Tag: rumination

Why the Focus on Gratitude (Part 5)

The title doesn’t really fit because I’m not focusing on the “Why” aspect of Gratitude, but to keep it as part of the series we’re just going to go with it.

I love talking about how practising Gratitude helps me but I REALLY LOVE sharing practical ideas and ways to help others put the practise into action so that they can see and receive the benefits for yourself.

There are many different ways to go about putting a practise of Gratitude into action but before I offer practical ideas; I have some suggestions for you to think through.

I talk about a “practise of Gratitude” because we as humans are hardwired with a negativity bias. It’s easy for us to focus on the negatives in life, on those things that aren’t going well; and even if you get to a place where gratitude seems to be a habit (a behaviour or action that is repeated almost subconsciously); it’s likely that when life becomes stressful or overwhelming, the natural wiring of our systems will revert back to negativity. This is where a “Practise” or purposing to do things differently from before with the intention of getting better is so important and helpful.

You actually need both Habits and Practise to be successful.

One cool thing about Gratitude is that when we practise being grateful, the brain releases dopamine and serotonin and those two “happy chemicals” make us feel good. It’s an instant boost to your mood. When you’re struggling, that’s a really good thing. However, when you’re struggling, if you don’t have habits to fall back on or a plan in place, it’s way too easy to slip back into “Stinking Thinking”. Oh, I’ve been there way too many times. It’s not beneficial or helpful.

So, my suggestions are:

  1. Determine what you want
  2. Decide how often you are going to practise
  3. Create a Plan
  4. Have a support system
  5. Continue on regardless

I’d suggest either writing it down or just getting super clear with your intentions. I like to write so I’d probably write in a journal, something like this…

I want to start a daily practise of Gratitude because I want to improve my mental health and be more aware and focused on the good things in my life even when things are tough. For the next 30 days, I’m going to share, every day, with my family and friends on Social Media, a photo of something I’m grateful for and describe what I’m thankful for and why. Even if I miss a day, I’m going to carry on. I don’t have to “make up” the missed day but I can if I want. I’m going to try and find something to be grateful for before noon and will definitely take a few moments before bedtime to think back through my day, if I haven’t already posted.

The reason I do this is to get clear with myself, what my intentions are. It’s so much easier to stick to it, if you create a clear plan. You don’t have to write anything down, just getting clear with yourself is enough. Then, get started and make it happen.

Different ways that I’ve heard of or seen people practising gratitude.

  1. Write in a journal – Start your morning or end your day with a couple of things that you are thankful for. It could be a list, bullet points, a paragraph or even a drawing.
  2. List on the fridge – I’ve seen lists on a fridge of the things people are thankful for. You open and close the fridge multiple times a day and it’s pretty central and prompts you to do it when you walk by. Plus seeing a piece of paper fill up as you create the list is so satisfying.
  3. Gratitude Jar – Get a decent sized jar, some scraps of paper and a pen, set them on your table. This could even be a family project and again, its so satisfying to see the jar fill with all the reasons you are thankful. When it’s full or at the end of the allotted time, take them out, read through and remind yourself of all the good in your life.
  4. Digital Images or Memes – This is one of my favourites. I take of picture of something that I am thankful for and create a digital memory. You can take the images and put them together in a photo book when you have enough and it’s a great reminder and keepsake.
  5. Post on Social Media – Social media is filled with garbage and negativity. Can you imagine how inspiring it would be to see 4 or 5 of your friends or colleagues posting daily about the things they were grateful for. You can be part of that. Make it happen.
  6. Sticky Notes – Get a pad of sticky notes and write down what you are grateful for. Stick them to a wall in your 0ffice, or bedroom or bathroom. Put them someplace where you will notice them and as you add more and more it will encourage you and those who see, to be thankful.
  7. Poster – Purchase one of those huge sheets of cardstock from the dollar store, decorate it however you want and start writing all the things you are thankful on it.

You could just hold a memory in your mind, create a word document on your computer, send an email or daily letter to yourself, create a Group on a social media platform, paint, draw or choose something else entirely.

I find that doing something tangible really helps me. To see a journal, jar or wall fill up or a list get longer encourages me to keep going and it reminds me by just being out and in my field of vision.

While you are putting this practise into play, there’s a good chance you might miss a day or forget. JUST! KEEP! GOING! Think about it like this, when a baby is learning to walk, we encourage them over and over and over. We champion them. We prop them up and when they take one or two steps together, we cheer “They’re walking!” Then they fall. We tell everyone we know that the baby is walking, even though they only took two steps in a row. Why? Because we believe they are going to get it. We prop them back up and encourage them to keep going because we know, we are CERTAIN they are going to do it.

We don’t turn away in disgust and say, “You stupid baby. You fell. You’re never going to get this. You failed and you might as well just give up.“

So, believe in yourself as much as you’d believe in that baby. Encourage yourself with as much fanfare as you would that sweet babe because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

You’ve got this! I believe in you.

Why the Focus on Gratitude? (Part 2)

Where were we?

Oh yes, in hell.

Sounds dramatic, doesn’t it? Are you ready for a story? It’s a scary story.

Ok, it’s not horrifying but it’s my reality and it’s exhausting and when I get overwhelmed by anxiety, it’s really, really hard to deal with.

In bed with a migraine – March 2022

My Brain: There’s something wrong with you. You probably have cancer.

Me: I have a headache. It’s a migraine. I’ve been getting them for years. I’ll just took a med and I’ll take it easy and be fine.

My Brain: Ya, but what causes it. No one else in your family gets migraines. Not like you do. It’s probably a brain tumour.

Me: It’s a hormonal migraine. I get them every single month around this time. It’s annoying and yea, I wish I didn’t deal with them but with meds, it’s manageable. Relax!

You have no idea if it’s a tumour or not. It’s not like you can see inside your head or like you have a diagnostic tool you can easily access. You could have one growing and have no idea.

It’s not a tumour.

You got dizzy when you stood up from bed this morning and your hand was going tingly and numb. You even felt nauseous.

I have always felt dizzy when I stand up too fast, that’s nothing new. Thank you, POTS. My hand was numb because I was sleeping on it. And I only felt like I was going to puke, when I was brushing my teeth. Stupid gag reflex from being sick during my whole pregnancies. There is nothing new to be worried about.

The fact that you are downplaying all of this means that when you finally take things seriously, it’s going to be too late. It’s probably already too late.

Me: I’m fine. You really need to stop this. It’s not helping. There’s nothing wrong and you know it. This is your brain lying to you.

Also Me: Ya, but what if that’s right? If I discount my worries then how will I know if there is a problem. I’ll just tell myself to ignore my intuition and end up not being able to be treated before it’s too late.

My Brain: If it’s a brain tumour it’s too late anyway. Not like you’re beating that. It’s probably skin cancer that has metastasized into your brain. You’re totally screwed. You have way too many freckles and moles.

Me: Are you kidding? How can I possibly be having this conversation with myself? I’m crazy. I’m absolutely crazy. I’m bullying myself and I can’t possibly “out-think” myself. This is ridiculous. How can I make this stop?

Ocean Sunrise – April 2023

This type of conversation with myself could and would happen for 18+ hours a day. While I’m making breakfast or dinner, taking kids to school, folding laundry, watching TV, driving to an appt…..it just loops and loops and loops. When it’s really bad, I can’t seem to stop the conversation or thoughts. It keeps me awake at night thinking through worst case scenarios. It wakes me up, if I do get to sleep; and it’s really difficult to find something that distracts me from the rumination.

Now, I don’t actually hear voices and it’s all me; but I have felt like I’m warring against myself for as long as I can remember. It’s traumatic. Imagine feeling like you are in a battle or war for years and years and years. Imagine the mental gymnastics when you contemplate that it’s yourself that you are fighting against. How do you protect yourself from yourself? Is it even possible to do?

The ruminating could be about a conversation that I had with someone and parts of me are trying to convince me that I messed up and the other person thinks I’m awful. It could be about any health issue imaginable. It could be that one of my kids is sick. (That particular one is hard because one of my kids did get life threateningly sick and so I know that it’s a real possibility and not just an imaginary thought.) It could be that a neighbour is annoyed with us for some weird reason like my kid was too loud. Most of the things I worry about are either health or socially related. Once in a blue moon, I might have a bizarre thought, like the wheels of my car might all come off at once while I’m driving; but that’s ludicrous enough that I can laugh it off. The ones that are hardest to deal with are the ones with a tinge of truth or possibly reality to them. Those are particularly difficult to shake. I can’t just “logic” myself to not worry.

It’s exhausting. It’s like the alarm system in my brain is set to a hair trigger release and it fires at the slightest issue. Once it gets going, it’s so difficult to get it turned off.

I’m fortunate enough to currently be in a good space. I have the right meds on board. I’m fairly balanced and stable. I’m not currently in a state of rumination but, it also seems to cycle. Winters and our rainy season are particularly hard on my mental health but summers have been tough, too. I’ve had a number of summers where I seriously contemplated checking myself into a hospital because I could not get my mind to settle and it was so overwhelming that I could hardly cope.

Knowing that summers have been tough and knowing that summer is coming, I’m preparing as best I can. I’m doing as many “right things” as I can. Not in a frantic or panicked way, I’m just trying to make good choices. Eating better, getting enough sleep, exercise, journaling, therapy, medication, getting outside, practicing gratitude and staying present.

I wouldn’t say that any one thing is my magic elixir that makes everything all better; but each thing layers on top of an other and together they are more effective than any one thing on their own.

Part 3 tomorrow…don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions!

Why the focus on Gratitude? (Part 1)

I talk a lot about gratitude. I truly believe it’s life changing and has even been life saving for me.

I don’t entirely understand why my brain works the way it does. I mean, I know that there are chemicals and hormones at play and they require balance in order to work properly. I just don’t know why my brain isn’t balanced and working properly all on its own.

There are aspects of the way my brain works that I adore. There are other aspects of the way my brain works that feel devastating.

I love the way I can remember things. I love that I am continually hungry for knowledge. I love the way my brain seeks out puzzles to solve in efficient and effective ways.

I also find it devastating. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have ruminating thoughts. I, sometimes, wonder what I was like as a child. I have memories but not a clear grasp of who I was. If there was a before and now I’m living in the after? Or if I always felt like this? I don’t know. I have nothing that I would consider a significant traumatic event, that might signify a “before” and having watched my kids grow up with anxiety and other mental health challenges, I believe that a huge part of my story is genetic.

Chemical deficits that lead to faulty wiring in my brain and body; or maybe generational trauma, but that’s getting deeper and headier than I was planning on getting in this post.

Regardless of the why, I’ve experienced anxiety and rumination for as long as I can remember.

For the most part, it’s under control. But I’m ever so aware, that this stability isn’t guaranteed. I don’t know exactly what triggers it but when it happens, it feels like it blindsides me.

I know it sounds strange to say that’s a good thing, but it is. I, now, have periods of time where I’m not ruminating and that’s incredible; because I have had periods of time, in my past, where I couldn’t stop the thoughts from looping.

I think the hardest part of this was growing up thinking that everybody experienced this and that they were just doing a better job of managing it than I was. I thought everybody’s brain worked like mine and they could cope a lot better than I could. I felt defective, and not capable enough to handle the regular every day pressures of life; but everybody else was doing it, so I just needed to try harder and be better.

I had no clue that it wasn’t normal to over think and over analyze every conversation you had. To pick apart everything you said and did; and based on that information, to judge yourself as lacking, foolish, inept, and basically just so stupid. I had no idea that most people didn’t hyper fixate on every social interaction and determine that others were judging you for slight social miscalculations or flubbed non-verbal nuances. That was just my normal.

But my normal was often hell. (to be continued)