I think I’m going through another low moment in this whole thing.
I’m hoping that it was just the crap food that I ate at Easter that is the reason why I’m so stinking tired, but regardless….I’m finding it a struggle to get motivated and get everything done. I kind of have that feeling that I’m stuck with my feet in cement and that I’ve got cement running through my veins….everything feels like it’s SO. MUCH. EFFORT! Last night I crawled into bed with Judah at 7pm and “cuddled” him to sleep and promptly drifted off myself.
I’ve found that much like the waves of grief, that come and go sometimes stronger and sometimes more gentle…..that the exhaustion of this whole time in our lives seems to come in waves as well.
I feel completely overwhelmed and then I find that things seem a bit easier….then I feel overwhelmed and tired again and then I find that I feel stronger than before. It keeps on cycling and the most exciting part of the whole cycle is that I’ve recognized that it comes and it goes, and more often than not I end up feeling stronger after the “down cycle” than before.
I’m not “fighting” the down times as much and I’m finding that helps some….
It doesn’t really make me feel any better, but I don’t feel so blindsided by it all. And yet, the down times frustrate me….
I’m tired. I feel overwhelmed by all I must accomplish. I feel a bit stressed about this next round of chemo that Geli is supposed to be starting tomorrow, and pray that it goes smoothly. I wish I had more time….in a day, to myself……just more time….and energy! Lots more energy would be nice, too!
Maybe it’s something about Easter this year. One of my dear friends was having an online discussion about a general feeling of down-ness, not depression, just feeling a bit down and restless, tired. I have been feeling it as well. I’ve also come to realize that it cycles and I can trust that this down-ness season is going to come to an end soon.
I know you’re probably wondering, who the heck is this chick emailing me…lol… sorry. Went to Word of Faith years ago when Pastor Culley was there. I just feel so connected to your struggles because they are similar to mine, though yours are more serious and more difficult. You are such a source of inspiration to me. I think if I sat down each day and wrote everything that MUST get done in that day, I would cry. Checking each thing off would just show me how many more things there are to do. It simply cannot be done. Then I think about how many more things you must have on your list…. how you keep going forward, one step at a time, one meal at a time, one treatment at a time, one moment by one moment… you keep going forward in faith and in love.
You are such an inspiration and I thank you for opening a window and sharing with me. :hugs: