Category: ME

Looking Forward

Angelica was allowed to go to her Grade 7 Farewell/Graduation Party yesterday.

Even in light of Judah’s birth, she was still quite excited about her party that night.

hairOur story seems to go before us everywhere we go and the labor and delivery ward at Women’s Hospital doesn’t seem to be any different. There was a woman who heard about us and she offered to do Angelica’s hair. We were so touched and blessed by her thoughtfulness. Yen had just delivered a baby the day before and yet still came into my room and did a fabulous job of Angelica’s hair.

It was pretty and yet funky and not over the top. Angelica looked so beautiful.

To say Thank You to this woman seems so insignificant and yet we truly are so SO overwhelmed with gratitude and we’re not sure how to adequately express our thankfulness. Just know that we are touched and blessed beyond words. Thank you!

Angelica looked beautiful and although I didn’t go with them….Geli and her dad headed out and made it to the school around 7pm. She got to see her friends. She got her certificate and she got to dance with her friends a little. It was a great night and one that will be a fabulous memory for Gelica. We are thankful to everyone who made this night possible….from dress making, to shoe shopping, to care of the siblings, to school staff, to ones who made dinner, to the Dr’s and nurses and hospital staff……. We are thankful that every detail was taken care of and that everything ran smoothly and that it all worked out for Geli to go.

geliI have more pictures that I’d like to post, but this post is more a request for prayer than it is an update…..

Angelica is taking a few medications and one of the side effects of two of them is that it can affect her blood sugars…..Unfortunately on Wednesday night, her blood sugar levels spiked and they didn’t come down as fast as we’d like. We are now waiting for her sugar levels to level out. If you could pray that everything would work the way it should and that we’d be able to go home tomorrow, we’d really appreciate that.

There was talk of Geli going home today, but it’s not going to happen and obviously, if she’s not in a good position to go home, then we want her to stay where it’s best for her but optimally, we’d love for her to be in a good place health wise to be able to come home.

We are making steps towards a home coming tomorrow, but something else that could throw a monkey wrench into that plan would be if Geli spiked a fever between now and then…..so we are looking for

1) Blood Sugar Stabilization
2) No infections, fevers, or any other illness

Also, please pray that she’ll continue to respond amazingly to the treatment plan that they have her on and that the chemo that she’s receiving today would do it’s job of killing the cancer cells and that the side effects would not bother her.

I feel like I have TON of things to update or post about and yet…..I’m tired.

My HUGE boy wants to eat and eat and eat and eat and I got almost no sleep last night. I’m exhausted! On top of a week of very little sleep….lets just say that “exhausted” is putting it mildly.

We will make it through this season. I am confident of this and yet that doesn’t make any of this easier, does it?

It all seems so surreal and yet entirely WAY TOO REAL!

I don’t even know where to go from here and so I’m stopping for now. I’ll try to post again a bit later.

39 Weeks plus 1 Day

This is officially the longest that I’ve ever been pregnant.

Both Angelica and Josiah were born 1 week to the day before my due date and Jeremy and Xandra were earlier than that.

I’m doing okay aside from this………….

swollen ankles and feet

I have puffy, puffy, PUFFY ankles and feet. The swelling starts just above my ankles and continues down to my toes….it’s lovely. It doesn’t hurt, but it is slightly uncomfortable.

I don’t really have a belly shot, but I’d like to get one…..hopefully today sometime.

We are wanting to get the cord blood from our baby in the occasion that it could be a help to Angelica. This means that I need to deliver here at BC Women’s Hospital……or that would be the best case scenario for us at this time. It’s not what I’d planned, but it is what would work out best for this situation here and now.

So this means that because I have in the past had quick labors that I need to hang around the hospital just in case this time goes quickly as well. It would be not cool were I to go into labor and try to get into BC Women’s from Langley only to have the baby in the car. Jon does not want to miss the delivery of our baby and so he too is here. This leaves our children in the loving care of our family and friends and we are so thankful that Angelica is expected to come home by next weekend. It’s not that long and I’m guessing that I’d have the baby within that time anyway.

We decided against inducing this weekend to give our little man a bit longer to cook, if necessary and to allow for labour to start naturally if possible.

Probably, the best case scenario would be if I gave birth close to the end of next week (which coincides when Geli is supposed to be coming home) and then we could all just go home together.

I’d initially thought that maybe I could hope to hold out on having this baby until I went home and then I could just go back to our original plans for birth and delivery with my midwife….but after talking with the lab who deals with the cord blood, I think it would be the best idea to have the baby here….not my first choice but possibly the best case in this messy situation.

I think that the stress of everything has stalled things from progressing as they seemed to be doing. Aside from the very stressful Thursday which ended up with me being monitored and having contractions 6 mins apart there have been a few twinges here and there, but nothing where I’ve really wondered if this was the start of something.

The midwife that I’ve had caring for me here in Vancouver has been unbelievable. June Friesen has gone so far above and beyond in her care of me….I don’t even have adequate words to describe how caring she’s been or how much she’s been here for us or walked us through some of the hardest and stressful days that we’ve had so far. She is an amazing midwife and I’m so thankful that Cathy referred us to her care. Although I miss Cathy terribly, I am in amazing hands and I’m so grateful to have such caring women as a part of bringing our newest little man into this world.

I did have a non-stress test yesterday and he is doing well.

I’ll try to get a picture of myself today and back add it to this post……(DONE)

39 Weeks 2 Days

Angelica Update 6-17-10

Jon and Geli got into Children’s Hospital last night and finally got moved into a room around 2am.

We signed off to get some sleep around 2:30am and I’ve not heard from them this morning.

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There was some initial confusion regarding the blood work and it looked like it might not be leukemia, but rather an atypical form of mono.

After some more tests, and a meeting with the Hematology/Oncology Doctor, his initial feeling is that it is a type or form of Leukemia that we are fighting against.

Her platelets were low enough last night that they gave her a transfusion over night. She also had her blood work re-done and had an x-ray.

The plan for today, as of last night (or early this morning), was to do a bone marrow biopsy and to test some of her spinal fluid. Both of these tests should bring more answers.

There has been some discussion with the Dr. at Children’s about the possibility of using Cord Blood from the baby to help Angelica and we should know more on that today.

It’s not something that we had thought about or looked into or planned for and so we need grace and wisdom and the timing of everything to work out perfectly.

I have an appointment with my midwife this morning at 10am and obviously will have a ton to discuss.

We will continue to update and let you know where we are at and we so covet your prayers at this time.

Things to pray for:

Angelica seems way too calm according to the staff at the hospital. She has a tendency to process her feelings and emotions very slowly and so we are just praying for her that she will be able to process all that she is going through and not stuff her feelings and emotions. Please pray for health and strength both physically and emotionally as she walks this road before her.

I’m feeling extremely emotional and try though I might I can’t seem to stop crying. Physically, the baby was moving a ton last night and so he seems quite happy. I am needing to be at peace and to be able to be confident that none of this is a surprise to God. Pray for perfect timing for the delivery of this little one and that all the details would be sorted out smoothly and in His perfect time.

Xandra and Jeremy are both upset and processing what all of this means to them and to their sister and to their family and they are doing so on an 9 and 12 year old level. Please keep them in your prayers as well.

Siah seems blissfully unaware at this point.

We could use prayer for all our family/friends as this is their Grand daughter, niece, cousin, friend and the uncertainty can be stressful.

Health and Peace, Faith and Wisdom! Those are the biggest things that we need right now…….thank you.

11:30am update:

Home from my midwife appt. Things look okay with me and baby. Wheels set in motion to be ready and able to collect cord blood. Geli had to receive another platelet transfusion as her counts needed to be above 50 to do the bone marrow biopsy and they were up to a 40 from the initial count of 9. So she’s received the 2nd transfusion and they are waiting on the numbers to proceed with the biopsy.

Anticipation

I woke up on Saturday morning having some contractions.

In fact, even though they were not regular and increasing in intensity and length, I actually wondered if this might be the start of things. Especially when there were some “signs” that things might be progressing…….

Now, obviously all of the prep work that my body is doing is helping to get things ready for the “actual moment” but basically, I had irregular contractions ALL DAY on Saturday and by dinner time I figured that nothing was really happening and that I’d go to bed and either wake up in the middle of the night in full blown labour or I’d sleep till morning and carry on.

Yah, it was the second. And although I’d love to be holding my baby right now….I got a really god night of sleep – you know, until Siah came into my room on Sunday morning at 5:11am crying about the fact that the cookies were all gone.

Apparently, he woke up. Went downstairs. Looked for the Chocolate Chip cookies that I’d made on Friday. When he couldn’t find any, he was devastated and came upstairs crying about it.

I assured him that I’d just put them away and that there were lots left for him.

I honestly figured that he was AWAKE awake and that my day had started. But nope, after almost an hour of thrashing in the bed beside me he finally konked out until 7:20am. So, we got a tiny bit more sleep, which was nice.

But, to wake up on Sunday morning with……NOTHING! Nothing at all happening especially after wondering for the whole day on Saturday… Well, it feels a bit like a nasty tease. I know that it’ll happen soon enough and all these different signs are obviously leading up to the big day and I must just be patient.

I HATE being patient. I hate waiting for surprises. I hate delayed gratification.

At this point though, I have no choice, do I?

Lovely! Oh well, here goes another day hoping………..

Anytime Now Would Be Alright With Me

On Sunday, as we were headed into church, I realized that the crotch of my maternity jeans had worn out.

Yes, I had to go through the morning in jeans with a massive hole in the crotch and well, if that wasn’t just a slight bit uncomfortable. I kept stressing that someone might be able to see. Thankfully, I had nice (ish) underwear on.

Yup, more than 6 months of serious wear and those babies have finally bit the bullet. I bought them before I was 12 weeks because I was headed to a Ladies Retreat and my regular jeans were too tight. They were great jeans too. Low rise, sat under the gut, (I HATE stuff over my stomach ESPECIALLY when I’m pregnant) boot cut, no gathers or weird bunchy pockets…..they were just great jeans and I wish that I had them to wear after the baby comes. I might see if my mom can do something to make a comfortable yet not terribly noticeable patch of some sorts.

BUT……I DO figure that this means that it’s time for the baby to come now. I mean if I’ve worn out my jeans, then come on…….right? It would be stupid to buy another pair when this baby could come any time now….like even tonight! Hint! Hint! Little One!

Today was a fairly low key day.

I did have a midwife appt earlier this morning and I’ll update on all of that with my 38 week post tomorrow.

Other than that, I had coffee with my sister and looked a bit more for those paint with water books (no luck though) and then……wait for it…….wait for it……..

I cleaned house!

Jon steam cleaned our stairs and the hallways, up and down, and I washed our bedding and did all the remainder of the laundry and then washed the laundry room floor and cleaned out the boys bathroom upstairs in the hallway.

I need to make some laundry detergent (We use Pink Solution!) and to clean the TV Room. The main floor needs to be swept and the kitchen tidied from today’s dishes and then pretty much I’m ready!

I could clean out the fridge – doesn’t that sound fun, or wipe out the cupboards….again with the thrilling excitement…..I know!

Jon has a meeting tonight and I really wish he didn’t, but I’ll survive! I might even take a bath and do my toe nails once the monkey’s go to bed. Ooooo the Excitement around here is amazing, AMAZING, I tell you!

Well, the close of today brings me one day closer to meeting my sweet boy and I’m so excited!

Sizeable Adjustments

On Monday, Jon and I spent the majority of the day running from store to store to pick up the final few things that were on our “get before the baby comes” list.

We picked up some linen and pillows and some vitamins that I’d run out of and Jeremy’s ADD meds and we attempted to get some sandals for Siah but were unsuccessful…..

One thing that I had needed to pick up were some nursing bra’s.

I wanted to get a comfy sleep bra and a few nursing bra’s for everyday use.

I had recently attempted to measure myself and was shocked that I’m smaller around the ribcage than I’ve been in a while and definitely smaller than I’ve been at 36-37 weeks pregnant. My measurement around the largest part of my chest was larger than I recall it being…….I figured that now was as good a time as any to actually go and get fitted for a good bra.

I have a horrible, HORRIBLE confession to make.

I’ve been wearing the same hideous bra for close to 2 years. To make matter’s worse, it’s an old tattered, stained nursing bra that I bought when I was nursing Siah. Now, to be completely fair, I only stopped nursing him about 6 months ago. but at that point, my two nursing bra’s could have been considered to have a glorious and fruitful life and at that point (heck even before that point) they should have been retired. The only reason that I hadn’t bothered to buy new ones was because I wasn’t entirely certain how much longer I would even be nursing for and then once I got pregnant, I figured that I’d stop fairly soon and would then buy some pretty regular bra’s to wear until I actually had the baby. I had really good intentions…..was just really bad on the follow through.

Seeing as bra shopping is something that I typically hate with the same passion that I have for bathing suit shopping – I put it off and put it off and put it off and well……here I am……..Ready to nurse my next little bundle of joy in the not too distant future.

So, seeing as my at-home measurements were a little more bizarre than your average 36C – I figured that I’d head to the local lingerie shop to see what they had for selection and I figured that I might see about getting professionally fitted at the same time.

I walked in COMPLETELY intimidated and stressed and was soon in the capable hands of Beryl from Forever Yours Lingerie.

forever_yours_store_photos-1-2

They are looking to have their website up and functional very soon…….foreveryourslingerie.ca

She quickly had me sized at a 36F and brought me a few selections to try on…..

Within half an hour of walking into the store I was armed with my correct bra size. I was also 1 sleep bra, 1 daytime bra richer and approx $100 poorer (which I don’t think is too bad for 2 well fitting bra’s). I do recognize that it’s not like I’m a 32H or anything quite as exotic as that, but this is outside of the 36C to 38DD that I’ve been fitted at before.

I feel amazing. The daytime bra is pretty and the sleep bra is well….well, it’s your typical sleep bra. Nothing terribly exciting.

Best of all, I’m throwing my old nasty bra’s away. I do want to get a few more for regular daytime use and will be looking for a black one and also a neutral one, but to know my correct size and to have it fit well and especially to have a pretty looking bra……well, it feels fabulous and at this point, feeling fabulous is a definite bonus in my books.

Wrapping Things Up

I’m frantically organizing and planning all the last minute admin stuff that I can think through to help things flow smoothly through to the end of the year and yet…………I’m certain that I’m missing stuff and that is seriously stressing me out!

Trying to come up with the planning/organization lists this far in advance is WAY different than actually working through the different projects in the months leading up to the actual events.

And so I went into the office today to try to wrap some things up BECAUSE……….as of close of the day on Friday, I am officially on Maternity Leave.

YAH!

I’m SO excited!

And yet, I do love my job and am a little sad about not having the challenge of fitting all the pieces and people together to come up with the most effective way to streamline everything without problems or issues. I love organizing and planning and scheduling…….

But…as of Friday – things, they are a’changing in my world. This is just one step closer to my newest baby arriving and I’m getting more and more excited.

In other news, I did manage to finish Siah’s pants and here is the best photo that I could get. He was ALL OVER THE PLACE! But, he loves them and they are so cute on him.

Somebody put a shirt on that kid!

Rainbow Pants in Action

We haven’t tried their wool “diaper cover” super powers for overnights as I’m still too chicken….which is so stupid…I should just give it a go, shouldn’t I?

I’m just so tired these days and the thought of a soaking wet boy attempting to crawl into my bed in the middle of the night sucks and having to get up to strip and change a wet bed is even worse….mind you the past few days we’ve had a 4am wake up call and it wasn’t because of our kids…..

There is some stupid, loud, noisy crazy bird that is singing as if his life depended on it RIGHT! OUTSIDE! OUR BEDROOM! WINDOW!

AND……even once we close the window…..we can still hear him. Stupid Bird! So that just adds to the tiredness! GAH!

Oh well, hopefully the bird moves on and we’re not stuck waking up at 4am for the entire rest of the summer. Can you imagine how brutal that would be?

I have my 36 week appt with my midwife tomorrow AND I’ve booked a Chiro appt for tomorrow so it should be a busy day. But I should be feeling fabulous by the end of the day, though and that’s a definite bonus.

Well, that’s enough blathering for one day. I have to figure out what’s for dinner and get ready for my exercise class and I have one hour to d it all in.

All I want to do, is to crawl into bed!

Just a Tad Off…

I’ll get to the 35 week post soon enough.

This has been a bit of weird week for me.

I’ve felt a bit insecure this past week and I really don’t know why?

By insecure, I mostly mean unsafe or unsure or just not quite as confident or strong or “on top of things” as I normally feel.

I just wanted to retreat and pull back inside myself and my house and just “be”.

And so mostly, I did just that.

I did go into work on Tuesday and plowed through an unbelievable amount of work which was great, but by the time we called it a day – I WAS EXHAUSTED!!!

And then……that makes me feel so….so….well, I end up feeling like I’m failing or less than adequate or something.

I try to put in all into perspective. I’m 8 months pregnant with my 5th kid and I’m working and trying to stay on top of everything. We are eating regular dinners, the laundry is caught up, the house is tidy-ish, I’m exercising 4.5 hours a week and we are all happy and healthy.

Wanna know what I did during my other pregnancies???

I existed! I slept! Not even kidding you…..I woke up EXHAUSTED! I barely stayed awake until the kids went for their nap at noon and if needs be, I’d sleep on the floor of their room in front of the door to block them in, just so I could get a nap myself. Then I’d wake up (sort of) and throw something together for dinner and I’d count down the minutes until 7pm when it was bedtime because that meant that I could go back to bed……sometimes, I wouldn’t even make it to their bedtime and I’d go to bed early and leave Jon to put them to sleep.

Yah, pregnancy has seriously kicked my butt!

So, in perspective…….I’m doing pretty good, right?

But, it doesn’t always feel that way. And for whatever reason, this week has been harder than others.

I did manage to cross a few things off my “Getting Ready for Baby” List and that typically makes me feel better, but right now I’m so scattered (my usually computer like brain is acting like it has a wicked virus) that I can’t mentally see a picture of what still needs to be done versus all that has been done and well……that just feels like another kick when I’m already down.

I’ve got a month left. I can do this. I know I can.

I will make it through. One day at a time!

And soon, when I’m holding my baby, this will all feel different. It’s just a matter of time.

Natural Beauty Products

I made the MOST AMAZING Body Cream.

It’s all whipped and light and goes on so smoothly and smells delicious enough to eat. Although I wouldn’t recommend it, the ingredients list is safe enough that you could eat it….

Body Cream

It has Shea Butter, Cocoa Butter, Beeswax, Coconut Oil, Cornstarch and Pink Grapefruit Essential Oils in it.

It’s the consistency of very foamy, thick, shaving cream or heavy whipping cream. It melts as soon as it glides onto your skin and leaves your skin soft and not greasy feeling.

I made a double batch and got the container pictured above as well as another big tub and those two 4 oz containers stacked on top of each other. I’ve given one away already and plan to give the other away tonight at a shower that I’m attending. I’m also planning on whipping up some baby diaper cream to include in my gift tonight. I have the most amazing natural alternative to petroleum jelly (Vaseline) that has NO petroleum by-products in it…..again, it’s safe enough to eat and works amazing at protecting and nourishing baby’s sweet skin.

I also attempted two different deodorants.

I find that I’m sensitive to certain natural deodorants and I’m still searching for “the perfect” deodorant for me.

The Rock Crystal works for a time, but then gives me a rash….The same for the coconut/baking soda deodorant. I was really bummed when I got a rash after using that deodorant as it works so amazingly and honestly – you don’t smell AT ALL and you can even skip a day, but….when your skin rashes up so badly that you can’t put your arms down….not cool.

So I’ve been on the hunt for a more sensitive natural deodorant.

I did make one that worked pretty well and it had zinc oxide in it, BUT…..I would get blocked pores and so I’m back to experimenting with different recipes.

Here are my latest two attempts.

Deodorant

As you can see on the incredibly sexy labels I created, one is a zinc oxide base and the other (just for your info) is a coconut oil/beeswax/baking soda combo…..Both are working well and I’m currently using the coconut/beeswax/baking soda one consistently to see if I end up with a reaction….so far so good.

I’ve also got some recipes for natural sunscreen in the works and as soon as I go all crazy potion lady on them and then try them out on myself and my kids…I’ll let you know how they work.

I love to be able to find natural, cheap, alternatives to the beauty products that we regularly use and to be fully confident that what we’re putting in and on our bodies is safe, effective and saves us money.

What are your favorite natural beauty products? Do you have any good product lines that you’d suggest? I’m always interested in who has come across what and why they choose those particular products? Lemme know!

Reality Bites or does it???

I woke up yesterday morning COMPLETELY DISORIENTED.

I had no idea what day it was or what was I was supposed to be doing that day.

It took me a while to process through that I didn’t think it was Saturday or Sunday, but I wasn’t totally certain. I wondered if it was Thursday or Friday……but that just didn’t feel right. I finally figured out that I needed to get up and get ready for work and yet at that point, I still wasn’t sure what day we were at and I was getting more and more concerned at how “out of it” I was.

When I think back now, I had a great day on Monday and yet……..I couldn’t believe that when I woke up I was so unclear on my day’s and even worse, I couldn’t remember conversations that I had with Jon the night before. (I did remember them after being prompted, just not right away.)

I’m still not sure what the deal was – I do know that continuing on (at work) I had a bit of rough morning, feeling spacey and not “on the ball” like I usually am.

I’m taking this as a sign that I do need to slow things down. As much as I’d like to believe…..I’m not a superwoman and I really can’t do everything. REALITY BITES, eh?

Even without this little “moment” I’ve been doing a lot of thinking…..contemplative thinking, if you will.

I’m headed back into some an intense “Mothering Role” time and it’s got me thinking about all the things that I will be gaining and on the flip side of that all the things I’ll be losing.

Having a 13 year old daughter (that I adore) puts some of this into perspective, but there is still the excitement mixed with the feeling or sense of loss.

See, I’ve (for the most part) LOVED working for the past year and 4 months and in a few short weeks all of the sense of accomplishment and gratification of seeing things come together (in the work environment) to work and flow smoothly will be gone.

At that point, I focus a majority of my energy and attention more on raising my infant, 2 year old, 9 yr old, 11 yr old and 13 yr old. (Wow, that sounds like a lot of work, doesn’t it?)

While the raising of the children could be considered the noblest of jobs, I will be the first to admit that
it can take a while to “see” your efforts pay off and that delayed sense of accomplishment can be really discouraging. I look back now at the years spent investing in Angelica, Xandra, and Jeremy and I can see glimpses of the teenagers/adults they will become. I can see some of their strengths and some of their weaknesses and I look forward to the process of building deeper relationship with them where I can help to influence who they become and hopefully release them off into the world fully equipped with the skills needed to be amazing successful adults and contributing members of society. And yet……it’s a process and it takes YEARS. It’s not the same as looking back at your work week and seeing what you’ve managed to do and finish. And…..to be honest, there are time when that is so, SO gratifying.

I’m thrilled that I have the perspective of the past 13 years to look back on and to know that my efforts do pay off and to also know that this is a season and that I can relax and enjoy this time and not resent the days or times when it “feels” like I’ve accomplished nothing important.

I’m looking forward to my house being cleaner (that’s one thing that suffers some when I’m working), to meals being ready more on time, to being at home when the older 3 are finished school, to baking more, to being on top of laundry and grocery shopping, but mostly, I’m looking forward to spending more time with my kids.

This is the thing that excites me the most about this time.

I love my children and I enjoy the time that I spend with them. Okay, there are times when I just wanna send them away, but I choose to look at it as fostering a sense of independence, right??? (You can put a positive spin on almost anything if you try hard enough.) No, it’s not all a giant bed of roses, but I have this opportunity to focus on my job as a Mother and as much as I do feel a sense of loss regarding my status as a member of the “workforce”; I’m also so excited to be able to get back into a rhythm or groove with my kids and my home.

It’s going to take some time and I can see a definite adjustment period as we all learn to work with and around another personality joining us, but it’s going to be good, right?