Not as Planned

Today is not going exactly as planned.

Jon has just taken Angelica into BC Children’s Hospital (as of 9:30am, Monday morning.)

This has left me a bit shocked and I am really praying that Xandra and Jeremy handle the news better than I have. (I’ve already been crying and angry and upset and shocked and so confused and frustrated and really REALLY PISSED!)

Last night around 8pm Angelica came down to the kitchen to show me a rash that was in a stripe and started at the middle of her back and wrapped around hip and down onto her thigh. It was quite angry looking and some of the welts…..well, they weren’t weeping, but they looked close to it….

We called into the hospital and told them that we’d given her benadryl and put some hydrocortisone on the rash and they said that this didn’t sound like a complication of her chemo or the meds she was on and that we’d done the right thing and that was it.

So we sent her to bed.

Things have been a tough recently with Angelica because her body is so fragile and “broken down” from the past year of treatment. Her muscles have atrophied some and she has grown so on top of weaker smaller muscles they are also stretched and she hurts all the time. She walks like an old lady and…..and….well, she hates it all. She hates being in pain. She hates that shes not strong enough to just do “normal” things. And to top it all off….our insurance doesn’t cover her going to see a kinesiologist – which would be a way better treatment for her than Physiotherapy. It’s all so frustrating….

Yesterday we had a huge conversation with her (that involved a lot of tears) about her BELIEVING that she will get better. It has felt like she’s unsure about whether or not she’ll get better and be able to just be normal and strong when it’s been so long that she’s been hurting and feeling sick and weak and unable to just do the things that you and I take for granted.

She finally got to the place where she could say, with some conviction, that she believes that she will get better, get stronger, get healthier……

And then this rash shows up….

And then we have to call the school and have her paged to the office to be picked up…

And when she gets into the car, she has a bag packed for a possible extended hospital stay…

And this is all happening on the first “normal” day of her grade 9 school year….

And this is all happening after she stands and believes that she will get better…..

And this is all happening 2 weeks before we are supposed to leave for Angelica’s “Wish trip”….

And I’m a bit in shock about it all….

I want to believe that it’s going to be nothing and we’ll see them home in a few hours, but I’m scared to hope for the best and to be let down.

Jon and I had planned to spend a “down day” today on his day off. Cleaning up our grarage (which is still loaded with crap from our camping trip) and just spending some much needed time together….and instead we are gearing up for Anti-Viral’s or Antibiotics and Extended Hospital Stays or Who knows…..

Please pray.

Pray that Angelica will he healthy. That the two little boys will not get chicken pox from this. That Jon and Geli will be able to come home. That this won’t affect her Wish Trip. Just please pray!

I can do this…I have to do this. But I really don’t want to.

It sucks.

It sucks for her.
It sucks for me.
It sucks for all of us.

It just sucks!