So, as some of you mave have noticed yesterday was a bad day for me. What was that? You didn’t notice??? …..y’all are so sweet. Ahhhhh! Anyway, Thanks for playing along.
Today is a bit of a better day, although I’m still feeling like I’m too close to the egde of losing it.
Yesterday was an “all day wear my sunglasses” day. While that in and of it’s self is not entirely abnormal for me to do….yesterday it was a serious coping mechanism.
I did spend a big part of the day trying desperatly not to cry, and then grateful for my glasses that gave me at least the feeling of it not being so noticable.
I’m just too close to the end, and the pressure of the past couple of years has caught up, and I just want to hold this baby in my arms, and not in my stomach. It doesn’t help that Jon is stressing in his own way about wanting the baby out as well. I feel like I have so much pressure on me, and yet I feel so out of control…….ahhh…there it is again….my old friend and enemy….CONTROL…..I hate you too!
There is nothing that I can do but wait, except maybe to all my Drs. office, and fall apart…but I have too much pride to do that….
Seriously, I don’t think I’m quite there yet, but getting pretty close.
If you don’t know why I’m stressing about what should/could just be another typical pregnancy, you can read here, and here and here and here.
The whole story is not there, for each one, and in some it just references what’s happened over the past couple of years. Long story short….I had Angelica in 1997, Alexandra in 1998, and Jeremy in 2000. Then I had 4 consecutive losses starting at 25 weeks pregnant, 16 weeks pregnant, 12 weeks pregnant, and 5 weeks pregnant. Not fun! Not fun at all!
So, this pregnancy has been a little bit stressful…….okay a whole lot stressful, and I don’t feel really safe, even yet.
Moving on from that little bit of background…..
So, here I am with 9 days left to go until my Due Date, and well……I’m here. I’m bored. I’m stressed. I don’t feel like doing anything. No amount of praying and walking and squats and anything else I’ve tried has worked.
I know, in my head, that this baby will come eventually, but I want him NOW!
I even know that 9 days is not a super long time. It feels like it looking at it from right here, but I know it’s not.
It could be because I’m healthier than I’ve ever been that I’m not having this baby early, but really – that’s not making me feel any better.
I don’t know if you can tell because I’m doing a whole lot of whining, but I really am doing better today. I’m typing and not crying…..first way that you can tell that I’m doing better.
Well, once again, I have NOTHING planned for today, and it’s too freaking hot to be out walking in the sunshine in the middle of the day.
Weird thoughts and ponderings…..I am wondering about the size of this baby. I’ve had pretty big babies considering how early they were, and I’m not sure if that had something to do with how much weight I gained or if I just have ginormous babies. If it had to do with how much I gained, and the crap I ate, then this baby still has a chance at being a normal size. If I just have HUGE babies, then this one should be a monster ’cause the last two were over 8 pounds at 4 and 3 weeks early….just over, but still over……
Also, if you’ve noticed that I seem to just be rotating my pictures that I’m putting up every day…..well…I must explain. It’s pretty hot out here in the Valley (mid 20’s to low 30’s), and I have two tank tops, and two pairs of capris. So, I wash and rotate and wear pretty much the same thing every day right now. (I’m too close to the end to want to spend any money on anything new……mind you I could go out and look for some tank tops to wear after the baby is born….I need some that aren’t spaghetti straps to cover the freakin’ huge straps of the nursing bra’s….might do that today if I feel up to it….but I might just do nothing……my life is so much fun!) I am actually taking a picture every morning of me….well, Jon is, and so what you are getting is the real deal, and not some recycled picture from a few days ago.
Gotta go, Xan wants to play a ard game with me……hope you have a great day. Talk to you tomorrow!
Hey Patti!! Just wanted to say hi! My day is going really slow today at work. I am caught up on so much stuff, and really don’t feel like starting anything new.. so I am bored!! Boy time is just slinking along.. so I imagine that you feel like I do but 10x worse! AHH!! Well if you are bored you can email me at work at lisak@theleadergroup.ca
Bye for now!
I totally think that you’ve dropped. I know they say that after a bunch of kids, you don’t usually drop until your in labor, but if you look at the progression shots on the flicker site it totally looks like you have. So keep your hopes up, it may be coming REALLY soon. I wish I could change my guess for when the baby will come cause I think it’s coming sooner than later.
Love ya!
HI Patti, I have the other two hooter hiders cut and pinned and all ready to sew… One is half sewn and my machine quit working. I love the colours you chose, they look real good. I will come out and see you and finish them on your machine. praying for you. Love Momma
Hey Girl..hang in there! You’ve got the ‘ I’m over due’ blues..and there’s no way around them, except to have the baby! Remember when I told you that ‘A’ was 4 weeks early…and the doctors told us “J” was going to be 4-6 weeks early? Well, instead of having him September 4th – I had him Oct. 17th. I wasn’t overdue..my due date was about then..but I was ready to have the baby in September!! So..I DO feel your pain..and have been praying like crazy for you! I know you can hear all the stuff inthe world, that the longer the baby is in, the better – yada yada yada- but the reality is: you feel overdue! I’m with ya! I’m praying!!
Hey, If you need to get out and have a cup of something give me a call. I’m jst over in Mission.
I remember the waiting. yuck.
Jennifer