Month: June 2007

I had my 34 week check up this morning.  I won’t be “officially” 34 weeks until Saturday, but he is in the OR and at the hospital all day tomorrow – which is my usual appointment day – and so I went in a day earlier as opposed to waiting until Tuesday for the next appointment (’cause of the holiday on Monday).  And after how bad last week was, I don’t think I could have gone until Tuesday with out knowing some things are going.

I knew that I was stressed out about the position of the baby (him being breech), but didn’t realize exactly how badly until last night.  I was preparing for bed and thinking…..How am I ever going to fall alseep knowing that I find out tomorrow whether or not he’s changed positions or if he’s still breech?  It took me back to the beginning of the pregnancy when I’d be doing the same thing the few days before my next appointment only wondering if the baby would even be alive, and if we’d see that beautiful little heartbeat.

 I know that compared to him being alive or not – worrying about the position is kind of silly, but it shows a few things…….

Although I still worry about the possibility of a still birth, that particular worry was overshadowed by the baby’s position, and  whether or not I would have to have a c-section……that tells me that I’ve come a long way.  To have the fear of death overshadowed by something as insignifiant as “how” this baby would be born……

Just the fact that I believe, more often than not, that this baby will be born alive is HUGE!

I do still worry.  I don’t know that I can completely stop it.  It doesn’t consume my every waking moment, but I’d be a liar if I said that I don’t think about it occasionally….okay maybe a little more often than occasionally…….but I am doing better.

Good news is……physically I’m doing fabulously, AND the little bugger is head down and face back.  As of this morning, he was in the premium position for his arrival.  This was the best news that I have heard in a while.  I’m so excited.  It’s funny, ’cause I’ve been trying really hard to play the “name that bump” game, and it’s not been going so well.  I actually thought that he had his back to mine and that he was facing out toward the front. 

This little guy moves funny!  Well, I’m not sure if it’s all that funny, but from what I can remember, it’s different from the last three.  With them, I could definately tell which end was which, and whether the bump was an arm or a leg or an elbow of a knee.  This little one has been keeping me guessing……..little stinker.

Our furniture came in on Tuesday, and Jon put it together, and I LOVE it.  It does fill in the already tiny room, but how much room does one little baby need any way.

I’ll take pictures, but I need to find some “stuff” to decorate with. 

The doctor told me to pack my bags, ’cause any time after Saturday, he’ll be happy to meet the little guy.  Not that we are expecting him to come this early, but I think my Doctor’s just trying to make me feel better…….not much will do that until I am actually holding my baby.

I am trying to tie up all the loose ends and finish the  room and the  pick up the rest of the baby stuff.  There are still a few things that I need to get.

I am still waiting for the diaper bag to show up so I can pack that, and I have to figure out what I want to take to the hospital.  I should probably also go and check out the hospital, and see if I can pre-register.

I wondered if we should sign up for a pre-natal class.  There is one that is just a refresher, but I don’t know if it’s really worth it to spend the money and take the time out of our freaky busy schedule unless things have drastically changed in the last 7 years.  Which I admit is possible…..7 years is a long time and lots of things change……I don’t know…..I’m waffling on that one……

I keep making lists, and then losing those lists and making new ones, and then remebering more stuff to put on them…….AAAAAACCCCCKKK!

Oh well!  I’ll surivive….alomst only 6 more weeks until we meet our sweet little boy, and I’ll be ready for him…..BOY, WILL I EVER BE READY!

Thank you so much those of you that commented or e-mailed.  It really means a lot to know that you are thinking of me and that you care.

I’m doing much better….and so I figured that I should let you know as opposed to just staying a big huge mess. 

While certain things have not really been resolved  – I don’t know if they ever will, and so once again I’m just kind of dropping the issue.  There doesn’t really feel like there is anything I can do to change the situation, and so I will just continue on and hope that one day I won’t have to face the pressure and expectations to be or act like someone I’m not.

I still feel stressed about Chris, but until he is all better – I will probably think about and worry about him, but the immediate pressure of him being transferred and how upset it made him and Nina and mom is lightened.  He seems to have adapted fairly well, and is getting better little bit by little bit.  So, I just keep hoping and praying and trusting that God is holding him and Nina and is carrying them through all of this.

The baby stuff – well, that’s kinda still there too, but it seems like the overall pressure of everything has back off to a much more managable load.  So, while I’m still feeling the stress and pressure – it’s at a much more managable level, and so I continue on.

I had a chiropractic appointment today, and it felt amazing.  He’s straightening me out and the hopes are that the baby will straighten out and turn and then I won’t have to have a c-section.  He gave me some amazing rate that his clinic and him personally have of babies turning on their own just by them using this “Webster’s” technique.  I felt so much better, and that alone was almost worth it even if the baby doesn’t turn although I belive he will.

I have an appointment on Thursday, and will find out if the little guy has turned yet or not. 

The Lilypaz came in the mail today, and it’s kind of fun and exciting to be getting stuff  that I know I’ll be able to use soon. 

I’ve ordered a diaper bag from E-bay and it’s beautiful.  It’s nice ’cause it’s not frumpy looking, but I could just carry it around as a purse.  Isn’t it pretty?

I like it, but still want to try and find a way to get that other bag from JC Penny.  We even called their customer service department and they walked us all the way through the ordering process, and we found out at the end that there are some issues with the diaper bag being sent up across the border……or something like that……the end result is that we will have to either go and get one or there is some way to have it brought to a special address just on the other side of the border and we just cross the border and pick it up and bring it back………such a hassle for what basically amounts to a purse.  Silly, ain’t it?

Another baby item that I forget to mention in my other cool baby items post are these cool cover ups.

They are called Bebe au Lait Nursing Cover Ups.  They have really neat fabrics.  There is  piece of boning in the top of the cover up so that it kind of stands out so you can see the baby without having to struggle with the sheet.  The strap around the neck is connected by twp D rings, so you don’t have to worry about the cover falling down and exposing you.

I’m not terribly concerned about nursing in public.  I’ve done it with all my other kids and really once you’ve given birth a few times and nursed a few times – there really ain’t all that much modestly left.  But……sometimes other people are uncomfortable with nursing and these are so pretty and if it helps others to be more comfortable then why not.

Mostly, I just like them and want one.  I’ve even comtemplated asking my mom to just make me one.  It couldn’t be that difficult.

And I got a baby gift today from a friend today….little froggy stuff.  It was so cute……..she’s so sweet, and due so soon herself…..now if only she’d update her blog once in a while…hint, hint, hint!

I’ll have to take some pictures and show what she gave ’cause it’s just so darling. 

Wel, I’ve rambled enough for now, and i need to go and put my youngest (for now) into bed.  I promised him that we’d cuddle tonight.

Here is what I’m counting as my 33 week picture.  Yes, I’m a few days early, but seeing as I’ve been late with the weekly pics almost every week, I’ve decided to even things out, and go early for once.  Saturday is when I’ll officially be 33 weeks – what’s a day or two, eh?

It’s funny, ’cause pictures don’t lie, and honestly……Jon took about 20 shots of me, and I’m not particularly happy with any of them.  This is the best of the worst, but if you look……my eyes dont’ lie, and I’m struggling.

If I’m lucky, none of you will look at the picture and know what I’m talking about – you’ll just be blinded by  my dazzling beauty, and the fact that I currently weigh less at almost 33 weeks pregnant than I did starting out the last 2 pregnancies…..amazing isn’t it? 

You like my evasion tactics????  I thought they were pretty smooth.

Well, today is Sports Day #1 – Yah, you read that right.  I have 2 Sports Days to deal with this year.  The school splits up the school into groups of odd numbered divisions and even numbered divisions.  The girls are both even numbered, and Jeremy is in the odd numbered divisions, and so that means that I have to go to Sports Day all day today, and all day tomorrow.

I’m just feeling so………….tapped out……I feel like I have too much to do, and not enough time to do it all in, and not enough energy to do it all.  The situation with Chris really through me for a loop yesterday.  I feel like we should be with him, especially after seeing how upset and fragile he was yesterday, and yet I can’t physically be in there all the time.  It’s so hard!  That whole thing came on top of me stressing about the baby being breech, and really not wanting to have a c-section…..I know that there is nothing wrong with them, and people have them all the time….I just don’t want to have one, especially not for my last pregnancy.  I know there is still time for the little one to flip, and I know that we haven’t run out of options yet.    The “breech” thing comes on top of a very long as stressful pregnancy, and even now I feel scared that something might go wrong….it’s not a feeling like something will, but just a fear that it’s still a possibility.  It’s that whole, “I’m holidng my breath and have been for WAY. TOO. LONG!”

I’m just not coping with evrything very well right now!  I also hate the fact that me writing this down is going to send bunch of people freaking out and trying to take stuff away from me, and while I probably could just let it all go…..I don’t have to…..that’s not what this is about.  I’m just sharing how I’m feeling.  It’s better to let it out, than to keep it in, and explode later. 

Part of what makes this all very difficult to me, is that I’m usually very good at coping with WAY too much stuff, and it’s a bother that I’m not coping as well as I could or should or whatever.

On top of all of this, once again there’s been a breakdown in communication/relationship with some people close to me and I feel like I’m getting blamed for it all.  I hate that.  It’s one of those things that just make me want to crawl into a nice little hole and never come out.  I won’t do this, I’ve come to far emotionally to ever want to go back to that place where it’s just not worth it to try to have relationship, but when situations like this come up – it does seem to re-inforce the fact that people are not safe and just can’t be trusted to care for me, just the way that I am.  I hate having to feel like I have to be fake or pretend that I’m somthing I’m not.  If I can do something….I will tell you!  If I can’t do something……I’ll let you  know.  I’ll give you the grace to not live up to my standards, and I won’t expect you to do something just to make me feel better.  I’d really appreciate if others would grant me the same mercy and compassion, and not think that certain situations were all my fault……’cause they’re not.

Like the title of the post says……I feel like my life is a big huge mess right now……It wil get better…..I know it will.  I’m just struggling today.  Maybe I’ll feel better after a big cry….and then again, mayeb I won’t.  Maybe I won’t feel better until I’m holding my little one, and ignoring the world around me in that amazing, yet super-tired babymoon period.

In positive news……I did start and finish painting the baby’s room, and we even have the crib set up.  The crib bedding is available for pick up from UPS afte 1:30pm TODAY, and the other pieces of furniture are to be ready to pick up on the 26th – hopefully!

Only 7 more weeks…..although this week isn’t even over and it’s been draggin on for way tooooooo long.  I don’t know how I’ll make it to the end…obviously I will, and it will just be one day at a time, but from where I’m standing…….It’s looking like a LONG 7 weeks!

Thanks for listening/reading/whatever……..

Well, This one might get long…..I’m just warning ya…….don’t say I never looked out for you…..’cause I do……..and if you’re interested in baby “stuff”…..you might just want to keep reading……..or if you just want to know about all the stuff I have, and need and want……..can I use any more of these…………..can I?

Well, I have this crib in it’s box, down in my garage.   Doesn’t it look nice?  Ignore the crib bedding, ’cause we are getting that Frog and Bug set that I showed you in the last post.

I had a really hard time with picking out the crib set because I really wanted something that all matched, and yet I didn’t really want plain white furniture, and I also didn’t want to pay five million dollars for the set.  These things are freaking expensive, and unless you go to a speciality store – it’s hard to just find a “set” in one of the local stores.  We did find this set at Sears, but had to order it all in.  We didn’t actually think we were going to be able to get this set because the crib was NO WHERE to be found, and it couldn’t be ordered in to arrive in the store until the end of July, and seeing as it’s possible that this little guy could arrive at the end of July…..that wasn’t really an optionas far as I was concerned.  Jon called the store here in town, and surprisingly enough – they had THE ONLY one of this crib in the lower mainland……nice eh?

So, we did get the matching set of the Armoire and the Change table.  I also anguished over the color of the wood stain.  Was the cherry too dark?  I knew I didn’t want the really light colored, blond wood, but did I want the medium colored wood, and which shade.  I thought that I found one that I liked.  It was called a walnut and was a dark honey color, but we couldn’t find the matching pieces that went with the crib.  I finally went with these three pieces, and although I didn’t really like the type of crib (the back side is taller than the front side – it’s not very traditional, and I was looking for something more traditional as first) at first.  I really like it now, and can’t wait to get the whole thing set up in nursery.

I’ve never had a  change table, and so this is a whole new experience for me.  Can you believe it?  Three kids, ten years, and never a change table……I’m so excited…I’m a bit giddy.  It’s a nice height too.  I still need to get a change pad….it doesn’t come with that little piece, although you’d think with the price that they could throw in the pad as a bonus. 

The Armoire and the Change Table are both on order and should be arriving on June 26th.  Well within appropriate time limits for set up in the room.  Another thing that I like about this set is that Iit will just grow with our little guy.  That is a 3 in 1 crib, and converts to a toddler bed, and then a double bed.  The change table converts to just a regular dresser if you take the railing off of the top, and the armoire will just be the armoire.

Next on my list of things that I have are these amazing breast pads.  Just click on the picture to go to the website.  It has a whole ton of information, but to summarize….these are reusable silicone nursing pads.  They kind of “stick” to you and they don’t leak, they don’t show through your clothes, and if you had nice perky boobies than they claim that you don’t even have to wear a bra.  That would never work for me, but I love the fact that they are reusable, washable, and don’t show through your clothes.  On-line they are selling for approx $20US plus shipping.  I bought these off ebay.ca for approx. $17 including shipping.  Yah Me!

I’ve already posted about our travel system that we bought – that is the Infant Car Seat and the Stroller.  It was our very first purchase for this baby……so I won’t repeat all the boring details about that.

My sister in law has lent us a swing, high chair, playpen, bassinette, and an umbrealla stroller.  I was overwhelmed.  A friend of our’s also lent us a swing, a baby bath tub, ad some clothes.  Another sister in law gave me some of her boy clothes ’cause she is having a little girl…..I’m so excited for them.

I haven’t totally gone through all the baby clothes to see if I have everything – like undershirts and socks and sleepers – but I plan to do that after the Armoire and Change Table arrive.  I don’t feel like going through everything and then putting it all back into boxes.

On to the NEED to get items……

We’ve or rather that should say I’ve decided that I want to cloth diaper this baby.  I like the idea of paying a set amount for the diapers and not having to continually bleed out money for disposable diapers over the next 2 years.  I’m also planning on using reusable cloth diaper wipes……read that to say rags for butt cloths.  This is not to say that I won’t be using ANY disposables, because I know that I will……like if we go on holiday’s this year…there is no way that I’d take a weeks worth of dirty diapers home with me, and I’m not going searching for a laundry mat half way through either.  I’d use disposable wipes during that kind of time as well.

Cloth diapering is not the same as it was 10 years ago when Geli was born.  They have THE MOST AMAZING cloth diapers now.  They are basically like a disposable, but you wash them…..no pins, no folding, no plastic pants.  These are the ones that I want.  They do have everything from the ones I’ve described all the way back to plain, old fashioned squares that you fold and cover with pants.  I do already have some fitted cloth ones that you need a diaper wrap or plastic pants with, and will definately use those as well, but they are mostly the medium size and will fit a 15-25 pound baby.

I do have a ton of washcloths to use for wipes, but still need to order the diapers from Raised in Reusables.com  It’s a big wack of money to pay all at once, but they fit from birth all the way until they grow out of them, and like I said,  in the long run – I’ll pay WAY less than I would if I used disposables…..I figure that they should pay themselves off in about 6 months or so.

I still need to find a diaper bag, and the one that I absolutely LOVED is not available any where that I can find…….sucks – so I need to keep looking for something suitable and that I like.  That seems to be the biggest issue…..me liking it – when did I become so picky.  Like I said in the previous post about the bedding….I’m not really into “cutsy”…….I still want to look like I’m a grown woman, and not a baby machine with all the cartoon widgets and accessories dripping off of me.

How to find the balance within a budget……..that’s the challenge, eh?

I do still need to pick up the little nit picky things like butt cream, Lansinoh Cream, a diaper pail, cotton balls, Q-tips, The Infant First Aid stuff (Tylenol, Rubbing alcohol, Gripe Water, Digital, in Ear thermometer, etc), a nasal aspirator, blah, blah, blah………I also need to get a couple of nursing bra’s, but I saw some on sale at Motherhood Maternity that I should really go and get. 

Again, I’m picky – I MUST have underwire, and believe me when I say I MUST!  Without the strongest support possible those bad girls fall down to my belly button.  Okay!  I probably should have TMI’d you all in advance, but come on – It’s nothing I haven’t shared with you all before and you know I’m all about the honesty, besides I wonder if any of you will have even made it this far.  If you have – Don’t give up ’cause I’m almost done……really…..it’s the truth. 

Back to the Nursing bra thing for a minute.  My most favorite nursing bra EVER has been discontinued, and I’m a bit disoriented and terribly disappointed by that fact.  It was underwire, with extra support AND it snapped open in the front in the middle, and not at the top.  It’s like losing a best friend.  I shouldn’t be that upset, but I am – but no worries, I’ll get over it pretty quick….

Moving onto things that I WANT…..obviously these are things that are not so important as the above mentioned items, but still…….

I’d LOVE to get a sling to carry the baby in, and not just any sling, but a MOBY WRAP…….in chocolate. 

That would be this brown color you see here.  Basically this sling is a giant peice of stretchy material that you can wrap in a variety of different ways and can carry a baby from a preemie all the way to 35 pounds.  The cool thing is that you can be hands free and the baby’s weight is evenly distributed across your back and body.  The baby can be worn on your front or on your back, and facing in or facing out.  You can nurse in this thing, and it even looks cute just over top of your clothes…..meaning that if you tie it on before you head out to the grocry store you don’t look like a complete goof, and you’re ready to just slip your baby in leaving your hands free to push the cart and grab for your other children as they flail down the aisle touching everything thay can see…..it’s a real bonus in my mind.

I’d also like to get a breast pump.  This is one thing that i”m not firnly decided on.  I don’t work outside the home and I’m fairly comfortable nursing anywhere, so it’s not like I have alot of reasons to use a heavy duty electric pump.  I would like to have a bit of a stock in the freezer just in case, so do I get a manual (that I hate ’cause they make your hands cramp) or get a light weight electric……and if so…..which one?  There are so many out there.  I think if I had the choice I’d go with the Medela Single Delux Electric Pump, but it seems like an exravagance, and so we’ll have to just see how it goes.

I think that about does it for this installment of Baby produts.

I did have a Doctor’s appointment today, and I was going to lump everything all together, but I think that I’ll just quit for now, and if I can get a decent picture from tomorrow when I’m actually officially 32 weeks pregnant – I’ll tell you all about it then.

For now, I really need to go to bed.  It’s 12:22am, and I have Xandra’s birthday party tomorrow!  YUCK!  The only good thing about that, is that after 4pm tomorrow.  It will be done, and I’m so looking forward to that moment.

Well, If you’ve made it this far – I applaude you!  I’ll let you few select people know that I’m going to be having a baby pool, where I’ll give away an actual gift to the person who guesses closest to the actual delivery date and time…..so keep that in the back of your mind, and I’ll officially announce it – in a much shorter post – coming up some time soon.

Oh……….If you have any really cool baby items or gear that I MUST take a look at, let me know by e-mail or leave the link in the comments so we can ALL know about them.  I’m always on the lookout for baby things that make your life easier or just more fun!