I lay beside her on the bed tonight, cuddling her…my arms wrapped around her while she sobbed and wailed as if her heart had broken. I held her and whispered quietly, my lips against her shoulder, “It’s okay to cry. Just let it all out.”
The sounds coming from the very core of her….so hurt and wounded and broken and tired…..so very very tired.
She cried until she was spent and then she lay, breathing jerkily, as she tried to settle.
We went to see the Rheumatologist early this morning. He gave us news that no one wants to hear. Especially not a child……
Double Knee Replacement!
Most likely looking at bone death in the hips and the elbow and who knows where else…..
Possibly hip replacement in the future…… who knows about the elbow.
He would need to look at the previous X-rays and we’ll probably need more in the future.
It’s a lot to deal with.
I’m not coping very well. She’s struggling. We are all struggling.
This is tough.
She’s looking at knee replacement surgery after treatment ends in 6 months.
She’s already feeling like Grade 8 and Grade 9 have been taken away from her by cancer and now to hear that grade 10 will be taken up with bone and joint issues…..
This just feels like too much.
For all of us.
We are hurting and wounded and broken and in the moment, it feels impossible to think about how we can possibly recover from this.
I try to put as many positive spins on this as I can. To think about those we know who have overcome great obstacles and even faced death and now are thriving, but in the moment……
It’s overwhelming and we cry…..
And we hurt and we wonder how we will carry on and yet…….we must!
We will get through.
Nothing will ever be as it were.
Our old “normal” is gone……never to be found again and we grieve. We grieve hard!
We must find a new normal.
It’s getting harder and harder to think about creating new normals.
It’s getting harder and harder to try to create new normals.
It’s getting harder and harder.
It’s just really hard!
Tonight is a bad night.
Hopefully, tomorrow is better!