Inigo Montoya
The Princess Bride (1987)
Alright, so I’m gonna do my best to try to explain and update.
First, we don’t have a lot of new news……and that sucks.
We do know that Angelica’s blood cultures grew some gram-negative bacteria…….and this is bad, like very bad!
If you click on that link above and scroll down, it lists off some of the nasty bacteria that are gram negative….things like e-coli and salmonella, shigella, and legionella……nasty, nasty, NASTY!
To inject a little bit of humor, into this horrid situation, earlier this morning, we had a doctor wish for her to have e-coli!
Not that he wants her to have e-coli, but it’s possible that if it is, in fact, e-coli then it would only be a 10 day run on antibiotics as opposed to a 14 run on antibiotics. While those extra 4 days don’t seem like they should be a big deal, when you are parenting 4 stressed out, overly emotional children from ages 12-7 months, and trying to “do it all” every “second” counts….forget talking about days!
My sister and Jack, drove Judah and myself into the hospital today to pick up the van, so that the kids and I would have a vehicle for the next couple of weeks. This was such a blessing as I wasn’t sure how we were going to get it.
It was hard to go in and see Jon and Geli and know that I needed to leave in less than an hour to be home to pick up the big kids after school and yet it is so wonderful to see her not feeling so sick. When we showed up, Angelica and Jon were in the kitchen making baked potatoes for lunch and setting up for a rockin’ game of Monopoly.
She is looking and feeling a lot better. That part is equally frustrating and wonderful. On one side of things, she did not get seriously ill and so she’s not holed up in her bed, crying and not eating and barfing, but on the other side, she feels pretty well and is just killing time in the hospital “waiting” until she can come home again. The fact that she’s not REALLY sick is great, but she still has to be in there and that REALLY sucks!
I’m…….well, I’m doing okay! Honestly, I’m upset. I’m really upset. This is a very difficult thing to go through. Having your child diagnosed with cancer is hard. Helplessly watching your child go through chemotherapy is hard. Watching your child get sick and having to go to the hospital, away from you, to get better and knowing that she doesn’t want to be there, away from you, and the rest of the family and her own familiar house, is hard. Dealing with your own emotions about it all is hard. Feeling unable to help the siblings work through their own emotional upheaval is hard. Solo parenting is hard. Being without your spouse, for weeks, is hard. This is all just hard!
On top of it all, Josiah is sick. He started to look and act sick on Wednesday afternoon and on Wednesday evening, after Jon and Geli went to the hospital, my mom took Siah to her house. He’s had a fever, and a cough and a runny nose and was vomiting last night. I don’t know what to do because I’m his mom and I want to be with him, comforting him and yet……to have all of my kids sick over the next few weeks…..well, the thought of having to deal with 4 sick kids and not getting to go in and see either Jon or Geli is overwhelming. The thought of being up with him in the night and then up with Judah in the night, on top of how tired I already feel….. Just the thought of all of that, is enough to bring me to tears. And so right now, he’s with my momma…..how I love her!
And having said all of that, I’m doing okay! I am doing okay and I am not doing okay! It’s all wrapped up together, much like life.
I had a bit of a cry yesterday when we got the news of the infection and after they got home from school, I told Xandra and Jeremy. Last night, they each took turns having their own melt down. It was not a happy day in our house last night. I wish I could play you all the message that Jeremy left hysterically sobbing and screaming into Jon’s voicemail as he was trying to get a hold of him before going to bed. Its so SO sad and upsetting and yet so theatrically dramatic that if it weren’t for real, it would have been funny!
It was so nice to have had a sort of “calm period” over December/January, but dealing with this I can see just how fragile we all are over here. There is some strength that we have in reserve, but it feels more like we found a way to strategically hold all the cracked pieces of our egg shell (life, emotions, etc) all together. This most recent blow…..this time that our family is separated, yet again because of this stupid, STUPID cancer, has left us with a pile of broken egg shells that we are staring at and needing to once again piece together. It might be “easier” because we’ve done it before, but it’s not EASY!
None of this is easy and yet, we carry on because we must.
Angelica will be okay. Jon and I will be okay. The kids will be okay. We will be okay, but this is hard!
I can’t wait for this to be over!
ps. I called yesterday and made my appointment to give blood. Have you considered giving?
