Category: Personal Growth

Forgiveness

I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness recently.

It’s felt like there was something brewing inside of me and I couldn’t quite figure it out. So today I sat down and really dove in to it.

I know about forgiveness. I know how important it is. Growing up in the church, it’s preached everywhere and often.

I thought I was doing a good job of practising forgiveness. It’s not always easy but you choose to walk in forgiveness even if you don’t feel like it because holding on to un-forgiveness leads to bitterness and resentment and I don’t want to live like that.

I really thought I was walking in forgiveness but today as I searched the scripture, something came alive to me.

Don’t you just love when revelation hits?

It’s so amazing.

So often, we feel wronged. We are human.

It can be something as simple as someone cutting us off while we are driving, or maybe a neighbour takes advantage of our good nature and generosity, or it can be as serious as having someone slander us. There are countless reasons and ways for us to “feel wronged”.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced situations or circumstances where others have wronged us. It’s a pretty human feeling to want them to pay for what they’ve done or to feel like you’re owed something to compensate for the hurt or loss that you’ve felt.

But…..in the Bible, God says that unselfish love is the basis for forgiveness because it keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).

That means letting go of resentment and giving up any claim to be compensated for the hurt or loss we have suffered.

Giving up any claim to be compensated for the hurt or loss we have suffered.

That’s huge.

Can I do that?

Will I give up my perceived right to expect an apology and any form of compensation for wrongs done to me?

Forgiveness is not an option according to the Bible, it’s a command. We have been commanded to forgive, in the same way that God has forgiven us; and if we don’t forgive then God will not forgive us.

“And when you pray, make sure you forgive the faults of others so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you withhold forgiveness from others, your Father withholds forgiveness from you.”

Matthew 6:14-15 TPT

When I really think about that, it’s sobering. I have been forgiven of so much. He died for me. He gave His life so that I wouldn’t have to die for my sins. And I AM a sinner. I make mistakes. I do wrong, even when I want or try to do right.

I have been forgiven and continue to be forgiven for the wrongs that I do. Will I choose to offer forgiveness to those who wrong me? Will I forgive completely and let go of any desire to be acknowledged or apologized to?

In Luke 23, while hanging on the cross, Jesus said,

“Father, forgive them for they don’t even know what they are doing.”

There was no repentance by “the others”, at that moment. There was no acknowledgement of wrong doing; and even so, He forgave. He continued to lay down His life even though he was being hurt and betrayed by the very ones he was dying for.

He didn’t hold them accountable. He said,

“Father, don’t hold them accountable for their wrong doing. Don’t make them pay. Forgive them.”

In the middle of the hardship, hurt, pain, betrayal; while the offences were still happening – He forgave. He didn’t hold anything against them. He let them off the hook.

What an example! Can we live like that? Will we choose to live like that? I want to.

I know that, in the past, I have looked for “repentance” or a recognition of wrong doing but from what I read and understand, we are to offer forgiveness freely. It’s not based on contrition or apology or acknowledgement of wrong doing. It has nothing to do with the other party!

So what does it look like to give up the right to be compensated for the hurt we have felt or experienced?

What does it look like to forgive?

I guess for me, it’s a choice to continually let go.

  • Letting go of my perceived right to be apologized to.
  • Letting go of the desire to be vindicated.
  • Letting go of the need to punish.
  • Letting go of the want to see the other party hurt as bad as I have.
  • Letting go of thinking that I know what’s right or best.
  • Letting go of expecting accountability.

It’s letting go, giving up, surrendering my wants and giving it all to God to hold and care for.

If you really think about it, there’s such a beauty and freedom in that “letting go.”

In our own strength, forgiveness is impossible but with God, nothing is impossible and we can walk the path of forgiveness with grace and joy.

I’ve been a bit emotional thinking about this all today. It’s really quite incredible.

Just Over a Week Away

The Art Challenge starts next Friday September 1 and goes through the 30th. We will be drawing or doodling or creating with joy and passion; maybe a little fear and trembling but honestly, I hope you enjoy it.

I’ve put together a little package together that you can print and have on hand to look at the prompts, think of ideas in advance, or just to hold in your hot little hands. I’ll post it in a link below. You can just click the link and it will take you to a page where you can print from or save it to your computer or phone. There’s a colour option that you can print double sided if you want or single page black and white version. I’ll also be posting the prompts the day before so you can come here or go to my Facebook Page or my Instagram and check it out if you’d rather follow along that way.

Click here for the Prompts and Art Challenge Pdf.

I can’t wait for another fabulous month of art and creativity and I do hope you join us.

Art Challenge Supplies

“What do I need for this Art Challenge? I’m not an artist. I don’t have any art supplies.”

Good news! You don’t need anything special to join. Find some scrap paper, and any thing that writes. Pen, pencil, broken crayon…..you are good to go.

Ok honestly, you really don’t need anything fancy. Scrap paper is fine. A ream of printer paper is fine. I would suggest that you get a sketch book of some sort, just so you have a record of where you started and so you can see your progress. You can pick something up at a dollar store, but it’s not necessary. Pencil is a great medium. An eraser is super helpful, as is a sharpener.

I love my watercolor paints. Jon is trying oil based pencil crayons. If you have an iPad or a tablet, there are tons of digital drawing apps. If writing is your thing, a journal or computer. Get creative. I know someone who used cut up cardboard boxes to paint on.

It doesn’t have to cost you money to create; just some time and energy. And that’s not so much a cost, as it is an investment. Forbes says, “Creativity is the only investment that never fails.”

We’d love to have you join us from September 1-30 as we bring a little bit more beauty and light into the world.

It takes Courage

Waiting is not an easy thing.

Have you ever had a situation where you wished that time would speed up? I think we’ve all probably had situations of anticipation where you wished that time would hurry up already. It’s hard to wait when you’re hoping and praying and waiting for something.

I remember when I was pregnant. My pregnancies were not delightful. I was SO sick. I was so tired. It was uncomfortable and frankly, miserable. But…..I believed there was a beautiful ending and beginning. I hoped there was a beautiful ending and beginning and so, I waited.

I waited miserable, sick and exhausted. I tried to find the beautiful moments – like feeling the baby move inside me. It’s one of my most favourite moments in life. But mostly I just waited miserable, sick and exhausted. I was biding my time waiting for the end of my misery and the beginning of wonder.

I’m in another one of those times in life. I’m not pregnant. Not a chance. I’m way too old for those shenanigans. But I’m in a season that sometimes feels confusing and challenging. It’s a shifting season, a growth season, a rediscovery season and it’s frustrating.

In my devotions today, I said, “God I need something. I need a sign or a message or something to encourage me.”

And then I read Psalms 27:14. (NLT)

Green watercolor eucalyptus border along the bottom of the image with the words Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Psalms 27:14 overlayed on top of the image

Seriously! Wait. Wait??? Just wait.

But the words that really stood out to me were those words in the middle of the verse. Be brave and courageous. In another translation it says “Be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart.”

As I thought about those words today, it stuck with me that it takes courage to trust and wait. It takes strength of heart, determination and confidence to patiently wait when you don’t want to, when you feel impatient; especially, when you just want to rush in and make things happen.

And so, I wait. Hopefully with this reminder, I’ll be a little more patient and I’ll have a little more grace for myself and others. But I can also recognize that I am brave. I am strong. I am courageous. There is strength in waiting patiently and confidently. And so I wait.

Hurry Up and Wait

I woke up this morning from a sad dream. I’ll take those over nightmares any day but they are not my favourite kind of dream. I think the absolutely absurd ones are my favourite. Do you have a favourite kind of dream? Weird question, I know!

Anyway, back to my feelings! I felt sad and discouraged. It felt like my world was weighing so heavy on me.

I couldn’t easily shake the heaviness so I got up and got ready for the day. I grabbed a coffee and headed out to my garden. I watered a few plants, checked on my seedlings and then felt frustrated.

Some of my seeds sprouting

I was frustrated because I want them to be grown and mature plants producing beauty and nourishment.

I looked at my garden and felt irritated. You see, right now it’s in the beginning stages of growth. It looks an awful lot like “dirt”. The seeds are hidden and even the young plants are pretty sparse and gangly looking.

Cucumber seedling emerging

I know what it going’s to look like in a month from now. I planted healthy flower and vegetable seeds and it’s a certainty that at least some of them will grow. I also planted some more mature seedlings and provided that I tend to them and give them what they need, my backyard is going to be full of gorgeous greenery, flowers, veggies and herbs. There are going to be butterflies and bees flying around pollinating. Dragonflies will be zipping around and the ladybugs will be everywhere.

In less than a month, I’ll be harvesting salad and adding in herbs to my food. In 2 months, it will be even more stunning. I’ll have plants that reach over 6 feet tall and some that spread wide and it’s literally going to look like a garden oasis.

I can see it in my mind. I can picture myself drinking coffee in the morning or a glass of wine in the evening while I water plants or sit and relax.

But I’m impatient and I want it now. This all ties back to my dream. There are things I’m working toward and hope for that I don’t see the full fruition of and it’s easy to get discouraged if I get stuck in the here and now.

But I can trust that if I’m planting good seeds and tending to them; that the laws of sowing and reaping are as certain as the changing seasons. Even if I don’t know exactly how long the growth process is, I can trust and believe that at the right time, it will happen.

That’s easier said than done but I will keep reminding myself of this when I feel discouraged or frustrated. And I’ll try to remember that no amount of wishing or hoping or dreaming can make things happen any faster than they are supposed to.

Plant the seeds, nurture and tend to them until you see a harvest. It will happen.

Oh Disappointment.

I had an experience today where I felt misunderstood and I received (To be clear, it was never said that I was a disappointment. I would hazard a guess that I heard it through my own hurts and trauma) the message that I was a disappointment.

Oh my! Did that ever trigger me. I can feel myself spiralling downward and I don’t know how to stop it. Okay, let’s process this.

I can remember as a child, feeling like I’d disappointed people and it feeling devastating because I was trying my hardest to be good, to do good. The message I received was that “my good” wasn’t enough. That’s got to be so hard for a little one who is looking for worth and validation from those who love them.

How can that be? What would lead me to accept and believe that I’m not good enough? Did I feel rejected? Did I feel a relational separation or distance when disappointment was expressed?

That’s definitely another huge issue for me. I’m desperate to feel connected and accepted in relationship. Is that wrong? I don’t think it is. Isn’t that what we were created for? To be in relationship. If so, then a separation or distance would feel intolerable.

I wonder if, when I was a child, disappointment and relational distance was used in an effort to affect behaviour? I don’t believe it was done maliciously but I also don’t see how that is not traumatic regardless of intention. I can think of several instances where both disappointment and relational separation were used, at home, school and church. At that point, that was my whole life.

So how do I deal with this.

Well it sucks. It’s brutal to receive a message that indicates that you’re a disappointment and that the comfort and love that you crave and need in relational safety will be withheld if you displease someone.

When I think about the little parts of me. The small child that I was, my heart breaks for her. No child should feel like they are a disappointment. No child should receive the message that they aren’t good enough and no child should be left to figure out relationship on their own.

I can’t fathom doing that to my kids. There are times when I’ve been disappointed in their actions and I’ve tried so desperately hard to pull them close and indicate that I love them even if I didn’t particularly like a choice or action they made in the moment. I’ve tried to make it abundantly clear that they aren’t defined by any one action and that my love for them never changes. I communicate that I see the good in them and I speak it out over them. I want them to hear and know and believe that they are the incredible people that I see them as.

So how do I do this for myself.

Well, I guess a start could be reminding myself of all the good that I do see in me. I can speak out over myself that I am a good person. I am loving and kind, considerate, thoughtful, and encouraging. I want to do my best and to be my best.

And, I guess it’s possible that my best might not always be appreciated or accepted or even good enough for others. While I might wish that I was always appreciated and accepted and seen as good enough, the mature adult parts of me can recognize that’s not really realistic or even really necessary.

Oh but to the small parts of me it sure feels necessary, sometimes. Those wounded parts want to feel loved and safe and connected.

So, I will tend to those parts of me. I will be gentle with myself and compassionate towards myself and show love to myself. I will act towards myself in ways that foster relationship and connection, especially with the small parts of me who struggle to believe. Because I am good enough and I am worthy of love and connection. Even when I struggle to believe and assimilate it, it’s still true. I will look for those who are gentle and compassionate and loving towards me and I will notice and be so thankful for every interaction that affirms the truth.

I am a blessing. I am loved. I am cared for. I am safe. I am good.