Month: August 2007

Today marks the 39th week of this pregnancy, and hopefully the day of our little ones birth.

I was feeling quite tired about 9pm, and Momma suggested I lay down.  I slept off and on from 9-11pm, and then was awake from 11pm until 1am…..not fun!  I finally fell asleep again around 1am, and woke up this morning at 5am.

I’ve managed to kill some time just staring at the alarm clock, but now it’s 6am, and I’ll get ready for the day, and then around 7ish we’ll be off for the hospital.

No contractions, no nothing…..so it seems like I’ll be induced……….not sure how I feel about that.  Pray that it’s not too painful – I’ve heard that induced labour can brutal…not wanting brutal……would you?  It seems like this has just been such a different pregnancy, and nothing is familiar or reassuring.  I guess in some ways that’s good, but in other’s its very disconcerting.

Well, I’m off to get ready.  I do hope I have the most amazing news sooner as opposed to later.

Okay!  So I’m back!  Back from the hospital, and then from an aweful lot of running around.

Here’s the scoop.  My water’s have broken.  YAAAAAHHHHHH!  But nothing’s happening, yet!  BOOOOOOO!

I got up and took a shower this morning, and when I got out and got dressed, and started wandering around the house, I noticed that things seemed a bit damper than what was normal.

It kept happening, and I wondered if my water’s might have broken, BUT never having had my water’s break before until almost the very end…..this has been a very strange experience.

I did go for the non-stress test, and cried my way through that.  The sound was turned off at the beginning of the test, and I couldn’t hear the baby’s heartbeat.  It wasn’t until I asked the nurse if the baby was still alive that I started to cry and couldn’t stop.

She was very nice and reassuring.  They also did some test where they put some fluid onto a piece of paper, and if it reacts, then it is amniotic fluid…..Well, there was enough fluid for the nurse the believe me that, YES!  My Water’s have broken.

STILL NOTHING HAPPENING, but if nothing happens overnight, then I have to be at the hospital at 7:30am tomorrow to get this show on the road.

My momma is coming out right now to just be here.  I need her this time around.  Not necessarily in the hospital, but here and now.

We’ve done our running around, and now we’re (Jon’s) making dinner – such a good man.  and then to waste the evening……so much fun.

I wonder if I’ll be able to sleep tonight or if something will start to happen.  This is kind of a messy experience…..one that I’m not particularly upset that I’ve never experienced before……I’m quite happy that things are moving, but could have done without the feeling of peeing myself everytine I move.  That’s a good time let me tell you.

I’ll keep you updated.

Alrighty, 8 days to go until my Estimated Due Date.

I’m frustrated with that picture.  My hair actually looks way better today than the picture does it justice.  Yes, I’m that shallow that I’m worrying about my hair in a picture when I’ve shown you WAY worse shots of me.

I’m not really worried, juts annoyed.  You know when you walk out of the bathroom, and you’re like, “I look so amazing today.  My hair actually co-operated, and I’m feeling good about myself.”

Well, that was me a few minutes ago.  Then I got Jon to take this picture, and well, I’m too tired to get him to take another one, and this was the best of the 6 that he did take.  Yup!  I made him take 6 different shots.  Gotta get the best one, eh?  Oh well!  There’s always tomorrow!  I did take a shower today, and my hair always looks better on the second day. 

Do you find that?  I do!  Why is it that it needs to be a little dirty in order to really hold well?  Maybe that’s just me….okay….I’m rambling.

As you can tell….I’ve got nothing for ya!

I do have ANOTHER non-stress test at 2pm this afternoon at the hospital, and so I’ll update you on that one , later or maybe tomorrow.

We did go for a walk yesterday.  I HATE walking, and I may just give up now.  I have what I wonder if they are contractions, ’cause they don’t hurt, but then again maybe it’s just the baby pushing and stretching…..but they don’t keep on after I quit walking, and seeing as I hate it anyway…..I might just give up.

Gotta love a quitter!

Well, see ya on the flip side.  I can’t believe that I’ll be 39 weeks tomorrow.  That’s a record for me.  I’m a bit nervous that I’ve got a 15 pounder inside of me who is 26 inches in length, and with a HUGE head!  WAAAAAAA!

I really want(ed) a normal sized baby.  I can still dream, can’t I?

So, as some of you mave have noticed yesterday was a bad day for me.  What was that?  You didn’t notice???  …..y’all are so sweet.  Ahhhhh! Anyway, Thanks for playing along.

Today is a bit of a better day, although I’m still feeling like I’m too close to the egde of losing it.

Yesterday was an “all day wear my sunglasses” day.  While that in and of it’s self is not entirely abnormal for me to do….yesterday it was a serious coping mechanism.

I did spend a big part of the day trying desperatly not to cry, and then grateful for my glasses that gave me at least the feeling of it not being so noticable.

I’m just too close to the end, and the pressure of the past couple of years has caught up, and I just want to hold this baby in my arms, and not in my stomach.  It doesn’t help that Jon is stressing in his own way about wanting the baby out as well.  I feel like I have so much pressure on me, and yet I feel so out of control…….ahhh…there it is again….my old friend and enemy….CONTROL…..I hate you too!

There is nothing that I can do but wait, except maybe to all my Drs. office, and fall apart…but I have too much pride to do that….

Seriously, I don’t think I’m quite there yet, but getting pretty close.

If you don’t know why I’m stressing about what should/could just be another typical pregnancy, you can read here, and here and here and here.

The whole story is not there, for each one, and in some it just references what’s happened over the past couple of years.  Long story short….I had Angelica in 1997, Alexandra in 1998, and Jeremy in 2000.  Then I had 4 consecutive losses starting at 25 weeks pregnant, 16 weeks pregnant, 12 weeks pregnant, and 5 weeks pregnant.  Not fun!  Not fun at all!

So, this pregnancy has been a little bit stressful…….okay a whole lot stressful, and I don’t feel really safe, even yet.

Moving on from that little bit of background…..

So, here I am with 9 days left to go until my Due Date, and well……I’m here.  I’m bored.  I’m stressed.  I don’t feel like doing anything.  No amount of praying and walking and squats and anything else I’ve tried has worked.

I know, in my head, that this baby will come eventually, but I want him NOW!

I even know that 9 days is not a super long time.  It feels like it looking at it from right here, but I know it’s not.

It could be because I’m healthier than I’ve ever been that I’m not having this baby early, but really – that’s not making me feel any better.

I don’t know if you can tell because I’m doing a whole lot of whining, but I really am doing better today.  I’m typing and not crying…..first way that you can tell that I’m doing better.

Well, once again, I have NOTHING planned for today, and it’s too freaking hot to be out walking in the sunshine in the middle of the day.

Weird thoughts and ponderings…..I am wondering about the size of this baby.  I’ve had pretty big babies considering how early they were, and I’m not sure if that had something to do with how much weight I gained or if I just have ginormous babies.  If it had to do with how much I gained, and the crap I ate, then this baby still has a chance at being a normal size.  If I just have HUGE babies, then this one should be a monster ’cause the last two were over 8 pounds at 4 and 3 weeks early….just over, but still over……

Also, if you’ve noticed that I seem to just be rotating my pictures that I’m putting up every day…..well…I must explain.  It’s pretty hot out here in the Valley (mid 20’s to low 30’s), and I have two tank tops, and two pairs of capris.  So, I wash and rotate and wear pretty much the same thing every day right now.  (I’m too close to the end to want to spend any money on anything new……mind you I could go out and look for some tank tops to wear after the baby is born….I need some that aren’t spaghetti straps to cover the freakin’ huge straps of the nursing bra’s….might do that today if I feel up to it….but I might just do nothing……my life is so much fun!)  I am actually taking a picture every morning of me….well, Jon is, and so what you are getting is the real deal, and not some recycled picture from a few days ago.

Gotta go, Xan wants to play a ard game with me……hope you have a great day.  Talk to you tomorrow!

August 1st…..how I despise you…

I’ve never been pregnant this long, and while I know that LOTS of others go late….I NEVER HAVE.

I’m tired.  I’m not sleeping well.  I’m feeling emotionally unstable…..it’s been too long that I’ve been wanting to hold my child.

I cried this morning in bed at 6am after already being awake for an hour and a half……Jon please don’t ask me about it……I don’t want to talk.

Everyone else, please don’t say anything either.  I’m letting you know how I feel, but I’d rather you just leave me alone to try and cope.  I am trying to hold myself together, but it’s not working very well.

On a positive note, I had a FABULOUS Chiropractic appt yesterday, and while my hips still hurt, I feel so much better, and yes, the pregnancy related carpel tunnel symptoms were as a result of a severly bunged up neck……That’s been re-aligned, and I’m feeling much better.

My grandparents are over for lunch as so I must go.

Hope your day is great.  Please just pretend that I’ve not said any of this, and feel priviledged that I’ve shared some of what I’m feeling, but let’s just pretend that I didn’t really say anything………and go on with your day.

Thank you!