{"id":6468,"date":"2017-03-14T18:27:10","date_gmt":"2017-03-15T01:27:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/?p=6468"},"modified":"2017-03-14T18:28:59","modified_gmt":"2017-03-15T01:28:59","slug":"illusions-of-beauty-layered-on-brokenness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/illusions-of-beauty-layered-on-brokenness\/","title":{"rendered":"Illusions of Beauty layered on Brokenness"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today’s been a hard day for me.<\/p>\n

Jon and I have been discussing getting away as a couple.\u00a0 We need it.\u00a0 Desperately!<\/p>\n

Trying to sort out care for our children is hard.\u00a0 It brings up insecurities and hurts from the past; and while there are truths that I know, I struggle to move beyond the feelings.<\/p>\n

So many tears today. So many feelings.<\/p>\n

I watched a TedX talk today<\/a> and while it was an incredible talk….it highlighted things that I stuff, in an effort to cope.\u00a0 There are stressors, as special needs parents,\u00a0 that we just can’t escape or lay down and walk away from.<\/p>\n

Exhaustion
\nInadequacy
\nTrauma
\nRejection
\nBrokenness
\nGrief
\nJudgment<\/p>\n

There are times when I feel capable to carry on.\u00a0 Other times, like today, I don’t know what to do.\u00a0 And the tears fall, uncontrollably.<\/p>\n

In an effort to pull myself back together and because we are supposed to be going out tonight (to connect with other parents of ASD kids), I do my hair and put my make-up on.<\/p>\n

I layer on cover up, foundation and powder, in a effort to combat the destruction of a day of tears.\u00a0 I\u00a0 paint on my best smokey eye and in \"\"whispers, threaten myself to not mess it up…..as if sheer willpower alone, could hold the tears inside.\u00a0\u00a0 I curl my hair and back-comb it into submission.\u00a0 It’s something I can control, in this uncontrollable chaos that is my life.\u00a0 I spray on layer after layer of hairspray creating a shell, a protective layer of armor.\u00a0 Creating the illusion of beauty on top of a layer of brokenness.<\/p>\n

That should be my new tagline……<\/p>\n

Illusions of beauty layered on brokenness.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today’s been a hard day for me. Jon and I have been discussing getting away as a couple.\u00a0 We need it.\u00a0 Desperately! Trying to sort out care for our children is hard.\u00a0 It brings up insecurities and hurts from the past; and while there are truths that I know, I struggle to move beyond the … Continue reading “Illusions of Beauty layered on Brokenness”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[33,11,5,16,49,73],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6468","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-deep-thoughts","category-just-crap","category-life","category-me","category-the-autistic-spectrum","category-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6468","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6468"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6468\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6472,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6468\/revisions\/6472"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6468"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6468"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6468"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}