Category: Mental Health

Even the Rain…

I’ve worked on a practise of gratitude and thankfulness for years but the weather is something that really affects me; and I’ve whined and moaned incessantly about it.

I live in the Pacific Northwest and we have a significant amount of rainy, grey weather throughout the year. I struggle physically, mentally and emotionally when the weather is cold, dark, grey and wet. This is unfortunate because that is a fairly accurate description of our weather for about 8 months out of the year.

Each year, as the summer winds down, I find myself dreading the fall, winter and spring months. Why do I live somewhere where the weather affects me so badly?

A couple of years ago, The Father challenged me to stop complaining about the weather. He really impressed on me that He was responsible for the weather. All of it! We often hear of big, violent weather like storms or tornadoes, tsunamis, etc referred to as Acts of God, but the reality is – ALL WEATHER IS AN ACT OF GOD.

For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. Matthew 5:45 NLT

This scripture attributes control of the weather to the Father. His hand is in both the sun and the rain.

He knows what the earth needs. He knows which areas of the earth need more or less of every kind of weather. He definitely knows so much more than I do. And if I’m being honest, I’m thankful to not have the responsibility of having to care for the whole earth and all the creatures that call this place home.

Recognizing His sovereignty, even over the weather has made a difference in how I view the dark, rainy seasons.

It doesn’t necessarily make it easier but I can recognize that there’s more at play than I can see or understand. And honestly, I have options. If it’s really important to me, I could move to a place that has less rain. It might be difficult or uncomfortable to make the move but it is an option.

The biggest change for me has been adjusting my attitude. The Bible says to be thankful in all things.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. ?1 Thessalonians 5:18?


All things or all circumstances doesn’t exclude the weather. Now it doesn’t say that I have to be thankful FOR all things – there is lots that happens in our broken world; and too many things that are hard to be thankful “for”. But… we do have the choice to look around us and to be thankful for what we do have, even during difficult or hard times.

Even during the dark, cold, rainy seasons (whether that’s literal or metaphorical), we can look around and find things to be thankful for. I am thankful for the rain because it waters the earth. Even when I wish it was sunny, I am thankful that my plants are getting water so they can grow. I am thankful that our reservoirs are filling up and the ice pack is growing because it helps during the hot months so we don’t end up with massive droughts and forest fires. I am thankful for opportunities to hunker down inside my house and get some stuff done that I might not want to, if it were a gorgeous sunny day and I wanted to be out and about.

When I look for and focus on the things I can be thankful for, my mood lifts and I am happier. Even if it’s still dark and grey and raining.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honourable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.? Philippians 4:6-9


We can absolutely choose to focus on the difficulties we experience in life and be discouraged and frustrated, depressed and anxious. Or… we can choose to be thankful in all circumstances. We can choose to focus on God’s truth and on things that are honourable, pure and lovely. When we choose gratitude over dissatisfaction, we will experience peace and joy – even in the middle of difficulties.

Are there areas in your life where you are struggling to be thankful? Can you look around, take stock of your life and find something – even just one thing – to be thankful for?

Every day I wake up, I’m thankful for another day to live and love.
I’d love to hear what you have to be thankful for.

Seasons Change

I’ve been feeling “blah” lately.

Extra tired physically and mentally but not depressed, I don’t think. Feeling like I’m doing too much and not enough, at the same time. It’s so frustrating.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I’ve been so used to living in the chaos of trauma (The last 20 years have been a party of the worst kind. It’s feels insane to even write that down. 20 years!) that I don’t even know what it’s like to exist with less stress and trauma.

I got up this morning feeling much the same and I looked out my bathroom window and muttered to myself, “Seasons Change. I won’t feel like this forever.”

It’s something my mom told me years ago when I was complaining to her about how hard life as a young mom felt. She said, “Even when it feels like the longest, darkest, never ending winter – know that spring’s coming. And if you get stuck in the rainiest, most miserable springtime, know that warm summer days are coming. And if you feel stuck in the driest, drought of summer know that cool autumn days are coming next.”

There have been times when I’ve felt trapped in the darkest winter season I could imagine; and it seemed unending but I trusted and held onto the hope that my Spring was coming and things in my life would come back to life.

No matter what season you feel you’re in; know without a shadow of a doubt that Seasons Change. Try and find some beauty in the season you’re in, even if it’s appreciating the dark quiet of hibernation and rest before you rise out of the darkness into something new.

Genesis 8:22 TPT –
22 “As long as earth exists
there will always be seasons
of planting and harvest,
cold and heat,
summer and winter,
day and night.”

September Art Challenge

I’m SO excited to get back into a routine.

Honestly, I needed the laidback chaos of the summer but I’m definitely craving routine and schedule.

I’m looking forward to drawing and painting regularly and have worked with Jon to come up with an art prompt list for September.

Here is a link to a 8.5×11 page that you can print, if you prefer a paper copy.

September Prompts.pdfDownload

You can join us every day or just some days.

You can draw or paint or sculpt or write or dance.

You can use the prompts for inspiration or do your own thing.

I believe we were created to create; so whether you are an artist or just like to make beautiful messes. Go for it. Create wildly and with abandon. And share your creativity with us.

Tag us on Facebook or Instagram or use the hashtag #xangelleartchallenge so we can see your creativity and celebrate you and the beauty you bring to the world.

But 30 Days is SO Long!

You might be wondering what kind of commitment this whole 30 Day Art Challenge is.

Honestly 30 days is a long time.

Will you be kicked out of “the club” if you miss a day?

NOPE

Will you be letting someone down if you miss a day?

NOPE

Will you be shamed or called out if you miss a day?

Also NOPE!

I would strongly encourage you to join our 30 Day Art Challenge with every plan of creating art every day.

Purposing to do this will allow you to get the most out of the process. It will also encourage you to get creative with finding ways to fit creativity into busy days. It could be a quick 5 min session while you wait for a bus or a kid. It could be drawing while you sit in the waiting room at the dr or dentist. It could be on your coffee break at work. We waste so much time but the more you realize that. The more you purpose to fit creativity in to your day to day life , the more ways and times and places you will notice that you can fit it in.

If you get to the end of your day and realize that you forgot or were too busy…..take note of that. Use that information to give you feedback. If you had the most soul fulfilling day packed with love and joy and people, then call it a win and have a good nights sleep. If you think back and feel like the day was tied up in fruitless busy-ness; think about how you can make changes to be living the life that you want to and make one plan to do so the next day.

If you choose to invest in a month of adding creativity to your life, make that month count. But don’t feel like a failure if life gets busy. Just come back to it.

Live life with the passion of a baby learning to walk. They try. They fall. They try. They fall. They keep trying and trying and trying and trying until they’ve got it.

This also means they fall and get up, over and over and over until they walk.

Also think about the fact that we say they are “walking” when they manage to stumble through 2 or 3 steps. We don’t run them down for falling. We cheer and squeal and shout and encourage them on.

Be your own cheerleader on this artistic journey. Speak gently and encouragingly to yourself. Let us, also, cheer you on. The more steps you take, the more you will be confident in your abilities. But it’s not about the finished product. It’s about the journey.

We’d love to have you join us from September 1-30 for our 30 Day Art Challenge. Stay tuned for more details.

Create With Me!

I thought it might be fun to have a practise round before we get going, so that you have an idea of how this process works.

Starting with the prompt “Flower” create something and either tag me on Instagram ( @pattic ) or post it in the comments of this post on Facebook.

You can draw, paint, write a poem, a song, take a photograph, sculpt, do whatever you want. But create your interpretation of the word flower and share it with us.

The word is just a prompt so create what that prompt sparks inside of you. It could be a flower, it could be multiple flowers, it could be a bouquet, or a field. It could be a flower dress or a flower tie or flower sunglasses. It’s up to you. It can be as simple or as complicated as you want. I’ll probably take about 5 mins to draw and paint mine.

I can’t wait to see what you create.

I’ll post mine as soon as I do it. Happy creating!

Imposter Syndrome

We’d LOVE to have you join our art challenge in September. Keep following for more details!

But I can’t draw/paint/color/etc; “I’m not an artist.” you might be saying.

You might not be selling your art, or hanging it in a gallery but that doesn’t make you “not an artist.”

That was an awkward sentence.

I remember when I changed the title on my Facebook Page from Blogger to Artist. I most definitely did not identify as an artist. I felt like the hugest fraud putting that on there BUT……the fact was that I made art and crazy enough, I even sold my art…..even crazier, people had been buying my art on greeting cards for years.

But I wasn’t an artist because I wasn’t very good. I most definitely wasn’t as good as “them”.

Imposter Syndrome is that uncomfortable feeling that you feel when you think you are unqualified and incompetent. If you manage to do something well, you might chalk it up to good luck.

After much therapy, I figured out that feelings of “not being good enough” weren’t really serving me and I wanted to live life differently. That involved redefining how I saw and spoke about myself.

Art was a big one for me because I’ve always felt called to create. But I spent a huge portion of my life doubting my abilities and denying myself the right to try and fail while still having fun.

If I can, in some small way, encourage you to try – knowing that failing is just part of trying; and encourage you to have fun while trying – I honestly believe that if you want to, you can create art to spark joy, too!

Not everyone wants to draw or color and that’s fine. But if there’s a part of you that has always wanted to but hasn’t given yourself permission to – for whatever reason……know that this is a safe space to start.

Calling all my fellow artists and creatives, we’d love to have you join us as we do a 30 day Art Challenge from September 1-30.

Art Challenge Supplies

“What do I need for this Art Challenge? I’m not an artist. I don’t have any art supplies.”

Good news! You don’t need anything special to join. Find some scrap paper, and any thing that writes. Pen, pencil, broken crayon…..you are good to go.

Ok honestly, you really don’t need anything fancy. Scrap paper is fine. A ream of printer paper is fine. I would suggest that you get a sketch book of some sort, just so you have a record of where you started and so you can see your progress. You can pick something up at a dollar store, but it’s not necessary. Pencil is a great medium. An eraser is super helpful, as is a sharpener.

I love my watercolor paints. Jon is trying oil based pencil crayons. If you have an iPad or a tablet, there are tons of digital drawing apps. If writing is your thing, a journal or computer. Get creative. I know someone who used cut up cardboard boxes to paint on.

It doesn’t have to cost you money to create; just some time and energy. And that’s not so much a cost, as it is an investment. Forbes says, “Creativity is the only investment that never fails.”

We’d love to have you join us from September 1-30 as we bring a little bit more beauty and light into the world.

Hurry Up and Wait

I woke up this morning from a sad dream. I’ll take those over nightmares any day but they are not my favourite kind of dream. I think the absolutely absurd ones are my favourite. Do you have a favourite kind of dream? Weird question, I know!

Anyway, back to my feelings! I felt sad and discouraged. It felt like my world was weighing so heavy on me.

I couldn’t easily shake the heaviness so I got up and got ready for the day. I grabbed a coffee and headed out to my garden. I watered a few plants, checked on my seedlings and then felt frustrated.

Some of my seeds sprouting

I was frustrated because I want them to be grown and mature plants producing beauty and nourishment.

I looked at my garden and felt irritated. You see, right now it’s in the beginning stages of growth. It looks an awful lot like “dirt”. The seeds are hidden and even the young plants are pretty sparse and gangly looking.

Cucumber seedling emerging

I know what it going’s to look like in a month from now. I planted healthy flower and vegetable seeds and it’s a certainty that at least some of them will grow. I also planted some more mature seedlings and provided that I tend to them and give them what they need, my backyard is going to be full of gorgeous greenery, flowers, veggies and herbs. There are going to be butterflies and bees flying around pollinating. Dragonflies will be zipping around and the ladybugs will be everywhere.

In less than a month, I’ll be harvesting salad and adding in herbs to my food. In 2 months, it will be even more stunning. I’ll have plants that reach over 6 feet tall and some that spread wide and it’s literally going to look like a garden oasis.

I can see it in my mind. I can picture myself drinking coffee in the morning or a glass of wine in the evening while I water plants or sit and relax.

But I’m impatient and I want it now. This all ties back to my dream. There are things I’m working toward and hope for that I don’t see the full fruition of and it’s easy to get discouraged if I get stuck in the here and now.

But I can trust that if I’m planting good seeds and tending to them; that the laws of sowing and reaping are as certain as the changing seasons. Even if I don’t know exactly how long the growth process is, I can trust and believe that at the right time, it will happen.

That’s easier said than done but I will keep reminding myself of this when I feel discouraged or frustrated. And I’ll try to remember that no amount of wishing or hoping or dreaming can make things happen any faster than they are supposed to.

Plant the seeds, nurture and tend to them until you see a harvest. It will happen.

A Glorious Cascade

Jon got me the most decadent hanging baskets for Mother’s Day. You know the HUGE ones that end up being the most glorious cascade of color and substance.

I’ve wanted some forever and it feels so extravagant but also so incredibly special. We’ve hung 2 in front of our driveway and one by our front porch and would you believe that I currently have no pictures of them. Crazy!

We also got a bunch of flowers and veggies, herbs, seeds and dirt this past weekend.

Lettuce, Rosemary and Cosmos

I have tried to start seeds twice this year already and have killed both attempts. I’m not typically so deadly when it comes to plants but I’m still in a weird season.

Last summer, I missed my garden terribly but I couldn’t even fathom attempting to tend to anything. Just existing was about all I could handle.

Obviously, the desire to nurture is there and I’m hoping that with a bit of a jump start, the follow through will kick in.

Wave Petunias

I managed to get all the plants we bought planted. It took until today but in a month, my back yard should be the most gorgeous, lush oasis.

Oregano

There is a fabulous mess of flowers, mixed in with veggies and herbs; tucked into pots and baskets and corners and even neatly lined up inside the greenhouse that Jon built for me last year.

Cucumbers starting from seeds

We should have fresh salad all summer long. And I’ve planted 4 zucchini plants and have started seeds for 6 more. I know that sounds crazy but I’ve only ever once had a zucchini plant go crazy and I shredded and froze zucchini in 1 and 2 cup portions and still managed to run out before the next summer. So I’m praying for an over abundant harvest.

Zucchini

I’m hoping that growing them in the greenhouse will help protect them from the powdery mildew that seems to be rampant in my neighbourhood. I’m also going to try growing some in planters in my front yard. It gets sun mostly all day.

Garlic chives

I still have a few things that I’d like to plant, like beans and carrots and radishes as well as Alyssum. But if I don’t get to it, that’s okay too.

Tomatoe and Basil

I’m tired and a little sad tonight. Just feeling a little melancholy. Do you have moments like that, sometimes? Times when life feels a little bit weightier than others. I’m sure it will pass.

Cosmos and Petunias

As I wait with anticipation for this season to wind down, I’m thankful for life. I’m thankful for joy. I’m thankful that I have enough. I’m ever so thankful for the warmth and glow of the sunshine. I’m thankful that I have the capacity to hold both the sadness and the gratitude at the same time.

Lemon Balm

This too shall pass and until then, (and most likely even after) you’ll probably find me in my garden.

Oh Disappointment.

I had an experience today where I felt misunderstood and I received (To be clear, it was never said that I was a disappointment. I would hazard a guess that I heard it through my own hurts and trauma) the message that I was a disappointment.

Oh my! Did that ever trigger me. I can feel myself spiralling downward and I don’t know how to stop it. Okay, let’s process this.

I can remember as a child, feeling like I’d disappointed people and it feeling devastating because I was trying my hardest to be good, to do good. The message I received was that “my good” wasn’t enough. That’s got to be so hard for a little one who is looking for worth and validation from those who love them.

How can that be? What would lead me to accept and believe that I’m not good enough? Did I feel rejected? Did I feel a relational separation or distance when disappointment was expressed?

That’s definitely another huge issue for me. I’m desperate to feel connected and accepted in relationship. Is that wrong? I don’t think it is. Isn’t that what we were created for? To be in relationship. If so, then a separation or distance would feel intolerable.

I wonder if, when I was a child, disappointment and relational distance was used in an effort to affect behaviour? I don’t believe it was done maliciously but I also don’t see how that is not traumatic regardless of intention. I can think of several instances where both disappointment and relational separation were used, at home, school and church. At that point, that was my whole life.

So how do I deal with this.

Well it sucks. It’s brutal to receive a message that indicates that you’re a disappointment and that the comfort and love that you crave and need in relational safety will be withheld if you displease someone.

When I think about the little parts of me. The small child that I was, my heart breaks for her. No child should feel like they are a disappointment. No child should receive the message that they aren’t good enough and no child should be left to figure out relationship on their own.

I can’t fathom doing that to my kids. There are times when I’ve been disappointed in their actions and I’ve tried so desperately hard to pull them close and indicate that I love them even if I didn’t particularly like a choice or action they made in the moment. I’ve tried to make it abundantly clear that they aren’t defined by any one action and that my love for them never changes. I communicate that I see the good in them and I speak it out over them. I want them to hear and know and believe that they are the incredible people that I see them as.

So how do I do this for myself.

Well, I guess a start could be reminding myself of all the good that I do see in me. I can speak out over myself that I am a good person. I am loving and kind, considerate, thoughtful, and encouraging. I want to do my best and to be my best.

And, I guess it’s possible that my best might not always be appreciated or accepted or even good enough for others. While I might wish that I was always appreciated and accepted and seen as good enough, the mature adult parts of me can recognize that’s not really realistic or even really necessary.

Oh but to the small parts of me it sure feels necessary, sometimes. Those wounded parts want to feel loved and safe and connected.

So, I will tend to those parts of me. I will be gentle with myself and compassionate towards myself and show love to myself. I will act towards myself in ways that foster relationship and connection, especially with the small parts of me who struggle to believe. Because I am good enough and I am worthy of love and connection. Even when I struggle to believe and assimilate it, it’s still true. I will look for those who are gentle and compassionate and loving towards me and I will notice and be so thankful for every interaction that affirms the truth.

I am a blessing. I am loved. I am cared for. I am safe. I am good.