a while, threw some rocks, climbed on the rocks and then slowly started making our way back to the van.

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Josiah was much braver, crossing the bridge for the second time……

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It was such a nice and so needed escape from everything. We came home feeling slightly recharged and in the middle of all the craziness….that is such a good thing. We are looking forward to our next escape to Lynn Canyon.

Laughing Instead of Crying

I’m laughing right now, because the other option is crying and well………I just need to laugh instead.

This is SO ridiculous. Like you wouldn’t even believe it…..I mean, maybe you might, but seriously….I almost can’t even believe it and I’m living it.

Judah had diarrhea for most of the day yesterday and yesterday evening, I went to change yet another diaper and……..found a worm.

No, I don’t mean one of those squishy, squirmy earthworms….I mean a PARASITE!

And it was still moving. *let me throw up a little in my mouth here*

So I freaked, I panicked and then I pulled out my Google medical degree and got to work because it was after hours…..of course it was after hours….you think this would actually happen WHILE my doctor was in the office…..no, of course not.

I don’t even know where to go from here – storywise, I mean….

I read. I read a MILLION articles. Determined that these little wrigglers living in my son’s gut and diaper were pinworms or threadworms…..same thing. and that they are extremely common……like 4 out of 10 kids have ’em. YUCK!!!!!

Changed another few diapers (I already mentioned diarrhea, eh?) and found a few more worms…….DOUBLE YUCK!!!!

Judah’s been sleeping really poorly the last few nights and waking up crying and saying ouch and squirming around fussing at his butt and more than a few of the articles talked about “your normally angelica child becoming irritable and fussy for no apparent reason” while I wouldn’t give him angelic, he’s definitely been WAY fussier in the last few days than normal. Coupled with the lack of sleeping, appetite that’s been off, and lets not forget about the ACTUAL WORMS!!!!!! TRIPLE YUCK! It’s pretty safe to say that he (and by extension, there is a good chance that at least the majority of the rest of us) has worms.

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While I would have much rather talked with my Naturopath and gotten some natural parasite killer….would ou belive that her offices are closed on Wednesday….ya when did we find the worms….ya that’s right…on TUESDAY EVENING…after her offices were closed too. Unreal. So rather than waiting for a few more days…..Jon went to Shopper’s Drug Mart and talked to the pharmacist. She showed us this medicine – Combantrin

One dose will kill the worms currently living inside of you. And then you need to take another dose in two weeks to kill any more worms that grew from the eggs that you still had or that you picked up from within the house…

Apparently the home protocol is very similar to the home lice protocol and in fact, apparently, these little guys are WAY easier to eradicate than lice are. Which I guess, if I’m looking for silver linings….I guess that I’m glad we have pinworms and not lice…..if I can even wrap my head around such a statement.

And so, the de-worming has already begun…..meds have been taken and I am currently on a rampage against the little wormies…..that just sounded wrong. Almost cute and in my mind, this is anything but a cute situation.

Please reassure me that you or someone you know has gone through this and that I’m not the only one. Supposedly this is not an indication of poor hygiene, just like lice are not a reflection on poor hygiene. I can read that and know in my head that it supposed to be true, but BOY OH BOY…..am I ever struggling. …

I didn’t need this right now. Not that anyone ever needs this….but seriously…..this is not exactly reducing the stress load in my life.

So, what say you…….say something…please (yes, I’m begging)

Catching My Breath.

Things have been insane around here recently. I have had no time for myself as you may have noticed by the silence over here.

It was not something that I was intentional about but I have felt like my life was on speed.

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working on schoolwork

I…..we, have not been in a good place and for the first time since….well, since before the new year and probably WAY before then even…..I feel like I can…..well, I feel like I can almost breathe. I have these moments where I can see that I should be breathing and yet, I feel like I am still holding my breath and I have to remind myself to let go of the breath that I am holding so that I can take another and another and another.

It has felt like things have been going down hill for a long time, but at the same time, I was trying so SO hard to carry on. Since the New Year and the whole BONE CRAP…..it has felt like things are going faster and faster down hill and that I could no longer even attempt to stand strong against it all. I have felt like I was being crushed under the weight of everything and at the same time…..I couldn’t be crushed because there was too much that still needed to be done; and so, wounded and broken I carried on.

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we like to do school, too

At the end of last year we applied for the Disability Tax Credit for Jeremy regarding ADHD. In April we received a bit of money and made the decision to use ALL of it to get some help.

We interviewed a bunch of people and none of them really seemed “just right”. As we continued through the hiring process, I got discouraged. I started to think that maybe I was looking for something that I wasn’t going to find or that maybe I was expecting or hoping for too much. As a last resort, we contacted the church we are attending and asked the Young Adults Pastor if he knew of anyone who wanted or needed a job as a Mother’s Helper. He suggested someone and it turns out that there were two sisters that came for an interview and I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect duo. They are sharing the job and starting last Monday, I have help from 8:30am to 4:30pm and the two women are INCREDIBLE.

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Who needs skateboards to play at the skateboard park?

They are sweet and responsible and loving and the best part……..my boys LOVE them. I am SO THANKFUL. This couldn’t have come at a better time because we have 5 of us in counseling right now and between all the appointments that we have been going to….I think I would be completely WIPED!!!!! if I were trying to do this all on my own, and with the two little boys always in tow.

I’m hoping to be able to have a little bit more “me” time. It would be so nice to not feel like I was ALWAYS behind on things, or to not feel like I was never able to catch up or stay on top of anything.

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New pink glasses

I feel like I’m trying to catch up right now. I don’t even know if it’s possible and there’s a part of me that wants to just ignore everything in the past and just start fresh moving forward….and in some ways I’m doing that…but it still feels like I’m overwhelmed with everything that I’m carrying. Oh Well, I guess that’s just more for me to hash out in counseling. Fun!

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my baby is getting so big

There is So much that I’ve wanted to share. But I’ve just not had the time nor the energy. Hopefully, I’ll have a bit more of both as the days and weeks carry on. I just want to thank each and everyone of you who has prayed for and encouraged and reached out to me and to us. I have had NO energy to “be a friend” to anyone at this point and this journey has felt like such a long and lonely journey and each time someone reaches out, it feels like a hug. Each time someone sends an e-mail, I feel encouraged or picked up. Each time, We get a message letting us know that you’re praying or thinking of us…it gives us a little bit more energy so we can pick ourselves up and carry on. I….WE are so grateful and thankful for everyone who is walking this journey along side us. Please know that although I still feel like I am in Survival Mode and barely scraping by, that I am SO incredibly thankful for each one of you.

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Siah’s sand dude!

5 Cycles Left

Angelica has 5 cycles of chemo left until she is FINISHED.

September 30th is the day that she stops taking chemo. It seems SO FAR AWAY and yet…..we only have 5 more cycles of monthly chemo to go until that day comes. It’s pretty exciting to think that when the new school year starts, she will have less than a month of chemo left.

Today we headed in for a monthly chemo appointment. We also needed to meet with the Physiotherapist as well as get an X-ray of her left shoulder. Initially, we were going to be getting an ALL DAY infusion on a drug that would help with the pain that she is feeling in her knees, but we changed our minds on that particualr drug after meeting with the Orthopedic Surgeon last Thursday.

Let me back up…..basically, since the Dr’s Diagnosed bone death back in January we haven’t had a really GOOD appointment since then. We’ve had a number of appointments but all of them have been very emotional or full of bad or depressing news. We have tried to stay strong and positive, but with each appointment seeming worse and worse, it’s been so SO tough.

We had a BIG misunderstanding with the Rheumatologist back in the beginning of April and then another BIG meeting with our Oncologist in the middle of April and while it was better….things were still confusing and sounded so……so……..so dark and depressing and negative. It was suggested that we start one drug to help with the pain and we thought about it and planned to go ahead. The Dr sent us a bunch of articles to read. Some of the info was good and some was not so encouraging. Isn’t that how it going with most meds??? Anyhow, We were supposed to start that drug today. It was possible that it might give her bone and joint pain and well as a fever and flu like symptoms like aches, fever, chills and nausea….sounds fun, eh? And, it would have taken all day for it to run…..awesome!!!! Not!

We met with the Orthopedic Surgeon last Thursday and it was a GREAT meeting. He believes that Geli’s case is a mild case of bone death and that she is still in the healing process. He believes that she will get stronger and stronger and that the pain should lessen. He also mentioned that as she gets stronger, that she should also have more mobility as well. These were also very positive things. He mentioned that it is possible that she may not need joint replacements until she was 40 years old. While that is earlier than an average age for joint replacement, it is WAY BETTER than being in so much pain and discomfort that she would need it in the next two years…..He also suggested against the medicine that we were considering because among other things, it can make the bones brittle and more suceptable to fractures. As well, if there are negative side effects, those can possbly stick around for a long time…..a life time even and well….that would not really be cool. Would it?

Of course, this is all a natural, medical opinion and we are still praying for and hoping for miracles. Just going to the specialist felt good. We walked away from the appointment feeling very hopeful. And that is SUCH A GOOD THING!!!!

We go back to see him in the middle of June.

Masked up

Today we had our regular monthly appointment and other than it being two straight hours of running around, it was a FABULOUS day and a GREAT appointment at the clinic. There was no traffic to start and we made it in with enough time that we weren’t rushing in from the parking lot. We went into the clinic, and Geli had to mask up as she’s had a nasty virus that’s been making it’s rounds through the kids. We were sent to the back of the clinic which is the long term appointments, but we stopped to talk with our nurse because we were not staying for the extra long drug. While they tried to sort out the confusion, they sent us down to Radiology to get the x-ray that the orthopedic surgeon had ordered for Geli’s shoulder. Geli changed into one of those cute little gowns that tie up in the back and we were to be up next when our nurse came and told us that physio was waiting for us. So we left Radiology and headed down to the PT department. They also felt that both her elbow that seems to be locked and her shoulder that is difficult to move are both from muscle tightness as opposed to being unable to move because of problems with the bones. This is a very good thing. Geli was given a few exercises to work on and we have an appointment that co-insides with her next chemo appointment.

I am hoping that with one month of focused effort that she will start to see some amazing and encouraging results in her physical body. We will be doing a lot of physio over this month and so if you think of it, you could pray that she will stay encouraged to keep on going and that she will see some results sooner rather than later.

After we met with the Physiotherapist, we headed back to the oncology clinic to get her blood drawn so that we could get her counts, as well as get her Chemo drug for this month. After that, we headed BACK DOWN to Radiology to finally get her shoulder x-ray-ed. The results from that will go to the Orthopedic Surgeon and then we will see him in the middle of June. When we finished with the x-ray, we headed BACK to Oncology to meet with Geli’s Oncologist.

It was a completely uneventful appointment. All of Geli’s stats look good. Her white counts are elevated a bit, but that could easily be explained by the virus that she is fighting off. She checked Geli out, increased one of her oral chemo drugs by just a tiny bit and sent us on our way.

All of that happened within 2 hours…….it was a FABULOUS day!

We have just recently made a few changes within our family and house and I’m hoping that those changes will have a more positive effect on all of us. I’ll hopefully be back tomorrow with an update about what’s going on with us……