{"id":556,"date":"2009-06-12T17:55:55","date_gmt":"2009-06-13T01:55:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/?p=556"},"modified":"2009-06-13T17:47:46","modified_gmt":"2009-06-14T01:47:46","slug":"im-not-all-alone-out-there","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/im-not-all-alone-out-there\/","title":{"rendered":"I’m not all alone out there…"},"content":{"rendered":"

I started blogging (I had to go back and check my original post)<\/em> on August 10th, 2005. I had lost Nathaniel in January<\/a> of that year and had spent a significant portion of my time on the internet looking for answers or at the very least for someone else who “understood” what I was going through. <\/p>\n

I found a miscarriage and pregnancy loss site in February 2005. And while at first, I was too scared to actually post on the site, just the fact that there were others like me who had lost babies whether it was a miscarriage or stillbirth or even those who were unable to get pregnant…..we had this common bond of wanting something that we couldn’t have. I felt like I wasn’t alone. I had been sitting in my house, in my misery and grief and feeling so alone. I had one person who could sort of relate and yet it wasn’t the same…..it was truly one of the loneliest times of my life.<\/p>\n

I still check in almost daily with the women that I met back then…..It’s hard to believe that it’s been over 4 years – the time has flown by.<\/p>\n

I have this “connection” with these women, and yet at the same time I recognize that over the internet, we only get to see a “side” of who each other is. We get to see what they share with us and the same goes for you…you get to see what I share with you. While I’m not trying to hold anything back or hide anything and if you read here long enough, I think that you will get a fairly good idea of who I am – it’s still like viewing something in 2 dimensions as opposed to seeing it jump out at you in real life. <\/p>\n

I try to be as real and as honest as I can, but sometimes….I’m just too tired to share things that I’m feeling. Or I’m too hurt to adequately explain a whole situation or I only share what I’m feeling and then you don’t get the full, rounded picture. Maybe I only post the funny stuff and then you think that my life is amazing, or maybe I whine, whine, whine about being so freaking tired or go on and on about the drama of buying a house…..it’s only a piece of the whole.<\/p>\n

I’ve seen so many references floating around the internet of meet ups and hook ups and different functions and because I have been a fairly shy person – I’ve looked at these and been equal parts jealous and freaked out.<\/p>\n

I’d love to meet some of the women out there. I’d love to get to know the ones who share and put themselves out there; the ones who are so funny that you laugh until you cry or in my case after too many pregnancies and births, you just pee yourself. I’d love to have a physical connection with some of these women. Some of them have said things that have made me think or re-think my position on certain issues. Some of them have challenged me and some have comforted me when I was hurting so bad that I wasn’t sure I could take another step, let alone breathe.<\/p>\n

I read that there was going to be a pre-Blogher meet up in Vancouver………<\/p>\n

I was so excited and yet so scared.<\/p>\n

Fear used to control my life. I did NOTHING because I was so scared of what other’s might think of me. Lots of counseling later and I’m only a little scared of what others might think of me. It’s progress…..imagine if you were a finished work of art…..what would be left to live for….life would be so boring. And so I thought about it…..I talked to Jon about it…..I thought about it some more….and I mentioned to those organizing it that I’d like to go.<\/p>\n

You know….all confident and like, “OH Yah! Me…I’d be happy to go to this thing….I do this kinda stuff every day.”<\/p>\n

Yah, NOT SO MUCH!<\/p>\n

But I did. I responded that I’d like the info and then to my horror and excitement…I responded to the second call.<\/p>\n

So, here I am….taking what is a HUGE step in my world.<\/p>\n

I’m heading out tomorrow to the Vancouver Meet up and well…..I’m sure I’ll let you know how it went. Either I’m thrilled that I went and have great stories to tell of meeting great people OOOOOOOOR………I’m horrified that it went so bad and I’ve embarrassed myself so badly and well…..those are always GREAT stories to tell, so regardless, I should have some great stories to tell at the end of it all.<\/p>\n

What I’m hoping for….is some personal connections to other people who are doing this “sharing their lives for the world to see” thing. Not everyone does this, and its interesting to see who does and why? I want to feel a little less alone in this great big huge blogging community…..who knows, maybe I’ll even manage to scrape my courage together and make it to Blogher one year….baby steps, people, baby steps.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I started blogging (I had to go back and check my original post) on August 10th, 2005. I had lost Nathaniel in January of that year and had spent a significant portion of my time on the internet looking for answers or at the very least for someone else who “understood” what I was going … Continue reading “I’m not all alone out there…”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-556","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-me"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/556","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=556"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/556\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":559,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/556\/revisions\/559"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=556"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=556"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=556"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}