We were sent for an early scan under the guise of dating the pregnancy, BUT….seeing as we knew the exact date of conception – I knew exactly how old this baby was.
I realize just how much in shock I was because as conflicted as I felt – I really wasn’t processing things on a certain level.
It wasn’t until we walked into the Ultrasound Clinic that I realized just how fragile I was emotionally and it also hit me again so hard that LIFE is so fragile.
When the technician called my name and I walked with her back to the room, we were talking and I thought, “You have no idea what you are in for, lady!”
She closed that door and I turned to her and asked that regardless of the outcome of the scan, could she please bring Jon in to see the baby – even if it was not alive.
And then I cried!
I tried to pull myself together and she looked at me with a very concerned/stressed look and asked if I had any reason to think the worst.
No, there had been no bleeding, but then again, there never was with any of the other 4 babies that we lost.
I figured that she was desperately hoping that I wouldn’t wreck her morning by having things turn out badly.
I climbed up on the table and she put the wand to my stomach and you could feel the tension and then…….she smirked.
I desperately hoped that the smirk was an indicator of a positive outcome, but I was mentally prepared for the worst.
She mentioned that our little one was “Alive and Kickin” and that things looked really, really good.
She took a few measurements, and let me see the baby, then went to go and get Jon.
She brought him in and let us see a little bit more and even let us hear the heart beat. That is such an amazing, AMAZING sound.
We got a few pics……..
I walked out of that Clinic feeling cautiously optimistic. If only time would speed up and I were holding this precious little one in my arms…….it’ll come soon enough, won’t it?
I am crying. Praise the Lord. We are praying for you all. love you so much. momma
10 weeks???? I’m confused.