Sooooooo Tired!

I don’t know how some of you do this on a regular basis.  I know that there are those out there who regularly pull all nighter’s.  I am not one of “those” people.

Chris has not been sleeping well for a couple of nights, and so we decided that someone should stay with him over night and see if that might help him get a better sleep.

Well, He did sleep better last night, but I volunteered to stay overnight.  That meant that I didn’t sleep.  I’m okay, but was planning on coming home and sleeping, and it just hasn’t worked out that way.  I’ve been up since Wednesday morning at 4:30am.  How many hours is that……….34 hours as of right now, by my calculations, and I will not be getting to bed before 10pm tonight.  So, unless I fall asleep standing on my feet I will be up for a total of 42+ hours.  Nice, eh?

Well, We are going to pick up the kids, and then I have to figure out something for dinner, and then I really need to put my feet up.  They are so swollen.  Oooops!  Not good, but the naturopath said that feet swelling was not a big deal.  It was a big deal if my hands and face were swelling, and so far so good!

Jon will be home with some liquid gold* in about 2 minutes, and then we are off to collect our children.

* Liquid Gold – Grande, Half-sweet, sugar free, hazelnut, soy latte from Starbucks! Mmmmmmm, and I’m not supposed to have coffee!  Ha!  Like that is happening right now!

26 Week Picture and other stuff…………

26 weeksFINALLY, I got Jon to take the picture.  Not that it’s Jon’s fault, but you know….I have to have my hair done, and decent clothes on, and make up, and well…….the stars all have to align, and when they do……..then we can take a picture.

So, finally we did it.  I don’t think it’s magazine worthy, but then again, I mostly just want to keep a record of everything, and that’s what I’m doing, and so I’m doing good!

The little bugger has been breech for a while, and he turned the right way up for one whole day, and by the next day, he was back in the breech position, and hasn’t truned again since.  I’m really hoping he’s not getting to comfy – I don’t want a C-section, and will do whatever it takes to avoid that if possible.  I’m not against it, if it’s totally necessary, but don’t want to have to deal with that.

I finally got the book keeping done.  I do books for my Grandfather’s Misions Society.  I was going to finish the books a month ago, and then the accident happened.  Well, as of last night I finished them, and then……….then the angels sang, and harp music played, and I rejoiced!  And it was good!

Today I was going to go in and see Chris, but I figured that I’d just  stay home for one more day, and get caught up on a bunch of stuff that has been getting shoved further and further down the list of “things to get done”.  I feel like I’m almost caught up, abd even though I know that I’m pretty much caught up, I still feel kind of pressured by the thoughts that I have stuff to do.  Not sure what is up with that.  I might just need to make a list of  everything that I’m still thinking about, and  cross off all the stuff that I’ve finished.  Sometimes I need a visual.  I can see the list inside my head long after it’s been taken away.  No, I don’t have a photographic memory…well I have a slighty inaccurate photographic memory.  I can actually see the things that I’ve looked at, but I don’t usually pay enough attention so that I can recall every  single detail.  What I would have given to have had that ability in High school….Can you even imagine how cool that would be?

 Like I said, I can do that to a certain extent, but it’s a hit and a miss as to the percentage of perfection that I attain on a regualr basis.

 The kids are doing okay.  Nothing really exciting to report on that end.  Geli has been complaing, and I finally found some sort of okay multi-vitamins that I’ve been giving her and Xan just in case we’re not covering ALL the bases with the food we eat.  Hopefully she will stop complaining about how sick she feels all the time.

I was getting calls from school from her EVERY FREAKING DAY.  I kinda subscribe to the , “Are you barfing or do you have a fever?” school of thought.  Either of those will win you a trip home and confined to your bed for the rest of the day, but anything less than that will earn you a prayer and an over-the-phone kiss and hug from Mom!

The kids have been doing fabulously as far as the food stuff goes.  I still need to post some of our meals that we make.  Will get to that one of these days.  Jeremy did get in to see the Naturopath while I was up in Kamloops.  Jon took him, and he’s doing really well.  I’ll have to do an update on that, as well.  Our next appt for him is on Monday May the 28th.  He gets retested for his food intolerances, and gets a hemoglobin test, and another appointment with the Naturopath.  It will be so exciting (I hope) to hear how much better he is doing.  I’m really hoping that his yest levels have dropped, and that he is well on his way to a healthier life. 

When I went in for my appointment last Friday ,we talked briefly about Jeremy especially seeing as we had made a visit ot the ER the night previously.  She said that waht we are doing right now is only the tip of the ice berg as far as what she CAN actually do to help him.  That is SO EXCITING.  To know that the sucess that we’ve experienced with him is only the beginning.  It’s so encouraging.

Well, I’m off to see Chris tomorrow, and have to pick up my mom just before 8am- AAAAAAWWWWWWCCCCCCKKK!  That’s WAY TOO EARLY!  Oh well!  I’m excited.  Chris has been moved out of the ICU and into the Trauma Unit.  This is a step in the right direction, and so exciting to hear.  I can’t wait to see him tomorrow.

97 days to go!

Yup!  I’m in count down mode.  I know I’ve got a long ways to go, but seriously…..I only dreamed of making it this far.  Soon I’ll be holding my son!  Okay, I kee saying that, but it’s true.

Well, I thought I had something really exciting to say, and then I came on here, and promptly forgot what I was going to say.  SUCKS!  I figured that if I just started typing, that it’d come back to me.  Well, guess what?  Not so much!  Now I’m just blathering on, and hoping that whatever it was that was all so witty and amazing would miraculously pop back into my mind.

It ain’t happening, and I’m freaking tired. I guess that’s what happens when you only get 5 hours of sleep the night before, and then run hard ALL DAY.  I still have so much to do, and so little time to acomplish it all in.

Gotta write more lists, but not tonight!  Right now – I’m going to bed.  Ta Ta, see ya on the flip side!

It’s All About Poop!

So, here I am in Vancouver earlier tonight.  I went in with my dad to visit Chris.  We drove in around 3pm, and around 7pm Dad comes into the ICU to tell me that Jon has left a message on his phone wanting me to call back right away, and, “Oh! It sounds kind of important!”

Hmmmmmm, this can’t possibly be good news.  Jon never calls, and not with something important. 

I call him back only to hear that he is on route to the Abbotsford Hospital with Jeremy and he thinks that it might be his appendix.  Jeremy has a low grade fever, and was crying and freaking out about the lower right side of his abdomen.  They were just sitting down to eat dinner.  Jeremy took about 2 bites, and said that he had to use the bathroom.  He was there for a few minutes, and then called Jon crying and crying and crying and saying that his tummy hurt really bad.  He wouldn’t stand up straight, and wouldn’t walk.  He was in too much pain.

Fabulous, I’m so thrilled!  Nothing like family in two different hospitals at the same time about 5 cities away from each other.  Anyway, my mom said that she would take me out to pick up my car from their house right then, so off we went.

I got to the hosptial, and expected to find Jon and J still sitting in the waiting room.  Nope, they had been moved inside to a room with 3 or 4 other kids and their parents.  The doctor showed up about 5-10 minutes after I sat down in the chair with Jeremy.

They did blood tests and took a urine sample, and then did an X-ray!

About 10 minutes after we got back to our chairs from the X-ray, the doctor called us and asked if Jeremy would like to see his picture.  The doctor brought us over to the computer and showed us the X-rays.  He showed us the  ribs and his spine, and his pelvic bones, and the tops of his leg bones.  Then he showed us where the appendix would show up if there was a problem.

Next he pointed out all this black and shaded area that basically ran from where his stomach would be all the way down to the end of the line.  He said that normally they see little pockets of black, but he just had to show us the X-ray because our son had an IMPRESSIVE amount of poop in his intestines.  From the top all the way to the bottom he was completely full.  I don’t think he’s actually Constipated, as he poops EVERY FREAKIN’ DAY, and it’s never very hard!  In fact, it’s……ummm……….soft enough that he doesn’t ever want to wipe his ouwn butt ’cause he doesn’t want to make a mess of it all.

Poop!  It all boils down to POOP!

The doctor said that at this point our chances of this having anything to do with his appendix were ZERO!  He said that J needs to get lots of water, and eat a lot of veggies, and stay close to a toilet for a few days.

I have an appointment with the naturopath tomorrow, and I think I will ask her about it.  I think that this could have something to do with the diet he’s on as well as the different medicines.  He’s had these pains before, and had I been home, we might not have actually gone to the ER, but then again, if we hadn’t gone in we never would have found out that our son was full of **it.

“Cause I’m Lame Like That……..

Well, I not really, but I still haven’t gotten Jon to  take a picture of me at 25 weeks pregnant, and now I’m 25 weeks and 4 days…..alomst 26 weeks.

Silly me!  I will try to get him to take one tonight.  I had my OB appointment yesterday, and was the most calm that I’ve been at any of my appointments with him since I found out I was pregnant this time.  It’s helps to be feeling the baby moving on a regular basis, also.

He tried to find our little boy’s heartbeat with his doppler, and seemed to have a hard time, eventually he said that it was trucking along at 150 beats per minute, and then said that he wanted to have little look on the ultrasound machine.  I was, of course, all up for that.  It’s amazing how big the baby looked on the screen.  From seeing almost nothing but a flicker at my 7-8 week appointment, to seeing a little tiny blob like looking baby, to now when we couldn’t see the whole baby on the screen, but had to move all around to see everything from head to toe and finger to finger.

I mentioned that  I wondered about the fact that I really only felt movement in the extreme lower portion of my torso.  I would get the odd poke higer up, but not a whole lot of movement on either the sides or the top.  He figured that the little one must be breech, and the ultrasound revealed that Yes, in fact, this little stinker is breech, and by jugding from how long I’ve been feeling the movements down low – he’s been that way for a while.

He still has his stomach, facing towards my spine.  He’s basically cuddling my innards, and kicking the crap out of my bladder.  It’s so much fun!  I really don’t mind.  I know that I’ve said that I want to be holding this little one more than anything, but I’m really trying to just take each moment as it comes, and to enjoy EVERY last minute that he is inside of me, as this one is most likely my last. 

I’ve not ever planned on having 5 kids, not that there is anything wrong with that, but I am struggling (not terribly, it’s just a niggling thought) with the fact that I never wanted to have this large an age span between any of my kids.  Jeremy will be almost 7 when this one is born.  I know it’s not the end of the world, but I think that it’s fun to have someone to grow up with, and well…..I really don’t have to make any decisions now…..this is just something that is floating around in my brain.

I said to my mom today that I only have 3 more months to get everything ready beofre this little guy shows up.  I still need to get a crib, and a dreser and a change table, as well as to clear out his room (it’s loaded with crap right now), and paint.  I still need some other stuff, but when we were clearing out the garage this past weekend we looked through the baby stuff we had, and while most of it is girls stuff (I’ve passed on and given away a lot of the boy clothes), I did manage to find a ton of little baby undershirts, so as far as those go – I’m good to go!

I also need to get some fabric and figure out a crib set for this little one.  AAAAARRGH!

It kind of feels like there is a lot to do, and time keeps speeding up.  Not that I’m complaining – I can’t wait to hold our little boy, but I just want to get everything done.

I only have 101 days to go until my due date.  That is just so exciting!  I can hardly believe it. 

I have to go for the Gestational Diabetes Test any time now.  The OB gave me the requesition for it yesterday, as well as a requesition for another big ultrasound to check to make sure that everything is going perfectly like it should be.  So, I’ll get to see our little guy again.  That is always so fun. 

Alright, I have babbled on enough already.  Going to go and put the kids to bed…… to you soon………..

Pregnancy Progression

24 weeksI’ve finally gotten around to posting the pregnancy progression pictures that we’ve taken of this pregnancy so far.  I’ll have a new one to add to the set tomorrow.  Now, that doens’t mean that I’ll post it tomorrow, but I will try. 

It seems amazing that we’re this far into it.  Only 15 more weeks until the due date…..YAH!

Just click on this photo of me from last week to see the whole set.

Edited to Add:

I’m frustrated ’cause I had typed a whole bunch more, and when I hit save and publish it wasn’t there so obviously I did something wrong, but I’m too upset to try and remember everything that I said.  Oh well!  Enjoy the pictures….if you’re into that kind of thing, and if not….be about your business.

ps…..can you tell that I’ve died my hair?  It’s a dark brown now.  I love it.  I had 2 inch roots, and couldn’t handle them any more.  So, voila!  They are gone!

Yah…..I Have No Idea What to Title This One….Ramblings, maybe?

Green ConfettiI mentioned that I had an appointment with my Naturopath for yesterday.  Just when I was getting ready to take the kids to school, we got a call that something had come up, and that she needed to rebook.  So, no hand holding after all.  At least not until Tuesday afternoon. 

Tuesday is shaping up to be a BUSY day.  Jon rebooked my OB appointment for Tuesday morning, and then the Naturopath rebooked for Tuesday afternoon.  I don’t think I’ll be making the treck into Vancouver to see Chris on Tuesday……too much going on.

The baby was really moving around yesterday afternoon, and well into the evening.  Jon was moonlighting doing sound for a Graduation, and I don’t usually go to sleep until he’s home.  Don’t know why I do this, maybe just something about him being home….I don’t know!  I sleep fine when he’s not here, and if he’s gone for some reason until 2 or 3 or 4 am then I don’t stay up, but if I know he’s going to be home oarund midnight or so I just wait up.  Was probably stupid of me, ’cause I know that I was tired, but my brain is just moving and moving at a zillion miles an hour.  I even had to read once I crawled into bed, and finally shut the light off and went to sleep about 1am.  Paid for it this morning though, when the alarm beeped at 7am, and I really didn’t want to get up.  Had to though ’cause Jon had to leave by 8am to do more of the same sound gig, so I had to be ready to get the kids off to school by myself.

It’s all good though.  I’m feeling okay right now, although I may go to bed after the hockey game tonight just to try to catch up on sleep.

It’s weird being here at home, and with Chris in VGH.  I don’t mind the drive in, but when I’m tring to fit it in to “my life” I realize just how special the time up in Kamlops was.  We were just there.  Nothing to do.  No where to drive to.  Just sleep and eat and be with Chris. 

It’s funny (maybe that’s the wrong word) trying to “do” life after a tragedy.  Not that I think that we are “in” a tragedy, but this is a tragic situation, that could have been a lot worse, and Thank God is actually much better.  I remember after Nathaniel died, trying to figure out what my new “normal” would be.  While this isn’t exactly the same, it still requires an adjustment.  I want to be there for my brother, my sister-in-law, and my family!  I will gladly rearrange things for a season to be able to “be there” for them.  I think that it’s important.  We are a very close family.  I probably need to explain that.  We do not necessarily live in each other’s pockets, but when we do see each other, it is as if no time has passed.  We do not make a big deal about who can and can’t come when we do have a get-together.  If you can make it great, and if not, then we love you lots and will see you next time.  I think that comes from a great love for each other, and a HUGE confidence that we will always be there for each other if/when needed, no strings attached.

Right now it’s Chris and Nina’s time.  They need us, and we are here for them.  It’s nice to see that we are here for each other as well.  I love seeing the way our family pulls together, and does what’s necessary. 

Like I said, I’m just rambling, but when my mind is going, and I have all these thoughts, and I just need to get some of them down so that I can let them go, and hopefully slow my brain down, that’s when I ramble. 

The picture at the top of this post is of the steps up to the hospital in Kamloops; or, depending on which way your headed, down to the Starbucks across the street.  The trees around the hospital were dropping these little seed pods (maybe) and  they were every where.  Some times it looked like it was snowing green.  They made me think of confetti they way they were all over the ground, and especially piled up along the edges of the paths and the stairways.  I even had some in my hair.  Again with the rambling…..not very exciting…….just another thing rumbling around inside my brain.

Well, hopefully with a few things dumped, I’ll be able to pick a few to focus on, and actually get some stuff accomplished.  Hope you’re having or have had a great day.

I’m Late but Learning to Run on His Time

It was my brother Tim’s birthday yesterday.  He turned 28 years old.  Man, we are all getting old.  I don’t actually have a problem with that, but maybe my siblings would have a problem with me saying that.  I had to count backwards from me (I’m turning 32 this year), and realized that Chelle will be 30 in June!  WOW!  Seems like only yesterday I was standing in the Fireside room in Elim or New Life or whatever it was called then, and counting off 8 more years until I would be completely finished school.  Now, here I am, and my eldest daughter has only 8 more years until she is finished high school.

We are home, and well………it was a difficult day.  So exciting with Chris coming home (to the coast), but it kinda felt like I was accosted with a WHOLE TON OF STUFF when I walked in through the door.  I think that by the time we got the kids settled down and in bed, that things were at least on their way to becoming “normal” again.  Is that even possible?  This whole unreal (and yet very real) situation with Chris affects EVERYONE………..and it affects everyone in a unique way.

At least I know that this time when I came home after being away for only (almost) 3 days, that the kids really missed me.  I had to tease Xani for her comment about not even realizing that I was gone last week.  I think that she is the one who has missed me the most over the past few days.  Funny little ones.  We did a lot of talking this afternoon and tonight.  I just let them talk about anything and everything.  It was good for them, I think.

Xani suggested that from now on, I drop them off at school, and then head in to see Uncle Chris and Aunty Nina, and then come home when school was finished.  That is kinda what I was planning…….sorta. 

I have an appointment with my naturopath tomorrow at 10am.  This is basically just a hold my hand appointment because this is around the time that we lost Nathaniel.  I will admit that last week was fabulous.  Nothing like focusing on someone else to enable you to not have to deal with your own life struggles.  This week has not been as good as far as evading the thoughts and fears.  I don’t feel like I’m overwhelmed, or that fear is rising up inside of me.  It feels more like the thoughts are coming at me from outside.  I can hear them, and recognize that they aren’t comfortable thoughts, but I can’t seem to block or ignore them entirely.

So, I have this appointment where she will tell me that I’m doing good, and that everything is going well, and so just keep trucking along.  And so I will!

No worries!  I’ve been taking good care of myself.  I’m not an idiot!  It is possible to eat and drink enough water, even in an emergent or critical situation; and a little bit of lost sleep won’t kill anyone.  And honestly, I’m not even really stressed. 

It’s amazing how freeing just hearing God’s voice can be.  Once you learn to trust that what He says will come to pass, it make life so much easier.  Don’t know what to do or to think?????  Just ask the Father, and obey whatever He says.  If he says your brother will live, and not lose his arm, then I choose to believe that He keeps His word.  My Father is not a liar.  And if He says that my child will live, same thing….I choose to believe that He keeps His promises and that I can rest assured that He will take care of me and protect my little one.  Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m super human and never experience a moment of doubt or fear, but I do have WAY MORE peace than if I were just stumbling along all by myself, and trying to have some hope that things might turn out okay.

I know, that even if for some reason I heard wrong, or wanted to hear some thing…..I know that God will walk me through whatever road I have to walk down.  He’s already proven that time and time again. 

So, tomorrow, I will get up, an see my kids off to school.  I will go to my appointment, and then I will go to see Chris and Nina and whoever else happens to be there……….And we WILL hear good reports about how God is doing amazing creative miracles in Chris AND Nina’s bodies!  I’m so glad he’s here at the coast, and in VGH!

Side Blogging

There are still some things that I want to record, and so I’ve installed this side blog to be able to do that without taking any focus off Chris and Nina.

I’m a little behind on some things, which really doesn’t matter at all in the grand scheme of things.

We had Geli’s birthday on April 7th and she went bowling.   Here is the Butterfly Cake that I made for her party.

Butterfly Cake

I think I’ve already mentioned that fact, but I might not have mentioned that only 3 kids showed up.  She had invited 5, so it’s not like the pool was that huge to begin with, but it could have been a disaster were it not for “SUPER DAD!”  Jon pulled it all together and made it an amazingly fun time for the 4 kids that were there.  I’m so thankful for Jon.  He’s truly an amazing man.

Not only can he guarantee that any occasion with him involved is sure to be a huge success, but he’s been taking care of the kids while I’ve been up in Kamloops with Chris and the family and working and juggling half of what I do, while still trying to keep up on all that he has to do.

You know that things are being taken care of when you haven’t seen your kids for over a week, and you ask if they miss you, and they tell you that they don’t really!  In fact, Xan mentions that she really didn’t even think about you while you were gone.  The only one who said he missed me was J, and I think that he’s just missing a middle of the night cuddling partner.  Mind you, with me gone, he can stretch out all over my entire side of the bed.  Not that me being in the bed usually stops him from stretching out all over Jon and I any way…….YES!  He still sleeps with us…..about 3-4 times a week, we get a midnight visitor.  I really don’t mind, and Jon only minds when J shoves his razor sharp elbows and knees into Jon’s rib cage. 

Nice, eh?  I’m that valuable around here.  Oh well, it’s all worth it, when Jon says that he never realized just how much stuff I actually do.  That makes you feel all kind of warm and fuzzy inside, knowing that he is acknowledging that I do actually do a ton of stuff around here, and I’m not just sitting on my butt on the computer all day.

24 Weeks PregnantI’m also 24 weeks pregnant.  If I make it all the way to term, I only have 16 weeks left.  YAH!  I’m so excited.  I can hardly wait to see and hold my sweet little boy.  I still have a lot to do to be ready for him, but we’ll get there.  Right now, we are mostly focused on Chris and Nina and praying for them and being there for them.  It has kind of almost taken my mind off of the fact that this is around the time that Nathaniel died….like I said……almost……….

Our little one is moving around quite a bit, and if I could remember anything other than the fact that Nathaniel didn’t move a lot, I’d compare it to my other pregnancies……but I can’t.  It’s hard to believe that I was pregnant with Jeremy 7 years ago.  When this little guy is born, Geli is going to be older than I was when Christopher was born.  Weird! 

I never thought I’d ever have kids with quite this age span, but then again, I never thought I’d have gone through a still birth and then 3 losses after that.

I guess you just never know what’s on the road ahead in your journey, and you just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and turst that God will give you the strength to deal with whatever comes along.