UP… next

WELL… We’ve been in the hospital for 12 days now and most of those were spent getting Angelica healthy again (read here).  Her next round of chemo was to start when her blood counts were up to the right level and we were aiming for Tuesday. It seems that she was starting to feel better just in time, and would go straight into the next round without any days of actually feeling ok.

BUT… they were overbooked for the procedure room where they have to do the bone marrow biopsy before the next round starts so after a brief consultation in the morning they decided to wait one more day and start today.  I called Patti and then called the kids school and got Jeremy and Xandra out.  Patti picked them up and brought the other two boys in to see us and we actually got one day to see each other.  ALL SEVEN OF US TOGETHER FOR ONE DAY!!!  The weather was great and we went to Red Robin, Granville Island and Safeway (Gelica needed some snacky foods). It wasn’t enough time to make up for all the time we’ve spent apart, but it was great and totally unexpected.

THEN… As Angelica had not started her chemo yet she could go to the oncology teen group.  (they go out every four to six weeks and do some cool activity.)  They were going glow-in-the-dark bowling and having pizza.  Geli didn’t know if she could do the pizza so she brought her own soup and snacks and went and had a great time.  It was so great for her to have  a day to take her mind off of the hospital and enjoy herself before the next round.

FINALLY… today came and we started the next round. We got a bone marrow biopsy, a lumbar puncture with a small dose of chemo in her spinal fluid, six hours of pre-hydration and then a huge yellow bag (actually 1 small bag and two huge bags) of chemo that run for 24 hours.  Once this is in her, she will get another bag of liquid to stop the chemo from going to far and then a flush that should take most of the active chemo out of her system, and this takes another 2 – 3 days.  Best case scenario we go home Sunday.

PLEASE… Pray that Angelica does not develop mouth sores (known as mucositis), the most common side-effect of this drug.  Please pray that she flushes the drug quickly.  Please pray that she has great peace and confidence that things will go well for her.  Pray that Patti has peace at home, and that we would all be together as a family again really soon.

FROM… Jon

on the lighter side

After a brutal few days few weeks, Angelica got up today and had a bit of a rough start, but we’ve started some probiotics and we’re heading in the right direction. Geli had a shower this morning (which we are all really thankfull for 😉 ), and then we grabbed her homework and headed down to the hospital ward kitchen. After a few minutes fussing with my computer to put some music on, I told Angelica to put on some music on her iPod.

So DJ Gelica is busting the tunes, buting through her homework and….

Singing… Like really loud. Like embarassingly loud. Except having a girl that was curled up in a ball and crying her eyes out on Sunday, now singing along to Big & Rich’s “Somebody’s got to be unafraid to lead the freak parade” and Francesca Battistelli’s “Free to be me”, well kind of makes me REALLY REALLY REALLY FREAKING HAPPY!!!

So I’m thinking happy thoughts… and I thought I would share with you some of the funner things.

1) Geli is on a feeding tube and getting her nutrition through there for right now. She’s tasting things here and there as she gets her strength and health back, but not eating meals just yet…. But nobody told the kitchen. So as of right now, I am getting trays of food for each meal. Geli gets to select her dishes from a small selection for each meal and she is ordering for my tastes. Good times!

2) The tube seems to be a topic of conversation. The doc was in yesterday saying that some teens do some realy wierd stuff with their feeding tubes and shared a few storied. (I’ll spare you the gross details), but Geli is working on a plan to swallow a Mento and then pump diet coke into her stomach at high speed. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKoB0MHVBvM). Good times!!

3) One of the social worker type people here popped in to our room the other day and Angelica was colouring. The lady (Her name is Pam) asked about her art and so Geli showed her a few pages. Pam got all excited and mumbled something about a calendar. Then about an hour late a dude named Dan came up to our room and explained that he was here to collec the art for the calendar. Seems that the “Balding For Dollars” folks put out a yearly calendar to raise funds and 12 pieces of art are chosen and the kids that submit them get a pic and a bio by there piece. Looks like Gelica will have another piece of art published. Good times!!!

Jon

Angelica Update – Sept 22nd.

(Beware: This turned into a long post.)

We’ve been in hospital for a five nights so far. We were admitted on September 18th in the afternoon as Angelica’s nausea had taken a turn for the worse and her temperature seemed to be climbing and her toes looked really infected and she looked off enough that we thought she should get checked out.

While we waited for test results to come back in, her temp continued to rise and before long, we passed the threshold where they have to admit her. As much as this is not a good way to hang out as a family, her nausea had been off and on and more on than off for six weeks. It has taken its toll on Angelica not just physically, but emotionally as well. She has been seeming a lot more “down” emotionally and as she was feeling worse, her emotions were dropping even faster.

The good folks here at BC Children’s seem to really care about that, and our oncologist said that he didn’t want to send her home till she was actually feeling really good. The first course of action was to give her every anti-nausea medicine (or anti-emetic) known to man (well there are probably a few odd meds that exist elsewhere in the world). AND… this didn’t do much to help her feel better. She was still gagging at the mention of food and that led us to the possibility that the nausea was “conditioned”.

There are three types of nausea in cancer treatment. Immediate nausea is where you take a medication and it makes you throw up. Delayed nausea is where you take a medication and the effects of the drug on your body bring you to a place of eventually feeling sick and it can be a week to 10 days later. Conditioned nausea is where your brain attaches various mental triggers to nausea and you gag at the mention of (whateveritis).

As she was having a temperature, we had the usual blood cultures to see if she had an infection.

Angelica was able to sleep through the night, and even sit and watch tv for a length of time with no problems, but if we asked do you want (insert name of food or drink) and she would immediately gag and sometimes throw up. She did not eat anything (or at least keep anything down) for Saturday, Sunday or Monday. She is on an IV solution that has dextrose in it, but that is not the required nutrition that she needs and having her body empty of fuel only added to the feelings of despair.

Basically she needed to eat to feel better, but the thought of swallowing made her gag and throw up. On top of that, she didn’t have the emotional energy to make herself eat. The entire thing just became an avalanche that was just piling on top of her.

As the blood tests were coming back negative for infection, and because of the abdominal pain they took a stool sample to see if there was an infection in the digestive tract.

At a meeting with the doc on Monday afternoon, she said that she wanted a feeding tube. When she presented her opinion on wanting to try it, it was the first active role she had taken in her own health care in weeks. This alone was an encouraging sign. My opinion was either that she would hate it and it would provide the added incentive to make herself eat or that it would give her nutrition that would make her feel better and lift her spirits. Either way it was worth a try.

Patti and I switched on Monday night (she came in and I went home). Patti spent all of Monday night and all of Tuesday and all of Tuesday night, helping Angelica and carrying her emotionally (while also caring for a two month old). The tube went in on Tuesday, but they started with a milk based formula, and if you’ve followed this blog for a while, you would know we don’t do milk and Geli complained right away about a gut ache from the milk.

As the stool samples wern’t coming back with anything, but Patti saw that Geli was peeing a lot, Patti asked for a urine culture to look for a urinary infection…. which came back positive for yeast. (Yeast grows rapidly in the body when there has been antibiotics used, as the antibiotics kill of the normal human digestive bacteria, which leaves nothing to halt the growth of the yeast. Yeast in turn eats at stomach linings, digestive tracts, and messes up all kinds of normal body function.)

We had to wait an entire day for them to get the dietitian here and to get the non-dairy formula ordered and delivered. After 2 nights, Patti was ready for some sleep (Gelica was up almost all of Tuesday night having panic attacks and feeling abdominal pain and crying).

Patti and I switched back on Wednesday and we started the feeding tube with the right formula. The change wasn’t dramatic, but throughout Wednesday she started acting and feeling better. Patti and I, now confident that we should have asked a little harder about getting her on a pro-biotic earlier felt that we should now push the issue, and so we called for a meeting with our Oncologist to talk about some dietary supplements that would help heal her gut.

“Leaky Gut Syndrome” is where yeast or chemicals or other disturbances in the intestinal tract create slightly larger holes in the intestines. The intestines are designed to “uptake” minerals, nutrients, amino acids, and the like as they are digested and broken down. When the holes in the cell walls are too big, they can uptake chunks that are too large or not broken down enough and that causes an auto-immune response. Symptoms can be low grade fever, abdominal pain, nausea, and a lack of nutrition in the body, even when a healthy diet is being consumed. (basically that describes Geli)

Our medical team is amazing!!! They are very smart and have done a great job and are also very open to anything that we might add as long as it is not a known antidote to chemo. We asked about putting her on a pro-biotic, a dietary enzyme, zinc and a children’s multivitamin. There was a brief discussion about the pro-biotic because introducing bacteria when your immune system is suppressed can be problematic, but it was agreed that it was worth it.

So today (Thursday) she has been on the NG tube with the right formula for over a day, had an amazing sleep last night, has been up laughing and enjoying herself, has been able to eat a popsicle (baby steps), and most of all, her spirits are up. She is acting more like the girl that is determined to fight this. She’s not all there yet, but well on her way.

She starts her next round of chemo on the 28th (its delayed a week) and they are probably just going to keep her here till that is done to make sure that she is feeling a lot better. They agree that 6 weeks of nausea is enough and see as committed to getting her feeling better and feeling happier.

We still need:
– her toes to completely heal and for there to be no infection spread from those
– her emotions and her spirit to continue to be lifted
– her not to get an infection or illness while her counts are low
– for her digestive tract to completely heal so that the pain and nausea goes for good

Thanks to all, Jon.

Encouragement

I’ve got this hanging on my wall right now.

Encouragement

It’s in full view on the wall right in between my kitchen and my living/dining room.

And I must look at it a million times a day…..OK, maybe not that many, but I look at it a lot.

This was given to me about a week ago by a woman that Jon went to school with. They managed to meet up at Children’s Hospital last week and she gave him a present. She had read a couple of posts of mine…one that talked about “Keeping Calm” and another that talked about “Carrying On” and then she thought of this wall hanging and had to get it for me.

I LOVE it.

It speaks so much more to me than just a gift or just a great phrase. It encourages me immensely. Shannon and her sons and their whole family have their own journey that they are walking and it’s not an easy one and in the middle of her own battle she reached out to love and encourage us. I look at this sitting on my wall and at times when I feel alone – it speaks to me that there are so many out there loving, praying, and standing with us cheering us on.

Thank you, Shannon. Thank you for reaching out and encouraging me. Thanks for your support and your love. Thank you!

Highlighting the Highlights

So I turned 35 a few days ago and while it wasn’t the best birthday that I’ve had, I suppose that it could have been worse. As it turns out……it is what it is and there is nothing that I can do to change or to alter it and so here are the highlights of it all….

This is a picture of me bright and early on my 35th birthday. This is the “raw” me. No make up, no hair (ha) and wearing a pretty bland, white tank and jeans.

As much as this is not my FAVORITE picture of me….I suppose that it could be a lot worse and I’m not entirely disappointed in how 35 looks on me. Eh?

Early Morning 35

Here is the Birthday Banana that the girls made for me. Very creative if you ask me……

Birthday Banana

Then there was the crazy, no good, horrible, terrible day that happened. In the evening, my momma came over and took the kids and I down to Derby Reach. We picked up some sushi and ate at a picnic table as the evening turned to night. It was a break from the craziness of the day and a treat. Jon and I used to go for a weekly sushi date before Angelica was diagnosed and we haven’t gone since. Thank, Momma! I love you. You have and continue to be such a help and encouragement to me.

Momma took Siah for a sleepover on Saturday night and after we woke up on Sunday morning we went for breakfast at Ricky’s Restaurant. This is another favorite thing of mine to do. I love breakfast…..any time of the day. Eggs and Hashbrowns and bacon or sausage………MMMMMMmmmmm! Debbie, Denver and Jack joined us. In all the insanity of this whole crazy journey, it’s nice to do something ordinary.

The kids and I came home and spent the rest of Sunday as just a quiet at home day. I figured that if I was going to get all the kids down to bed on my own that I’d need to start early. We had a few too many leftover’s in the fridge and so rather than spending time cooking, I re-heated and everyone got to choose a little bit of this and a little bit of that. My mom came over just as things were warming and she stayed for dinner. I was able to get the dishes cleaned and the kids in jammies while she held Judah. So SO nice.

Just as I was shooshing the kids upstairs to read before I turned out their lights, my sister Debbie came rushing into my house carrying a cake stand…….with a cake. SURPRISE!

They sang happy birthday to me….

Singing Happy Birthday

Even Judah joined in with a few squeeks and squawks…..

Nana & Judah

And we even managed to get Jon in on the action through Skype. (Geli was sleeping thanks to some meds.)

Virtual Attendance

After my post mentioned emotional eating, I’ve made a few changes for myself, my health and my diet; and the cake Debbie brought over was sooooo appreciated.

Birthday Cake

Isn’t that amazing? It’s watermelon on the bottom two layers, and a layer of canteloupe and a layer of pineapple. With thin layers of strawberries and banana’s in between. The sauce is a soy yogurt blended with strawberries, and those are grapes for fancy candles…..

Debbie is amazing.

It was even more delicious than it looks and was a great way to end off the day after my 35th birthday.

What was even better, was that I managed to get all the kids asleep early and was in bed, myself, by 8:30pm. Sleep is an amazing thing.

So, it wasn’t all bad……more like difficult or tough or just not what I was expecting or had hoped for.

But, we carry on.

Brought to You by the Letter B

So, today is my birthday.

I’m 35 years old today. Half way to 70 and really….it doesn’t mean a thing to me. I’m not upset about being old or feeling old or feeling young or anything. Age is pretty much a non-factor to me.

Bitter….

This morning, Xandra and Becca and Brianna brought me coffee in bed. They made six cups of coffee and used 6 scoops of grounds. Needless to say, the coffee was wicked bitter but had some serious kick to it. I was brutally tired, but am quite awake right now.

Breakfast….

Shortly after the coffee arrived, breakfast was brought up. A huge bowl of fruit all sliced up and ready to go. Then they brought a menu up with options for a nice breakfast downstairs…….so so sweet.

Boys……

Just before we headed down stairs for the girls breakfast, I had all of my boys in bed with me. Jon, Jeremy, Josiah and Judah….One day if my girls leave home, I may end up in a house full of men/boys…..I love my boys.

Bananas….

I came downstairs. Sat down at the fancy breakfast table and the girls brought me a banana with 4 candles in it. It was cute and weird and wonderful.

Barfing…

And then Geli woke up and started barfing……

Bawling….

And then she started crying because she is in pain and barfing and doesn’t want to deal with all of this.

Brutal…..

and I’m right there with her…..

This is not how I expected to celebrate (I use the word very, VERY loosely) my birthday. I’m crying too. If I could have one thing for my birthday it would be to have her feel amazing.

And yet, it doesn’t seem to be happening. We don’t know why she’s barfing. Well, we know it has to do with the chemo and other meds that she’s on, but we can’t figure out why the meds she’s on are not helping to keep it under control. I hate seeing her like this. I hate not being able to “fix” it for her. I hate having to push her to eat and trying to distract her from barfing. I hate that we are going through this. I hate that I’m crying. I hate……….. I hate cancer.

Today feels overwhelming…….because it is. And we have no choice…..we can’t just jump off this train, not even for just a moment. We have to carry on. And it’s hard……

And that’s all I’ve got.

And Just Like That

Jon and Geli went into the hospital yesterday and I honestly believed that it would be a super quick in and out.

By super quick, I mean approximately 1 hour……that’s about how long it takes to have her blood drawn and then to get the results back. The 1 dose of IV Chemo takes about 10-15 mins and can be given while they are waiting on the results.

We had wondered about her needing a red blood transfusion because she was quite pale and very tired.

I wasn’t expecting that all her counts would be quite as low as they are. Her counts had seemed to be heading up but right now they are looooooooow. Which means no more school this week! Seriously, what’s up with that?

And so she scored herself 2 bags of red blood cells and a bag of platelets…….and the quick 1 hour appointment turned into and ALL DAY AFFAIR.

Judah says, “Hello!”

Judah says hello

crappy photo quality from my Blackberry

My mom had come over just after they left and took Siah with her over to visit my sister. So, I had the day with just Judah and myself. I wish I weren’t quite so exhausted. I was left feeling like I HAD to clean while I had the opportunity and no one else was there and also like I just wanted to sit on the couch and do nothing…..the end result was that I did neither very well and ended up feeling guilty about it all. How’s that for wrecking your day…..

I coulda……

I could have done this or that or the other thing, and all I accomplished was eating junk food(this belongs in a whole ‘nuther post itself about emotional eating), 3 loads of laundry, disinfecting the floors, a blog post and dinner for the family.

So we will be fed and clothed an hopefully free(er) from germs, but not much more than that. I’m thankful that I managed to sanitize the bathrooms early this morning.

Depending on how her counts rise, starting the next stage may be stalled a week. We are hoping that her counts rebound this week and that things move forward as planned BUT….we just have to see how it goes and carry on from there.

First Day of High School

First Day of Grade 8Angelica went to her first day of High School yesterday.

I have NEVER been as worried or nervous or consumed in regards to first days with ANY of my kids, as I was yesterday.

It was brutal.

We weren’t sure just how Geli would be feeling and how much of the day she’d be able to do. She had a vocal class first, then English 8, followed by a double block of Science 8 taught in French and then her actual French Language class.

We decided to start with the double block of Science. That gave her a start time of 10:40am. So her day looked like this, she had the first half of Science, lunch break, second half of Science and her French class.

She did really well. Met up with some of her friends and class mates from Alex Hope and all in all she had a really great day. She was even up for a little grocery shopping with me after school. We needed to pick up some lunch snack food. The activity of the day did take it’s toll, and she was in bed and sleeping by 8pm.

We are still working out the process of having her “in” school on the days that she can be and also having her be apart of the Homebound Education Program. Apparently it’s not typical in this school district to do both schooling and homebound….they like you to choose one or the other. We want her in both so that she gets the help and support while she cannot be at school, but also want her to be able to go to school “normally” when she can.

Geli and Jon went into BC Children’s today for the last dose of IV Chemo for this second stage. Depending on certain counts, she may or may not score a transfusion today as well. Well just have to wait and see.

If all goes as planned, she should be able to attend the rest of this week at school.

It is taking a great amount of effort to send her off to school knowing that there are sick kids, and germs and that we are not in control of her situation and choices….this is where faith and trust are so important. This is the first time that we or (my mom) have not been with her since we found out in June……..and,this is just another leg of this journey that we are walking…….we will get through it. One step at a time.

Beauty

Love

I’ve been sitting here writing and deleting this first sentence over and over and over unsure of which words to write.

I don’t have the words…….

I LOVE words. I love to use words to paint pictures, to express myself, to help bring clarity out of chaos, to communicate, to share to love…..I love words and right now the combo of exhaustion, and feeling overwhelmed and completely unworthy have left me without the use of my words.

She shaved her head for me, for us….for my daughter, for my family, and I can’t find the words to express my appreciation, my love, my amazement at her strength, caring, compassion, drive…….. She is amazing.

We’ve been friends for almost our whole entire lives. We’ve been through ups and downs. We’ve been through good times and bad times. We’ve lived near and far and through it all we have loved. I honestly don’t ever remember being mad at her. I’m sure that as kids growing up, we must have had the odd squabble now and then, but I don’t remember ever being upset or angry or disappointed with her. She is my forever friend and I love her dearly.

The cheese and bake shop that she manages, heard about Angelica and decided to donate their tips to our family. Hearing this, my friend announced that when the total of donations reached $2,000 – she would shave her head.

This is not something that we asked for and to be honest, I’m not sure that I really wanted her to shave her head. It’s not an easy thing to do and I just didn’t want her to feel pressured into doing it. At the same time, there are so many things that I have learned from shaving my head, and I wouldn’t want to stop her from her own journey in life……

I really wasn’t sure that they would end up reaching the goal anyway, so I stopped thinking about it.

LoveAt the end of August, the goal was reached (and in fact it has been surpassed) and my friend set the date for the big head shave for this past Saturday September 11.

We weren’t able to be at the actual shaving, but we participated in the event through Skype.

There were tears and laughter and the emotions ran high.

We were so touched to have someone sacrifice of their time and energy and their hair in support of us. We were so touched by all who donated and took part in supporting us in any way big and small.

I’m fumbling for words and the more I try to type, the less able I seem to be able to say what I really want to say.

My friend, you are beautiful. You are amazing. You are such a support and encouragement. In your own times of trial and stress, you give and give and give and LOVE. We feel so blessed to have you in our lives.

I love you more than my words can adequately express.

For all you’ve done and given and sacrificed and loved………Thank You!