{"id":3161,"date":"2013-12-20T13:19:38","date_gmt":"2013-12-20T21:19:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/?p=3161"},"modified":"2013-12-20T13:19:38","modified_gmt":"2013-12-20T21:19:38","slug":"moving-forward-the-morning-after","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/moving-forward-the-morning-after\/","title":{"rendered":"Moving Forward The Morning After"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>So I posted last night&#8230;..<\/p>\n<p>I was tired and emotional and probably if those two factors had not ganged up on me&#8230;.I may have filtered myself a bit more or even just made less typos&#8230;..maybe&#8230;.maybe not?!?<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t know that this morning brought any new clarity with it.<\/p>\n<p>I woke up with a killer headache&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.at 5:30am.<\/p>\n<p>Yah, it&#8217;s been a long day already and it&#8217;s only noon-ish. Did not get back to sleep after that. BLERGH!!!!<\/p>\n<p>On a side note&#8230;.It&#8217;s gorgeous outside.<\/p>\n<p><center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/\/instagram.com\/p\/iKA5bSStQQ\/embed\/\" height=\"710\" width=\"612\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/center><\/p>\n<p>That is the view to my right&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>and this is my view straight ahead&#8230;..<\/p>\n<p><center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/\/instagram.com\/p\/iKAhQvytft\/embed\/\" width=\"612\" height=\"710\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" allowtransparency=\"true\"><\/iframe><\/center><\/p>\n<p>She&#8217;s not supposed to be on the couch&#8230;.but I haven&#8217;t exactly kicked her off.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s the last day of school before the Christmas Break&#8230;.and probably my last quiet (ish) day for the next two weeks.<\/p>\n<p>So, I&#8217;m taking advantage of it.  I&#8217;m sitting.  The house is a mess, and I made Judah pancakes for lunch.  He is currently trolling Netflix&#8230;.I believe Ninjago is the show of choice at this exact moment.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m currently staring at my Christmas Tree trying to figure out what I&#8217;m thinking, but again with the 50 million thoughts going in 50 million directions.<\/p>\n<p>I had a few people send me private messages of encouragement and those were so nice to hear.<\/p>\n<p>I wonder if it&#8217;s about perspective.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m in the middle of it all.  From my position, I look around me and I see children who are unique and amazing and challenging in their own fantastic ways.  I see the screaming and the bickering and the squabbling and the challenges to get them to do their chores and take care of their responsibilities.  I see their shortcomings and I want to work with them to strengthen those areas while at the same time encouraging them in their strengths. I see these amazing individuals with really great hearts even in spite of all the challenges that we&#8217;ve faced individually and as a family&#8230;&#8230;. But it&#8217;s a constant effort to keep these 5 bodies moving in a forward direction.<\/p>\n<p>We were so isolated over the &#8220;cancer years&#8221; and before then&#8230;.doing almost anything with Jeremy required HERCULEAN effort and sometimes it was easier to just not do anything.  Again&#8230;..very isolating.<\/p>\n<p>It is hard when you&#8217;ve had it said to your face that people can&#8217;t be friends with you because your child is too difficult.  Or to hear from others that you shouldn&#8217;t subject your children to people because they are too much effort to have around and be around.<\/p>\n<p>Just typing both of those down&#8230;.I realize how brutal those two comments are.  I mean, I know how brutal they are&#8230;.I&#8217;ve lived though both of those said directly to my face and more.  But I can&#8217;t imagine saying those things to someone&#8230;..EVER!!!  I love children.  I especially love the challenging kids.  The ones that make you think and keep you on your toes.  The extremely smart kids that say the most incredible things but require a little more attention and focus&#8230;&#8230;I love the regular kind of kids too, but somehow, the ones that people seem annoyed with or bothered by&#8230;.the ones that talk and talk and talk and talk and never shut up&#8230;&#8230;I LOVE those kids.  I want to go out of my way to make sure that they feel special and included and NEVER EVER a bother or an inconvenience&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>I get it.  I know how much effort it is.  I live it&#8230;..EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!  Jeremy has not been the easiest child.  He requires some effort.  Well, he requires a lot amount of effort.  So does Josiah in a different way and Judah&#8230;.well, he&#8217;s a 3 year old.  What 3 year old doesn&#8217;t require some attention and effort.  My boys require effort&#8230;&#8230;I know this.  I guess, it would just feel really good to feel like others &#8220;want&#8221; to be with my kids.  Do you know what I mean?  I think that in spite of their particular challenges or maybe even as a result of them&#8230;.that my kids&#8230;&#8230;all 5 of them are pretty amazing.  I&#8217;d love to feel like others felt that too and wanted to spend time with them&#8230;.not cause they HAD to, but because they WANTED to.<\/p>\n<p>So, to those who have said something&#8230;..THANK YOU.  Really!  I appreciate it more than you may ever know.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not sharing this in the hopes that people will &#8220;do&#8221; something.  I am just trying to unravel some of this mess inside myself.  Part of that is dealing with the hurts and wounds that I have or have gotten.<\/p>\n<p>I realize that I&#8217;ve been hurt and I definitely have some sore, open wounds when it comes to my kids and how they are perceived and received.  <\/p>\n<p>And this OBVIOUSLY colors how I hear people comment on my kids.<\/p>\n<p>So the school wanting to help Siah&#8230;.turns into&#8230;.HE&#8217;S A PROBLEM&#8230;..which I can&#8217;t even fathom&#8230;.cause he&#8217;s freaking sweet kid who can read and write and wants to please&#8230;&#8230;.and then I go&#8230;WHAT&#8230;.WHAT do I even do with that&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p><em>How could be he a problem<\/em>&#8230;..which, when it comes down to it&#8230;.that is not even the issue at all.  <\/p>\n<p>He is a great kid&#8230;.who has some quirks and may require &#8220;some individualized strategies&#8221; to help him succeed and how do we (parents &#038; school) as a collective team help him to achieve success? <\/p>\n<p>So we met, and talked through some things and I think I have a better perspective.  I think we are more on the same page than I &#8220;felt&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Which is great.<\/p>\n<p>Not that the whole things doesn&#8217;t still stress me out&#8230;.but the Principal&#8230;.she&#8217;s an amazing lady, encouraged me to trust them and to just &#8220;plug my nose and JUMP!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I believe this school and these people are amazing people&#8230;..I believe they truly care about Josiah.  I really do believe that they want the best for him.  That they want him to succeed.  And so&#8230;..I jump.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m scared.<br \/>\nI&#8217;m nervous.<br \/>\nI&#8217;m sure I&#8217;ll need reassurance again.<\/p>\n<p>But&#8230;..<\/p>\n<p>I want to trust.<br \/>\nI want to believe.<br \/>\nI want to be in &#8220;community.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>and so&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>I carry on&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>one step after the other&#8230;..hopefully in a forward direction. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So I posted last night&#8230;.. I was tired and emotional and probably if those two factors had not ganged up on me&#8230;.I may have filtered myself a bit more or even just made less typos&#8230;..maybe&#8230;.maybe not?!? I don&#8217;t know that this morning brought any new clarity with it. I woke up with a killer headache&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.at &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/moving-forward-the-morning-after\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Moving Forward The Morning After&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24,57,48,33,19,7,14,46,5,16,27,42,49,18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-addadhd","category-anxiety","category-cancer-sucks","category-deep-thoughts","category-gelica","category-jeremy","category-josiah","category-judah","category-life","category-me","category-school","category-siah","category-the-autistic-spectrum","category-xandra"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3161","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3161"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3161\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3169,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3161\/revisions\/3169"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3161"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3161"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3161"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}