I think I’m going through another low moment in this whole thing.
I’m hoping that it was just the crap food that I ate at Easter that is the reason why I’m so stinking tired, but regardless….I’m finding it a struggle to get motivated and get everything done. I kind of have that feeling that I’m stuck with my feet in cement and that I’ve got cement running through my veins….everything feels like it’s SO. MUCH. EFFORT! Last night I crawled into bed with Judah at 7pm and “cuddled” him to sleep and promptly drifted off myself.
I’ve found that much like the waves of grief, that come and go sometimes stronger and sometimes more gentle…..that the exhaustion of this whole time in our lives seems to come in waves as well.
I feel completely overwhelmed and then I find that things seem a bit easier….then I feel overwhelmed and tired again and then I find that I feel stronger than before. It keeps on cycling and the most exciting part of the whole cycle is that I’ve recognized that it comes and it goes, and more often than not I end up feeling stronger after the “down cycle” than before.
I’m not “fighting” the down times as much and I’m finding that helps some….
It doesn’t really make me feel any better, but I don’t feel so blindsided by it all. And yet, the down times frustrate me….
I’m tired. I feel overwhelmed by all I must accomplish. I feel a bit stressed about this next round of chemo that Geli is supposed to be starting tomorrow, and pray that it goes smoothly. I wish I had more time….in a day, to myself……just more time….and energy! Lots more energy would be nice, too!