I’ve been awake since 5am when Geli woke to use the toilet.
She went to bed last night around 8:30-9:00pm and at 6:30 this morning is still asleep. She only woke twice last night and every time was able to get straight back to sleep. I’m so thankful that she’s able to get some good rest. As her momma, I worry about things like that…..you know, getting enough rest and not being too worn out…..Sometimes its the little things that kinda stick with us.
Yesterday was a good day and a hard day.
So much of life is that dichotomy of good and bad, joy and pain, peace and fear, strength and weakness and yet…..we continue on!
Some….some very tiny small sliver of our current reality hit Geli yesterday and combined with everything else overwhelmed her. She was in pain from her surgery. The “realness” of being in the hospital and being sick hit her and made for a bit of an emotional day. I still don’t think that the huge-ness of this all has really hit home – for her or for us.
I know that I’m still processing through the shock of all of this in my way and I believe that Jon and Geli are doing the same. And so are our other kids and our extended family. It’s a day by day thing and just as we learned with Chris and his journey back to a new life – a lot of it comes day by day and you have the strength needed for the day. It’s much easier to focus on what’s happening now than to try to plan and arrange and control everything else. It’s so beyond our control anyway……..
As Jon mentioned in the previous post, we did have a big meeting yesterday with Angelica’s Team and as far and meetings regarding your child and cancer go…..I’d say it was a pretty good one.
We are still at the beginning of this journey and we have a long way to go, but it is good to hear that the prognosis for this kind of cancer is so good.
The Doctor who is in charge of Geli’s case walked us through the different meds that she’d be on over the next 28 days and went through the most common side effects. Over all, while it doesn’t sound that great, it also doesn’t sound that bad….
This is one thing that I’d love specific prayer in regards to….That Angelica would physically be strong through this time and that the “expected” side effects would not affect her negatively.
Some of the most common side effects are things like nausea and constipation and there are other’s but I’m sitting in her room typing this post in the dark and can’t specifically remember each one…..to say that we were overloaded with info yesterday would be an understatement. Fortunately, we have amazing references, notes taken and given to us, a team ready at our call and a whole staff that is willing to go above and beyond to answer any questions we might have.
I do feel an amazing peace about this situation and yesterday was a much better emotional day for me although I do still feel a bit like my “bell’s been rung” or my “boat’s been rocked”. I’ve not been knocked out or drowned, just shaken up some. And….when the emotion hits, I cry….and then I carry on…..because, this is life. This is our life and we will get through this.
I asked the Dr yesterday how long he figured Geli’d been sick for and he guestimated a month or two and in hindsite, we can see how that time line would match up with certain symptoms that she might have had, but also ones that are completely normal for a 13 year old girl….things like fatigue and bone pain and headaches…..
There is nothing we could have done to caught this earlier. There is nothing that we did to cause this. It just “is what it is” and we go from here. Inside her body, the cancer cells double and so that explains how she could seem fine or okay on the Wednesday that she left for camp and then to come home on Friday so sick…..when the cells start to multiply from 10 million to 20 million….well, that’s a much more significant jump as opposed to 1 to 2 and 2 to 4 and 4 to 8…….
They figure that with the start of the chemo…she will start to feel better and we should notice an improvement before this next week is up. I’m looking forward to that. It’s been hard seeing her hurting and just laying in bed. She did finally eat dinner last night and that was probably her most significant meal since our dinner on Wednesday night was interrupted by “that” phone call from our family Dr.
I’m looking forward to seeing what this new day brings. She is enjoying the visitor’s that pop by. I’ll just be honest and say that shorter visits are better than long ones….She likes to see people, but to have to entertain is hard……But she’d love to have you stop by and say hello, maybe play a quick game of cards or let her know what’s going on in your life…..normal things.
She asked her Dr about the possibility of getting to her Grade 7 Graduation Event which is happening next Thursday. They’ve not 100% okay’d that, but they have talked about setting that as a goal and possibly having her go to that on a 4 hour pass. She’d have to come back to the hospital that night and finish up some stuff on Friday…possibly getting to go home on Saturday.
So, we have our first goal……get to the Grade 7 Grad…….
While it doesn’t seem so important to us, in the grand scheme of things – it’s important to her and so therefor…..it’s important. That could also be something else specifically prayed for…that she’d be able to go, that she’d be healthy enough and that her blood counts would be good enough to have to go.
I’d love to see miracles in all of this. I’m expecting to see her do way better than the Dr’s predict what is normal. Thank you for praying. Thank you for your notes of encouragement. Thank you for loving us. I woke up this morning and checked my blackberry and had a ton of e-mails of love and support and I just cried……knowing, hearing, reading about how much we are loved and cared for and supported through this time is HUGE! Thank you! THANK YOU! We appreciate you so much!
ps. to see more pics you can click on this link or click on the photo’s tab in the menu bar at the top of the page.
Hi Angelica,
You don’t know me but I have known your parents for a long, long time. Actually I met your dad the summer of our Grade 8 year. We went to Glad Tidings then and then your dad and I started going to school together at Pacific Academy. Actually, if you want to know something REALLY funny – your Uncle David was my very first “crush” I liked him for AT LEAST 2 weeks, which is a pretty long time when you are 13 :)but you have to promise not to hold that against me! 🙂
I remember meeting you at our high school reunion and marvelling at what a BEAUTIFUL little girl you were! Back then, my kids were pretty little too. Now, like your parents, I have a big family and I have teenagers and babies like you guys.
Anyways, Geli, last year I was diagnosed VERY surprisingly with cancer too. For a couple of days I didnt really believe it, and then for a couple of days it was really, really scary, then for a couple days I was really, really sad. And then for a while I felt all those things all day every day.
Like your cancer, my cancer (when caught early) is pretty easy to treat – but kiddo it was still really, really hard. I was 35 (which I know seems ancient to you, but really isnt) and it was hard so I can only fathom how you are feeling. There are some things that helped me and so I am going to share them with you and I hope thats ok.
FOR ME it was really hard to watch my family worry so much, and sometimes I didnt want to tell them how scared I was or what I was worried about because I didnt want them to worry more. Now that was silly – but I bet, becuse you are the oldest and lots of little ones at home and your mom is pregnant, that maybe you might feel the same way. I would just encourage you that it helps EVERYONE around you when you share. They really do want to know. Now for me, and it seems kind of silly now, I would worry about dying in surgery but I never talked about it. The day of my “big” surgery, the doc made a comment about it and that sometimes people worry and he was surprised I wasnt. I was SO relieved to feel normal!!! Other people worry too 🙂 and I felt alot better when I realized that.
The other thing – sometimes strangers dont get it. It might help to practice with your mom & dad some answers to tell to other kids or parents that ask you questions you dont want to answer. Heh you have cancer, its ok to be rude once in a while ( 🙂 just joking, but its important to take care of yourself too and if someone is making you uncomfortable YOU are more important right now!)
One other thing that really helped me was chocolate 🙂 I really love chocolate so maybe there is something that you really love – right now, its ok to ask for that. If that would make you feel a bit better then say so 🙂 Honestly, people and family and friends will want to DO something and I think sometimes that I would ask people when they came to visit me at the hospital to bring me chocolate or ginger ale or ear plugs for sleeping it ALL helped THEM feel like they were doing something 🙂 Everyone will want to help you (heck thats why I am writing this worlds longest blog comment to you) so feel free to ask them to do something in particular.
Lastly, and most importantly – sometimes when I realized I had cancer I felt like God was mad at me. WHY would he “do this” to me. I hadnt done anything wrong, I tried to be really good, I loved him. And sometimes I was mad at HIM. It wasn’t fair. IT totally sucked. I didnt want to have cancer – EVER and it really, really wasnt fair. So what I learned? God loves me ALOT – and he loves you ALOT. He was there to get me through my diagnosis and being sick and being scared and being in the hospital. I know you probably have no idea “why” you have Leukemia now, but GOd is still in control. Remembering that made me feel better. Even when I hurt or was really, really scared.
So all this from me … Jen … to say I am praying for you and your family and here I am one year (almost exactly) after I was diagnosed and I am TOTALLY healthy and fine. 🙂 There might be some hard days ahead kiddo but I PROMISE you one day soon it will be behind you and you will feel a whole lot better!! 🙂 I promise (and to your mom and dad too – I absolutely promise, it does begin to feel more manageable. )
Hugs, prayers to you all,
Jen Nickel
Hi Geli this is Xani, Bean, and Beca we love you and misssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
sssssssssssssssssssssss you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much
HI Geli
praying for you that you get to go to your graduation. during the night when i sleep when i am awake for a moment that is when i pray for you. you are constantly on my mind. you are precious. You are loved.
from deaf debra
Hi Geli..continue to pray for you especially for you to attend the graduation. Keep smiling – nothing is impossible. Lots of love and blessings. wilson
Hi Jon & Patti and Geli,
It’s Pam, formerly Borzel, Rolands little sister. In this last post you spoke of having your bell rung, etc. When I read that I instantly thought of the song, Trading My Sorrows and was impressed upon to remind and to encourage you, You are pressed, but not crushed, persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed, you ARE blessed beyond the curse of cancer, for His promise WILL endure, His joy will be your strength.
Geli, You don’t know me, but I’ve known your parents for several years,and you are so blessed to have such Godly and Spirit filled family. I want you to know that a little church family in Port McNeill, on Vancouver Island is praying for you. You are loved.
Geli
Well, Angelica, I do believe that you will be the bell of the ball at the Graduation Ceremy. We will include that in our requests to the Lord. God believed in milestones, he has marked them all through history, to tell His Story. I know he values yours as well.
Lots of Love
Aunty Jo
Hi Angelica, (and Patti & Jon)
Luke and I wanted you guys to know that we are thinking about you and praying that Angelica keeps strong and is able to get better as fast as possible!
We are sending our happy thoughts and strong wishes your way and hopefully you can enjoy your Gr.7 Grad and get some more love from your friends who I am sure a thinking about you ALOT!
Get lots of rest and we will keep praying for you to get better and better!
Loves from us! <3
Ashley and Luke
Hi Geli, I want you to know that we are praying for you here in Lebanon as well. We are totally shocked that this happened to you, but all your cousins here love you and are praying for you. I know God will take this and bring GREAT GOOD out of it – and not only for those around you, but for you especially. I know it sounds weird, but that’s what He’s good at.
Uncle David in Beirut.
Hi Sweet Geli
Uncle Jason and I want you to know how very much we love you and are praying for your quick recovery. We know you have such strength inside you and that you are an AMAZING girl! You are a precious girl and we all just love you so much. We are going to bring you back something special from Hawaii. Love you tons and tons
Uncle Jason and Auntie Lise
PS This is Uncle Jay…Words of wisdom from Hawaii…Smile, it no goin to broke your face and hang loose. Its all I got. I love you and I cant wait to kick your but in cards.
Hi Geli We are keeping you in our hearts and prayers.With your up coming Grad are you limited to how many can come to Graduation? I know sometimes because of space only the immediate family can come. Soon as Grandpa gets over his cough we will come and see you. This time reminds me of when Auntie Connie was in Childrens Hospital, at that time we could only be with her during regular visiting hours. So good that rule haas been changed. She was only four at that time and I remember how hard it was to go and leave her .With all the love that is comming your way remember that God loves you even more and that you are so special to Him,and we love you too and you are so special to us. Love Grandpa and Grandma.
Thanks for the updates Patti. These blogs are great! I know this is a difficult time but I’m glad to hear that you’re handling it relatively well and I know that’s really God’s grace abounding all over you! Praying for you…and for Geli…I pray all works out for her to attend her grade 7 grad!! Wish you all well. Lots of love.
Hi Angelica!
This is Niki, you don’t know me but I am one of your cousins 🙂 I haven’t seen you since you were really little! I was actually supposed to come to your Great Grandparents birthday /anniversary party last weekend but couldn’t make it. Your Great Grandpa and my Grandpa are brothers :). We belong to a REALLY big family!
I used to hang out a lot with your mom when we were teenagers and I knew your dad really well too. Speaking of your dad, I found a really embarassing video of him that you might find pretty funny!
We have had a LOT of medical problems with both my sons who are 4 and 7 and we have spent a lot of time at Childrens Hospital. Like what Jen Nickel said, just ask for anything, I know we would be more than happy to arrive at the hospital with stuff to keep you busy!:) It can get really boring especially when you have to listen to machines beeping everywhere. One thing we found is that it really helps to laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine:)So watch a funny movie or read a funny book. I would bring by the embarrassing video but I dont know if your ward has VHS. Also you could check out funny videos on youtube! There are a tonne!
We are praying for you and thinking about you constantly. You are going to get through this! And even though you don’t really know us, we are here for you if you need anything. We lived at Childrens for a month at one point, so we know what it is like :).
Take care!
Niki
Hi Angelica,
You don’t know me but I am your aunty Debbie and Uncle Denvers Cousin. We heard about what you are going through but you have an Amazing family, friends and even strangers rooting you on and lifting you up in prayer. Be Brave and know that Jesus is holding you every step of the way. When you get scared just say his name and he will come and give you his peace. Just ask him to come and he will come to you because he loves you. He won’t leave you and he knows EVERYTHING you need and knows EVERYTHING you feel. Know that your Jesus loves you.
Love Lacey
Hi Geli – It was really nice to see you guys today. Glad to see you motoring around in that wheelchair of yours. Hope you beat your cousin in the air hockey game? Like I said before, let me know when your “stash” gets low, and we’ll come over and replenish it. Make sure your mom doesn’t get into it and it will last longer. 🙂
From one sweet tooth to another…
Mariposa,
We loved seeing you today and Jack LOVED the snuggles.
See next week sometime.
Aunty Debbie
hi geli,
we are praying for you and hoping you do get to go to your graduation…..hopefully we’ll get to come visit you soon and shower you with presents and hugs. we love you lots and know you are such a strong girl, you will beat this….but know that it is not a sign of weakness to cry (all day if necesary). let us know if you need anything at all…..even if its a new outfit for grad….love the kennedys
(daryl, janelle, benjamin, cole & malakai)
Hi Geli, you probably don’t remember me from the River but your mom and dad know me. I went to bed last night praying for you and crying out to God. Thanks for letting us know what things you would like us to pray for Patti. God loves to give us the desires of our hearts so I”m going to pray that you make it to your Grade 7 grad. Also that the nausea will go and you’ll have lots of strength. Love you and know that so many people are praying for you.