We’re going through some stuff right now and it’s been dragging on for a while now and as far as I can see there’s no end in sight.<\/p>\n
I feel hurt and misunderstood and confused and upset and a little bit angry and I’m not even finished feeling all the feelings swirling around inside of me.<\/p>\n
There is a small part of me that just wants to hide inside my house for the next however long and not come out and not talk to anyone and not have to deal with anyone beacause then I wouldn’t have to deal with anything and then maybe I could just ignore things for a while and feel at peace for a tiny bit of time.<\/p>\n
I know it doens’t work like that, and I know that in the end….one day….many years from now (that’s meant to be funny – see “ha ha” trying to make light of the situation – is it working?) that we’ll look back on this and it won’t seem so overwhelming, but right now…right while it’s all in the thick of it, and I don’t know what to do or have anyone to talk to, it sucks?<\/p>\n
You might wonder why I don’t have anyone to talk to, and I’ll try to explain….<\/p>\n
See, I’m not going to talk about what’s going on.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not going to say that there are sides or that anyone is right or wrong….all I’m willing to talk about is “How I feel….”\u00c2\u00a0 It is enough to say that we have come to a place where some decisions need to be made and it feels like regardless of what decison that we make….we are screwed.<\/p>\n
I really can’t see the silver lining in any choice that we make, and I have no clue as to what the right choice is, or if there even is a right choice or if everything is a wrong choice and if we’re just trying to make the best wrong choice….how is that even possible…..<\/p>\n
Well, it’s probably not the case – but it’s just how I’m feeling.<\/p>\n
It feels like we’ve been left out in the desert to flail around in the hopes that we’ll find a path and that hopefully it’ll be the right one, and like I said….right now I’m finding it hard to even believe that there is a right one.<\/p>\n
I just want to sit down and cry.\u00c2\u00a0 There are so many aspects and facets of this whole situation and it feels like an impossibility to ever be able to work through and come to conclusion on it all.<\/p>\n
I hate that running away isn’t even an option….not that I really mean that, but that’s how I’m feeling…..I’m sad and tired of it all.<\/p>\n
It hurts!<\/p>\n
Tomorrow will be a better day, right?<\/p>\n
4:21pm – Edited to Add<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n I really didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do a very god job of explaining all of this, and for that I apologize.<\/em><\/p>\n I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not willing to talk about all of this because I only want to share what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m feeling and not end up saying something that would ever end up hurting someone else or making it sound like someone is at fault\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.this is not an \u00e2\u20ac\u0153at fault situation\u00e2\u20ac\u009d it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just something that needs to be processed and some decisions made. We are just wanting to make the best decisions possible and to be able to move forward with \u00e2\u20ac\u0153things\u00e2\u20ac\u009d being as clear and concise and relational as possible.<\/em><\/p>\n I talk about wanting to run away, and that might be what I feel when it starts to feel jumbled and overwhelming for me, but I know that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not an option and I know that it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help anything. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just what I feel like when it all starts to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153get\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to me.<\/em><\/p>\n The emotions that I shared about\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 feeling hurt and misunderstood and angry\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m also feeling a whole ton of other emotions, so many and they are swirling around so fast that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m struggling to even name them all myself. It feels like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m feeling one way, and then there is something else to process and then I add other feelings and then there is something else to process and then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m feeling other things and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just one giant whirlwind.<\/em><\/p>\n I need to be able to be open with how I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m feeling, even if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m feeling like I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just lay it all out there.<\/em><\/p>\n And so that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the reason why I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m brain dumping right now\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.this won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t all go away tomorrow and I know that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a better than even chance that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll still be upset about this tomorrow, but for some reason\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hitting me really hard today and I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just blather on about baking soda shampoo or Jeremy or any of the other things in my life that I blather on and on about\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stress, this has been going on for almost 3 months now and if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve seemed okay to you, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because I mostly am\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6..I will be okay – eventually\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just a bad day and one day it won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be any more \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Oh how I long for that day.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.Aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t we all entitled to a bad day from time to time?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We’re going through some stuff right now and it’s been dragging on for a while now and as far as I can see there’s no end in sight. I feel hurt and misunderstood and confused and upset and a little bit angry and I’m not even finished feeling all the feelings swirling around inside of … Continue reading “Sad and Tired of it all”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-194","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-me"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=194"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=194"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=194"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xangelle.com\/dailygrind\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=194"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}