{"id":9135,"date":"2023-04-29T13:52:11","date_gmt":"2023-04-29T20:52:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/?p=9135"},"modified":"2023-04-29T13:52:12","modified_gmt":"2023-04-29T20:52:12","slug":"why-the-focus-on-gratitude-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/why-the-focus-on-gratitude-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Why the focus on Gratitude? (Part 1)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I talk a lot about gratitude. I truly believe it\u2019s life changing and has even been life saving for me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t entirely understand why my brain works the way it does. I mean, I know that there are chemicals and hormones at play and they require balance in order to work properly. I just don\u2019t know why my brain isn\u2019t balanced and working properly all on its own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are aspects of the way my brain works that I adore. There are other aspects of the way my brain works that feel devastating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love the way I can remember things. I love that I am continually hungry for knowledge. I love the way my brain seeks out puzzles to solve in efficient and effective ways. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also find it devastating. I can\u2019t remember a time when I didn\u2019t have ruminating thoughts. I, sometimes, wonder what I was like as a child. I have memories but not a clear grasp of who I was. If there was a before and now I\u2019m living in the after? Or if I always felt like this? I don\u2019t know. I have nothing that I would consider a significant traumatic event, that might signify a \u201cbefore\u201d and having watched my kids grow up with anxiety and other mental health challenges, I believe that a huge part of my story is genetic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chemical deficits that lead to faulty wiring in my brain and body; or maybe generational trauma, but that\u2019s getting deeper and headier than I was planning on getting in this post.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Regardless of the why, I\u2019ve experienced anxiety and rumination<\/a> for as long as I can remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the most part, it\u2019s under control. But I\u2019m ever so aware, that this stability isn\u2019t guaranteed. I don\u2019t know exactly what triggers it but when it happens, it feels like it blindsides me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know it sounds strange to say that\u2019s a good thing, but it is. I, now, have periods of time where I\u2019m not ruminating and that\u2019s incredible; because I have had periods of time, in my past, where I couldn\u2019t stop the thoughts from looping. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think the hardest part of this was growing up thinking that everybody experienced this and that they were just doing a better job of managing it than I was. I thought everybody\u2019s brain worked like mine and they could cope a lot better than I could. I felt defective, and not capable enough to handle the regular every day pressures of life; but everybody else was doing it, so I just needed to try harder and be better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had no clue that it wasn\u2019t normal to over think and over analyze every conversation you had. To pick apart everything you said and did; and based on that information, to judge yourself as lacking, foolish, inept, and basically just so stupid. I had no idea that most people didn\u2019t hyper fixate on every social interaction and determine that others were judging you for slight social miscalculations or flubbed non-verbal nuances. That was just my normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But my normal was often hell. (to be continued)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I talk a lot about gratitude. I truly believe it\u2019s life changing and has even been life saving for me. I don\u2019t entirely understand why my brain works the way it does. I mean, I know that there are chemicals and hormones at play and they require balance in order to work properly. I just … Continue reading “Why the focus on Gratitude? (Part 1)”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[57,33,5,16,41],"tags":[203,87,204,183,182,86,88,202,150],"class_list":["post-9135","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anxiety","category-deep-thoughts","category-life","category-me","category-thankfulness","tag-anxiety","tag-choose-joy","tag-gratitude","tag-happiness","tag-mental-health","tag-practise-gratitude","tag-rewire-your-brain","tag-rumination","tag-thankfulness"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9135","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9135"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9135\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9136,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9135\/revisions\/9136"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9135"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9135"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9135"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}