Just a Tad Off…

I’ll get to the 35 week post soon enough.

This has been a bit of weird week for me.

I’ve felt a bit insecure this past week and I really don’t know why?

By insecure, I mostly mean unsafe or unsure or just not quite as confident or strong or “on top of things” as I normally feel.

I just wanted to retreat and pull back inside myself and my house and just “be”.

And so mostly, I did just that.

I did go into work on Tuesday and plowed through an unbelievable amount of work which was great, but by the time we called it a day – I WAS EXHAUSTED!!!

And then……that makes me feel so….so….well, I end up feeling like I’m failing or less than adequate or something.

I try to put in all into perspective. I’m 8 months pregnant with my 5th kid and I’m working and trying to stay on top of everything. We are eating regular dinners, the laundry is caught up, the house is tidy-ish, I’m exercising 4.5 hours a week and we are all happy and healthy.

Wanna know what I did during my other pregnancies???

I existed! I slept! Not even kidding you…..I woke up EXHAUSTED! I barely stayed awake until the kids went for their nap at noon and if needs be, I’d sleep on the floor of their room in front of the door to block them in, just so I could get a nap myself. Then I’d wake up (sort of) and throw something together for dinner and I’d count down the minutes until 7pm when it was bedtime because that meant that I could go back to bed……sometimes, I wouldn’t even make it to their bedtime and I’d go to bed early and leave Jon to put them to sleep.

Yah, pregnancy has seriously kicked my butt!

So, in perspective…….I’m doing pretty good, right?

But, it doesn’t always feel that way. And for whatever reason, this week has been harder than others.

I did manage to cross a few things off my “Getting Ready for Baby” List and that typically makes me feel better, but right now I’m so scattered (my usually computer like brain is acting like it has a wicked virus) that I can’t mentally see a picture of what still needs to be done versus all that has been done and well……that just feels like another kick when I’m already down.

I’ve got a month left. I can do this. I know I can.

I will make it through. One day at a time!

And soon, when I’m holding my baby, this will all feel different. It’s just a matter of time.

Author: Patricia Culley

I'm the ringmaster of my own circus. Just trying to stay one step ahead of the monkeys. View all posts by Patricia Culley