{"id":8673,"date":"2022-01-24T23:50:10","date_gmt":"2022-01-25T06:50:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/?p=8673"},"modified":"2022-01-24T23:57:23","modified_gmt":"2022-01-25T06:57:23","slug":"the-body-doesnt-forget","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/the-body-doesnt-forget\/","title":{"rendered":"The Body doesn\u2019t Forget"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Today was a weird day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I felt sad. I felt angry. I felt upset. I felt overwhelmed. I wanted to run away. I wanted to hide. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to curl up in my bed and cry. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I didn\u2019t know why I was feeling this way; so I acknowledged my feelings and then tucked them away inside of myself because I had so much that I needed to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Driving home tonight I realized that today is Nathaniel\u2019s day. January 24, 2005<\/a>. If he had lived, he would have been 17 today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if the mind doesn\u2019t immediately remember, the body doesn\u2019t forget. All those feelings I mentioned above are feelings I felt on that day. Feelings that ask me to bear witness to an event that forever changed my life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It seems strange to grieve the loss of dreams and hopes and ideals but that\u2019s what I had. We didn\u2019t know what he liked and disliked or whether he was quiet or loud\u2026..athletic or nerdy? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Regardless, my body knows the heaviness of loss. The emptiness. The pain. The loneliness. The conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The grief is not intense anymore. It doesn\u2019t steal my breath or crash over me in waves so strong that I fear I may be swept away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The grief is a quiet sadness. A subtle and fleeting moment of desolation. It\u2019s presence is there asking me to honor my child and his oh-so-short life by acknowledging all the feelings that carried me from there to here; and the process that shattered and rebuilt a new version of me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today was a weird day. I felt sad. I felt angry. I felt upset. I felt overwhelmed. I wanted to run away. I wanted to hide. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to curl up in my bed and cry. But I didn\u2019t know why I was feeling this way; so I acknowledged my … Continue reading “The Body doesn\u2019t Forget”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[33,12,77,16,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8673","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-deep-thoughts","category-family","category-grief","category-me","category-nathaniel"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8673","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8673"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8673\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8675,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8673\/revisions\/8675"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8673"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8673"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8673"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}