{"id":9143,"date":"2023-04-30T09:43:56","date_gmt":"2023-04-30T16:43:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/?p=9143"},"modified":"2023-05-01T16:51:39","modified_gmt":"2023-05-01T23:51:39","slug":"why-the-focus-on-gratitude-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/why-the-focus-on-gratitude-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Why the Focus on Gratitude? (Part 3)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Thanks for the love and support on my previous post! It\u2019s meaningful to hear (or read<\/em>) your messages and comments. I share because I know I\u2019m not alone on this journey; but at one point, I thought I was and that felt awful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If my sharing helps even one person to know that they\u2019re not alone, or if it helps explain what it\u2019s like to live with this aspect of mental illness to someone who doesn\u2019t understand, or if it raises awareness or even opens conversation, then it\u2019s worth it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I previously mentioned all the things I use to help me cope. Things like therapy, medications, exercise, diet, journaling, sleep, nature, being present and gratitude all contribute to a healthier, happier me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I could spend a long time talking about the journey from where I was to where I am now, and how I got here. Maybe I will add to this series but the point was\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do I Focus on Gratitude?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why? Because I believe that practising gratitude has made a HUGE difference in my life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have had my share of struggles and challenges. In Jan 2005, our 4th child, Nathaniel, was stillborn. That rocked my world. We never got a clear reason why. It was \u201cjust one of those things that happened\u201d according to the drs. It was devastating. After that, we tried to have another baby. I got pregnant 4 more times over the next 2 years and lost them all. Again, Drs had no answers. The 5th time was the charm and Josiah was born in 2007.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To say that my mental health was challenged during this time was an understatement. I was sad and grieving but also, anxiety was at an all time high. It was not a great time for me. I spent the 9 months of Josiah\u2019s pregnancy terrified that he was going to die. I had brutal rumination every waking moment of the day. Combine that with 9 months of \u201call day\u201d sickness and you have yourself a serious party. I was desperately wishing for a dr. to admit me to the hospital because I felt insane, all of the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was so thankful that Siah was born healthy and was finally earth side but the years of intense anxiety had done a number on my brain. I was terrified that something might happen to him; and that we might lose him too. I was severely anxious all the time and basically white knuckling it to make it through each day. At this point, I didn\u2019t have an anxiety diagnosis. I wasn\u2019t on meds. This was part of my, \u201cit\u2019s normal to feel anxious after you\u2019ve lost a baby and I should be able to handle this better than I am.\u201d period of life. I just had no clue what \u201cbetter\u201d could look like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In June 2010, our eldest was diagnosed with Leukemia, one week before Judah (our 5th child) was born. Talk about holding space for conflicting emotions, we had the immeasurable joy of one child being born combined with the heart wrenching pain of seeing another fighting for their life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The birth wasn\u2019t what I had planned. Going home alone after the birth wasn\u2019t what I had planned. Parenting 4 kids alone wasn\u2019t what I had planned. Nothing was going according to my plans. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m a hard core planner. Well, I was. Now I\u2019m more of a loose planner who hopes for the best but is willing to flow with whatever because I\u2019m aware that I have absolutely no control in this life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One afternoon, a couple of months into the cancer journey, I felt like I was approaching rock bottom. I was exhausted, depressed, hopeless, devastated, I felt alone and unsure as to how I was possibly going to do \u201cthis\u201d. It was too much. Way too much. I couldn\u2019t fathom carrying on but I didn\u2019t have any other choice. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have no idea why, but I picked up my camera. I determined in myself, to capture 10 photos of things around my home that brought me joy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A Rainbow of Cloth Diapers <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I purposed to take pictures of the beautiful things in my life, no matter how mundane or ordinary. In fact, I was looking for the things that most people would gloss over. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A sleeping baby<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

My life felt like it was a run away train barrelling towards a cliff and there was nothing I could do to change where I was at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Perfectly clean floors<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I had no control over anything. I was helpless and hopeless; or was I? I couldn\u2019t change my circumstances but I could change what I was focused on. Even if it was for just brief moments of time, I could focus on the beauty around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Perfectly moist Banana Muffin<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I could shift my focus from the chaos, devastation and difficulties surrounding me and seek out the good, the beauty, the light. I could choose to be thankful for any little thing that I could find. <\/p>\n\n\n\n