It’s been over a month….about a month…..just under a month….I dunno. It’s been a while.
I’ve come to this page so many times over the past few weeks and stared at it blankly – not sure what to say or where to start. It’s unreal how easy it can be to get “out of the habit” of writing. I have wondered if I’m just in a weird space or maybe just in a different place. Maybe I’m not needing this place……or maybe I need this place more than ever and I’m avoiding something that I need the most….I dunno.
I want to write here. I think about this space all the time. I open up my browser and look at the last entry and think about how guilty I feel that life is flying passed me and I’m not recording any of the details of it and that I’m going to regret that someday. I hate living life with regrets. I think about how I love being able to come here and say what I want….when I want to…about what I want. And then………I’m so tired and feel like whatever I have/want/need to say requires more effort than just not saying anything and so I do nothing. The words and thoughts are all still there…..but just running around inside my brain all messed up. It’s about as awesome as it sounds.
The end of 2009 has been fairly rough for me.
I am not, nor have I ever been, a sick person….and yet….I have been sick for what feels like FOREVER!
I got sick back in the beginning of October with what I’m certain was the swine flu and then basically since then my immune system has been shot. I’ve had one cough/cold/snot thing going on after another after another after another. I’ve had anywhere from 2 days to (I think the longest time of feeling well was) a week of respite, but other than that…its been one nasty germ filled fall/winter and it has completely taken me out mentally/emotionally and more certainly physically.
I’m SO looking forward to this whole “Flu Season” being over and to the warmth and brightness of the summer months. Unfortunately I have about 5-6 months until that season rolls around and as much as I’d like to cocoon myself and my family until then….it’s not possible and so – we soldier on.
I’d like to say that I’m gonna post more but I’m also horrified of lying to myself and to any of the 5 people left reading this sorry excuse for a place on the ‘NET. So, we’ll just leave it at……I’m hoping to FORCE myself to recap the holiday’s (’cause I know that’s EXACTLY what you were hoping I’d talk about, eh? But I promise that I’ll share some pics….aren’t pics worth it?) and maybe…just possibly…….I might be able to drum up the energy to bust myself outta this “slump of silence” and get back with my regularly scheduled blatherings.
I can hope right?!?