Normal is gone……and we grieve

I lay beside her on the bed tonight, cuddling her…my arms wrapped around her while she sobbed and wailed as if her heart had broken. I held her and whispered quietly, my lips against her shoulder, “It’s okay to cry. Just let it all out.”

The sounds coming from the very core of her….so hurt and wounded and broken and tired… very very tired.

She cried until she was spent and then she lay, breathing jerkily, as she tried to settle.


We went to see the Rheumatologist early this morning. He gave us news that no one wants to hear. Especially not a child……

Double Knee Replacement!

Shoulder Replacement!

Most likely looking at bone death in the hips and the elbow and who knows where else…..

Possibly hip replacement in the future…… who knows about the elbow.

He would need to look at the previous X-rays and we’ll probably need more in the future.

It’s a lot to deal with.

I’m not coping very well. She’s struggling. We are all struggling.

This is tough.

So painful.

She’s looking at knee replacement surgery after treatment ends in 6 months.

She’s already feeling like Grade 8 and Grade 9 have been taken away from her by cancer and now to hear that grade 10 will be taken up with bone and joint issues…..

This just feels like too much.

For all of us.

We are hurting and wounded and broken and in the moment, it feels impossible to think about how we can possibly recover from this.

I try to put as many positive spins on this as I can. To think about those we know who have overcome great obstacles and even faced death and now are thriving, but in the moment……

It’s overwhelming and we cry…..

And we hurt and we wonder how we will carry on and yet…….we must!

We will get through.

Nothing will ever be as it were.

Our old “normal” is gone……never to be found again and we grieve. We grieve hard!

We must find a new normal.


It’s getting harder and harder to think about creating new normals.

It’s getting harder and harder to try to create new normals.

It’s getting harder and harder.

It’s just really hard!

Tonight is a bad night.

Hopefully, tomorrow is better!

Author: Patricia Culley

I'm the ringmaster of my own circus. Just trying to stay one step ahead of the monkeys.

13 thoughts on “Normal is gone……and we grieve”

  1. Patti (and Geli) – I can only imagine the shock and devestation that comes with such news…I am at a loss for words. I am praying, and sending my love.

  2. oh, my heart aches for you all … it’s time for the enemy to pick on someone else. but I am rejoicing in that your Geli is a champion and has carried far much more than one would ever think possible. much love.

  3. My heart is aching for you right now, I am praying and praying. A big hug sent your way. Love you guys!

  4. We are aching for you. Praying for peace and assurance that only Jesus can give at this time. We love you all.

  5. i am so saddened to hear this devasting news. my heart is aching for you. sending the family my hugs and love and PRAYERS. you are in my thoughts and heart today. love you all lots debra

  6. Patti I am so sorry, Geli my darling I am so so very sorry this all feels like too much and so unfair. love you so much

  7. Praying for you all. So hard to process this news. Thank you for sharing. I miss when you don’t post, but I know there is so much going on. I enjoy seeing your family at church. Lots of hugs and prayers!

  8. My heart goes out to all of you…..I grieve with you…..please know that you are loved and hugs are being sent you way. We continue to pray.

  9. Grieving with and for you and precious Geli! I can only imagine…….and I do because we are just starting to see and deal with these various issues in Danielle……….oh how my heart hurts for you and for our girls! I can only feel a bit of your pain as I watch my girl take each limping step. You and your family are in my prayers!!!! I so wished that we lived closer geographically so that I could give you both a hug.

  10. Patti, Jon, Angelica, Xani, Jeremy, Josiah and Judah,
    I pray that you would receive God’s comfort in all this. I’m grieving with you all as well.

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