Sharing Your (he)Art can be Scary

I think one reason that doing art and especially sharing art is hard is that it’s a piece of you. You are essentially “creating a piece from yourself” and if you expose it or share – the hope, the wish, the prayer is that people will be kind. That they will see something good. That they will accept and love and value the pieces of yourself that you put out there.

And that’s hard. Because not everyone will see or accept you. Sometimes we feel like it’s easier to protect or hide those parts of ourselves. To not expose or (even safer) to not even create.

But we lose out on something incredible when we stifle or repress the creative parts of ourselves that long to be expressed and seen.

It feels easier to deny our creative longings than it does to express them. But vulnerability is critical for both artistic and personal transformation.

But ironically, it’s when artists are courageous enough to tap into their vulnerability, they also tap into the healing power of art for themselves and the people who view their art.

Incredible Article Here

I’m on an artistic journey. I’m on a personal healing and transformative journey. I’m on a vulnerable journey; and if you are interested in walking along side of me. I welcome you. There is no judgement here. You will be seen and there is space for you.

Our Art Challenge starts on September 1 and goes for 30 days. We’d love to have you join us in whatever way you can. I’ll be here in all my glory and chaos. The mess and the wonder is invited to just be present.

You don’t need anything special. Paper and pen or pencil works but I would suggest some kind of a sketch pad, just so you have a journal of your journey.

Did you see my silly birds reel? I’d love to see your silly bird if you draw one (or a few)

Everyone is Creative

This might sound controversial but I completely and wholeheartedly believe that every person is creative.

Not me, you say! I don’t have a creative bone in my body.

I don’t believe it.

We are all creative. Some of us believe it, more than others. Some of practise more than others. Some of us are fantastic at drawing; others are incredible at problem solving. Some of us see the world in a unique way. There are those can create pictures with words and others who can make people feel safe, loved and accepted with their actions.

If you look up the definition of create, it is to bring something into existence or to cause something to happen as a result of one’s actions. We create all day every day and we don’t even realize it.

Can you imagine how amazing it would be to create beauty on purpose?

This 30 day Art Challenge is to inspire you to create beauty and fun for a month, on purpose. To practise creativity in an encouraging, non-stressful way. A practise is just doing something regularly in a habitual way.

We provide the theme. You put out the effort. There’s no judgement allowed. Especially self judgment. We just do it. We just create. Some days will be amazing. Other days might be challenging but the goal is to be intentional and purposeful about releasing creative energy on a daily basis.

We’d love to have you join us.

It takes Courage

Waiting is not an easy thing.

Have you ever had a situation where you wished that time would speed up? I think we’ve all probably had situations of anticipation where you wished that time would hurry up already. It’s hard to wait when you’re hoping and praying and waiting for something.

I remember when I was pregnant. My pregnancies were not delightful. I was SO sick. I was so tired. It was uncomfortable and frankly, miserable. But…..I believed there was a beautiful ending and beginning. I hoped there was a beautiful ending and beginning and so, I waited.

I waited miserable, sick and exhausted. I tried to find the beautiful moments – like feeling the baby move inside me. It’s one of my most favourite moments in life. But mostly I just waited miserable, sick and exhausted. I was biding my time waiting for the end of my misery and the beginning of wonder.

I’m in another one of those times in life. I’m not pregnant. Not a chance. I’m way too old for those shenanigans. But I’m in a season that sometimes feels confusing and challenging. It’s a shifting season, a growth season, a rediscovery season and it’s frustrating.

In my devotions today, I said, “God I need something. I need a sign or a message or something to encourage me.

And then I read Psalms 27:14. (NLT)

Green watercolor eucalyptus border along the bottom of the image with the words Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Psalms 27:14 overlayed on top of the image

Seriously! Wait. Wait??? Just wait.

But the words that really stood out to me were those words in the middle of the verse. Be brave and courageous. In another translation it says “Be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart.”

As I thought about those words today, it stuck with me that it takes courage to trust and wait. It takes strength of heart, determination and confidence to patiently wait when you don’t want to, when you feel impatient; especially, when you just want to rush in and make things happen.

And so, I wait. Hopefully with this reminder, I’ll be a little more patient and I’ll have a little more grace for myself and others. But I can also recognize that I am brave. I am strong. I am courageous. There is strength in waiting patiently and confidently. And so I wait.

Hurry Up and Wait

I woke up this morning from a sad dream. I’ll take those over nightmares any day but they are not my favourite kind of dream. I think the absolutely absurd ones are my favourite. Do you have a favourite kind of dream? Weird question, I know!

Anyway, back to my feelings! I felt sad and discouraged. It felt like my world was weighing so heavy on me.

I couldn’t easily shake the heaviness so I got up and got ready for the day. I grabbed a coffee and headed out to my garden. I watered a few plants, checked on my seedlings and then felt frustrated.

Some of my seeds sprouting

I was frustrated because I want them to be grown and mature plants producing beauty and nourishment.

I looked at my garden and felt irritated. You see, right now it’s in the beginning stages of growth. It looks an awful lot like “dirt”. The seeds are hidden and even the young plants are pretty sparse and gangly looking.

Cucumber seedling emerging

I know what it going’s to look like in a month from now. I planted healthy flower and vegetable seeds and it’s a certainty that at least some of them will grow. I also planted some more mature seedlings and provided that I tend to them and give them what they need, my backyard is going to be full of gorgeous greenery, flowers, veggies and herbs. There are going to be butterflies and bees flying around pollinating. Dragonflies will be zipping around and the ladybugs will be everywhere.

In less than a month, I’ll be harvesting salad and adding in herbs to my food. In 2 months, it will be even more stunning. I’ll have plants that reach over 6 feet tall and some that spread wide and it’s literally going to look like a garden oasis.

I can see it in my mind. I can picture myself drinking coffee in the morning or a glass of wine in the evening while I water plants or sit and relax.

But I’m impatient and I want it now. This all ties back to my dream. There are things I’m working toward and hope for that I don’t see the full fruition of and it’s easy to get discouraged if I get stuck in the here and now.

But I can trust that if I’m planting good seeds and tending to them; that the laws of sowing and reaping are as certain as the changing seasons. Even if I don’t know exactly how long the growth process is, I can trust and believe that at the right time, it will happen.

That’s easier said than done but I will keep reminding myself of this when I feel discouraged or frustrated. And I’ll try to remember that no amount of wishing or hoping or dreaming can make things happen any faster than they are supposed to.

Plant the seeds, nurture and tend to them until you see a harvest. It will happen.

Oh Disappointment.

I had an experience today where I felt misunderstood and I received (To be clear, it was never said that I was a disappointment. I would hazard a guess that I heard it through my own hurts and trauma) the message that I was a disappointment.

Oh my! Did that ever trigger me. I can feel myself spiralling downward and I don’t know how to stop it. Okay, let’s process this.

I can remember as a child, feeling like I’d disappointed people and it feeling devastating because I was trying my hardest to be good, to do good. The message I received was that “my good” wasn’t enough. That’s got to be so hard for a little one who is looking for worth and validation from those who love them.

How can that be? What would lead me to accept and believe that I’m not good enough? Did I feel rejected? Did I feel a relational separation or distance when disappointment was expressed?

That’s definitely another huge issue for me. I’m desperate to feel connected and accepted in relationship. Is that wrong? I don’t think it is. Isn’t that what we were created for? To be in relationship. If so, then a separation or distance would feel intolerable.

I wonder if, when I was a child, disappointment and relational distance was used in an effort to affect behaviour? I don’t believe it was done maliciously but I also don’t see how that is not traumatic regardless of intention. I can think of several instances where both disappointment and relational separation were used, at home, school and church. At that point, that was my whole life.

So how do I deal with this.

Well it sucks. It’s brutal to receive a message that indicates that you’re a disappointment and that the comfort and love that you crave and need in relational safety will be withheld if you displease someone.

When I think about the little parts of me. The small child that I was, my heart breaks for her. No child should feel like they are a disappointment. No child should receive the message that they aren’t good enough and no child should be left to figure out relationship on their own.

I can’t fathom doing that to my kids. There are times when I’ve been disappointed in their actions and I’ve tried so desperately hard to pull them close and indicate that I love them even if I didn’t particularly like a choice or action they made in the moment. I’ve tried to make it abundantly clear that they aren’t defined by any one action and that my love for them never changes. I communicate that I see the good in them and I speak it out over them. I want them to hear and know and believe that they are the incredible people that I see them as.

So how do I do this for myself.

Well, I guess a start could be reminding myself of all the good that I do see in me. I can speak out over myself that I am a good person. I am loving and kind, considerate, thoughtful, and encouraging. I want to do my best and to be my best.

And, I guess it’s possible that my best might not always be appreciated or accepted or even good enough for others. While I might wish that I was always appreciated and accepted and seen as good enough, the mature adult parts of me can recognize that’s not really realistic or even really necessary.

Oh but to the small parts of me it sure feels necessary, sometimes. Those wounded parts want to feel loved and safe and connected.

So, I will tend to those parts of me. I will be gentle with myself and compassionate towards myself and show love to myself. I will act towards myself in ways that foster relationship and connection, especially with the small parts of me who struggle to believe. Because I am good enough and I am worthy of love and connection. Even when I struggle to believe and assimilate it, it’s still true. I will look for those who are gentle and compassionate and loving towards me and I will notice and be so thankful for every interaction that affirms the truth.

I am a blessing. I am loved. I am cared for. I am safe. I am good.

Midnight Musings

I’m laying in bed with a million thoughts running through my brain. You’re welcome to tag along, if you’d like.

Why do bad things happen? I’ve never really focused or got stuck on that concept and I’m not sure why. I’ve certainly had my share of tough situations. I know that it’s a common thing. Why? Why did this happen? Why did that happen? Why did it happen to me?

I have a vague recollection of my dad saying that there’s no point in focusing on “The Why.” I think he shared that with me either after his mom died or after Nathaniel died. He wasn’t saying it in a dismissive way. I believe he was encouraging me to accept that sometimes bad or difficult things happen. We don’t always have control over our circumstances but we do have the ability to choose how we act and react moving forward. Getting stuck focused on circumstances beyond our control doesn’t help us; but we do have the ability to focus on and choose what to do next.

I wonder if it has something to do with assigning blame. Does “the why” look to figure out what went wrong so there’s something or someone to blame? Or is it just a distraction? Is it our minds looking to shift focus from feeling to doing in an effort to alleviate pain? Hmmmm…

Is it possible to search for solutions without assigning blame? This is a weird thought trail I’m wandering down. I think it must be possible? Right?

I have this song playing on repeat inside my head and heart tonight.

All my life You have been faithful. All my life You have been so SO good. With every breathe that I am able. I will sing of the Goodness of God.

I want to always remember that my life has been so filled with goodness and love and grace; and that nothing can take away from that. That goodness and love and grace can coexist along side the tragedy and heartbreak that we experience; and although they don’t take away the pain or hurt, maybe just maybe, they fill our heart and soul with enough light and comfort that it makes it all just a little more manageable.

Getting Started

Someone recently shared a photo with a book that I was intrigued by.

I love writing and I’m tired of feeling burnt out. This book “Journal Therapy for Overcoming Burnout” hits both of those issues and so I went onto Amazon and purchased it. I opened it up, sighed and put it on my bedside table; where I’ve looked at it every day for almost 2 weeks but done nothing with it.

Why would I be needing a burnout journal? Isn’t everyone kind of a little stressed? It’s been a hell of a past couple of years with the pandemic , no? When you add in all the previous life adventures that we’ve been through, it’s a wonder I haven’t crashed and burned long before now.

Well, honestly, I did

In fact last summer, I crashed and burned in the most spectacular way. By spectacular, I mean devastating. I kept going trying to “take care” of everything and everyone except myself, until I couldn’t any longer.

It’s been a tough year, as I navigate the fallout from the crash and attempt to “do life” in a way that is honouring to both me and those I love.

I want to be the very best version of me that I can be. I believe that I am kind and considerate, compassionate, caring, understanding, respectful, loving, encouraging and many other wonderful descriptive words.

My own childhood traumas and triggers have me doubting whether anyone else sees me the way I do and if for some reason they don’t see the good in me, am I delusional? Am I actually a bad person? I can’t fathom that and yet, those little parts of me seek approval and can’t quite believe that they are good enough to be loved and accepted. It sucks.

Sometimes…..most of the time, I want to dive head first into pursuit of emotional healing and other times the insecure parts of me feel overwhelmed and fearful that there is just going to be more pain and hurt. I feel like I’ve experienced at least “a world of hurt” and probably deserve a short break from it.

I don’t think that’s how life works though and I’m more than willing to put in the work necessary because I want my best life and I’m responsible for creating it.

So, I sat down for 5 minutes this morning. Read through day 1 and wrote for 3 minutes. It wasn’t nearly as hard or difficult as I had made it out to be.

Sometimes, we just need to get started. Even if we do it scared. Especially when we know we will benefit.

Is there something you’ve been putting off that you know will benefit you? Is there a small first step that you can take? Sometimes, I find that “putting it out there” helps to hold you accountable or gives you that “kick in the butt” to get going.

Why the Focus on Gratitude (Part 5)

The title doesn’t really fit because I’m not focusing on the “Why” aspect of Gratitude, but to keep it as part of the series we’re just going to go with it.

I love talking about how practising Gratitude helps me but I REALLY LOVE sharing practical ideas and ways to help others put the practise into action so that they can see and receive the benefits for yourself.

There are many different ways to go about putting a practise of Gratitude into action but before I offer practical ideas; I have some suggestions for you to think through.

I talk about a “practise of Gratitude” because we as humans are hardwired with a negativity bias. It’s easy for us to focus on the negatives in life, on those things that aren’t going well; and even if you get to a place where gratitude seems to be a habit (a behaviour or action that is repeated almost subconsciously); it’s likely that when life becomes stressful or overwhelming, the natural wiring of our systems will revert back to negativity. This is where a “Practise” or purposing to do things differently from before with the intention of getting better is so important and helpful.

You actually need both Habits and Practise to be successful.

One cool thing about Gratitude is that when we practise being grateful, the brain releases dopamine and serotonin and those two “happy chemicals” make us feel good. It’s an instant boost to your mood. When you’re struggling, that’s a really good thing. However, when you’re struggling, if you don’t have habits to fall back on or a plan in place, it’s way too easy to slip back into “Stinking Thinking”. Oh, I’ve been there way too many times. It’s not beneficial or helpful.

So, my suggestions are:

  1. Determine what you want
  2. Decide how often you are going to practise
  3. Create a Plan
  4. Have a support system
  5. Continue on regardless

I’d suggest either writing it down or just getting super clear with your intentions. I like to write so I’d probably write in a journal, something like this…

I want to start a daily practise of Gratitude because I want to improve my mental health and be more aware and focused on the good things in my life even when things are tough. For the next 30 days, I’m going to share, every day, with my family and friends on Social Media, a photo of something I’m grateful for and describe what I’m thankful for and why. Even if I miss a day, I’m going to carry on. I don’t have to “make up” the missed day but I can if I want. I’m going to try and find something to be grateful for before noon and will definitely take a few moments before bedtime to think back through my day, if I haven’t already posted.

The reason I do this is to get clear with myself, what my intentions are. It’s so much easier to stick to it, if you create a clear plan. You don’t have to write anything down, just getting clear with yourself is enough. Then, get started and make it happen.

Different ways that I’ve heard of or seen people practising gratitude.

  1. Write in a journal – Start your morning or end your day with a couple of things that you are thankful for. It could be a list, bullet points, a paragraph or even a drawing.
  2. List on the fridge – I’ve seen lists on a fridge of the things people are thankful for. You open and close the fridge multiple times a day and it’s pretty central and prompts you to do it when you walk by. Plus seeing a piece of paper fill up as you create the list is so satisfying.
  3. Gratitude Jar – Get a decent sized jar, some scraps of paper and a pen, set them on your table. This could even be a family project and again, its so satisfying to see the jar fill with all the reasons you are thankful. When it’s full or at the end of the allotted time, take them out, read through and remind yourself of all the good in your life.
  4. Digital Images or Memes – This is one of my favourites. I take of picture of something that I am thankful for and create a digital memory. You can take the images and put them together in a photo book when you have enough and it’s a great reminder and keepsake.
  5. Post on Social Media – Social media is filled with garbage and negativity. Can you imagine how inspiring it would be to see 4 or 5 of your friends or colleagues posting daily about the things they were grateful for. You can be part of that. Make it happen.
  6. Sticky Notes – Get a pad of sticky notes and write down what you are grateful for. Stick them to a wall in your 0ffice, or bedroom or bathroom. Put them someplace where you will notice them and as you add more and more it will encourage you and those who see, to be thankful.
  7. Poster – Purchase one of those huge sheets of cardstock from the dollar store, decorate it however you want and start writing all the things you are thankful on it.

You could just hold a memory in your mind, create a word document on your computer, send an email or daily letter to yourself, create a Group on a social media platform, paint, draw or choose something else entirely.

I find that doing something tangible really helps me. To see a journal, jar or wall fill up or a list get longer encourages me to keep going and it reminds me by just being out and in my field of vision.

While you are putting this practise into play, there’s a good chance you might miss a day or forget. JUST! KEEP! GOING! Think about it like this, when a baby is learning to walk, we encourage them over and over and over. We champion them. We prop them up and when they take one or two steps together, we cheer “They’re walking!” Then they fall. We tell everyone we know that the baby is walking, even though they only took two steps in a row. Why? Because we believe they are going to get it. We prop them back up and encourage them to keep going because we know, we are CERTAIN they are going to do it.

We don’t turn away in disgust and say, “You stupid baby. You fell. You’re never going to get this. You failed and you might as well just give up.

So, believe in yourself as much as you’d believe in that baby. Encourage yourself with as much fanfare as you would that sweet babe because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

You’ve got this! I believe in you.

Why the Focus on Gratitude (Part 4)

I feel like I’m finally getting back into the swing of things here at home. A month out of routine is long enough to really throw you for a loop and I think. In some ways, I’ve been trying to “get back” to where I was.

But I don’t know if that’s truly the goal. I’m starting to think that a “shake up” is not a bad thing, if I choose to see it that way. Is it possible that this is a new stage of life and rather than attempting to “go back” to what and where I was…maybe this is a fantastic opportunity to put new routines into play? I’ll definitely be giving that some thought over the next while.

I pushed quite hard on Monday and Tuesday to accomplish my “To do” lists and I got a ton done but today. I felt like I was flailing a bit. Not as productive or organized and I was even struggling to create a list, let alone work through it.

But, it’s a gorgeous sunny day and I did get my linen closet organized so I’m calling today a win!

One of the things that I’ve learned over the years is to be kind to myself. Did I accomplish as much as I wish I had today? Nope! But what would I say to a friend who was lamenting their lack of productivity?

Would I say, “You loser! What’s wrong with you? You just need to be more focused and try harder?

No, I wouldn’t. If I did, I wouldn’t be a very good friend and I probably wouldn’t have many friends. Instead, I’d probably say, “Oh that tough! I know what it feels like to not get done what you were hoping for. But look, you did get “this” done and that’s amazing. There’s always tomorrow to try again. You’ve got this.”

If we wouldn’t talk to a friend with scorn and contempt, why do we do it to ourselves?

I’ve found that practising looking for the things that I can be thankful for has impacted so many areas of my life.

In today’s example, I didn’t get done what I wanted; but my brain sees the gorgeous sunshine and the fact that I did tidy the linen closet and those things are AMAZING.

I’ve had days where I’m just grateful that I’m alive and that my kids had enough cereal to get them through serving themselves breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’ve had days where I was just thankful that my bed was comfy and I had a window to look out of. I’ve had some really bad days where I had to set the bar of what I was grateful for pretty freakin’ low; and that’s okay. There will be those days.

But you know what, just as certain as winter turn to spring which then turns into summer and then fall; the seasons of your life will change, too. I’ve experienced some of longest, darkest winter seasons where I couldn’t possibly fathom a change to anything even resembling the growth of spring. But it happened. Every time. Without fail. And I’ve learned to trust that. I’ve learned to trust that Season’s change and sometimes what I need to do is to hunker down and just hold on because even if I don’t see it or feel it, it’s gonna happen.

In the mean time, I look for things to be grateful for. I look for the beautiful things. I look for the things that make me smile. I look for the things that will bring my soul, even the minutest glimmer of hope; something to help me get from this moment to the next and the next and the next because I know that Spring is coming.

It wasn’t until 2019 that I decided to go all in and actually DO A THING. At the end of February 2019, I decided to do a month of Gratitude and post every day on Instagram with something that I saw or noticed, in my day, that I could be thankful for.

I had already been irregularly practising gratitude for over a decade BUT the change in me from the beginning of the month the end of the month was powerful. It was easy to see the good. It became natural to look for things that I could be thankful for. Putting the idea into a daily practise meant that it became a habit. A regular behaviour that gets done almost subconsciously.

So now, I’m always looking for things that will brighten my day. If I’m struggling with something, I’ll acknowledge the challenge to be honest with myself AND find something to be thankful for.

It’s not about Toxic Positivity. I looked that phrase up and the definition is dysfunctional emotional management without the full acknowledgment of negative emotions, particularly anger and sadness.

That’s not at all what I’m encouraging because life can be really freaking hard. I know. I really know. Life has been challenging enough for me that I needed “something” to help me not only survive when I’m in the middle of a challenging time but to help me carry on and even thrive, in spite of the garbage that I’ve been going through.

Practising gratitude has been that thing for me and I believe in it enough to say that it could be life changing for you, too.

So practically, how can you do it? How can you start to live a life where you practise gratitude and see the benefits at play in your life? I’m gonna talk about that in the next post.

If you feel like it, I’d love to hear ONE thing from your day that you are grateful for. I’ll go first.

I’m thankful for my dishwasher. It’s full and running and I don’t have to wash all the dishes by hand and my empty sinks make me feel happy.

Or…..I’m thankful for cold drinks on hot days.

Or…..I’m thankful for the wind that’s blowing my wind chimes and making them chime so pretty in my backyard.

Or…clean clothes. Really thankful for clean clothes.

What are you thankful for!?