“Cause I’m Lame Like That……..

Well, I not really, but I still haven’t gotten Jon to  take a picture of me at 25 weeks pregnant, and now I’m 25 weeks and 4 days…..alomst 26 weeks.

Silly me!  I will try to get him to take one tonight.  I had my OB appointment yesterday, and was the most calm that I’ve been at any of my appointments with him since I found out I was pregnant this time.  It’s helps to be feeling the baby moving on a regular basis, also.

He tried to find our little boy’s heartbeat with his doppler, and seemed to have a hard time, eventually he said that it was trucking along at 150 beats per minute, and then said that he wanted to have little look on the ultrasound machine.  I was, of course, all up for that.  It’s amazing how big the baby looked on the screen.  From seeing almost nothing but a flicker at my 7-8 week appointment, to seeing a little tiny blob like looking baby, to now when we couldn’t see the whole baby on the screen, but had to move all around to see everything from head to toe and finger to finger.

I mentioned that  I wondered about the fact that I really only felt movement in the extreme lower portion of my torso.  I would get the odd poke higer up, but not a whole lot of movement on either the sides or the top.  He figured that the little one must be breech, and the ultrasound revealed that Yes, in fact, this little stinker is breech, and by jugding from how long I’ve been feeling the movements down low – he’s been that way for a while.

He still has his stomach, facing towards my spine.  He’s basically cuddling my innards, and kicking the crap out of my bladder.  It’s so much fun!  I really don’t mind.  I know that I’ve said that I want to be holding this little one more than anything, but I’m really trying to just take each moment as it comes, and to enjoy EVERY last minute that he is inside of me, as this one is most likely my last. 

I’ve not ever planned on having 5 kids, not that there is anything wrong with that, but I am struggling (not terribly, it’s just a niggling thought) with the fact that I never wanted to have this large an age span between any of my kids.  Jeremy will be almost 7 when this one is born.  I know it’s not the end of the world, but I think that it’s fun to have someone to grow up with, and well…..I really don’t have to make any decisions now…..this is just something that is floating around in my brain.

I said to my mom today that I only have 3 more months to get everything ready beofre this little guy shows up.  I still need to get a crib, and a dreser and a change table, as well as to clear out his room (it’s loaded with crap right now), and paint.  I still need some other stuff, but when we were clearing out the garage this past weekend we looked through the baby stuff we had, and while most of it is girls stuff (I’ve passed on and given away a lot of the boy clothes), I did manage to find a ton of little baby undershirts, so as far as those go – I’m good to go!

I also need to get some fabric and figure out a crib set for this little one.  AAAAARRGH!

It kind of feels like there is a lot to do, and time keeps speeding up.  Not that I’m complaining – I can’t wait to hold our little boy, but I just want to get everything done.

I only have 101 days to go until my due date.  That is just so exciting!  I can hardly believe it. 

I have to go for the Gestational Diabetes Test any time now.  The OB gave me the requesition for it yesterday, as well as a requesition for another big ultrasound to check to make sure that everything is going perfectly like it should be.  So, I’ll get to see our little guy again.  That is always so fun. 

Alright, I have babbled on enough already.  Going to go and put the kids to bed……..talk to you soon………..

Pregnancy Progression

24 weeksI’ve finally gotten around to posting the pregnancy progression pictures that we’ve taken of this pregnancy so far.  I’ll have a new one to add to the set tomorrow.  Now, that doens’t mean that I’ll post it tomorrow, but I will try. 

It seems amazing that we’re this far into it.  Only 15 more weeks until the due date…..YAH!

Just click on this photo of me from last week to see the whole set.

Edited to Add:

I’m frustrated ’cause I had typed a whole bunch more, and when I hit save and publish it wasn’t there so obviously I did something wrong, but I’m too upset to try and remember everything that I said.  Oh well!  Enjoy the pictures….if you’re into that kind of thing, and if not….be about your business.

ps…..can you tell that I’ve died my hair?  It’s a dark brown now.  I love it.  I had 2 inch roots, and couldn’t handle them any more.  So, voila!  They are gone!

Yah…..I Have No Idea What to Title This One….Ramblings, maybe?

Green ConfettiI mentioned that I had an appointment with my Naturopath for yesterday.  Just when I was getting ready to take the kids to school, we got a call that something had come up, and that she needed to rebook.  So, no hand holding after all.  At least not until Tuesday afternoon. 

Tuesday is shaping up to be a BUSY day.  Jon rebooked my OB appointment for Tuesday morning, and then the Naturopath rebooked for Tuesday afternoon.  I don’t think I’ll be making the treck into Vancouver to see Chris on Tuesday……too much going on.

The baby was really moving around yesterday afternoon, and well into the evening.  Jon was moonlighting doing sound for a Graduation, and I don’t usually go to sleep until he’s home.  Don’t know why I do this, maybe just something about him being home….I don’t know!  I sleep fine when he’s not here, and if he’s gone for some reason until 2 or 3 or 4 am then I don’t stay up, but if I know he’s going to be home oarund midnight or so I just wait up.  Was probably stupid of me, ’cause I know that I was tired, but my brain is just moving and moving at a zillion miles an hour.  I even had to read once I crawled into bed, and finally shut the light off and went to sleep about 1am.  Paid for it this morning though, when the alarm beeped at 7am, and I really didn’t want to get up.  Had to though ’cause Jon had to leave by 8am to do more of the same sound gig, so I had to be ready to get the kids off to school by myself.

It’s all good though.  I’m feeling okay right now, although I may go to bed after the hockey game tonight just to try to catch up on sleep.

It’s weird being here at home, and with Chris in VGH.  I don’t mind the drive in, but when I’m tring to fit it in to “my life” I realize just how special the time up in Kamlops was.  We were just there.  Nothing to do.  No where to drive to.  Just sleep and eat and be with Chris. 

It’s funny (maybe that’s the wrong word) trying to “do” life after a tragedy.  Not that I think that we are “in” a tragedy, but this is a tragic situation, that could have been a lot worse, and Thank God is actually much better.  I remember after Nathaniel died, trying to figure out what my new “normal” would be.  While this isn’t exactly the same, it still requires an adjustment.  I want to be there for my brother, my sister-in-law, and my family!  I will gladly rearrange things for a season to be able to “be there” for them.  I think that it’s important.  We are a very close family.  I probably need to explain that.  We do not necessarily live in each other’s pockets, but when we do see each other, it is as if no time has passed.  We do not make a big deal about who can and can’t come when we do have a get-together.  If you can make it great, and if not, then we love you lots and will see you next time.  I think that comes from a great love for each other, and a HUGE confidence that we will always be there for each other if/when needed, no strings attached.

Right now it’s Chris and Nina’s time.  They need us, and we are here for them.  It’s nice to see that we are here for each other as well.  I love seeing the way our family pulls together, and does what’s necessary. 

Like I said, I’m just rambling, but when my mind is going, and I have all these thoughts, and I just need to get some of them down so that I can let them go, and hopefully slow my brain down, that’s when I ramble. 

The picture at the top of this post is of the steps up to the hospital in Kamloops; or, depending on which way your headed, down to the Starbucks across the street.  The trees around the hospital were dropping these little seed pods (maybe) and  they were every where.  Some times it looked like it was snowing green.  They made me think of confetti they way they were all over the ground, and especially piled up along the edges of the paths and the stairways.  I even had some in my hair.  Again with the rambling…..not very exciting…….just another thing rumbling around inside my brain.

Well, hopefully with a few things dumped, I’ll be able to pick a few to focus on, and actually get some stuff accomplished.  Hope you’re having or have had a great day.

I’m Late but Learning to Run on His Time

It was my brother Tim’s birthday yesterday.  He turned 28 years old.  Man, we are all getting old.  I don’t actually have a problem with that, but maybe my siblings would have a problem with me saying that.  I had to count backwards from me (I’m turning 32 this year), and realized that Chelle will be 30 in June!  WOW!  Seems like only yesterday I was standing in the Fireside room in Elim or New Life or whatever it was called then, and counting off 8 more years until I would be completely finished school.  Now, here I am, and my eldest daughter has only 8 more years until she is finished high school.

We are home, and well………it was a difficult day.  So exciting with Chris coming home (to the coast), but it kinda felt like I was accosted with a WHOLE TON OF STUFF when I walked in through the door.  I think that by the time we got the kids settled down and in bed, that things were at least on their way to becoming “normal” again.  Is that even possible?  This whole unreal (and yet very real) situation with Chris affects EVERYONE………..and it affects everyone in a unique way.

At least I know that this time when I came home after being away for only (almost) 3 days, that the kids really missed me.  I had to tease Xani for her comment about not even realizing that I was gone last week.  I think that she is the one who has missed me the most over the past few days.  Funny little ones.  We did a lot of talking this afternoon and tonight.  I just let them talk about anything and everything.  It was good for them, I think.

Xani suggested that from now on, I drop them off at school, and then head in to see Uncle Chris and Aunty Nina, and then come home when school was finished.  That is kinda what I was planning…….sorta. 

I have an appointment with my naturopath tomorrow at 10am.  This is basically just a hold my hand appointment because this is around the time that we lost Nathaniel.  I will admit that last week was fabulous.  Nothing like focusing on someone else to enable you to not have to deal with your own life struggles.  This week has not been as good as far as evading the thoughts and fears.  I don’t feel like I’m overwhelmed, or that fear is rising up inside of me.  It feels more like the thoughts are coming at me from outside.  I can hear them, and recognize that they aren’t comfortable thoughts, but I can’t seem to block or ignore them entirely.

So, I have this appointment where she will tell me that I’m doing good, and that everything is going well, and so just keep trucking along.  And so I will!

No worries!  I’ve been taking good care of myself.  I’m not an idiot!  It is possible to eat and drink enough water, even in an emergent or critical situation; and a little bit of lost sleep won’t kill anyone.  And honestly, I’m not even really stressed. 

It’s amazing how freeing just hearing God’s voice can be.  Once you learn to trust that what He says will come to pass, it make life so much easier.  Don’t know what to do or to think?????  Just ask the Father, and obey whatever He says.  If he says your brother will live, and not lose his arm, then I choose to believe that He keeps His word.  My Father is not a liar.  And if He says that my child will live, same thing….I choose to believe that He keeps His promises and that I can rest assured that He will take care of me and protect my little one.  Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m super human and never experience a moment of doubt or fear, but I do have WAY MORE peace than if I were just stumbling along all by myself, and trying to have some hope that things might turn out okay.

I know, that even if for some reason I heard wrong, or wanted to hear some thing…..I know that God will walk me through whatever road I have to walk down.  He’s already proven that time and time again. 

So, tomorrow, I will get up, an see my kids off to school.  I will go to my appointment, and then I will go to see Chris and Nina and whoever else happens to be there……….And we WILL hear good reports about how God is doing amazing creative miracles in Chris AND Nina’s bodies!  I’m so glad he’s here at the coast, and in VGH!

Side Blogging

There are still some things that I want to record, and so I’ve installed this side blog to be able to do that without taking any focus off Chris and Nina.

I’m a little behind on some things, which really doesn’t matter at all in the grand scheme of things.

We had Geli’s birthday on April 7th and she went bowling.   Here is the Butterfly Cake that I made for her party.

Butterfly Cake

I think I’ve already mentioned that fact, but I might not have mentioned that only 3 kids showed up.  She had invited 5, so it’s not like the pool was that huge to begin with, but it could have been a disaster were it not for “SUPER DAD!”  Jon pulled it all together and made it an amazingly fun time for the 4 kids that were there.  I’m so thankful for Jon.  He’s truly an amazing man.

Not only can he guarantee that any occasion with him involved is sure to be a huge success, but he’s been taking care of the kids while I’ve been up in Kamloops with Chris and the family and working and juggling half of what I do, while still trying to keep up on all that he has to do.

You know that things are being taken care of when you haven’t seen your kids for over a week, and you ask if they miss you, and they tell you that they don’t really!  In fact, Xan mentions that she really didn’t even think about you while you were gone.  The only one who said he missed me was J, and I think that he’s just missing a middle of the night cuddling partner.  Mind you, with me gone, he can stretch out all over my entire side of the bed.  Not that me being in the bed usually stops him from stretching out all over Jon and I any way…….YES!  He still sleeps with us…..about 3-4 times a week, we get a midnight visitor.  I really don’t mind, and Jon only minds when J shoves his razor sharp elbows and knees into Jon’s rib cage. 

Nice, eh?  I’m that valuable around here.  Oh well, it’s all worth it, when Jon says that he never realized just how much stuff I actually do.  That makes you feel all kind of warm and fuzzy inside, knowing that he is acknowledging that I do actually do a ton of stuff around here, and I’m not just sitting on my butt on the computer all day.

24 Weeks PregnantI’m also 24 weeks pregnant.  If I make it all the way to term, I only have 16 weeks left.  YAH!  I’m so excited.  I can hardly wait to see and hold my sweet little boy.  I still have a lot to do to be ready for him, but we’ll get there.  Right now, we are mostly focused on Chris and Nina and praying for them and being there for them.  It has kind of almost taken my mind off of the fact that this is around the time that Nathaniel died….like I said……almost……….

Our little one is moving around quite a bit, and if I could remember anything other than the fact that Nathaniel didn’t move a lot, I’d compare it to my other pregnancies……but I can’t.  It’s hard to believe that I was pregnant with Jeremy 7 years ago.  When this little guy is born, Geli is going to be older than I was when Christopher was born.  Weird! 

I never thought I’d ever have kids with quite this age span, but then again, I never thought I’d have gone through a still birth and then 3 losses after that.

I guess you just never know what’s on the road ahead in your journey, and you just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and turst that God will give you the strength to deal with whatever comes along.