![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/img_7054.jpg?resize=300%2C295&ssl=1\")
I don\u2019t know if it was hearing about how hard my mother and grandmother and great grandmother were always fighting to lose weight. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know if it was the fact that I towered over most of my friends, both male and female, in height and stature. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s the fact that at 16 (and so thin) that I outweighed my peers by at least 20 lbs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What I do know is that food and I have had a crappy relationship. I have eaten to feel better. I have eaten to avoid and escape. I have eaten to reward. I haven\u2019t necessarily eaten to nourish myself; to show love and respect to myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In August of this year, I asked my Doctor for a referral to an Obesity Clinic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was reluctant to refer because they have \u201cstrict criteria\u201d. When I explained that I definitely fit their expected criteria, he took me for a height and weight check because he didn\u2019t believe me. I don\u2019t have high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, heart problems or any of the other comorbidities of obesity. But, at 243lbs and 5\u20197\u201d – my BMI was 38 and I was definitely considered obese. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If proving my need for a referral wasn\u2019t difficult enough; there were communication issues between my Drs. Office and the Obesity Clinic and it took a month and me personally chasing down the referral for the process to actually get started. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I\u2019m being honest, I really don\u2019t even know what I\u2019m getting into other than I\u2019m overweight and overwhelmed and I want and need something to change. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve \u201cbeen apart of the program\u201d since September. It\u2019s a process. It\u2019s a slow process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had it in my mind that \u201csomething\u201d would change. Something would be different. Something would be life changing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And you know what, I think it is. But it\u2019s also a process. I\u2019ve spent probably 30+ years making decisions that have gotten me here and a few weeks won\u2019t undo or reverse those decisions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have my third \u201cgroup session\u201d on Tuesday and I\u2019m dreading it and looking forward to it. Both sessions 1 and 2 have had meaningful – to me – aspects and I\u2019m sure this session will be the same. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shame tells me that someone\u2019s gonna call me out or tell me I\u2019m doing something wrong or that I\u2019m bad. (We\u2019re starting the nutrition section of the core sessions; and food and I have such a complicated and complex relationship.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Experience tells me that these people are lovely and supportive and want to help. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fear whispers that I\u2019m not going to be able to do this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Courage calmly states that I can. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And so, I make little changes. I take small steps. I summon courage and make the best decisions that I can for today, for this meal, for this moment. I trust that I can learn new skills. I believe that I can make significant and impacting life changes that will benefit me now and in the future. I recognize that this is a long game. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If weight management was as simple as, just do it. Just try harder! Then I wouldn\u2019t be here. But for me, this is more complicated than that. And while I wish I wasn\u2019t in this position. I\u2019m so thankful that I\u2019m healthy and that I\u2019m receiving help and support so I can be even healthier for longer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Weight has felt like an issue to me for most of my adult life. I don\u2019t know if it started with a modelling agent slapping a chocolate bar out of my hand when I was 13\/14 and telling me I wasn\u2019t allowed to eat it. I don\u2019t know if it was hearing about how hard … Continue reading “The Journey”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[15,71,8,5,16,1,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8669","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-food","category-food-addiction","category-health","category-life","category-me","category-uncategorized","category-weight"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8669","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8669"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8669\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8671,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8669\/revisions\/8671"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8669"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8669"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8669"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}