I’m Dreaming of…..

So I’m sitting in front of my happy light crying…..how ironic is that?

I do believe that I’m about due for that whole monthly thing within the next week (I apologize if that’s TMI for ya) but even knowing that doesn’t really make me feel that much better.

I don’t feel Christmas-y AT ALL!  I’ve been going through the motions, trying to convince myself that “I’m SO EXCITED that its Christmas time”  because….well….because I typically LOVE Christmas and maybe, just maybe I can convince myself into being happy and excited about Christmas instead of just wishing it were over already!

This is a tough year.  We are still in the trenches of our fight against cancer, but the intensity of the situation has lifted just enough that we can look around a little and breathe.  In some ways, that feels just as bad as when we were in the thick of it all and all we could really concentrate on was just getting through the day.  At least then, we didn’t really have the time or energy to see what we “were” or “were not” doing.  We were just trying to do our best and to “exist” through a very tough time.  Not that I have a lot of time or energy right now, but I do have a little bit more than I did back then…..YAH for small victories….sorta!

I was listening to the radio as I drove the kids to school this morning and a story came on about a little boy who was diagnosed with Leukemia when he was 4.  He’s now five and the the radio station was raising money to help make this an amazing Christmas for him and his family.  They mentioned the part where he’s been in treatment for the past year and that he has another 2 years of treatment to go…..My first throught was…..That’s horrible!  That’s such a long time. My second thought was…..Oh Yah!  That’s where we are at!

We don’t have to go through two more years of treatment, but we do have to go through another year of treatment and it’s tough.  I cried for that little boy’s family.  I know what they are feeling.  I know how tough it’s been for them.  I cried for our family.  It’s been a tough year and a half.

And so I cry.  I try to pull myself together.  I turn my Happy Light on and dream of sunshine and warm beaches…..

And then I’ve got to go and work on this……

Mount Laundry

Because it won’t fold itself, eh?

Author: Patricia Culley

I'm the ringmaster of my own circus. Just trying to stay one step ahead of the monkeys.

2 thoughts on “I’m Dreaming of…..”

  1. Oh Wow. Good luck. Thinking of you lots.
    My office kind of looks like that in the paper equivalent and I’m forcing myself to just pick up one piece at a time a deal with it! Merry Christmas, eh?

  2. Right there with ya my friend! I just can’t get into the Christmas thing this year………we don’t even have our tree up yet 🙁

    And that pile of laundry looks a little familiar……..but you can’t see the floor beneath mine. Small victory for you 🙂


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *